Yes, because if it's not going well then it's never going to end. H and I have had lots of great sex. Sometimes were off our game and have to give up.
If for some reason neither one of us were going to get there, I suppose. But I wouldn't stop H just because I couldn't get there. I also don't think it has to end in an "O".
Why would you assume that we were stopping because of me? I've had plenty of sex that didn't result in O. Sometimes guys just can't climax during sex. It's not weird, or abnormal, sometimes it just happens.
So how exactly does me saying scheduling sex isn't for me offensive to you? How is that condescending? Should I spoiler that shit next time or what? LMK.
I'm not going to look through your history, and maybe you only did it once and it just stuck with me every other time you said it wasn't for you, but you've made the comment in response to someone saying they didn't feel like having sex but that they had to, that scheduling sex or having sex when you don't want to or when it's a chore is this terrible thing and that people shouldn't have sex when they don't enjoy it. Or something to that effect.
It's not that you personally don't schedule sex that is offensive or condescending. It's that not everyone is as lucky as you to have that option and your comment(s) that you should only have sex when you feel like it comes off as belittling.
It's not like I'm horribly offended by it or anything. But when someone says "Making babies should still be fun. You shouldn't make a job out of having sex." and I'm pissed off by that comment because they were apparently lucky enough to not have to deal with that aspect of TTC and still manage to get pregnant, that's not any less offensive than someone pointing out how it essentially comes off as a not so humble brag that they were able to get pregnant and not have to make a job of it.
So how exactly does me saying scheduling sex isn't for me offensive to you? How is that condescending? Should I spoiler that shit next time or what? LMK.
I'm not going to look through your history, and maybe you only did it once and it just stuck with me every other time you said it wasn't for you, but you've made the comment in response to someone saying they didn't feel like having sex but that they had to, that scheduling sex or having sex when you don't want to or when it's a chore is this terrible thing and that people shouldn't have sex when they don't enjoy it. Or something to that effect.
It's not that you personally don't schedule sex that is offensive or condescending. It's that not everyone is as lucky as you to have that option and your comment(s) that you should only have sex when you feel like it comes off as belittling.
It's not like I'm horribly offended by it or anything. But when someone says "Making babies should still be fun. You shouldn't make a job out of having sex." and I'm pissed off by that comment because they were apparently lucky enough to not have to deal with that aspect of TTC and still manage to get pregnant, that's not any less offensive than someone pointing out how it essentially comes off as a not so humble brag that they were able to get pregnant and not have to make a job of it.
You have absolutly zero idea of what my husband and I went through to get pregnant, or anyone else for that matter so I think this statement is very ignorant!
I can't fucking stand when people make assumptions.
So how exactly does me saying scheduling sex isn't for me offensive to you? How is that condescending? Should I spoiler that shit next time or what? LMK.
I'm not going to look through your history, and maybe you only did it once and it just stuck with me every other time you said it wasn't for you, but you've made the comment in response to someone saying they didn't feel like having sex but that they had to, that scheduling sex or having sex when you don't want to or when it's a chore is this terrible thing and that people shouldn't have sex when they don't enjoy it. Or something to that effect.
It's not that you personally don't schedule sex that is offensive or condescending. It's that not everyone is as lucky as you to have that option and your comment(s) that you should only have sex when you feel like it comes off as belittling.
It's not like I'm horribly offended by it or anything. But when someone says "Making babies should still be fun. You shouldn't make a job out of having sex." and I'm pissed off by that comment because they were apparently lucky enough to not have to deal with that aspect of TTC and still manage to get pregnant, that's not any less offensive than someone pointing out how it essentially comes off as a not so humble brag that they were able to get pregnant and not have to make a job of it.
Not to speak for lgraceh, but I feel like her comment is more about @erin2021 comment that TTC should be fun and not be a job or whatever her quote was rather than about having sex with your kid in the same room. Which I can't comment on since I get self conscious if I feel like our dog is watching, much less having a kid around
But how is saying "sex shouldn't be a chore" (or whatever I said), the exact same thing as "relax, you will get pregnant"?
All I'm saying is, yes it is stressful getting pregnant. But having sex and not enjoying it? If I laid their without actually enjoying it, my husband would become incredibly self conscious, maybe not even be able to perform, and I think sex should be enjoyed between two people.
It's not the exact same thing, obviously. It can provoke the same feeling/reaction, though. Sex is not always as enjoyable every single time for every single person. Talk to anyone with a low libido. It can be a mind fuck.
I'm not going to look through your history, and maybe you only did it once and it just stuck with me every other time you said it wasn't for you, but you've made the comment in response to someone saying they didn't feel like having sex but that they had to, that scheduling sex or having sex when you don't want to or when it's a chore is this terrible thing and that people shouldn't have sex when they don't enjoy it. Or something to that effect.
It's not that you personally don't schedule sex that is offensive or condescending. It's that not everyone is as lucky as you to have that option and your comment(s) that you should only have sex when you feel like it comes off as belittling.
It's not like I'm horribly offended by it or anything. But when someone says "Making babies should still be fun. You shouldn't make a job out of having sex." and I'm pissed off by that comment because they were apparently lucky enough to not have to deal with that aspect of TTC and still manage to get pregnant, that's not any less offensive than someone pointing out how it essentially comes off as a not so humble brag that they were able to get pregnant and not have to make a job of it.
You have absolutly zero idea of what my husband and I went through to get pregnant, or anyone else for that matter so I think this statement is very ignorant!
I can't fucking stand when people make assumptions.
That's literally a quote from you. People make assumptions based on what you say. Say what you mean.
But how is saying "sex shouldn't be a chore" (or whatever I said), the exact same thing as "relax, you will get pregnant"?
All I'm saying is, yes it is stressful getting pregnant. But having sex and not enjoying it? If I laid their without actually enjoying it, my husband would become incredibly self conscious, maybe not even be able to perform, and I think sex should be enjoyed between two people.
It's not the exact same thing, obviously. It can provoke the same feeling/reaction, though. Sex is not always as enjoyable every single time for every single person. Talk to anyone with a low libido. It can be a mind fuck.
I completely agree with you. I do have a lower libido, and it does affect my husband and I sometimes. I still make a point to enjoy sex, even if there is no climax, you can still enjoy what you are doing with your partner. Am I wrong?
You have absolutly zero idea of what my husband and I went through to get pregnant, or anyone else for that matter so I think this statement is very ignorant!
I can't fucking stand when people make assumptions.
That's literally a quote from you. People make assumptions based on what you say. Say what you mean.
I highlighted the whole part she was referring to. Because what she said in regards to what I said, was what I was pissed about.
I'm not going to look through your history, and maybe you only did it once and it just stuck with me every other time you said it wasn't for you, but you've made the comment in response to someone saying they didn't feel like having sex but that they had to, that scheduling sex or having sex when you don't want to or when it's a chore is this terrible thing and that people shouldn't have sex when they don't enjoy it. Or something to that effect.
It's not that you personally don't schedule sex that is offensive or condescending. It's that not everyone is as lucky as you to have that option and your comment(s) that you should only have sex when you feel like it comes off as belittling.
It's not like I'm horribly offended by it or anything. But when someone says "Making babies should still be fun. You shouldn't make a job out of having sex." and I'm pissed off by that comment because they were apparently lucky enough to not have to deal with that aspect of TTC and still manage to get pregnant, that's not any less offensive than someone pointing out how it essentially comes off as a not so humble brag that they were able to get pregnant and not have to make a job of it.
You have absolutly zero idea of what my husband and I went through to get pregnant, or anyone else for that matter so I think this statement is very ignorant!
I can't fucking stand when people make assumptions.
She is only referring to the scheduling sex component. She's not saying that you had an easy time of it.
