Feeling a bit down

[mrsdee1982]

OK, I hope to God that this post does not make me come off as a special snowflake, but here we go.

I am 21w3d.  I have not felt the baby move.  I have felt nothing.  Not a flip, flop, bubble, thump, stretch, flutter.  Nothing.  Nadda.  

At my last OB appt, I was 20w4d, my OB came into the room and the first thing she said was "Oh, you must be feeling her move all the time now" and when I told her no, she just kind of said "Oh, well you will be soon!"

I know it can be up to 26 weeks before I feel anything and that's considered "normal", but right now I feel like I am literally the last one of us left that has not felt anything.  

The first question everyone asks me now is "What do her little kicks feel like?" or "Does she kick a lot?".  When I say "I don't know yet, haven't felt anything", they look at me like something must be wrong.  I tell them the 26 week thing, and I just get a sympathetic look back.  

This is our third pregnancy.  We've lost the previous 2.  Not feeling anything at this point, makes me think that the OB is going to tell me "Oh, we made a mistake.  There's no baby in there."  

It's just making me feel like less of a pregnant woman (if that makes sense).  I kind of feel like I've stalled out in the bonding with her.  I am just feeling really down about it right now.  Come on baby girl.  Let momma feel you.  Let me know that you're in there.  Kick me in the bladder.  Jab me in the kidney.  Swing from my ribs like they are monkey bars.  Just something.  Anything.  Please...

[honeybunches101]

Sorry you are feeling down about this! I will echo what your doctor said that it could take a little while longer. Have you had an anatomy scan? Maybe you have an anterior placenta? It's also possible the baby is just very chill, I have friends whose babies hardly ever moved. I am 19.5 weeks and only feeling very faint kicks this time around, and sometimes nothing for a couple days. I can understand worrying about it, I check the baby's heart beat with a Doppler to reassure myself he/she is still in there. Hope you start to feel something soon!

[mrsdee1982]

And this is not a "when should I feel baby" kind of post. I know all that.

This is more, I am hormonal, home alone, out of chocolate, and feeling really sad about this kind of a post.

[baileybaileybne]

I can only imagine how you must keep fearing the worst due to your past losses. I'm a FTM so lots of people keep telling me their stories about when they first felt kicks and they varied so much, some even saying they just began to imagine that everything was a kick so they could say they had felt something.
But seeing as you've had frequent, recent checks and the baby is ok, all you can do is have faith that it will happen soon. I wish there was something more than patience to go with, but it seems like pregnancy is one big lesson in patience. Each milestone just makes you work towards the next, all in the aid of getting to hold that healthy little one at the end of it.
All I can say is try not to go to the worst case scenario because it sounds like there is no concern. Every day brings you closer to meeting your baby. Good luck.

[mrsdee1982]

Jan 25, 2015 22:17:19 GMT -5 honeybunches101 said:

Sorry you are feeling down about this! I will echo what your doctor said that it could take a little while longer. Have you had an anatomy scan? Maybe you have an anterior placenta? It's also possible the baby is just very chill, I have friends whose babies hardly ever moved. I am 19.5 weeks and only feeling very faint kicks this time around, and sometimes nothing for a couple days. I can understand worrying about it, I check the baby's heart beat with a Doppler to reassure myself he/she is still in there. Hope you start to feel something soon!

That's just it, in all the ultrasounds she moves around so much that they have trouble getting the measurements.  My placenta is in the normal position.  She's just already giving her mommy a hard time.  

[gigi3126]

So sorry that you're feeling down about the movement thing. I know how disheartening it can be. I'm a FTM too, and until recently, I was having mini breakdowns every day about the lack of movement. Stay positive! And get some chocolate! There's no need to be home alone and sad without some comfort snacks.

[mrsdee1982]

I don't get another ultrasound until 7 1/2 - 8 months. I think we may pay to get an elective scan in between now and then. I just don't think I can go that long between seeing her again.

