Support from managers

[twinmomma]

Just took a 360 eval for a course I"m taking, and a lot of the feedback I received is basically that I need to be more of a trainer/mentor to my team vs. just a task manager. I totally agree, but am feeling frustrated in the process because I have no idea how to get there. I don't have anyone to turn to for guidance or mentorship of my own and this is the only job I've had since college. So while I fully realize that this is a huge area that I am lacking as a leader/manager, I'm lost on how to develop the skills and learn what to do to change. Management here is dysfunctional at best, so I haven't ever had a manager do the things that are now being requested of me, if that makes sense. I have no model to base things off of, and it's clearly not in my personality to do it naturally, or this wouldn't be such an area of struggle. I want to be good at my job, but often feel like I'm drowning when it comes to this aspect of my role. 
Any advice on where to turn for resources on this or how to grow in this area? Or, am I just a much better fit in an individual contributor role and need to realize that? 

[k3am]

I would ask your company to devote some resources - aka cash - to help you grown in terms of managerial skills. There are plenty of companies offering pretty in depth ongoing training on the subject. All of our managers are required to attend - it doesn't work for everyone (see crazy boss lady), but it is a good step in the right direction.

[pitta12]

Some of it depends on how your organization functions, so it's hard to be super specific. But here is an example that comes to mind from an internal meeting we had here last week.

I am in a mid-level role and have a few peers at the same level. We all work with and oversee some analysts, most of whom are college hires. One of my peers was complaining that when she sends things to one of the analysts he doesn't act on them quickly enough. Turns out she was just forwarding him emails saying "Please handle" without taking the time to say something more like, "This came in from so-and-so and we need to respond by end of day because of such-and-such. Do you have time to draft a response for my review?" I think a lot of it has to do with just working and communicating more closely with each other so that the people you are training and managing feel like they are growing in their understanding of the dynamics and the whys of everything in addition to the task list, if that makes sense.

[RiseAndWine]

k3am took the words out of my mouth. There is a ton of professional development out there for leadership and management training. Take some and be sure it covers the specific areas where you need improvement. Also maybe work at networking with other leadership and perhaps finding a mentor yourself. It's never too late to have someone more experienced guide you.
Did you read Lean In? If not, it might help. She talked a lot about mentorship and I made some mental notes about steps I needed to take to grow personally in my management skills based on this book.

[twinmomma]

Thanks! I think pitta12 your example is exactly how I am. I never had anyone explain things to me in this company, I just figured it out and rose through the ranks because I get sh*t done. So I just expect others to act the same way.
The course I'm taking is actually a leadership course, so I hope it does help a lot. But a large part of it is having a manager be a mentor to you, and I don't feel that I'm going to get much out of that relationship unfortunately.
I have a lot of doubt about myself in this role and am constantly second guessing or beating myself up over things I do in this position. It was kind of foisted on me so that I could clean up some messes left behind by a predecessor, it was definitely not something I asked for, so it stresses me out to know others see that I"m not doing a 100% job.

[pitta12]

I never appreciated how hard it is to be a manager until I became one myself! Give yourself a break; I'm sure you're doing better than you think. Personally, when learning something new I am always asking "why" and "what is the purpose of this" because I'm curious and I can't stand to do tasks in a vacuum, but I've learned that not everybody has that instinct and if you want them to eventually be able to really think through the strategic implications of what they are doing it helps to verbalize your thought process a lot more than you might expect.

[clldll]

I am a newly promoted manager who also mostly got the job because I get stuff done. I don't have any good advice, but wanted to commiserate with you. Change is tough and even harder when you don't have a good role model to follow.

[2chatter]

I took a course called Leadership Through People Skills and it really changed my ability to mentor. There are actual worksheets you use to prepare for conversations. I was like you - here's a task, effing do it already and don't want to spell it out for you either, no one ever spelled anything out for me and I feel patronizing when I do spell things out so deal.