I'm not going to look through your history, and maybe you only did it once and it just stuck with me every other time you said it wasn't for you, but you've made the comment in response to someone saying they didn't feel like having sex but that they had to, that scheduling sex or having sex when you don't want to or when it's a chore is this terrible thing and that people shouldn't have sex when they don't enjoy it. Or something to that effect.
It's not that you personally don't schedule sex that is offensive or condescending. It's that not everyone is as lucky as you to have that option and your comment(s) that you should only have sex when you feel like it comes off as belittling.
It's not like I'm horribly offended by it or anything. But when someone says "Making babies should still be fun. You shouldn't make a job out of having sex." and I'm pissed off by that comment because they were apparently lucky enough to not have to deal with that aspect of TTC and still manage to get pregnant, that's not any less offensive than someone pointing out how it essentially comes off as a not so humble brag that they were able to get pregnant and not have to make a job of it.
You have absolutly zero idea of what my husband and I went through to get pregnant, or anyone else for that matter so I think this statement is very ignorant!
I can't fucking stand when people make assumptions.
That's right. I don't. I tried not to make assumptions and went through your history, but since you deleted your account and don't have your history anywhere I had to take it at face value.
It's not the exact same thing, obviously. It can provoke the same feeling/reaction, though. Sex is not always as enjoyable every single time for every single person. Talk to anyone with a low libido. It can be a mind fuck.
I completely agree with you. I do have a lower libido, and it does affect my husband and I sometimes. I still make a point to enjoy sex, even if there is no climax, you can still enjoy what you are doing with your partner. Am I wrong?
I mean, I'm not laying there bawling because "I don't wanna!"
But, there are times when I know that current sex session B is not as good as past sex session A, and it can mess with my mind a little. And the fact that I know that that can happen can make me a little worried, but I am still gonna soldier on.
Not to speak for lgraceh, but I feel like her comment is more about @erin2021 comment that TTC should be fun and not be a job or whatever her quote was rather than about having sex with your kid in the same room. Which I can't comment on since I get self conscious if I feel like our dog is watching, much less having a kid around
But how is saying "sex shouldn't be a chore" (or whatever I said), the exact same thing as "relax, you will get pregnant"?
All I'm saying is, yes it is stressful getting pregnant. But having sex and not enjoying it? If I laid their without actually enjoying it, my husband would become incredibly self conscious, maybe not even be able to perform, and I think sex should be enjoyed between two people.
Yea, there were times when we were doing medicated TI and the last thing I felt like doing was having sex after a long day at work. It was a chore, but it needed to get done. It wasn't always enjoyable and we both understood.
My point in that comment was that if having sex with my kid in the room is going to make the sex bad, then why have sex at all? This was before any mention of having sex because of her FW. Regardless of FW or not, I still wouldn't. Which is pretty much what I meant by the second comment. I'd find another way to hit it out without my kid there if I wanted to hit my FW that badly.
I'm glad that's what you were referring to. The reason I took it where I did is because you also said this:
Just because you are unsuccessfully TTC doesn't mean sex has to be a fucking chore. I've made the comment many fucking times that I don't schedule sex, and I don't have sex simply for the process of making babies. It's not fucking condescending.
I understand if you are just speaking for yourself, but it came across differently to me.
I took notagoddess's comment to mean that Erin was just saying "Oh relax & have all the sex!" which I didn't agree with. I don't think that sex should be a chore, but that's me. Other people have different struggles, and I can see how my comments are insensitive to those struggles, and for that I apologize.
Number One: Born 06.16.2009 BFP: 01.17.2014 / MC 02.05.2014 BFP: 03.08.2014 / MMC: 05.07.2014 Dx: Partial Molar/GTD. Benched until 01.2015 Number Two: Born 07.22.2016
But how is saying "sex shouldn't be a chore" (or whatever I said), the exact same thing as "relax, you will get pregnant"?
All I'm saying is, yes it is stressful getting pregnant. But having sex and not enjoying it? If I laid their without actually enjoying it, my husband would become incredibly self conscious, maybe not even be able to perform, and I think sex should be enjoyed between two people.
