Out the mouths of non-parents

[jodielyn10]

Don't you just love when people who aren't parents comment on how children should be raised???

Today's latest edition: Two co-workers had a discussion right outside of my cube about toddlers and food/restaurants. For one thing they were both opposed to parents making a restaurant decision based on what their kids want/like/will have a good time at, and second they were both judging parents for asking their kids what they want to eat (or order at a restaurant) and putting up with a kid telling them they didn't want to eat something. The phrases "that just won't fly with me, you eat what you're told to eat" and "children should be seen and not heard" were even used.

My thoughts on this:

1. It's cute that you think you can make a kid eat something he/she doesn't want to. Clearly, you don't have kids.

2. It's sweet that you think you will have a lovely evening dining with a child at a restaurant that doesn't have kid-friendly food and where they would have to sit quietly during the meal. Clearly, you don't have kids.

3. How charming that you think kids shouldn't have say in what they eat. Maybe it's best that you don't have kids.

What little pearls of wisdom have you received from non-parents on parenting lately?

[cbear]

Ugh that drives me nuts! How else are they supposed to learn the manners of ordering and behaving in a restaurant?!

I haven't had too many other ones lately but Elise lost her mind at swim lessons the other week and some people were side eyeing me as I left with a screaming/kicking toddler. LOL I really try to give a small smile to other moms I see how are dealing with the same thing! Don't side eye me people, do you want to deal with her?? Ya didn't think so...

[jennmm]

DH has a cousin who shares dumb shit on FB all the time about how to talk to children and only speak nicely to them and how to correctly discipline them. She had a cat so...

[origamimommy]

"I will never let my kid pick out what they want to wear. If they go somewhere with me, they will look presentable at all times"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Sorry, if it takes letting my kid wear gym shorts, a button up shirt, and rain boots to get out of the house on time, that's what he wears. It's also a form of self expression and self-esteem building. Obviously, you don't have kids.

[Riverdong11]

Last night MH and I ran into a friend at a bar so we sat down to chat. She started asking questions about Liam and it came up that he's a big time procrastinator on falling asleep and it can be as late as 11pm before he's asleep. She told me she would be putting an end to that immediately. My reply was you come over and show me how to do that and I will gladly do the same. She had no helpful response.

Now that I'm rethinking that whole conversation I'm wondering if that came across as me being an a-hole. At the time I wasn't annoyed or anything I was just amused at her words.

[samelly]

Aug 14, 2015 10:15:46 GMT -5 origamimommy said:

"I will never let my kid pick out what they want to wear. If they go somewhere with me, they will look presentable at all times"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Sorry, if it takes letting my kid wear gym shorts, a button up shirt, and rain boots to get out of the house on time, that's what he wears. It's also a form of self expression and self-esteem building. Obviously, you don't have kids.

My kid went to daycare once wearing a yellow sundress, pink leg-warmers and sneakers.  Whatever, I got to work on time.  You have to pick your battles.

[lainikins]

I got major side eyes for giving a timeout to Emmett in ikea. Sure he was being loud about the time out, but timeout and him running around like a crazy person screaming were really my only options. Which would you prefer?

[sarahandeddie]

Aug 14, 2015 10:51:48 GMT -5 lainikins said:

I got major side eyes for giving a timeout to Emmett in ikea. Sure he was being loud about the time out, but timeout and him running around like a crazy person screaming were really my only options. Which would you prefer?

I gave Avery a time out in the basket part of the cart at Target. We were in line to check out and she was being awful. I made do with what I had. I'm sure I got side eyed but I had to do something!

[jodielyn10]

Aug 14, 2015 11:11:49 GMT -5 sarahandeddie said:

Aug 14, 2015 10:51:48 GMT -5 lainikins said:

I got major side eyes for giving a timeout to Emmett in ikea. Sure he was being loud about the time out, but timeout and him running around like a crazy person screaming were really my only options. Which would you prefer?

I gave Avery a time out in the basket part of the cart at Target. We were in line to check out and she was being awful. I made do with what I had. I'm sure I got side eyed but I had to do something!

Been there done that!

[MissMusic]

Are your co-workers for real?! YES to everything on your list there!

My dad wanted to "take us out" last xmas, and picked a pub. A freakin' bar. He said my kid would find something to eat...they didn't have high chairs so I figured it wasn't kid-friendly. My kid wassn't going to eat bar food and I kind of didn't want her to.

