Daddy help...

[dmoney]

When I go back to work in a week my hubby is going to be at home with dd until he finds a job. He flat out told me last night that he doesn't think he can do it, and he will just have his mom watch dd until he goes back to work. I've told him that he can do it and just needs to have faith. Does anyone have any tips or suggestions that I can give him so that he can trust in him self to be able to watch her all day by him self.  I am only 15 minutes away if he really needs me,  but I know he will be able to do it. He is just double guessing himself. 

Thank you for help in advance!!

[carolyngrace]

Sounds like he just needs a lot of reassurance and support! Also you can play the, what's the worst that can happen? Game. Because really what it is? That she cries a lot? Well they will both survive that. And like you said, you are a short distance away if that would happen and he absolutely can't get her to calm down.

[alayne926]

Can you start by leaving the house for a couple hours at a time so he can get used to it? I pretty much told DH that he was watching DD today while I went to the doctor and didn't give him the choice. He was really nervous about it, but after said that it was not as bad as he thought it was going to be.

[dmoney]

Aug 6, 2015 16:33:09 GMT -5 alayne926 said:

Can you start by leaving the house for a couple hours at a time so he can get used to it? I pretty much told DH that he was watching DD today while I went to the doctor and didn't give him the choice. He was really nervous about it, but after said that it was not as bad as he thought it was going to be.

So that's what I did, I went to the gym and trader joes. I texted him to see how everything was and he was like she has been crying her head off for the past hour.   I came home and nursed her and she was fine. He said he tried everything but giving her a bottle.    He's done it before, but with my maternity leave coming to an end I think it is scaring him shitless.  I know he can do it. I think next week I'm going to go out for like 5 hours but only be 10 minutes away and see how he does.

[carolyngrace]

Aug 6, 2015 16:59:21 GMT -5 dmoney said:

Aug 6, 2015 16:33:09 GMT -5 alayne926 said:

Can you start by leaving the house for a couple hours at a time so he can get used to it? I pretty much told DH that he was watching DD today while I went to the doctor and didn't give him the choice. He was really nervous about it, but after said that it was not as bad as he thought it was going to be.

So that's what I did, I went to the gym and trader joes. I texted him to see how everything was and he was like she has been crying her head off for the past hour.   I came home and nursed her and she was fine. He said he tried everything but giving her a bottle.    He's done it before, but with my maternity leave coming to an end I think it is scaring him shitless.  I know he can do it. I think next week I'm going to go out for like 5 hours but only be 10 minutes away and see how he does.

Just tell him to try the bottle FIRST next time and he'll probably be fine  

I feel like men get weird things in their heads like "I don't want to feed them too much!" or "I should be able to do it without resorting to the bottle"

Sounds like his confidence was shaken, but definitely give him another shot before you return to work and he'll probably do fine!

[mirage86]

Maybe he would feel better with a checklist too? Then he could see at a glance things he can still try to do if baby is crying, or activities to keep her entertained, etc.

[shahoi]

Does it make anyone else secretly feel really special and needed in these types of situations? I mean, I feel bad that our DH's second guess themselves and don't feel confident, but I also love how it just all comes so naturally as a mother. How to that little person we are everything and no one else even comes close to our bond at the moment. It gives me the warm fuzzies, but I would never say so in front of DH.

[dogmama22]

Aug 6, 2015 19:03:15 GMT -5 shahoi said:

Does it make anyone else secretly feel really special and needed in these types of situations? I mean, I feel bad that our DH's second guess themselves and don't feel confident, but I also love how it just all comes so naturally as a mother. How to that little person we are everything and no one else even comes close to our bond at the moment. It gives me the warm fuzzies, but I would never say so in front of DH.

Definitely! DH keeps saying LO doesn't like him and I feel really bad, but at the same time when he hands him to me and Z immediately stops crying I just melt!

[mcp6286]

We started using the app Baby Connect because we can share it and DH loves it, because if he can't figure out what to try, he just pulls up the chart that tells him what she was doing the day before at that time. It helps him stick to my schedule and try things that work, since LO is in a pretty consistent routine, which helps him feel successful. He usually does well, although this week he's had trouble getting her to nap and told me a couple times that he feels like she's messing with him (lol) and that he's a failure as a dad. Which is crazy because he's one of the most involved dads I've ever met! But their confidence really does get shaken because they don't have that innate instinct about what to do to comfort the baby.

[missjenniebean]

I wish I had advice to give but our attempt at his first day alone while I was out of town went awful. Ha! He seems to appreciate me more though. Best of luck!

[baytosa2013]

Aug 6, 2015 16:33:09 GMT -5 alayne926 said:

Can you start by leaving the house for a couple hours at a time so he can get used to it? I pretty much told DH that he was watching DD today while I went to the doctor and didn't give him the choice. He was really nervous about it, but after said that it was not as bad as he thought it was going to be.

This is what I was going to suggest too. I left her with DH two weeks after she was born for about 2 hours and I've added to that slowly. he's completely fine with her now and likes his daddy alone time. I also tried really hard to just let him do things like feeding, bath time, bed time all on his own without me hovering or giving advice. Even his sister said hand him the baby and walk away...he'll figure it out just like you had to. I told him (even after he insisted that yes I did) that I in fact do NOT have magical mommy powers, that you just figure it out.

[dmoney]

The thing is he has watched her before. I was in a wedding 3 weeks pp, and it was all him. He did great minus a shower he freaked out. Tuesdsy I am going to go to the pool with my friend who lives minutes down the road. I know he can do it he just double guesses which sucks. I just need him to believe that he can do it. He's a great dad, wants to be at every appointment and wants to know everything, videotape every first. Now just to get him to know that he can watch heron his own and everything will be okay.

Thanks for all of your advise ladies!! I am going to look at the baby connect app and see if it would work for us.

[ombradellarosa]

Aug 7, 2015 12:51:04 GMT -5 baytosa2013 said:

Aug 6, 2015 16:33:09 GMT -5 alayne926 said:

Can you start by leaving the house for a couple hours at a time so he can get used to it? I pretty much told DH that he was watching DD today while I went to the doctor and didn't give him the choice. He was really nervous about it, but after said that it was not as bad as he thought it was going to be.

This is what I was going to suggest too. I left her with DH two weeks after she was born for about 2 hours and I've added to that slowly. he's completely fine with her now and likes his daddy alone time. I also tried really hard to just let him do things like feeding, bath time, bed time all on his own without me hovering or giving advice. Even his sister said hand him the baby and walk away...he'll figure it out just like you had to. I told him (even after he insisted that yes I did) that I in fact do NOT have magical mommy powers, that you just figure it out.

My husband pointed out the same thing to me. I am trying hard to let him do things his way and not critique because it will shut him down. So hard not to offer advice sometimes. He's really great with her, but I don't think he's all that keen on watching her without me. This week we'll take a baby step because we're going to our friends' house who also have a new baby so she and I can cook and our husbands can hang out, watch the babies and play Magic. I'm planning to bring a bottle and some pumped milk because I won't get anything done if I have to keep stopping to feed her. She wants to be held constantly so it will be nice to have someone else do it and I can get some meals ready!