It's not the exact same thing, but the way I read your post it definitely has the same type of feeling. If that's what works for you and your husband that's awesome. Unfortunately I'm not always in the mood to HIO during my fertile week and I do have to force it occasionally. I'm not saying I'm laying there not moving, but I'd be lying if I said there weren't times we've had sex that I wasn't really into because it was my FW. I also make an effort to have more sex during other times so my husband doesn't feel like it's only a means to an end. Maybe I'm being too sensitive, but saying what TTC sex should or shouldn't be came across a little judgy to me
I think you hot the nail on the head here. I think it is the perceived judgement that rubs people the wrong way. Whether or not any judgement was mean t.
You have absolutly zero idea of what my husband and I went through to get pregnant, or anyone else for that matter so I think this statement is very ignorant!
I can't fucking stand when people make assumptions.
That's right. I don't. I tried not to make assumptions and went through your history, but since you deleted your account and don't have your history anywhere I had to take it at face value.
So you go through my history to see if I struggled or not? Maybe it's something I didn't discuss on the boards? Not everything that goes on in a person's life has to be advertised.
To me, things said along these lines to me are very similar to the mostly unwanted "just relax" comments, that from what I've read seem to be offensive to many on this board. Just my $.02.
"I would choose not to have sex at all, before having bad sex because my child is right there" is totes the same as "Relax & you'll get pregnant."
Okay.
I quoted ♪♫choppinbroccoli♫♪, as being in agreement. I understand that it was probably not best because those comments quoted were about having a child in the room while DTD. However, I did interpret the whast the point of bad sex comment to be a general statement. You late said something along the lines of TTC doesn't have to be a chore. I should have taken the time to go find that post to quote it. If I knew how to quote multiple people/posts in one response, I should have probably also included @erin2021's comment. I just felt that the discussion in general about enjoying your time TTC or not, is very closely related to the "just relax" sentiment. I apologize if my quoting fail derailed what I was trying to convey.
That's right. I don't. I tried not to make assumptions and went through your history, but since you deleted your account and don't have your history anywhere I had to take it at face value.
So you go through my history to see if I struggled or not? Maybe it's something I didn't discuss on the boards? Not everything that goes on in a person's life has to be advertised.
So you want to play both cards? Don't make assumptions about me but I don't want anyone to have any information about me so they can avoid making assumptions?
Yes, I looked through your history because I couldn't remember if you dealt with IF or not. Because I thought for fucking sure no one that has dealt with infertility would make such a rude as fuck comment as the one you made.
It's not the exact same thing, but the way I read your post it definitely has the same type of feeling. If that's what works for you and your husband that's awesome. Unfortunately I'm not always in the mood to HIO during my fertile week and I do have to force it occasionally. I'm not saying I'm laying there not moving, but I'd be lying if I said there weren't times we've had sex that I wasn't really into because it was my FW. I also make an effort to have more sex during other times so my husband doesn't feel like it's only a means to an end. Maybe I'm being too sensitive, but saying what TTC sex should or shouldn't be came across a little judgy to me
I think you hot the nail on the head here. I think it is the perceived judgement that rubs people the wrong way. Whether or not any judgement was mean t.
I just noticed this now, must have missed it. I don't mean it to come off as judgment at all, and I'm sorry for that. I just think sex should be enjoyed, whether it be sexually, mentally, emotionally. If for some reason someone can't enjoy it and climax, because I have been there, I still make a point to enjoy just being close with my husband. That's what I'm referring too.
If for some reason neither one of us were going to get there, I suppose. But I wouldn't stop H just because I couldn't get there. I also don't think it has to end in an "O".
Why would you assume that we were stopping because of me? I've had plenty of sex that didn't result in O. Sometimes guys just can't climax during sex. It's not weird, or abnormal, sometimes it just happens.
I wasn't assuming? I was agreeing with you that it makes sense to stop/end it if no one would be able to get there. I frequently stop H after he is done b/c it's too much work (for me) to get there, and I just want to sleep.