I guess they DID have a leek soup special, which I gave her to try. NOPE. We had to leave mid-meal due to a screaming kid in a crowded bar. Tell me again how a kid will eat whatever you put in front of them and you shouldn't pick a place based on their needs...?

[MissMusic]

Aug 14, 2015 10:15:46 GMT -5 origamimommy said:

"I will never let my kid pick out what they want to wear. If they go somewhere with me, they will look presentable at all times"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Sorry, if it takes letting my kid wear gym shorts, a button up shirt, and rain boots to get out of the house on time, that's what he wears. It's also a form of self expression and self-esteem building. Obviously, you don't have kids.

I think its healthy for them to pick their clothes, as long as its reasonable (ie no parkas in July).  So what if they are mismatched?!  They picked it and they're not going to put up a fight about it.  Win-win.

Whomever said that to you has no idea what its like to get a kid dressed, teeth and hair brushed, shoes on, and to drive to a store only to discover the massive amount of boogars they put into their hair while you weren't looking.  Oh well, dude.

[MissMusic]

OK I have one:

"Just MAKE her do it!"

I got this when she was freaking out about starting a new gymnastics class, and she cried going in. She didn't want to go into a big, new room with a new teacher and new classmates all by herself. Someone told me to just make her do it because she has to learn to be away from me at some point in her life.

OMG, shut up a-hole! It happened ONCE and she was SCARED. Please don't procreate.
Edit: and have you ever tried forcing a kid to do something when they're angry or scared?!  No one is getting out of that situation in tact.

[sarasansh]

The other night I had dinner with two friends--one who also has young kids, and one who does not. We were chatting about different things and at one point my childless friend said, "I just want to have a kid so I can get back to traveling." My other friend and I must have given her a look because she followed up with, "Y'know, just drop the kid with Grandmom for a week or two. I mean, after the first few months are over."

Suuuure, suuure... let's see how that one works out for you.

[jodielyn10]

I'm still all twitchy about my co-workers' comments. The thing that rubs me the wrong way is...Why do they think we have children? Seriously - are they supposed to be ornaments that we carry around with us? This attitude that we shouldn't take their comfort or enjoyment into account when choosing a restaurant, or even take their preference into account on what they eat...it's so selfish. It's right up there with the people who haul their kids to non-kid events and parties at all times and all hours. Once in a while, sure, but all the time? Why did you have children if you were just going to carry on living your life as if you were single, but with a miserable, bored child attached to you? We had children because we wanted a family, to nurture these little individuals that we made and watch them grown and learn. When you choose to have a family, doing "family friendly" things is part of the package.

[greenmonkey1]

MissMusic My inlaws like to select fancy restaurants and when we suggest somewhere more child friendly (we have a 3 yo and 1 yo) they say if the kids get frisky they will just walk them around the restaurant or we can sit in a corner and they can play on the floor. Errm, no. One, other people are there enjoying their fancy meal and I do not want my kids to interrupt their time. Two, my kids are mobile and will not just "sit on the floor" in one place and play quietly. Three, fancy meals take time more time than my kids have patience. Why put them in a situation that is likely to not be successful. I get they want to have a "nice meal" but that is going to have to wait until the kids are much older or we have a babysitter available.

[sarasansh]

jodielyn10 there's a great video (which of course I can't find) that shows what it would look like if we talked to adults the way some people talk to children. It's very interesting to watch.

It's crazy how complex kids are and how few people realize that. On the one hand, they are like little adults with a full range of thoughts, feelings, needs, and wants. On the other hand they're completely different because of cognitive development and how their brains function and grow and interpret the world.

It really seems to me that very few people outside of (most) parents or people who work in child-centered careers understand children.

[bantyrooster]

I am SO SICK of the " oh they will sleep good tonight" after they are up late or skip nap. Ugh nice try but its worse.

Or people asking how I don't roll on Ellison when I sleep. Just can't believe it. Um I know she is sleeping with me, and she is 22 lbs of a baby. And exactly how does how my family chooses to sleep affect you in anyway. Parents are like oh ya my kids slept with us on occasion/ all the time too!

[origamimommy]

jodielyn10 that's why my boss's comments about the clothes annoyed me so much. My kid is not a decoration. He is a person with thoughts and feelings of his own. Self expression is important and I feel like as long as what he's wearing is weather appropriate I'm fine.

Gym shorts with green rain boots? Fine.

Underwear and a ninja turtle mask? No.

