Daycare - second guesses and bfing

[selma8]

Hey everyone! I've been MIA the last few weeks up north with little cell service, but we're back in civilisation now and I go back to work on Tuesday (booooo).

Question/opinions needed:

DD goes to daycare on my first day back to work. It's an in home facility, lovely woman, bilingual, close by, comes at the recommendation of a good friend yadda yadda we have been excited as one can be about daycare for the past 6 months when we put our initial deposit down. I emailed the woman yesterday to see when we could come by for her to meet DD and mentioned that as I work from home and we're nearby, I was considering coming to bf her at lunchtime. The woman replied that they do not allow bfing during the day. ?? Of course I got this email reply at 3am and have been googling forums and state laws all morning, and I'm trying to be reasonable, but this felt like a punch to the stomach. She didn't say why, though I'm guessing it is thought to be disruptive to the schedule and they can't wait for me to get there every day etc...but I would love to hear other's thoughts. It makes me sad to think I wouldn't be allowed to bf DD whenever I can! She does allow parents to come visit at anytime, and I can pick up/drop off DD anytime between certain hours...

Also, anyone else already sending baby to daycare? How's it going? Words of advice or encouragement ?

[tulips114]

I have experience with 3 different daycares and all have allowed BFing. Although I've never actually done it because I find it harder to go there to the baby and then leave them there again, also I pump on a different schedule than they feed. So it would be disruptive the the baby's schedule (that's just my situation, not a general statement). It does seem odd that it wouldn't be allowed though.
LO just started at daycare this week. It's going as well as can be expected. We're lucky right now there is only 2 babies (and 2 teachers), so he's getting a lot of love and attention. It's always hard to leave them though.

[Deleted]

To get more opinions I would also try posting on the breastfeeding board. That board is awesome and so helpful!! Also try posting on parenting

[baytosa2013]

I'm not BFing so I have no advice there but I think its strange that she won't "allow" it.

This is DD's 4th week in daycare and she's doing better than I am. It's getting easier because I made friends with her teacher that is there for the 9:30am to 6:30pm shift. She actually lives around the corner from me and is just 2 years younger than I am so we had a lot to talk about. Every time I come to get DD she is being loved on and snuggled and is always dry and clean. The first week was the hardest for everyone but she gets great reports now and they do activities with them like motor skills stuff, feet prints, bubbles, etc.

[Widget123]

All of the daycares I'm personally familiar with allow mothers to come in and breastfeed, but those are all large centers vs. someone's home. If I were you I would point blank ask this lady why not. I agree that it may be disruptive to both your baby's schedule and the other kids, but it also might be that she doesn't want you hanging around watching what is going on or coming to visit literally daily vs. "coming to visit anytime" usually doesn't mean daily for most people (outside of breastfeeding). Just my thoughts.

ETA: LO started daycare last week.  this time is a little different because my daughter was being watched by a family member until she was 7 months old as opposed to going to a center at 2 months old.  it kind of bothers me that LO spends almost all day there in a bouncy chair (outside of the cribs for naps), but I know that is to be expected and it will get better when he is more mobile. 

[hannahl201477]

As a former home daycare owner I did allow a mom to stop by a breastfeed. BUT it was very disruptive for everyone there. I would never not allow it. But I do understand why she wouldn't want to allow it.

[gigi3126]

This is J's second week in daycare. They always encourage me to come by any time, and the couple of times that I've been able to sneak away from work they were fine with me breastfeeding. But I never go at a regular time, so I only feed him if I happen to get there when he's ready to eat. It's a bigger center though, so it may be easier for them to let me come in and feed because they have a ton of staff. I was really nervous about the whole daycare thing at first, but every time I go to see him or pick him up, he's doing something different (not just in a bouncer or crib) and someone is playing with him, usually the center's director, which still amazes me.
It really does get better every day. He has the same people looking after him all the time, so they're already attached and constantly tell me how much they adore him. It helps to know that he's not just another kid in the room to them.

