Advice/encouragement needed - might get long.
Aug 3, 2015 13:29:32 GMT -5
Post by musicalsilver on Aug 3, 2015 13:29:32 GMT -5
I think I just need some reassurance that I'm not ruining my life/traumatizing my LO because of all this.
DH and I have been able to support LO's schooling through my unemployment over the last (nearly) year. We'd hoped I'd find a job in the new year (2015), and that keeping LO in school would just provide a seamless transition from my grad school -> unemployment -> new job. However, since I *still* haven't found a job, it's been time to face facts and pull LO from school. I just sent an email to our center asking them what the protocol is for all of this, and I had to stop writing it half a dozen times to just cry.
This is the time when most people are starting to put their kids *in* schools, not take them out. I feel like since LO's been in school for pretty much his whole life, and he's just now getting to the point where he seems to have "friends" and talk about the kids at school when he comes home, that this is just terrible timing (at the same time, his wailing at drop-off this morning made me feel less bad?).
That being said, I know full well that so many people raise their kids without any sort of formal schooling until kindergarten, so I know I'm not going to ruin his life, I just am feeling a lot of guilt right now.
I feel like I'm failing LO by not finding a job to keep him at this school, and more miserably, I feel like I'm failing myself because I can't find a freaking job. I feel like this is just going to be the end of a chance of a career for me. If I stay at home officially with LO now, I'm bound to stay at home through this pregnancy and the new LO as well. And then I'll have two kids, and need to find an even better paying job to support all of that, and my mind kind of snowballs from there. Even if I do find a job in the near-ish future, we now no longer have a spot for LO, and we certainly won't have any kind of spot secured for LO#2.
I suppose I'm worried that this all means I'm going to be SAH for forever now. Part of me kind of likes the idea (trying to embrace that), but a larger part of me feels like I'm wasting the effort of the last 7 years of my life getting a PhD. I'm terrified to tell my parents, not in the least because my mom has always emphasized being able to remain financially independent. Officially SAH makes me completely dependent on DH. Trying not to dwell on that.
I also can't imagine how I'm going to be able to re-enter the workforce in my field after taking potentially years off. I suppose at this point it's no worse than the fact that I already have nearly a year gap on my resume, but it's just killing me.
Beyond that, I need to figure out how to provide a great SAH experience for LO. I'm sure I'll be picking folks' brains for help on that soon.
Not sure where this is going, but if you made it through this, thanks for reading. I obviously have a lot to get off my chest. I feel I should provide some sort of gif for your trouble.
DH and I have been able to support LO's schooling through my unemployment over the last (nearly) year. We'd hoped I'd find a job in the new year (2015), and that keeping LO in school would just provide a seamless transition from my grad school -> unemployment -> new job. However, since I *still* haven't found a job, it's been time to face facts and pull LO from school. I just sent an email to our center asking them what the protocol is for all of this, and I had to stop writing it half a dozen times to just cry.
This is the time when most people are starting to put their kids *in* schools, not take them out. I feel like since LO's been in school for pretty much his whole life, and he's just now getting to the point where he seems to have "friends" and talk about the kids at school when he comes home, that this is just terrible timing (at the same time, his wailing at drop-off this morning made me feel less bad?).
That being said, I know full well that so many people raise their kids without any sort of formal schooling until kindergarten, so I know I'm not going to ruin his life, I just am feeling a lot of guilt right now.
I feel like I'm failing LO by not finding a job to keep him at this school, and more miserably, I feel like I'm failing myself because I can't find a freaking job. I feel like this is just going to be the end of a chance of a career for me. If I stay at home officially with LO now, I'm bound to stay at home through this pregnancy and the new LO as well. And then I'll have two kids, and need to find an even better paying job to support all of that, and my mind kind of snowballs from there. Even if I do find a job in the near-ish future, we now no longer have a spot for LO, and we certainly won't have any kind of spot secured for LO#2.
I suppose I'm worried that this all means I'm going to be SAH for forever now. Part of me kind of likes the idea (trying to embrace that), but a larger part of me feels like I'm wasting the effort of the last 7 years of my life getting a PhD. I'm terrified to tell my parents, not in the least because my mom has always emphasized being able to remain financially independent. Officially SAH makes me completely dependent on DH. Trying not to dwell on that.
I also can't imagine how I'm going to be able to re-enter the workforce in my field after taking potentially years off. I suppose at this point it's no worse than the fact that I already have nearly a year gap on my resume, but it's just killing me.
Beyond that, I need to figure out how to provide a great SAH experience for LO. I'm sure I'll be picking folks' brains for help on that soon.
Not sure where this is going, but if you made it through this, thanks for reading. I obviously have a lot to get off my chest. I feel I should provide some sort of gif for your trouble.