[MissMusic]

Aug 14, 2015 13:00:40 GMT -5 origamimommy said:

Underwear and a ninja turtle mask? No.

This is my form of self-expression after the kid is in bed.  Don't judge!  :-p

[cookiesandwine]

Aug 14, 2015 10:15:46 GMT -5 origamimommy said:

"I will never let my kid pick out what they want to wear. If they go somewhere with me, they will look presentable at all times"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Sorry, if it takes letting my kid wear gym shorts, a button up shirt, and rain boots to get out of the house on time, that's what he wears. It's also a form of self expression and self-esteem building. Obviously, you don't have kids.

This is why my kid has 15 tee shirts with either Frozen or Minnie on them. She loves them and no fighting to get dressed. I always think it's silly when people hate clothes with characters on them.

[laurski81]

All of the non-parent comments on how to get my kids to sleep at night. All of them.

[xanthepants]

Aug 14, 2015 12:43:56 GMT -5 greenmonkey1 said:

MissMusic My inlaws like to select fancy restaurants and when we suggest somewhere more child friendly (we have a 3 yo and 1 yo) they say if the kids get frisky they will just walk them around the restaurant or we can sit in a corner and they can play on the floor. Errm, no. One, other people are there enjoying their fancy meal and I do not want my kids to interrupt their time. Two, my kids are mobile and will not just "sit on the floor" in one place and play quietly. Three, fancy meals take time more time than my kids have patience. Why put them in a situation that is likely to not be successful. I get they want to have a "nice meal" but that is going to have to wait until the kids are much older or we have a babysitter available.

This is actually my family too. But I found that these restaurants are usually incredibly accommodating in bringing out special kids meals off the menu a little early which is always nice.  I still never get to eat my meal of course.  They also insist on eating the meal late with reservations at 7 or 8. Um yeah... That's the start of bedtime people!  My family all had kids, they've just forgotten....

[junkytrunk]

I like when people invite us to something at their house and when we say "we have to find a babysitter" and they respond with "just bring them!"

I appreciate they are being nice and allowing us to bring our child, but then we won't get a chance to enjoy ourselves because we have to constantly keep our eyes on the kid and make sure he doesn't get into anything. Then I just look like a crazy paranoid mom, when really I don't want my kid breaking anything in someone else's house.

[laurski81]

For real junkytrunk. I never want to bring Henry anywhere.

[abseptember]

I remember when we had to plan a bday celebration for my MIL pre-kid. She wanted to eat at a nice restaurant. So we picked one that was nice but not over the top. My infant nephew and 18 mth old niece were coming to it. The infant was great. My niece was..... an 18 mth old. We wanted my SIL to have a nice meal bc she had just split from her bf and was a single mom who didn't get to do this stuff often. So H and I took turns caring for my niece who just wanted to run around and put her head in the fountain outside. It was a miserable meal for us. After having kids, there's no way I would have even attempted this!

After having the twins, I was told that I should never allow either kid to be in a bouncer,swing, etc and should hold them or have the do tummy time all day. Um yeah.... that's not feasible with 1 baby much less 2 and a toddler!

[laurski81]

This one just happened this morning...I am FB friends with a girl I went to high school with and she posts this ridiculous rant that when she has kids she will never NEVER let them have a tablet because we didn't have them when we were kids and that parents these days don't know how to just entertain their kids. She didn't care what the situation was but it was never acceptable. I commented and said to report back to all of us when she has a three year old and let us know how that's going for you (and i wasn't the only one with a comment like this).

Edit: She also has appears to have defriended me

[starfishy]

My kid NEVER plays with a tablet. You know why? Because we don't have one.
The phone works just as well...

[aylafsu1881]

Aug 14, 2015 12:55:41 GMT -5 bantyrooster said:

I am SO SICK of the " oh they will sleep good tonight" after they are up late or skip nap. Ugh nice try but its worse.

Or people asking how I don't roll on Ellison when I sleep. Just can't believe it. Um I know she is sleeping with me, and she is 22 lbs of a baby. And exactly how does how my family chooses to sleep affect you in anyway. Parents are like oh ya my kids slept with us on occasion/ all the time too!

YES! I hear this shit all the time esp since E is an iffy sleeper. Ummm, that is not how it works. Going to bed late and missing a nap usually means my kid is harder to put down  and wakes up at the same time she normally would. Plus I get a grumpy toddler the next day as well. That is NOT a win to me.