Babies and Deployment

[kfo22]

I know there are some more experienced military spouses here that might be able to help me with this.

DH is getting ready to deploy next month. Our LO will probably be one by the time he's back! Has anyone dealt with young babies being away from Dad so long? How did you help them know who Dad is? Was the re-introduction difficult?

[jenandjeh]

DS1 was born while DH was deployed and was 7 months old when he returned so he wasn't as old as your little one will be. We didn't have any issues and really didn't do much to prepare him. He occasionally got to see DH on Skype and I had pictures of DH around the house and we would look at pictures as we wandered around and played. I talked about Daddy and in the couple of weeks leading up to his return I kept telling him how we were going to go pick him up and he was going to live with us and play with him, etc. We didn't have any major issues with reintegration. DS1 still wanted me to rock and put him to bed at first but warmed up to DH within the first couple of weeks. He was fine with him during the day but during the night, it was almost like he was too asleep to remember and it just startled him.

Good luck....I found the deployment when DS1 was an infant to be so much easier than when he was older and really knew Daddy and realized he was gone.

[things]

Hi fellow N14er!

I'm no longer a milspouse, but I was one for 10 years during my first marriage. My first husband was away on TAD (TDY) or deployment for just over 4.5 years after having children. That isn't typical, however. He deployed when I was 23 weeks pregnant with our first and returned home when she was 3 months old. He left again for three months for school when she was 11 months. He was supposed to deploy again for a year during my next pregnancy, but ended up taking a different assignment and instead deployed when dd2 was 8 months old. He returned when she was 15 months. The next two were 12 month tours followed by 12 months geobachelor. The first 12 month stint he deployed when I was 5 weeks pregnant, returned for two weeks on R&R the day before ds2's birth, and came home when he was 4 months old. He deployed for another 12 months a year later.

He missed a good chunk of time. Our eldest daughter has more memories of him than the other two, but it didn't negatively impact the relationship with them. They were, at least the girls, aware of his job and being away a lot. Pictures, phone calls, Skype... those sort of things can help while he's away.

[kaydee0402]

I know the Navy does the United Through Reading program to help families stay connected. The sailor basically films a dvd of them reading a book and it's sent to family along with the book so the kids can read the read the book along with their parent. It's great even for babies because they at least get used to seeing the sailor's face and hearing their voice and makes reintegration a little easier. Not sure what branch you're with, but if your husband is Navy, ask the FRG if there is a United Through Reading coordinator for the ship.

[kfo22]

@metaphysique Hi! That's a crapload of time away. Were there a lot of moves for you guys at home as well?

harper I'll check out the Voxer app. I saw those Daddy dolls! They're cute, but I don't know if it'd make a difference for her, being so young?

kaydee0402 He's Army, but we could just film a video on my phone of him reading. Or even saying a bedtime prayer maybe.

jenandjeh I didn't consider how it'd be more difficult if she was older and actually missing her dad, too. Guess I can be somewhat grateful I'll be the only one crying about it

[laurelita42]

My DD was 3 weeks old when my husband deployed- he was gone until she was about 7 months. Then he came home for two months, and deployed again. He came back for good when she was about 1.5. Honestly, it was a harder reintegration for us than for some others. When my husband deployed, we were brand new to the area and I hadn't gotten involved in the squadron's spouse's club or anything like that, so my DD and I were kind of a twosome- always together. She became a real 'mommy's girl' and didn't want too much to do with her Dad once he was home. I know it hurt him for a long time. It's really just been in the last couple months that she's started to not care which one of us does her bath or reads her the bedtime story, before that it was only ever me she would allow.

We did the books with his voice, Skyped whenever possible... I think just each kid is different and you have to approach it with a good attitude but no set expectations. I do think that eventually all kids will find their equilibrium with their other parent back in the picture, it may be super easy or it may be a bit more of a struggle. Just be patient with both of them when he does come home.

(edited for clarity)

[jenandjeh]

Jan 26, 2015 16:13:55 GMT -5 kfo22 said:

@metaphysique Hi! That's a crapload of time away. Were there a lot of moves for you guys at home as well?

harper I'll check out the Voxer app. I saw those Daddy dolls! They're cute, but I don't know if it'd make a difference for her, being so young?

kaydee0402 He's Army, but we could just film a video on my phone of him reading. Or even saying a bedtime prayer maybe.

jenandjeh I didn't consider how it'd be more difficult if she was older and actually missing her dad, too. Guess I can be somewhat grateful I'll be the only one crying about it

The Army also does the reading program...if you have a USO office on base, check with them.  That's who ran it at our previous post.  You can also record him doing it, it may just be easier to do that so you can play it on your phone.  

