OT what's it like to live away from family?

[tee]

Background - I live in Silicon Valley where an average to small house will set you back almost a million dollars. I've lived here my whole life and it's ok. My family lives here too. We have an opportunity to consider a job for dh in Colorado. I've never lived anywhere else. And I'd really miss my family. Is it even worth considering? If you live/have lived away from family, tell me what it's like. Would do willingly do it? Especially taking babies into consideration!

[seamonster]

Where is his family? Would you have friends or know anyone in the area?

We live an ocean and lots of a continent away from our families. Most of the time it doesn't matter because we're busy with work and the baby, but sometimes it'd be nice to have family close by for babysitting or special occasions. We Skype every week with our families and keep them updated with photos and videos. I wouldn't mind being closer to my mom. I'm glad my dad and inlaws all live far away as they eat all the crackers for me.

[dmorgendorffer]

Right now we live 2 hours away from my family and that's the closest I've lived to them since I moved out when I was in college. DH's parents informed us they were moving to SC literally the day they came to see the house we had put an offer on, so we don't have any family in NJ at all anymore. We don't see either side of our families very often.

I think it really depends on your personality, your relationship with your family, and your willingness to travel. Be prepared to get some guilt from the grandparents for not being able to see the baby as often as they would like to. We plan more visits and do facetime/skype about once a week so they can see DD. They are always asking for pictures too.

I grew up near my whole extended family so it is weird and a little sad to me that DD wont have that kind of relationship with them, but DH did not grow up near extended family and is really close with his parents and sister. The other thing I miss about being near family is having backup childcare readily available. DH and I have only gone out together a handful of times when we had family visiting us.

You may want to visit the area and see if you even like Colorado and would want to live there. If you really love it, that might outweigh not being near family.

[WittyLittle]

This is something that only your 'heart'/gutt/whatever you go by can tell you. It will be very hard to move away from your family if you've been near them all your life. I won't sugar coat it, moving somewhere else can feel very isolating if you don't have friends and family there IF you're not the type to go out and join baby/mamma clubs and make friends with the neighbours, etc. I don't know if you're a SAHM? Then it can be even more isolating. My mom had to move for my dad 26 times, so it's definitely doable, but it has to be in your character, OR you have to really give it some time to work out. In the beginning it might really suck. It sucks to be away from family if you're close, but as seamonster said, skype and things like that really do help a lot. If it would mean a better life for you guys, then I would personally consider it an option. Good luck with your decision!

[mrsclark731]

We live about an hour from both our families so I have no first hand experience to offer.

These are some questions is ask myself if I were in your shoes: Do you only have one child? How much do you depend on your parents help? Do you think that would change if you want to have more children? Are your parents able to easily travel? What about your partner's parents? Would this move/career opportunities provide a better lifestyle for your family?

Also, Skype and FaceTime are wonderful inventions. And Colorado is amazing.

[pitdigger]

I agree with WittyLittle above.

DH and I are half an ocean away from our families and it can be tough. However, we're also unlikely to move closer to either because of job/quality of life considerations. It is hard because it severely limits a lot of the interactions G can have with his extended family (and my SIL eats crackers for me on this subject), but it works for us

[emilyz320]

I think it just depends on your relationship with your family. I live two hours from my parents, brothers, nana, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. we are not super close and it's my personality that i don't mind. I agree with whoever said be prepared for some guilt at holidays, birthdays, etc. - we get it from my mom constantly. It's up to you and the situation. Good luck!

[aggiebug]

We live a 3hr plane ride away from our families and it definitely has its pluses and minuses. We love our families and hope to foster a deep bond with the grandparents.

Pros
- your quality of life is important a better job, better housing can be a big deal as well as the potential opportunities you can give your children that would not be possible where you are.
- separation means that the pressure to be at both homes for holidays surprise birthdays is not there. (con you miss some special family moments)
-your relationship with your H and your children has less input from parents.
- fewer visits from family, no random popovers no expectations of being available whenever.

Cons
-when you go back home you really can't visit friends because there is so much pressure to see family
-much of your vacation time is spent traveling back home
-when they do come visit they stay at your house
-no "built in" babysitter.


My grandparents lived out of state from us and while I miss the deep bond with my cousins (we are friends but not sibling close) and I do think I missed out on some grandparent activities, but we had really wonderful times with them and was close with my grandmother's (grandfather's both dies before I was 6)

We now live out of state and frankly with as much pressure as his dad has put on us, and how frequently they have visited withlut regard to our feelings we have no desire to move home any time soon. And this is coming from someone who never saw us leaving the state of Texas!

[Deleted]

I live far from my family. Most the time it's fine, but I do miss them. But I haven't lived near my family for 20 years (since I left home for college) so I also don't have a close adult relationship with them of the sort I might had I lived close for a while.

It's harder now with a baby. I want my parents to be close with my daughter, which will take a lot more work (and money) with the distance.

DH's family is almost all in the area, and his parents are in the same city as us, so DD sees them at least weekly if not more. I'm glad for that (and sometimes wish we were farther away from them too).

[flyster]

We live 4 hours from my parents, and 1.5 from DH's. To me it seems normal though since I grew up away from most of our extended family. Despite the distance, my family is pretty close, especially my dad's side (8 hour drive from where I grew up). My grandparents were pretty young when we were kids and are still in pretty good health at 90. One thing that helped forge that bond was that they came and got me and my sister and one of my cousins every summer once we were about 6 or 7s and we stayed with them for a week or two sans parents back at their place, which is also where the rest of my dad's family still lives. Everyone loved it and that really helped keep the family close and together, and gave me and my sister a chance to bond with our cousins.

With our parents being not so close, we are good about calling, facetiming and planning trips to see them. We both really lucked out in the family department, and have great parents. I think DS will have a closer bond with my in-laws then my parents partially because they are younger and much more active than my parents, and generally more baby friendly....they are going to move into our house for a week in October to help out DH so I can go on a work trip. Both sets of our parents have been good about trying to come up and see us as well, so its not just all on us to get to their places for grandparent time.

The downsides are really just not having that quick support when needed...If DS is sick from daycare, its harder for me to just call a grandparent to help out so I can go to work. We also will need to find an actual baby sitter at some point so we can have date nights. You also do have to plan most family holidays around travel as well, which is a PIA.

[ace226]

It's hard but if it's the best for your family it's worth it.
The closest relatives are 20 minutes away from us but we really don't get along. I'd honestly prefer to have zero family around because it would lessen the guilt :/ in any case, they've been zero help with baby, etc so for all intents and purposes I'd say we live away from all family.

I'm not a huge fan of the city we live, but if we weren't here DH would never have gotten the job he always wanted, or it would have at least taken a lot longer. It is hard to not have my parents around because I miss having holidays with them, as it's not financially feasible to visit as regularly as I want. They're in fact paying for our trip to see them in the fall! We do have a church we attend, and the friends we've made function as family.

I guess long story short, anything takes some adjustment and there will always be pros and cons for each option!

[PikoPiko]

Both DH and I have no family in our state. Our closest family is BIL in NorCal (we're in WA). We haven't lived with family for over 10 years, so we prob can't offer you advice, as we're more used to not relying on family. We surround ourselves with people more like us, also transplants with no family around. It definitely helps to have friends that understand what it's like to be alone.