[dmoney]

DD is starting to go to Daycare next week. Our center makes you do 3 different transition days, and on the 2nd day we were there LO was hungry so I nursed her in the room. They had no issues with it. But then again it is a center. Because Dh is currently unemployed she is only going to be going 2 half days a week just to get used to being there. I am nervous as all hell to send her, but i know she is in a great room with a great teacher so im not as scared. Her teacher gave me the rooms direct number and said to call any time I want to, and to stop by anytime I want to as well. If you dont feel right about where you are sending her I would look for a different place.. IF you dont feel right about sending her because you cant stop by to nurse her during the day, I would flat out ask the woman why. Good luck selma8!!

[selma8]

Well helloooooooo everyone. Sorry for the extremely large delay...as I'm sure you can relate, life has gotten rather busy.

Here's the update: DD is still in the original daycare...despite my hesitations re: being able to drop by and nurse. There have been some hiccups, but after touring another center, DH and I are still moderately certain, (as certain as a new parent can be about anything...) that DD is in the best place for her. Our newest 'routine' (hahahahha) has been drop off at 9am, pick up at 3pm. DD CRUISES through her bottles, so I've asked that they start recording exactly how much she is eating because I just cannot keep up pumping. I think I'm going to have to start waking up at night to pump since she is sleeping more or less straight through. Oh, the irony.

The hiccups have been: they ask that we not drop off/pick up from 12-3 as this is lunch/nap time. Since there are 2 ladies and 9 kids, if they are transitioning a baby during that time, it means one less person with eyes on the other kids. I get it, it's frustrating, but it has made me focus more on working hard during those two hours instead of staring at the clock. Also, I should add, the daycare lady has made it clear that those are the preferable no-pickup/drop off times, but that exceptions can certainly be made if I give her a heads up.

Daycare lady 2 only used ONE bottle several times all day yesterday. Jury is out on if she washed it in between. I let the Daycare lady 1 know and she seemed genuinely upset- she said she would do all bottle preps from now on to make sure it is done properly. ugh.

Daycare lady 2 was prepping 4oz of milk at 2:45 when I was picking DD up at 3...leaving me with 4oz of expressed milk to try to get a baby to take when she's in my lap next to my milk filled boobs...not ideal. Daycare lady 1 says they will only prepare a much smaller bottle if absolutely necessary if I'm definitely coming at 3.

And last but not least, I want to quit my job and stay home with DD SO BADLY it's not funny. I love my job, I earn good money, and both DH and I are confident that daycare is, in a lot of ways, GOOD for DD. She is stimulated, she sees other kids, she gets comfy with other people, she learns a new language...all great things. But man oh man is it hard to drive away from her every day. That and she comes home smelling like someone else which I find weird. I guess at least that confirms that they have been holding her a lot?

Courage, moms! Who would have thought that daycare would be harder than labor ??

On a totally unrelated note- my bff just checked into the hospital to be induced (past EDD, low fluid, High BP). Happy thoughts her way !!

[Widget123]

Hi again. Are you looking for advice or giving us an update? I really hope that daycare lady 2 really didn't use the same bottle all day long without washing because that is really unsanitary. It's unfortunate that daycare lady 1 didn't notice it. At my kids' daycare they make us pre-fill the bottles with milk every day. Its a pain but the good side of it is that I know they are using different bottles and I know exactly how much my LO has eaten there each day. Would you be able to do something like that instead?

And I prefer for my baby to be fed before pick-up because then he isn't crying the whole way home, but they should try to be more aware of when you are coming (assuming that it is at a consistent time) so that the bottle still isn't out when you arrive.

Finally, my LO doesn't smell like someone else when we pick him up. What does she smell like? Perfume?

[dmoney]

Oct 1, 2015 12:21:08 GMT -5 selma8 said:

Well helloooooooo everyone. Sorry for the extremely large delay...as I'm sure you can relate, life has gotten rather busy.

Here's the update: DD is still in the original daycare...despite my hesitations re: being able to drop by and nurse. There have been some hiccups, but after touring another center, DH and I are still moderately certain, (as certain as a new parent can be about anything...) that DD is in the best place for her. Our newest 'routine' (hahahahha) has been drop off at 9am, pick up at 3pm. DD CRUISES through her bottles, so I've asked that they start recording exactly how much she is eating because I just cannot keep up pumping. I think I'm going to have to start waking up at night to pump since she is sleeping more or less straight through. Oh, the irony.

