Over the weekend we went to Philly to do some touristy stuff. There were a few people asking for change. DS1 (four) asked why the woman was shaking her change in her cup and asking for money. DW and I explained that some people don't have much money and sometimes ask other people for money. He was satisfied with this. As we returned to our car both my wife and I thought the same thing (realized after a discussion we had later) "What is my response going to be if he asks why the man sleeping on the sidewalk near our car has been there all day?" DS didn't ask, but WWY(have)D? "Some people don't have homes?" That would have satisfied him and is developmentally appropriate, but seems so...oversimplified. I guess that's more about me than the situation though. The guy would have heard our convo and I'd totally feel judged if he heard me say something so simple about such a situation.
It depends on why he was sleeping near your car. If he was on drugs or drunk, then I would definitely say "we'll discuss it in the car" because your priority should be the safety of you and your child and not some strangers feelings. I would probably have said "some people don't have homes to live in" and explained that we do what we can to help those people.
** I live in Silicon Valley, homelessness is a massive problem here. Pretty much every time I leave the apartment complex, we see people that are homeless (or living in their cars). Our child is only two, so he hasn't really started asking questions yet, but I try to model the behavior I would want him to emulate. Saying "hello" to everyone and not being afraid to talk to someone just because they look homeless. I always carry food with me (in case they're hungry), often carry unopened bottles of water, and usually a few dollar bills in my back pocket (I never take out my wallet). We also donate money and goods to a homelessness and addiction recovery group.
I'm not naive. I avoid people that are visibly on drugs, or extremely drunk, and I always carry pepper spray.
Yeah this guy wasn't high just there. Definitely the safety of kiddo would be priority, but wasn't an issue here. We did talk a bit with a few other guys and "bought them lunch". That is easy enough to explain why we gave them a few dollars. Im pretty personable and will say hi to basically everyone. I'm the guy that makes people uncomfortable walking by you on the sidewalk who smiles and says hi. I'm told its the midwesterner in me. I've worked in substance abuse treatment, in prisons...have family members who have/are homeless, in recovery and or been incarcerated. Addiction, homelessness, incarceration are very personal topics and there is this very real notion that were it not for one different choice, a change in fortune, or just being born to a different set of parents that could easily be me.
If the sleeping dude was high that's easy...straight into car and talk with kiddo about his question. It's the trying to explain why we go camping for fun vs why this guy lives in a sleeping bag if there is no threat I find harder to not consider the homeless person's perspective. Kiddo is four so he's not likely to notice why every other time we do one thing and this time we just get in the car. Yet, he might. We socialize stigma. DS used to love pink Popsicles until recently a friend of his told him that pink is a girl color. He refuses to eat them now. Something an innocent 5 year old girl said is internalized so I'm sure a change in protocol might also be noticed. He's likely to ask we didn't we give that guy a dollar or water? If the person isn't a threat is "Well daddy felt uncomfortable talking in front of him" sending a certain message? Probably. Again, I'm probably way over thinking it, but that's kinda what I tend to do.
Post by eddiegotsole on Sept 3, 2015 18:27:16 GMT -5
I definitely want to be honest with my children but not in a judgmental way. However, I do agree with the points made: 1. Its important to make sure child is safe and in the car. 2. Child may be too young to understand a full explanation so simple is better in this case.
Simple doesn't mean lie about it. Although simple answers remind me of that Mindy character in Animaniacs who always used to ask WHY! to everything.
I don't own a car. But yes, my child's safety and my own safety come first. Luckily, it's rare that we are in any sort of dangerous situation. (Also, I always carry pepper spray and often carry a secondary form of self-defense.)
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