T&Ps for a neighbor **TRIGGER WARNING-SUICIDE**

[moosemug]

A neighbor found out last night her husband committed suicide, leaving her with a baby boy about 9 or 10 months old.  If you could offer up T&Ps for her I'm sure she would appreciate it.

I've only talked to her a few times, she just isn't outside much, but wanted to help out any way I can.  From what I can figure out, most of her, and his, family lives in town or nearby, and when I was over there last night she had two other friends besides family who were there for her so she seems to have a decent support group at least.  All I can think of is to bring food, is there any other way you guys can think of where I can help her even though we're not super close?  I told her (and the friend who stayed with her last night) I could take the baby for a while if that would help.  I'm also planning to pick up some food, water, and maybe paper plates, cutlery and such they can just have at the house if people come by.  That's all I can think of.  Any ideas?

Thanks, ladies.

[colieann31]

ugh, I am so sorry for your neighbor. I just can't imagine what she's going through.

I'm sure they wouldn't mind if you brought food and stuff over. But everything you've listed is all I've got too. Maybe have your H keep up with their yard work for a little bit?

[moosemug]

colieann31, and classictwitch, that's a great idea with the lawn! DH had mentioned it last night, too so I think he'll be doing some of that.

[colieann31]

I would have been so thankful if people would have brought us food when my mom passed. None of us cared about cooking so we ate out a lot.

[mommycoffee]

Praying for her. I'm glad she has a sweet neighbor like you. My H always sits out trash cans for trash day so maybe your H could do that for her as well as lawn? Offer to clean her kitchen if you take food over? When I was bed rest (not trying to compare to a death) little things like that helped me feel less overwhelmed.

[PSNLS]

Could your husband offer to help with lawn care?

[megaroo64]

Thinking of your neighbor!

I totally agree about the helping with the lawn! Our neighbor had a death in the family, and I know not having to worry about their lawn really helped them out. And food is always helpful.

[catalinapink]

everyone gave great suggestions. I'll be keeping her and his family in my prayers.

[melohdy]

So sad. Thinking about your neighbor.

I think the most important thing, if you're going to offer services (cleaning, watching the baby so she can sleep) is to offer before she needs to come up with the idea on her own. I am not sure that makes sense. Completely different from a new baby but I remember people offering to help and/or coming over to help and just sitting around chatting or asking me what they could do. That was more stressful because I felt like I had to entertain.

If you're going over there to drop off food and want to offer to clean her kitchen; just come out with it, rather than asking her an open ended "what can I help with".

[sctiger]

How sad. Prayers for them. I agree with melohdy. If you're going to offer to help, just do it and don't wait for her to ask. I think offering to watch the baby would be a big help so she can be alone to grieve, or helping to clean or bring food so she has as little to worry about as possible.

[kames12]

Thinking of your neighbor and her family!

[moosemug]

Thanks for all the ideas and the T&Ps, ladies! melohdy, thank you for the reminder to not ask open-ended "what can I help with" type questions! thatblondie, thank you for your perspective on this, I really appreciate it and have definitely tried to be sensitive to her needs. I've been trying to talk to others who are close to her (her mom, a good friend...) instead of asking her stuff.

I spoke with her mom this morning because she happened to be outside when I was heading out for my errands. Turns out a close relative owns a lawn mowing business so cutting the grass isn't really needed. I like the idea of putting her trash out, though!

[cl8badb]

Sending thoughts and prayers. That's so sad.

[cynthia2007]

So sad. Saying a prayer for their family.