What is a reasonable expectation for independent play at this age?
I'm asking because I feel like my LO used to do this but is now not playing alone at all. For example, I used to be able to put a toy on the kitchen floor; he would happily play with it in some capacity while I did dishes or fixed dinner. Now he just clings to my leg and screams. I'm hoping this is just a phase, but I also want to make sure my expectations are reasonable.
Is there a way to encourage independent play?
I have a toy rotation, though I need to be better about refreshing more often. I want to spend time playing with LO, but I also need to be able to do some chores/use the bathroom/not be climbed on or screamed at all day. I think this is contributing to some of my anxiety and stress on days I do stay home.
Tl;dr am I nuts for thinking my baby should be able to play alone for a few minutes?
@joybaby5 he pretty much has the run of our house. I do have a baby jail, but we haven't used it much because he just cries because even if he can see me, he's not happy to play alone.
We do go play in his bedroom where there are toys. I don't take him to our finished basement much because big mess and cold in the winter.
DS is pretty good at independent play but it depends on his mood/how tired he is. I've found that as the day goes on, he gets crabbier and less interested in entertaining himself. So I plan my activities around this. I try to most of my cleaning in the morning when the toys are "new" again and he is more easily entertained.
Do you have an activity walker or other things to push? Now that LO has figured out how to turn, he's happiest pushing things around on his own. Other toys hold his interest for shorter amounts of time.
If you have a baby proof area or baby jail, what happens if you leave for a few minutes? Our living room is the only area of our house that is completely baby proofed and gated so it's where I put LO if I need to get something done (bathroom, dog walk, etc.). Sometimes he dramatically melts down when I leave but within a couple of minutes he's fine. Will your LO settle down if you give it some time or does it continue?
For us, it varies day to day. If I try and sit and relax on the couch, she needs to be ALL OVER me because something about me relaxing is offensive to her. But if I'm up cleaning or whatever, she's more apt to entertain herself.
I also make excellent use of the dishwasher (as you know.) And the fridge -- I make sure everything on the bottom shelf is safe/non breakable/non spillable and let her investigate.
Really I think it's just a phase and it'll pass...or that's what I tell myself.
Post by rachaelmary on Jan 26, 2015 11:28:08 GMT -5
I sometimes have the opposite worry. When Lily is playing, she mostly plays with herself. I'll try and sit with her and interact, but she just wanders the whole house and entertains herself. Of course, when she's tired she comes to me and wants to be picked up etc. But sometimes I worry I'm not playing with her enough.
I second the Cheerios in high chair thing....I usually do that for dinner so I can see her while I stay in the kitchen.
I also do the same thing with laundry, give her her own basket and let her pull the clothes out.
i sympathize with both sides; sometimes i'm worried that I don't play with LO enough and other times i just want to do the dishes without him screaming and clawing on me.
But, one thing that works to get him absorbed in his toys before i sneak out of baby jail is to take several small toys and pile them precariously on the activity table we keep in there or to make several towers of blocks around the floor. He is most happy trying to disassemble and disarrange.
i am impressed that people have houses that are so baby-safe that they can give their LOs free range. I think I need to clean more.
If you have a baby proof area or baby jail, what happens if you leave for a few minutes? Our living room is the only area of our house that is completely baby proofed and gated so it's where I put LO if I need to get something done (bathroom, dog walk, etc.). Sometimes he dramatically melts down when I leave but within a couple of minutes he's fine. Will your LO settle down if you give it some time or does it continue?
I've let him be fussing in baby jail for 15 minutes that felt like 12 years. I can't handle the crying after about that. And I kind of feel that if he hasn't settled in 15 mins, it isn't going to happen.
For us, it varies day to day. If I try and sit and relax on the couch, she needs to be ALL OVER me because something about me relaxing is offensive to her. But if I'm up cleaning or whatever, she's more apt to entertain herself.
I also make excellent use of the dishwasher (as you know.) And the fridge -- I make sure everything on the bottom shelf is safe/non breakable/non spillable and let her investigate.
Really I think it's just a phase and it'll pass...or that's what I tell myself.
In our house, successful independent play usually means he's doing something he shouldn't (i.e. stealing our keys and putting them in his diaper champ). The only way we've been successful, is a new toy that he's intrigued with, so I do a daily toy rotation to attempt to make everything fresh, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I've just become very good at maneuvering and cooking with an almost one year old holding onto my leg.
I'm re-reading what I wrote, and I just want to reiterate: None of what I said is meant to suggest I have any freaking clue what I'm doing!