When DS1 was older, DH did one of the recordable story books from Hallmark and DS played that book every.single.night until the battery died.  

Another thing we did was made a Build a Bear with DS1 and DH did a recording so when DS squeezed his hand, he heard Daddy talking to him.  DH said something like "Hi DS, this is Daddy.  I love you! I  miss you!"  Even though your LO is still young, you could still make the bear and let her hear Daddy's voice occasionally.  

[mrsh288]

We did a bunch of recordable books, my H did one story through the USO (they send the book to you plus a small DVD that clips inside) and a lot of FaceTime. I think FaceTime will be your best bet since it's more interactive. We got to FaceTime H almost every day.
Your FRG should also have daddy dolls (for free) that you put a picture of H's face in.
Good luck with everything and if you need anything you can message me!

[kfo22]

mrsh288 Thanks!! Just found out his deployment date got moved up, so we need to be out of here within about 10 days. Cue heart attack. Wish me luck

[mrsh288]

Jan 27, 2015 15:49:42 GMT -5 kfo22 said:

mrsh288 Thanks!! Just found out his deployment date got moved up, so we need to be out of here within about 10 days. Cue heart attack. Wish me luck

kfo22 Are you staying where you're at during deployment or moving home? Either way, I actually enjoyed deployment. It's a great time to catch up on finances, make a nice safety net in your savings, bond with LO and be able to keep yourselves busy with activities that you maybe wouldn't otherwise since you're most likely spending that time with H currently.
Good luck!

[kfo22]

mrsh288 We're going home. Definitely agree about finances. We'll see if I can find a hobby for us!

[mrsh288]

Jan 27, 2015 15:58:55 GMT -5 kfo22 said:

mrsh288 We're going home. Definitely agree about finances. We'll see if I can find a hobby for us!

kfo22
We went home too and stayed with family. We LOVED myGym, I'm not sure what age they start classes, but it definitely brought LO out of his shell and got his communication going.

[harti09]

DH was in and out of the kids' world for the first 6 months. He deployed for 9 months just before their 1st birthday.

My advice, since you're going to stay with family - return home with enough time to establish a normal schedule.

Don't have your child try to figure out what is going on in a "new" place, and bring in daddy. She won't fully understand him, even with the best attempts. She'll just be too young. Ease the big transitions. It'll make it easier for you.

We talked a lot about DH while he was gone, and used pictures for them to recognize his face. Honestly, that's all you can really do at that age.

I made sure DH understood our life and how we went about our day, so he could jump in right away - well, almost right away.

[reesarice]

Jan 26, 2015 20:41:12 GMT -5 jenandjeh said:

Jan 26, 2015 16:13:55 GMT -5 kfo22 said:

@metaphysique Hi! That's a crapload of time away. Were there a lot of moves for you guys at home as well?

harper I'll check out the Voxer app. I saw those Daddy dolls! They're cute, but I don't know if it'd make a difference for her, being so young?

kaydee0402 He's Army, but we could just film a video on my phone of him reading. Or even saying a bedtime prayer maybe.

jenandjeh I didn't consider how it'd be more difficult if she was older and actually missing her dad, too. Guess I can be somewhat grateful I'll be the only one crying about it

The Army also does the reading program...if you have a USO office on base, check with them.  That's who ran it at our previous post.  You can also record him doing it, it may just be easier to do that so you can play it on your phone.  

When DS1 was older, DH did one of the recordable story books from Hallmark and DS played that book every.single.night until the battery died.  

Another thing we did was made a Build a Bear with DS1 and DH did a recording so when DS squeezed his hand, he heard Daddy talking to him.  DH said something like "Hi DS, this is Daddy.  I love you! I  miss you!"  Even though your LO is still young, you could still make the bear and let her hear Daddy's voice occasionally.  

You did the exact two things we did. DS was born 17 days after DH deployed. He won't be back until DS is 7 months. I think I enjoy the recordable book and build a bear more than DS at this point! But I like that DS can hear DH 's voice even when he can't call or Skype!