[Deleted]

I'm sorry you're feeling down. Your feelings are totally justified, especially given your previous losses. FWIW I think an elective ultrasound is a great idea. Maybe see if you can find a deal on Groupon. My mom got one for us for 50% off at one of those boutique places.

ETA: Try not to worry too much, you'll feel her soon enough!

[disney815]

I'm sorry you're so bummed- and totally understand your worry and concern. Whenever I can't fee my lil guy, I drink a lot of cold water and eat some candy or a sugary snack to get him going.

[nchauhan]

Aw I'm sorry about your previous losses and that you're feeling down. It makes perfect sense that you're worried. If it makes you feel any better, you're not alone in this feeling. I'm 20 weeks today and haven't felt any movement either. My last appt was at 17 weeks and the NP commented that he was moving all over the place and was having a hard time tracking the heart beat, but I have yet to feel anything. Maybe get a Doppler to hear the heartbeat if you think that'll reassure you that baby girl is still dancing around in there?

[sidneyvicious]

You know, I am only one day ahead of you and guess what? Today is the first time I've felt what I can absolutely say is kicks, and let me tell you, they are teeny tiny. I've been so busy lately, I almost wonder if it's been happening more but I haven't noticed it because I'm so consumed with other stuff. I can totally relate to how you are feeling, and I wish I had something more to offer than just saying, try to put it out of your mind until it happens, but really, that's what worked for me. I know these feelings must be much more magnified for you, having experienced the losses you have, and I'm so sorry you're feeling this way!

[taisree]

Can totally understand your concerns, and I'm so sorry about your previous losses.

I know the doubts that come with experiencing a loss, it can be incredibly stressful. My first trimester was very hard on me for that reason.

An elective ultrasound sounds like a great idea. Have you thought about your own Doppler? That would also be reassuring for these weeks before you feel baby.

Stay strong & don't let the doubts get into your head as much as possible. And yes treat yourself to some chocolate

[mmo2112]

I'm sorry, lady! I totally get the whole "feeling less pregnant" thing. Sometimes I have this totally irrational fear that there isn't actually a baby in there. Thank god for those ultrasound pictures.

The last new mom I talked to didn't feel movement until 23 weeks, and I'm still waiting for a big kick, too. Hopefully your first movement happens very soon!

I'll second the fetal Doppler suggestion. It's pretty much the only thing that calms my nerves between doctor appointments!

[billyhorrible]

I agree with your doctor - I know it seems like everyone and their mom is feeling their kids moving, but try and remember, there were also a gazillion women claiming they feel movement at 9 weeks....

I'm not calling anyone on this site a liar, but there's a really really high "false positive" reading in terms of perception of feeling movement when compared with ultrasounds. So take all the "I feel the baby move" posts with a grain of salt. It is 100% normal not to feel the baby at this point. That's why doctors don't start kick counting until third trimester. If everyone was feeling movement at 20 weeks, don't you think they'd start earlier?

I do know exactly how you're feeling though - in second trimester most of us are feeling better symptom wise, so without those "kicks" it's easy to feel like maybe you're not pregnant any more or something is wrong. Hang in there - I'm sure it'll be soon for you.

[mrskblack11]

Hang in there. PGAL brain sucks. I have felt movement and I still freak out and worry that he is no longer okay. Just remember to take it one day at a time and go over the PGAL mantras when you are feeling low. They always help me stay positive.

[Girlymama79]

I'm sorry you are feeling this way but I get it. Being the last at something is hard. Even more so when there is worry involved. Try to stay positive!

[firelizard]

Sweet pea you will feel those reassuring movements and just breathe in a happy breathe. My friend didn't feel her baby until 24 weeks, sometimes the baby is just not in a good enough position for you to know for sure that it is her.

[silv3rlining]

Big hugs. I felt like it took forever with DR to feel him (though that was more perspective by being towards the end of the month on my BMB). PPs have given some great words. I know the less active I am in a day the less active baby is. But if I am busy doing stuff and then sit and relax for a while baby usually starts moving. Not sure what your activity level is. The other thing is if I drink OJ or Dr. Pepper and sit and relax sometimes she'll move about. Just some suggestions. Hopefully she'll give you some reassuring nudges sooner than later.