The hiccups have been: they ask that we not drop off/pick up from 12-3 as this is lunch/nap time. Since there are 2 ladies and 9 kids, if they are transitioning a baby during that time, it means one less person with eyes on the other kids. I get it, it's frustrating, but it has made me focus more on working hard during those two hours instead of staring at the clock. Also, I should add, the daycare lady has made it clear that those are the preferable no-pickup/drop off times, but that exceptions can certainly be made if I give her a heads up.

Daycare lady 2 only used ONE bottle several times all day yesterday. Jury is out on if she washed it in between. I let the Daycare lady 1 know and she seemed genuinely upset- she said she would do all bottle preps from now on to make sure it is done properly. ugh.

Daycare lady 2 was prepping 4oz of milk at 2:45 when I was picking DD up at 3...leaving me with 4oz of expressed milk to try to get a baby to take when she's in my lap next to my milk filled boobs...not ideal. Daycare lady 1 says they will only prepare a much smaller bottle if absolutely necessary if I'm definitely coming at 3.

And last but not least, I want to quit my job and stay home with DD SO BADLY it's not funny. I love my job, I earn good money, and both DH and I are confident that daycare is, in a lot of ways, GOOD for DD. She is stimulated, she sees other kids, she gets comfy with other people, she learns a new language...all great things. But man oh man is it hard to drive away from her every day. That and she comes home smelling like someone else which I find weird. I guess at least that confirms that they have been holding her a lot?

Courage, moms! Who would have thought that daycare would be harder than labor ??

On a totally unrelated note- my bff just checked into the hospital to be induced (past EDD, low fluid, High BP). Happy thoughts her way !!

Hey,  Have you thought about sending bottles already prepared with her in the morning>?? This is what I do.  Typically I send 4 premade bottles with DD to day care.  This way if you send them already made (with say 3 ounces each) you know exactly how much she is eating.   Since you are nursing as well , have you informed day care about pace feeding? This will also give you a bit of piece of mind that they are not over feeding your little one.  

Hang in there, each day gets easier and easier!!

Happy thoughts to your BFF!

[selma8]

dmoney,I did this once and I don't recall why I stopped...you're right though, this is a good idea. The daycare ladies tell me she is a really good eater and takes down 4oz at a time, sometimes wanting more afterwards...She usually drains both breasts in one feeding, and when I pump, I get about 6-7 oz total every 3-4 hours, so this doesn't surprise me. Maybe I'll try prepping the bottles beforehand again. Thanks for the reminder/advice!

also what is pace feeding? (googling now...)

[dmoney]

Oct 1, 2015 13:30:38 GMT -5 selma8 said:

dmoney,I did this once and I don't recall why I stopped...you're right though, this is a good idea. The daycare ladies tell me she is a really good eater and takes down 4oz at a time, sometimes wanting more afterwards...She usually drains both breasts in one feeding, and when I pump, I get about 6-7 oz total every 3-4 hours, so this doesn't surprise me. Maybe I'll try prepping the bottles beforehand again. Thanks for the reminder/advice!

also what is pace feeding? (googling now...)

Keep in mind that just because you pump and get 6-7 ounces (which i am VERY Jealous of) doesnt mean that is how much she is actually eating in one sitting.. MY lo eats from both sides in every feeding but when doing weighted feedings she is actually only taking in 4 ounces at max.  Also keep in mind that for breast fed babies the rule of thumb is they need 1-1.5 ounces of breastmilk for every hour that you are away.  I always send 3 ounce bottles to day care.  Here are some articles on pacefeeding:


kellymom.com/bf/pumpingmoms/feeding-tools/bottle-feeding/


www.youtube.com/watch?v=UH4T70OSzGs

www.motherlove.com/blog/view/feeding-breastmilk-by-bottle-learn-paced-feeding-to-avoid-overfeeding-your-

Glad to of been able to help!!