And (I'll sound like my grandma now) I just want to put in a plug for letting kids be bored sometimes. I think it helps build independence. I think modern society wants us to think we need to entertain them 24-7. Obviously, I'm not advocating leaving them to fend for themselves all day, but I've noticed sometimes that if I don't rush to rescue LO from her boredom, she finds something to do three seconds later. So sometimes when she is whining, I do my best Betty Draper voice and tell her, "Only boring people are bored."
Books, I totally agree with you. Part of why I'm asking about this is because I'm not entirely sure what's developmentally appropriate, but I do think we're at a point where LO can entertain himself for a few minutes. I don't want to be constantly entertaining him or having to play for him or have him think we must always be touching.
I'm going to ask a question, but please correct me if this is one of those "you're new, you're on the internet, don't ask those here" questions. I work full time, I have a couple hours in the morning and a couple at night with him M-F. Because of the lack of time together, I feel like my time at home with him should be dedicated to holding him, reading, playing, singing, etc. Rarely on a weeknight do I have him play on his own. He's very clingy in the evenings, and I attributed this to the fact he's at daycare during the day, and his time in the evening with Momma should be dedicated to one on one (this means I'm even taking him with me when I change out of my work clothes). Am I setting up bad behavior by doing this? Am I enabling him to be overly clingy and not independent?
I'm going to ask a question, but please correct me if this is one of those "you're new, you're on the internet, don't ask those here" questions. I work full time, I have a couple hours in the morning and a couple at night with him M-F. Because of the lack of time together, I feel like my time at home with him should be dedicated to holding him, reading, playing, singing, etc. Rarely on a weeknight do I have him play on his own. He's very clingy in the evenings, and I attributed this to the fact he's at daycare during the day, and his time in the evening with Momma should be dedicated to one on one (this means I'm even taking him with me when I change out of my work clothes). Am I setting up bad behavior by doing this? Am I enabling him to be overly clingy and not independent?
Heck if I know.
I think it's whatever works for you. I, personally, would want LO to play while I changed clothes and got dinner ready. I also think if I worked ft, I might have a different perspective.
My LO can be especially clingy after dc. He's great there, a rock star if we stop at wegmans on the way home...and then we step foot in the door and he's a clingy, screechy mess. Is great for my self esteem.
Post by mosaicmoscato on Jan 26, 2015 17:43:45 GMT -5
Uhm thank you so much for posting this Shell. I was getting worried because of LOs lack of independent play. He needs to be within 3 feet of me all.day.long. I can maybe get 5 mins of IP time before hes crawling up me again. He gets so mad when I'm on the couch because he cant be all up in my face. If Im standing he's attached to my leg 90% of the time. Toy rotation has helped a tiny bit! Im not sure if its a phase or if its his personality at this point. I'm trying to enjoy it because I know one day Ill miss it dearly. Anyways, ((hugs)) I know how frustrating it can be!
I'm going to ask a question, but please correct me if this is one of those "you're new, you're on the internet, don't ask those here" questions. I work full time, I have a couple hours in the morning and a couple at night with him M-F. Because of the lack of time together, I feel like my time at home with him should be dedicated to holding him, reading, playing, singing, etc. Rarely on a weeknight do I have him play on his own. He's very clingy in the evenings, and I attributed this to the fact he's at daycare during the day, and his time in the evening with Momma should be dedicated to one on one (this means I'm even taking him with me when I change out of my work clothes). Am I setting up bad behavior by doing this? Am I enabling him to be overly clingy and not independent?
In my uneducated opinion, you are absolutely not ruining your child. As a kid of a single mom who worked FT, I absolutely cherished that time in the evenings. Your LO is probably getting tons of independent play time at daycare -- in the evenings, it's mom time, and I kind of think that's fabulous.
Uhm thank you so much for posting this Shell. I was getting worried because of LOs lack of independent play. He needs to be within 3 feet of me all.day.long. I can maybe get 5 mins of IP time before hes crawling up me again. He gets so mad when I'm on the couch because he cant be all up in my face. If Im standing he's attached to my leg 90% of the time. Toy rotation has helped a tiny bit! Im not sure if its a phase or if its his personality at this point. I'm trying to enjoy it because I know one day Ill miss it dearly. Anyways, ((hugs)) I know how frustrating it can be!
This is us to a T. He used to be great at IP but now he's constantly crawling up me. I tell myself it's must be my magnetic personality (yeah...).
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