explaining death

[sarahandeddie]

I just found out my grandparent's dog unexpectedly passed away. Avery is so attached to her. How in the world do I tell Avery? She's old enough to notice the dog is gone. I hate the idea of telling my girls such terrible news. Explaining death to children is one of the hardest conversations.

[aimeefarrahfowler]

Okay, honestly, this is a major cop-out, but I would probably do the whole "we sent the dog to a farm where he can run and play all day!" Or whatever that dog liked to do. Idk. That's just me.

If it was a person, obviously it would be more serious and I would try harder to help him understand. But I'm not ready to have that convo with my kid yet, not over a dog.

[justbeth]

It is hard. My grandfather passed away last February and it was hard to explain to Emma. We talked about him being in Heaven with Jesus, and that we would t see him again until we went to Heaven. She still doesn't understand that Heaven is a place where we can't just go, like when we go out of town, and she still asks about Grandaddy. For example, she asked why he didn't come to her birthday party. So I know she hasn't forgotten about him.
Also, since he passed away soon after christmas, and we had just talked so much about baby Jesus, she often thinks that Grandaddy is in the manger with baby Jesus. So, I guess I don't have any advice, other than that it's confusing and she probably won't understand.

[sarahandeddie]

I don't expect her to understand. I'm more worried about her asking where the dog is every time we visit and upsetting my grandparents.

The other issue is DD#1 won't buy it if I tell her they sent the dog away. She knows the dog goes every where with my grandparents. She'll figure it out and then I'll have a 4yr old explaining death to Avery.

We've been through this before with my parent's dog. She still occasionally asks about her but since she was so young when she died I don't think she really remembers/understands what happened. We've only had 1 family member die and it wasn't someone she knew so this will be the first time she may actually sort of get it.

[junkytrunk]

I'm the kind of parent who would just tell her the dog died. And explain that it went to sleep and won't be waking back up. I think our kids are smart enough now to be able to tell them the truth, but that's just me.

When our fish died (and I know fish is much different than a dog) we told him it died and went to sleep and he helped flush it down the toilet. He said goodbye and waved and flushed it down. He even tells people it died and went to sleep.

I personally think it's the best route, but I'm also open with him about his penis being a penis and to play with himself by himself. So there's that...

[starfishy]

I'm straight up about death. I would say that the dog died and explain what you think about after death - heaven, etc.

There is a mister Rodgers book called "When a Pet Dies" which might be nice to read to her if books are something you share together.

[jennmm]

Aug 6, 2015 23:35:31 GMT -5 junkytrunk said:

I'm the kind of parent who would just tell her the dog died. And explain that it went to sleep and won't be waking back up. I think our kids are smart enough now to be able to tell them the truth, but that's just me.

When our fish died (and I know fish is much different than a dog) we told him it died and went to sleep and he helped flush it down the toilet. He said goodbye and waved and flushed it down. He even tells people it died and went to sleep.

I personally think it's the best route, but I'm also open with him about his penis being a penis and to play with himself by himself. So there's that...

This but I wouldn't expect a child this age to grasp the concept of forever. So there probably will be questions about when the dog will come back. Just go with your gut.

[origamimommy]

When my grandmother passed away, I told Tyler that she died and went to Heaven with Jesus. I know not everyone believes the same things, and that's fine, but that's what we did. We also bought a few books and talked it through. Randomly, Tyler will wave to the sky and say, "Hi Grandma Susan! Hope you're having fun in heaven!" I just tried to be as open as possible in his terms.

[sarahandeddie]

DH and I discussed it last night and we decided to tell our girls the truth today. Then we'll give it a few days before we visit my grandparents.

The girls took the news much better than I expected. DD#1 didn't say much. Avery has asked me "Did Goldie die?" and "Where Goldie go? Is she in heaven? Where is heaven?". Overall I think it went well.

[vanessalc]

I'm sorry for your family's loss.

[bantyrooster]

Aug 7, 2015 8:00:59 GMT -5 origamimommy said:

When my grandmother passed away, I told Tyler that she died and went to Heaven with Jesus. I know not everyone believes the same things, and that's fine, but that's what we did. We also bought a few books and talked it through. Randomly, Tyler will wave to the sky and say, "Hi Grandma Susan! Hope you're having fun in heaven!" I just tried to be as open as possible in his terms.

This is us. Gage knows all about Jesus and Heaven. I would let him ask questions. Your grandparents may find comfort in lo asking about the dog. Kind of someone else still thinks about he dog as well.

[samelly]

We haven't had a pet or family member die, which would be tough to explain.  DD did see the body of a dead squirrel and was really curious about it and asked us why he wasn't getting up.  We were honest and told her that he was dead and he wouldn't get up.  She understood, at least on some level.  

[sarasansh]

I'd probably google it and read some articles/blogs to get an idea of how to be honest but developmentally appropriate. I remember reading one that suggested not telling kids that death is like sleeping right because you don't want them to become fearful of sleeping. So sorry for your loss.

[sarahandeddie]

Thank you for all the helpful suggestions. I'm sure this is going to be an ongoing conversation.

[traceyt07]

When our dog passed away we got this book,


We talk all the time about how Bogie's in heaven and having fun playing catch with God and the angels. It's such a hard concept for them and sometimes Asher still cries about missing him. I don't think Amelia really understood, but this was a year and a half ago.

[sarahandeddie]

I think I'm going to have to get both of the books that have been recommended. Our pets are 6 (one dog and one cat) but my parent's cat is 18, so it's only a matter of time.