[carolyngrace]

Just wanted to weigh in on how many ounces baby is eating while you're away. These ladies have given me the same advice regarding paced feeding and how much babies "should "eat per hour. I have two babysitters. One of them is my mom who I trust very much. Both of them say that Oscar eats a 4-5 ounce bottle after his first nap and still wants more. They've tried almost everything to console him and only giving him another couple ounces will do the trick. He always eats way more than I am able to pump. I was waking up at night to make up for the difference, but recently I stopped. My stored supply is slowly swindling and eventually I will have to decide whether to supplement with a little bit of formula or resume night pumping.

Also, I'm finding that there is always little things to disagree about with my babysitters. Or to question. So I'm not surprised to hear that you're figuring things out with the day care ladies. It's really hard to leave your kid with someone else and I think it takes time to work out all the kinks.

[billyhorrible]

I like to feed fairly soon after pickup, so I get the annoyance with them "prepping" the bottle at 2:45, but what does that mean? And why did you have to feed it to the baby then? I usually send an extra 2oz, and when that's left over at the end of the day I just use it to fill the bottles the next day.

[selma8]

billyhorrible, because they warm the milk, so I don't want to put it back in the fridge, right? or am I being crazy?

In terms of how much she's eating, I've left her with my husband and mother before (who are both obviously very understanding of the precious-ness of bm) and they both confirm that she eats sometimes up to 6 ounces in a sitting. She's a very eager eater. She's got the rolls to prove it!

I've never done a weighted feed, so I suppose I'm not 100% positive she's eating 6 oz at a time, but I'm fairly confident she's taking down that much, and in the past month she has all but stopped spitting up after feedings.

carolyngrace, It's rough, and I hate being the naggy, emailing every night parent, and I"m also paranoid that the more I bug them, the less they'll like my baby. Ugh.
Today, I am fairly certain she came home in the same diaper she went in...and now I don't want to, for the second day in a row, bring up an issue with them, so I'm just not sending her tomorrow and my neighbor will watch her during my conference call. hopefully the weekend will give me some clarity!

[carolyngrace]

selma8, Wow, why do you think that? Was it super full???

[Widget123]

Umm being in the same diaper all day long would be child neglect. Are you sure you arent just being an over protective and for lack of a better word paranoid mom? It would be pretty easy to tell if its the same diaper- just put a dot in pen somewhere on it or something like that.

[selma8]

I *know* it's the same one because the ones she has at day care are the regular pampers and the ones we have at home have the stripe indicator thing- no reason for this, it just happens that that was the box we dropped off for her when she started daycare. So, unless they put another baby's dipes on her (which is unlikely because the other babies are bigger than she is and I assume wear a larger size diaper), it was the same one...she was only there for 6 hours, so not the longest day, but still...

and yes, I am definitely over protective and super paranoid- it took me a really long time to get pregnant after more than one loss, and my baby is my world (as I'm sure yours is too!) so I'm a legit psychopathic maniac about her care no apologies for that!

[dmoney]

Oct 1, 2015 19:04:05 GMT -5 selma8 said:

billyhorrible, because they warm the milk, so I don't want to put it back in the fridge, right? or am I being crazy?

In terms of how much she's eating, I've left her with my husband and mother before (who are both obviously very understanding of the precious-ness of bm) and they both confirm that she eats sometimes up to 6 ounces in a sitting. She's a very eager eater. She's got the rolls to prove it!

I've never done a weighted feed, so I suppose I'm not 100% positive she's eating 6 oz at a time, but I'm fairly confident she's taking down that much, and in the past month she has all but stopped spitting up after feedings.

carolyngrace, It's rough, and I hate being the naggy, emailing every night parent, and I"m also paranoid that the more I bug them, the less they'll like my baby. Ugh.
Today, I am fairly certain she came home in the same diaper she went in...and now I don't want to, for the second day in a row, bring up an issue with them, so I'm just not sending her tomorrow and my neighbor will watch her during my conference call. hopefully the weekend will give me some clarity!