Edit: My original thought was that it would be weird to stop mid way through just for 1 person (assuming said person is not in pain or duress or anything) who maybe was not super "feeling" it. I've never experienced both parties starting and going "meh, lets stop" right in the middle of DTD, so I didn't even think that would be the case. I should have said I don't stop H because I can't get there in my original response.
I think you hot the nail on the head here. I think it is the perceived judgement that rubs people the wrong way. Whether or not any judgement was mean t.
I just noticed this now, must have missed it. I don't mean it to come off as judgment at all, and I'm sorry for that. I just think sex should be enjoyed, whether it be sexually, mentally, emotionally. If for some reason someone can't enjoy it and climax, because I have been there, I still make a point to enjoy just being close with my husband. That's what I'm referring too.
Right, so just don't hate the person you're trying to make a baby with? That is not at all what you originally said.
That's right. I don't. I tried not to make assumptions and went through your history, but since you deleted your account and don't have your history anywhere I had to take it at face value.
So you go through my history to see if I struggled or not? Maybe it's something I didn't discuss on the boards? Not everything that goes on in a person's life has to be advertised.
She doesn't say it did. She said she tried to through your history so she wouldn't make a false assumption, didn't find anything, and so only had your comments here to go by.
So you go through my history to see if I struggled or not? Maybe it's something I didn't discuss on the boards? Not everything that goes on in a person's life has to be advertised.
So you want to play both cards? Don't make assumptions about me but I don't want anyone to have any information about me so they can avoid making assumptions?
Yes, I looked through your history because I couldn't remember if you dealt with IF or not. Because I thought for fucking sure no one that has dealt with infertility would make such a rude as fuck comment as the one you made.
I'm not making assumptions about you. That's how you are perceiving it, not how I meant it.
So you want to play both cards? Don't make assumptions about me but I don't want anyone to have any information about me so they can avoid making assumptions?
Yes, I looked through your history because I couldn't remember if you dealt with IF or not. Because I thought for fucking sure no one that has dealt with infertility would make such a rude as fuck comment as the one you made.
I'm not making assumptions about you. That's how you are perceiving it, not how I meant it.
What are you talking about? I never said you were making assumptions about me.
I just noticed this now, must have missed it. I don't mean it to come off as judgment at all, and I'm sorry for that. I just think sex should be enjoyed, whether it be sexually, mentally, emotionally. If for some reason someone can't enjoy it and climax, because I have been there, I still make a point to enjoy just being close with my husband. That's what I'm referring too.
Right, so just don't hate the person you're trying to make a baby with? That is not at all what you originally said.
"Making babies should still be fun. You shouldn't make a job out of having sex."
This is what I said. I said FUN, meaning it can be fun in whatever way you want it!
I'm glad that's what you were referring to. The reason I took it where I did is because you also said this:
I understand if you are just speaking for yourself, but it came across differently to me.
I took notagoddess's comment to mean that Erin was just saying "Oh relax & have all the sex!" which I didn't agree with. I don't think that sex should be a chore, but that's me. Other people have different struggles, and I can see how my comments are insensitive to those struggles, and for that I apologize.
Right, so just don't hate the person you're trying to make a baby with? That is not at all what you originally said.
"Making babies should still be fun. You shouldn't make a job out of having sex."
This is what I said. I said FUN, meaning it can be fun in whatever way you want it!
And the reality for a lot of people is that it's NOT ALWAYS FUN! Sometimes, if you want to have a chance of hitting your FW you have to have sex when you're upset. Sometimes you have to have sex when you're in too much pain to really enjoy it. Sometimes you have to have sex in the 2 minutes you have before leaving for work when you're both exhausted and grumpy. Sometimes it's just not fun at all. Not physically, not emotionally, not mentally (though I'm not sure how that's different than emotionally).
Sometimes it really fucking sucks, but the end goal is so important to you that it makes it okay.
I'm glad you have no idea what I'm talking about and didn't experience it. I really am.
Then Comes Family, LLC is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising
program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.