I need a place to vent without clogging up spam.

[lotsofdotts]

I can't give all the background, but the basics of the situation is my kids have a horrible stepmother. She hates my kids. She has even said in counseling that she doesn't like my kids and ignores them when they are there. Ex and SM are well off and portray the "perfect life" but craziness happens behind the scenes. 

Current situation: DD reminded her dad on Saturday that she is part of the school safety patrol team this school year. Ex told SM and she exploded on him and the kids saying that she is tired of all the last minute changes my kids throw on them because they have 3 other kids to consider and have already set up a schedule with the sitter who picks them all up from school. Ex tells her that her kids have last minute changes as well which sets off SM and she yells "fuck you" to him and begin a barrage of cussing at him and the kids. She got into DD's face and said "over my dead body will you be part of safety patrol." DD went to school and told her counselor (who runs safety patrol) about this. Counselor let me know and is working to adjust the schedule for DD. 

Fast forward to tonight. Ex calls the kids. When he is talking to DD, he tells her that SM is still very angry and that she told him that if he is responsible for feeding his kids and if he isn't home when she finishes dinner, she will not feed them. He is telling DD this to let her know that he would bring her something. What the fuckity fuck!? 

I just blew his ass out of the water and let him know that he better get that bitch in line like yesterday because I am fairly certain that I will be filing for a modification of custody. I am worried about sending kids over there because DD will be there alone until ex picks up DS from football since SM is refusing to do that as well. 

Sorry for the long vent but I am just beyond enraged. I can't understand why this crazy ass is being so horrible to my kids. They aren't perfect, but they are damn good compared to most kids out there. DD is so afraid to go over there, but legally I can't keep her tomorrow. Ex is an attorney and would have me arrested if I tried. I am beyond broke but I may have to just file and represent myself. I just want to cry. I'm so exhausted from the first week of school and now this shitshow. 

[wimcgrath]

Oh my gosh, how horrible for you and your kids. From what you've said about your ex in the past, he doesn't seem like an angel, but he does seem to be somewhat put out by his awful wife and knows she's in the wrong (though still doing a bad job of sticking up for his own kids). Legally, though, I'd think he'd be very concerned about everything she's saying/ doing. I hope you guys are able to work it out for what's best for your kids.

[hollydfromtn]

Oh hell no, that bitch is crazy! I'm so sorry your kids are having to deal with that. Why in the hell is your ex letting her act like that towards your kids?!?

[MapleMomma]

All the hugs. I'm sorry.

[mishka29]

I'm sorry! How is ex okay with SM treating his children this way?!

[cloe111479]

Everything that is happening


Keep a log of phone calls, keeps texts, emails etc
Tell your attorney that the counselor is aware of the information as well.

None of those discussions should be happening in front of the kids.

(Side note -- not sure how other states are working but there is an app called our family wizard that is helping with a lot of families. All communications about the kids go through the app. It is also accessible by attorneys or even by judges. It tends to, how do I say it, keep the assholes in line and not say things they shouldn't)

[lilyelayne]

Aug 25, 2015 20:06:51 GMT -5 hollydfromtn said:

Oh hell no, that bitch is crazy! I'm so sorry your kids are having to deal with that. Why in the hell is your ex letting her act like that towards your kids?!?

All this. So much all this. Big hugs.

[lotsofdotts]

Thanks, ladies. I am just so frustrated because I don't have the money to fight it out in court. Custody cases run from $10,000 up in my area, and I just don't have it. I would have to do this on my own. It is so frustrating that it costs so much to do what is right for kids.

Bonus of the night: I just got an email from one of DD's friend's moms saying her daughter has lice. DD and the girl just had a sleepover on Saturday. I just checked DD and didn't see anything, but my head is itching just thinking about it. I need a drink.

[osumegs]

Hugs! She sounds horrible

[miniwheat]

WTF is wrong with her?! I am so sorry you have to send your kiddos there, especially when they don't want to right now. I hope your ex will make some much needed changes on his end so everyone feels comfortable in their home. Hugs Mama.