**stuck in the box** pace feeding is key with breast fed babies. Without it their brain doesn't have time to realize they aren't hungry anymore and will over feed. A baby's mouth is completely different then the pump. They aren't actively eating the whole time. But with pace feeding her brain has time to realized he isn't hungry anymore. That's probably why she's eating so much.  You don't want them to stretch her stomach out eithrr.

[Widget123]

Maybe switching to daycare center vs in home daycare might be a good idea for you. There is typically a lot of structure at daycare centers. For example they typical fill out daily sheets telling you when they changed baby's diaper and at what time. Or you could ask you in home to start writing stuff down like that.

[dmoney]

Oct 1, 2015 19:31:56 GMT -5 selma8 said:

I *know* it's the same one because the ones she has at day care are the regular pampers and the ones we have at home have the stripe indicator thing- no reason for this, it just happens that that was the box we dropped off for her when she started daycare. So, unless they put another baby's dipes on her (which is unlikely because the other babies are bigger than she is and I assume wear a larger size diaper), it was the same one...she was only there for 6 hours, so not the longest day, but still...

and yes, I am definitely over protective and super paranoid- it took me a really long time to get pregnant after more than one loss, and my baby is my world (as I'm sure yours is too!) so I'm a legit psychopathic maniac about her care no apologies for that!

If they are a licensed day care center in home or center based there are rules and regulations that they need to follow.. One of them is how often they change the babies diaper. I would really have a conversation with them about that.  Forget that 6 hours is WAY to long with out changing it (Unless it is during the night, because i dont wake up to change my daughters and she sleeps through the night).  They have to change it every few hours.  I would really sit down with your husband and start looking into a center based day care.  While they do tend to be more expensive it might/probably will give you more piece of mind. 

[baytosa2013]

Oct 1, 2015 19:31:56 GMT -5 selma8 said:

I *know* it's the same one because the ones she has at day care are the regular pampers and the ones we have at home have the stripe indicator thing- no reason for this, it just happens that that was the box we dropped off for her when she started daycare. So, unless they put another baby's dipes on her (which is unlikely because the other babies are bigger than she is and I assume wear a larger size diaper), it was the same one...she was only there for 6 hours, so not the longest day, but still...

and yes, I am definitely over protective and super paranoid- it took me a really long time to get pregnant after more than one loss, and my baby is my world (as I'm sure yours is too!) so I'm a legit psychopathic maniac about her care no apologies for that!

Eff that!  6 hours in a diaper and it's not overnight?  Nope Nope Nope.  Our Center checks and changes if needed AT LEAST every two hours and immediately if they find a BM in between.  I know they are good about it too based on the number of diapers they have used and the fact she's never had any issues with rash, redness.  I agree with the others that maybe a center would be better for you.  Ours does shorter term hours called Mommy's day out for cheaper rates.  I happen to like that they are more regulated, I know their days when they are closed up front and I don't have to worry about taking off if the sitter is sick or needs a vacation.  We both work the 8-5 shifts though and need dependable all day care.

[dmoney]

Hey selma8 any update on the daycare situation??

[selma8]

Hi everyone! (and sorry for the prolonged absence) inlaws were visiting (yes for 2 months) so as I'm sure you can imagine, I've been otherwise occupied.

Daycare update: Baby is still at original daycare, but we have had several sit-downs with the main lady, and we are feeling much better. We finally have the milk situation in a good place. She goes with 5, 2oz premade bottles and daycare lady has 15 oz frozen in case she needs more during they day (which she rarely does). She also goes with a bit of fruit or veggie which helps the milk intake amount vs pumping amount even out.

Diapergate, as we like to call it, was more or less resolved. Daycare lady swears up and down that she changed baby twice that day, and that she would never leave a baby in a dirty diaper. Our guess is that she accidentally used someone else's dipe.

All in all, I don't think I'll ever like daycare. It is what it is. I have to keep my job for the time being, and I am confident she is safe and loved there. I would just rather be at home with her.

I have a work conference later this month where I may ask my boss if I can do part time.....we'll see!

Thanks again for all of your support.

xo