The LTPS worksheets might be online - worth a google search.
Other things I do -
Weekly 1:1s - these are 1/3 chat/connect, 1/3 status update and 1/3 overall performance discussion and tips - like "so, how do you feel about working with this team?" And then suggestions on how to handle things. They are 30 minutes long per person, and when I have 15 people on my team, it's a BEATING, but worth it. Sometimes I flip to biweekly when I am staffed up.

It took me a long time to figure out that mentoring is all of the things people who just get sht done do naturally - just walking people through your thoughts so they can do the same things. My biggest tip is just ask open ended questions about things and you will be SHOCKED at the things people will tell you. (not always good - it's how I ended up with a suicidal employee and how I avoided a hostile workplace environment suit - but that deal impacted others on my team). I would say that 3/4 of the mentoring I do is on the same themes - the things that make me successful that aren't natural to everyone
- Put deadlines on everything and manage to them - without a plan you will fail
- Build rapport then execute
- Keep a running list of items visible to your business partners
- Escalate risks before they are issues

[twinmomma]

Thanks 2chatter ! I just found the book by the same title/people on Amazon and downloaded the Kindle version. It looks like it'll be really helpful.
I implemented 1 on 1 meetings a few months ago, but it's like pulling teeth to get some of my reports to say 3 words during the whole meeting. Those are the folks I'm really struggling with. I've been doing monthly because there's just no reasonable way for us to fit in weekly meetings with everything else going on.

[mommyatty]

I agree with everything above. I would add that I also ask my people at least twice a year to tell me where they want their careers to go. Then we can work together as much as possible to get them the skills they need to achieve their goals. For example, I have a paralegal who thinks she's too good for her job. (She has a law degree and can't pass the Bar.) She also can't tell me where she wants to go. Except "not here." I am very upfront with her. I tell her that (1) her not executing her current job to our standards isn't going to help her move up, (2) that I can't look into her head and tell her where she should be in our organization, and (3) here are the soft skills she needs to be successful anywhere. For her, being her mentor involves tough love and helping her learn to get out of her own way. In contrast, I have an attorney who is an utter rock star. With zero ambition if it means she has to relocate, so we spend our time finding cool projects for her to work on and new ways we can serve our clients. For her, being her mentor is about keeping her engaged and clearing her path of as many obstacles as I can.

All that is to say that I think the two big keys to mentoring are (1) knowing what motivates your employees and where they want their careers to go, and (2) making the mentor relationship personal and tailored to that employee.

[seamonster]

As much as my company has a philosophy of everyone owning their own development, it's incredibly helpful have someone, especially your boss, suggest training or other opportunities to build new skills or get more experience. Even if it's just saying, "there's this class coming up that I think you should take to build X skill or start Y project."

[somebabiesmom]

Forgive me for being more concrete. I'd go through my correspondence and figure out which questions from my team members were the hardest for me to answer. Then I'd come up with new ways to answer them based on the feedback. Then I'd evaluate which questions were easiest for me and how I could add some mentoring advice to them. If it was relevant and didn't cause me embarrassment, I'd follow up with the team member with that response and get a reaction from them to see if I'd helped as much as they had wanted.

I give this advice, b/c I generally find trainings like this inspiring, but useless. I want hands-on, job-specific information. But that's just me. I'm even a wonderfully abstract thinker, but just can't always turn my inspirations into increased productivity at work.

[twinmomma]

Jan 29, 2015 10:00:28 GMT -5 somebabiesmom said:

Forgive me for being more concrete. I'd go through my correspondence and figure out which questions from my team members were the hardest for me to answer. Then I'd come up with new ways to answer them based on the feedback. Then I'd evaluate which questions were easiest for me and how I could add some mentoring advice to them. If it was relevant and didn't cause me embarrassment, I'd follow up with the team member with that response and get a reaction from them to see if I'd helped as much as they had wanted.

I give this advice, b/c I generally find trainings like this inspiring, but useless. I want hands-on, job-specific information. But that's just me. I'm even a wonderfully abstract thinker, but just can't always turn my inspirations into increased productivity at work.

This is great advice, thanks! I think I'm struggling with getting those concrete ways to implement it too. That's why I wish I had a person to model how they do it. I need examples of what exactly to say to make things better.