[cougarette]

I am so sorry you have to deal with her bullshit. I'm also sorry your kids have to deal with her too. She sounds absolutely dreadful.

Me to that crazy bitch:

[seamonster]

Aug 25, 2015 20:09:55 GMT -5 cloe111479 said:

Everything that is happening


Keep a log of phone calls, keeps texts, emails etc
Tell your attorney that the counselor is aware of the information as well.

None of those discussions should be happening in front of the kids.

This and I hope you can find some help at least with the filing. There may be a legal aid near you or someone who works on a sliding scale. State bar association may be able to refer you. If you live near a law school they may do clinics that can help you.

I would file for modification. None of these discussions should be happening in front of the kids and not feeding your kids while they are there is neglectful. I would flat out tell them that if they don't feed your kids, you will report them. Your ex needs to get his wife in line.

[PikoPiko]

Did you take your ex's balls? He needs to get a pair and sort out his crazy wife. There has to be something against threatening to starve kids!

[WittyLittle]

Shiiiiiiiiiiiit. (Sorry, but this deserved it). What a horrible story! Is she borderline insane or do you think something is systematically happening there that makes her so ridiculously horrible?? What is your custody arrangement at the moment actually?

What are your options outside of the legal system? As you said, $10,000+ is a LOT of money. What have you tried so far? Keep a note of that also. If the evil stepmother were to tell this story, what do you think her point of view would be? My hope would be that if you know where she is coming from, you can anticipate her actions and reactions better and not get surprised by tricks up her sleeve. Does she have 5 kids at home then, when your kids are there too?

Your kids sound really awesome from what you've described. They shouldn't have to be around anyone that doesn't appreciate their company. I'm sorry about that And I'm sorry that money makes the world go round especially when kids are involved. Hopefully all together you/we can come up with a solution to this.

Hugs in the meantime. Have some cake for breakfast. Doctor's orders x

[lotsofdotts]

Aug 26, 2015 1:51:17 GMT -5 WittyLittle said:

Shiiiiiiiiiiiit. (Sorry, but this deserved it). What a horrible story! Is she borderline insane or do you think something is systematically happening there that makes her so ridiculously horrible?? What is your custody arrangement at the moment actually?

What are your options outside of the legal system? As you said, $10,000+ is a LOT of money. What have you tried so far? Keep a note of that also. If the evil stepmother were to tell this story, what do you think her point of view would be? My hope would be that if you know where she is coming from, you can anticipate her actions and reactions better and not get surprised by tricks up her sleeve. Does she have 5 kids at home then, when your kids are there too?

Your kids sound really awesome from what you've described. They shouldn't have to be around anyone that doesn't appreciate their company. I'm sorry about that And I'm sorry that money makes the world go round especially when kids are involved. Hopefully all together you/we can come up with a solution to this.

Hugs in the meantime. Have some cake for breakfast. Doctor's orders x

There are three other kids at my ex's house, so it is 5 total when my kids are there. I honestly believe she is unstable. As I said, she told a family counselor that she didn't like my kids and tries to just ignore them when they are there. She doesn't bite her tongue about anything, but I have no idea how she would try to spin this.

Right now they go every Wednesday and then every other week Wednesday through Sunday. In my gut, I truly believe she has to be bipolar or something. She will be fine for awhile and then she has a period where she is completely nuts for awhile before chilling out again. My kids can handle her indifference. They actually prefer it so they don't have to really interact with her, but they can't handle her tirades. The list of things she has said and done to these kids is mind blowing. She challenges my son on his religious beliefs all the time and basically tells him that God doesn't exist and to keep his bible in his room because she doesn't want to see him read it. She also thinks my daughter is fat and has told her such for years. My daughter definitely had the prepubescent pudge, but nothing we have done has changed that. The doctor said when she hits puberty it will go away. DD doesn't gymnastics and can tumble like crazy, so she isn't fat and out of shape!

