LONG...Need to vent, cry, something...about my furbaby :(
Jan 26, 2015 15:23:31 GMT -5
Post by brennaz on Jan 26, 2015 15:23:31 GMT -5
So in case we haven't had enough pet drama in our house lately, yesterday morning I woke up and my older pug, Jaida, had green goop in her eye (she only has one eye, the other spontaneously ruptured years ago). She's 12, and we call her the million-dollar-dog. Aside from being a cyclops, she has asthma, a heart condition, a skin condition, allergies that require injections, a collapsed trachea, a knee wired together, and she's been slowly losing her hearing for a few years. In 2009 we thought we were going to lose her because she got too hot and couldn't breathe. She had to be on oxygen for nearly 8 hours, which caused some brain damage, but she mostly pulled through. We found out then that she had renal (kidney) failure, but we've been really lucky to be able to keep it under control (filtered water helps, yo!)
About a month ago, she fell down the stairs, and since then her balance has been really bad, but no visible damage. She's had about 10 teeth extracted for unusual reasons (some cracked, etc., but she lost three because somehow she got hair wrapped around the root, inside the gum, and it was rotting from the inside). She's all sorts of special, and would be excruciatingly expensive if my stepdad wasn't a vet.
I've had Jaida since the day she was born. She was a surprise litter from another of our pugs (friend was dog-sitting while we were out of town, because she had a pug that was "friends" with our pug...then our pug went into heat and got knocked up at just under 1 year old...this is why you spay and neuter your dogs ASAP, folks LOL). So, I was there the minute Jaida was born. She was the last of six puppies...born about an hour after her siblings, my stepdad had to guide her out. We joke that she didn't want to leave after she finally got more space
Anyway...yesterday she had goop in her eye. Nothing unusual for a pug, it's as normal as them snorting TBH. But this goop was green, so I figured she'd gotten something in her eye, and took her to my parents' just in case. Stepdad didn't see anything other than goop, but since she is still on antibiotics from her tooth extraction last week, he said just keep it clean and stay on top of the antibiotics.
As usual, she stayed on my lap the entire day yesterday. Around 9-10pm, I realized she hadn't gone to the bathroom all day. So I called her and told her "let's go potty." She can't hear well, but I guided her with claps, etc., to the backyard. She still didn't go potty. I figured she had gone and I just forgot or something. But on the way to the backyard, she kept bumping into things--she tripped over the dog gate, face-planted into the stair by the front door, walked into our outdoor cooler and a/c unit, etc. Then, after I gave up hope that she would pee before bed, I carried her upstairs and put her on our bed, as usual (she sleeps on my pillow with me). She nearly walked off the bed...twice.
This morning, both DH and I tried to get her to go to the bathroom. Nothing. I finally gave up, and decided I would have to take her back to my parents anyway, since the goop on her eye was significantly worse and was starting to crust and not come off. (Also, Maggie, the one who got hurt a couple of weeks ago, needs her staples checked and one replaced because she's a flipping psycho, so I had to drop her off anyway).
I get to their house, my stepdad looks at Jaida's eye...and says that she has some eye disease, and she has lost all vision. Looking back, I think she's been slowly losing sight, but not drastically enough to notice because of everything else that was going on. I don't know why she suddenly can't see at all, but there is a huge difference between her behavior Saturday and her behavior Sunday.
So, now I'm faced with my favorite furbaby being totally blind, almost totally deaf, missing 25% of her teeth, with bad balance and kidney failure. I know the humane thing to do is to let her go, because at this point she has no joy left in life. But she is *that* dog. I've never had such a strong bond with any animal. I can't sleep without her next to me, because I miss her smell (I know that's weird). I can't bear to see her suffer, and the only thing I can do for her is to keep her on medication 2x daily to keep the pain from her eye "managed." None of her ailments are curable, or even really treatable.
I can't leave her home alone all day, because she can't get around. We have three other dogs and a two-story house (we have gates to keep them downstairs, but even our front entry room is raised about one step). I'd have to keep her locked up/confined to protect her from getting hurt and so she could find things (read: food and water) easily.
I can't take her to work, my boss HATES dogs. I can't leave her with my parents, because they have a gaggle of their own dogs.
I just hate that I feel like my only options are to let her suffer in total darkness and silence while the rest of her deteriorates, or put her to sleep. Neither is an option I am ready for, neither is an option I like. I've had her longer than I've been with DH...I can't imagine life without her, yet she is suddenly so different I just can't even...it's like I can feel her giving up, getting depressed. And I don't know what else to do. She is/was such an amazing dog. We used to have "conversations" and I'd talk to her when I was feeling down, and she would always know exactly what pug noise to make in response, like she knew what I was saying and was responding to me. And come on, how many dogs know the In N Out secret menu? She knew. If you said "flying dutchman" in front of her, she knew she was going to get In N Out, and she knew the bag and box. We get it for her every year for her birthday, as a special treat. And from that, she remembers. I just...I don't want to see her suffer, she deserves so much more, I want so much more time with her, as her.