[tinavonsparkle]

I haven't felt anything like an actual kick yet either. I mentioned it in another post yesterday but basically I had my anatomy scan on Friday and because I hadn't felt "a million butterfly's" which even strangers had asked me if I had had yet and I had felt nothing that made me think "oh that's the baby moving" and it can take up to 26 weeks I just assumed I had an anterior placenta.

When I lay still and analysed I could feel "gas bubbles" and uterus twitching and little stretches (honestly a bit period painy which I thought was gentle RLP) and taps like little flicks inside which I couldn't work out where they were coming from (muscle layer maybe?!)

It wasn't untill the sonogramer showed me my posterior placenta and said all those things I described were actually the baby that it all clicked into place. Even now I know, I still only can feel them when I'm lay still concentrating and half the time I still think "hmmm, was that the baby?" and question myself.

Try and relax and enjoy each stage of the pregnancy (I know, waaaaaay easier said than done) and when I winged that I hadn't felt kicks yet people said just be thankful it's a relaxed chilled baby taking it's time, cos by the 3rd trimester when it's keeping you awake you will miss the "gas bubbles!"

Also eat chocolate. All the chocolate! x

[schnurette]

I think I was pretty far along before I could for sure say I was feeling baby move last time...this time has been different but I feel like I was 22 or 23 weeks already last time.

[jcprn]

I'm sorry for your previous losses. And I totally can commiserate with you about not feeling movement yet. I'm 20w 6d and the question that everyone seems to ask me now is if I'm feeling Baby move. I may be feeling movement and have no idea being a FTM. I usually tell people "I don't know because I don't know what it feels like but I feel like there's a lot going on in there!"

Yesterday morning I woke up with DH, ate a chocolate chip cookie (or two) and sat on the couch with my hands on my belly telling Baby to move so Mama can feel it. (Didn't work, can you believe it? Stubborn baby already) You're not the last one left not feeling any movement yet, rest assured. I agree with PP, get a doppler or an elective ultrasound to give yourself piece of mind. Also, cookies and or chocolate always helps me feel a little better in general...

[b4ebeth]

Until yesterday, I was totally in your shoes. It was the first question everyone asks, even the doctor. I am a FTM and 21 weeks today. I think yesterday was the first time I could definitively say, okay that was it. At my appt last week, the tech was having to spend some time with the doppler to track him down. She was kind enough to take her time and point out the difference between a movement sound and liquid. It helped the association a little bit. I honestly keep thinking it's gas and then if it's not, well then it was hindsight 20/20.

I will say this. It wasn't the AHA moment for me. It was more of an "oh, okay that's it". I guess I was expecting the jab! But that will come soon enough. Hang in there!

[tahitiandreamin]

Given your loss history, how you feel makes total sense. It's hard not to be worried about every little thing. I hope that very soon your LO is going to be kicking the crap out of you (but not actually injuring you of course).

[mnp48]

Aw. I'm sure everything is dandy and going along swimmingly! I'm 18w6d and I've felt nothing that I could distinguish. No particular "flutters" or "popcorn popping" at all. Can you make an appointment with your OB for a quick visit to check with a HB doppler? It's hard right now but have faith that everything will turn out fine!

[Stormy61]

I totally get what you are saying. It's hard to not worry about baby when you can't really feel him or her. The good thing is that you know your LO is moving around bc you see it on the U/S. Keep your head up and we are here for you!

[mrsdee1982]

Thanks ladies for all the support. It really means a lot.

[andreap525]

You're not alone! I'm almost 20 weeks and haven't felt a thing. Not even a little bit. Sometimes I focus really hard and try to force myself to feel something but then I realize that is just plain silly. I'll cross my fingers that you get your flutters soon! It sucks to have everyone asking and constantly being reminded of what you're missing out on.