I'm going to look into legal options. For now, I'm going to have DD talk to her counselor at school today. At least that will bring an outsider in and have someone else who knows what is happening from DD's point of view.

[emilyz320]

lotsofdotts I am so sorry you have to deal with that. Your poor kids

[mrsclark731]

I'm so sorry you are (basically) having the shittiest week ever.

It sounds like you have a grasp on things and are doing everything you can. You are an amazing mom, teacher and wife. Hugs!

[aggiebug]

I am so sorry that is awful. I wish I could go knee cap that lady for you.

I hope you can find someone to help you modify the custody agreement how old are the kiddos? When do they get a say?

[lotsofdotts]

Aug 26, 2015 6:47:45 GMT -5 aggiebug said:

I am so sorry that is awful. I wish I could go knee cap that lady for you.

I hope you can find someone to help you modify the custody agreement how old are the kiddos? When do they get a say?

DS will be 15 in October and DD is 10. In NC, there is no age when they are legally allowed to make the decision before 18. Judges can listen to the kids' wishes of the judge chooses to do so. My assigned judge has the lowest judicial rating in the area, so it is a crap shoot if she will listen to them or not.

I think I'm just going to file the paperwork on my own. I don't think my ex will let it go to court because his wife will lose it if he spends that kind of money fighting for his kids. She shops excessively at all the high end stores and almost bankrupts them at times (he has bounced $100 checks to me numerous times because she has spent all the money and he makes A LOT of money). I'm just fed up with this bullshit. She is psycho!

[aggiebug]

ahh that is super shitty I am sorry.

You wish you could shake some sense into your ex make him realize he is hurting his relationship with his kids in the king run

[WittyLittle]

Aug 26, 2015 7:01:33 GMT -5 lotsofdotts said:

Aug 26, 2015 6:47:45 GMT -5 aggiebug said:

I am so sorry that is awful. I wish I could go knee cap that lady for you.

I hope you can find someone to help you modify the custody agreement how old are the kiddos? When do they get a say?

DS will be 15 in October and DD is 10. In NC, there is no age when they are legally allowed to make the decision before 18. Judges can listen to the kids' wishes of the judge chooses to do so. My assigned judge has the lowest judicial rating in the area, so it is a crap shoot if she will listen to them or not.

I think I'm just going to file the paperwork on my own. I don't think my ex will let it go to court because his wife will lose it if he spends that kind of money fighting for his kids. She shops excessively at all the high end stores and almost bankrupts them at times (he has bounced $100 checks to me numerous times because she has spent all the money and he makes A LOT of money). I'm just fed up with this bullshit. She is psycho!

If he knows what is good for him he won't take it to court. At the very least you need to amend it so that she is not alone with them. He needs to do whatever is necessary to ensure your kids have a stable environment. hopefully she indeed refuses to spend the money. Good that the school knows what is going on. Im so sorry that his is happening

[jensoprano82]

Im so sorry your poor kids have to be exposed to this! My H's school district has free or affordable legal assistance for teachers, is this an avenue you could explore?

Either way I'd consider it money well spent to get your kids out of there, and his increased child support would help you recoup costs. Verbal abuse is serious business and you've got outsiders who are aware of it.

[michelle142]

WTF.

You're a better person than me. I would show up and go all Momma Bear on that bitch.

[mands1125]

Lots of hugs for you and you rkiddos!

[dreemkin]

Good luck with trying to modify custody. I'm sorry the SM is like that. Unfortunately I've heard lots of stories like this from coworkers. Why can't stepparents just get over being butthurt or at leasy not let it effect the kids? ((Hugs))

[GeekBeagle]

How awful! So sorry you are dealing with this.

[flyster]

So so sorry you have to deal with this I never understand people who can be with people that don't treat their kids right. Kids should always come first!

[boxerrrmama85]

So sad why would any grown adult want to make a kids life so miserable! Sorry you and your kids have to deal with thisz