I just needed to get this off my chest. DH and I have talked, and he knows how I feel, but all he can do is let me fall apart. There isn't anything that can fix this, and I'm stuck at work trying to hold it together for just one more hour. One more hour then I can go home to my sweet princess Jaida (probably with In N Out in hand). I know you guys can't fix it, either, but I just am trying to process all of it, I guess, and face the situation. I was hoping writing this all out would be cathartic somehow, but now I just want to cry again.
Here is my sweet Jaida, about a year ago:
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About a month ago, she fell down the stairs, and since then her balance has been really bad, but no visible damage. She's had about 10 teeth extracted for unusual reasons (some cracked, etc., but she lost three because somehow she got hair wrapped around the root, inside the gum, and it was rotting from the inside). She's all sorts of special, and would be excruciatingly expensive if my stepdad wasn't a vet.
I've had Jaida since the day she was born. She was a surprise litter from another of our pugs (friend was dog-sitting while we were out of town, because she had a pug that was "friends" with our pug...then our pug went into heat and got knocked up at just under 1 year old...this is why you spay and neuter your dogs ASAP, folks LOL). So, I was there the minute Jaida was born. She was the last of six puppies...born about an hour after her siblings, my stepdad had to guide her out. We joke that she didn't want to leave after she finally got more space
Anyway...yesterday she had goop in her eye. Nothing unusual for a pug, it's as normal as them snorting TBH. But this goop was green, so I figured she'd gotten something in her eye, and took her to my parents' just in case. Stepdad didn't see anything other than goop, but since she is still on antibiotics from her tooth extraction last week, he said just keep it clean and stay on top of the antibiotics.
As usual, she stayed on my lap the entire day yesterday. Around 9-10pm, I realized she hadn't gone to the bathroom all day. So I called her and told her "let's go potty." She can't hear well, but I guided her with claps, etc., to the backyard. She still didn't go potty. I figured she had gone and I just forgot or something. But on the way to the backyard, she kept bumping into things--she tripped over the dog gate, face-planted into the stair by the front door, walked into our outdoor cooler and a/c unit, etc. Then, after I gave up hope that she would pee before bed, I carried her upstairs and put her on our bed, as usual (she sleeps on my pillow with me). She nearly walked off the bed...twice.
This morning, both DH and I tried to get her to go to the bathroom. Nothing. I finally gave up, and decided I would have to take her back to my parents anyway, since the goop on her eye was significantly worse and was starting to crust and not come off. (Also, Maggie, the one who got hurt a couple of weeks ago, needs her staples checked and one replaced because she's a flipping psycho, so I had to drop her off anyway).
I get to their house, my stepdad looks at Jaida's eye...and says that she has some eye disease, and she has lost all vision. Looking back, I think she's been slowly losing sight, but not drastically enough to notice because of everything else that was going on. I don't know why she suddenly can't see at all, but there is a huge difference between her behavior Saturday and her behavior Sunday.
So, now I'm faced with my favorite furbaby being totally blind, almost totally deaf, missing 25% of her teeth, with bad balance and kidney failure. I know the humane thing to do is to let her go, because at this point she has no joy left in life. But she is *that* dog. I've never had such a strong bond with any animal. I can't sleep without her next to me, because I miss her smell (I know that's weird). I can't bear to see her suffer, and the only thing I can do for her is to keep her on medication 2x daily to keep the pain from her eye "managed." None of her ailments are curable, or even really treatable.
I can't leave her home alone all day, because she can't get around. We have three other dogs and a two-story house (we have gates to keep them downstairs, but even our front entry room is raised about one step). I'd have to keep her locked up/confined to protect her from getting hurt and so she could find things (read: food and water) easily.
I can't take her to work, my boss HATES dogs. I can't leave her with my parents, because they have a gaggle of their own dogs.
I just hate that I feel like my only options are to let her suffer in total darkness and silence while the rest of her deteriorates, or put her to sleep. Neither is an option I am ready for, neither is an option I like. I've had her longer than I've been with DH...I can't imagine life without her, yet she is suddenly so different I just can't even...it's like I can feel her giving up, getting depressed. And I don't know what else to do. She is/was such an amazing dog. We used to have "conversations" and I'd talk to her when I was feeling down, and she would always know exactly what pug noise to make in response, like she knew what I was saying and was responding to me. And come on, how many dogs know the In N Out secret menu? She knew. If you said "flying dutchman" in front of her, she knew she was going to get In N Out, and she knew the bag and box. We get it for her every year for her birthday, as a special treat. And from that, she remembers. I just...I don't want to see her suffer, she deserves so much more, I want so much more time with her, as her.
I just needed to get this off my chest. DH and I have talked, and he knows how I feel, but all he can do is let me fall apart. There isn't anything that can fix this, and I'm stuck at work trying to hold it together for just one more hour. One more hour then I can go home to my sweet princess Jaida (probably with In N Out in hand). I know you guys can't fix it, either, but I just am trying to process all of it, I guess, and face the situation. I was hoping writing this all out would be cathartic somehow, but now I just want to cry again.
Here is my sweet Jaida, about a year ago:
