I'm new here. ? about infant visitation.

[laur1020]

Hello, I'm stopping by from May15. I hope ya'll don't mind that I post this here. I have one child and he is 3 months old. My husband and I have been married 2 years next month. I am contemplating divorcing him. Does anyone here have experience with going thru divorce with an infant? What is the typical visitation/custody arrangement like for the dad? I am breastfeeding and my baby relies on me for everything. I am extremely nervous that my husband could possibly get more than visitation right now. I realize this might vary from state to state, but just trying to get an idea as to what I'm about to be dealing with.

[becwheat]

You're right, it really depends on your state and how much he has been involved from the beginning.

Unless he is proven to be an unfit father in one way or another he will most likely get some type of custody/visitation. While you are the primary caregiver to your infant, the father has a right to be in his child's life (again, unless it is a safety issue).

[helenahhandbasket]

I am in the process of divorcing, but my LO is 3.5.

Does he have any idea or will this be out of the blue?

Reason I am asking is because the last few years of my marriage (was married for 7) were very rocky and the separation and filing for divorce was not a surprise. So I think that made it easier for him and I to negotiate custody - as we were sort of already through the worst of it by the time we physically separated. We both agree that our daughter's well being and stability is the most important thing to us and our custody arrangement reflects that.

So you and your H will get to decide amongst yourselves what is best for your baby. And once you agree on something, it's not like that has to be the agreement forever. My custody arrangement has evolved over time as my daughters needs and schedule has changed.

Would you stay in your home and would he move out? If yes, since you are BFing, it makes the most sense that the baby lives with you and he get visits. Will you be on civil terms? If yes, you can offer that he stay overnight so that he can have more time with baby and you can breastfeed still.

There's a lot that you have to think about first- and since you are only 3 months PP- I would say maybe table any decisions for at least another 3(unless of course you feel unsafe). Figure out a plan. Can you support yourself? Will you have to move in with family temporarily? Will you have help if you need to work more to make ends meet?

There's a lot to think about, I'm sorry you are going through this. Please pm me if you want to talk further.

[freezorburn]

Sorry you are going through this. I think you really need to consult a lawyer with the particulars of your situation. Especially if there are health/safety concerns. Knowing how the law applies to your situation will help you with the big decisions that are ahead of you.

If money is a concern you might be able to find someone who won't charge for an initial consult, or there are sometimes organizations or law student clinics who will do pro bono consults.

[laur1020]

Thanks for your input and support, Ladies!
I remembered that my friend's fiancé is a family court lawyer, so I asked her to ask him a few questions for me. Turns out, in my state, my H is entitled and would probably get overnight visitations, even at DS' very young age. Ugh! I'm still trying to sort through my feelings and see which direction I need to go in, but I'm glad there's a place where I can get some support and know that I'm not the only one who has gone/is going through this.