Post by rablissful on Sept 1, 2015 13:51:40 GMT -5
The Trying to Conceive After a Loss thread is posted once a week (generally on Tuesday) for those of us who have unfortunately experienced a loss. No matter what type of loss you've experienced, from miscarriage to stillbirth to the loss of a child, it is heartbreaking. This thread is to help us commiserate, get support, and to try to navigate trying to conceive after a loss every week.
Out of respect to all the ladies here, please add a trigger warning if you decide to talk about any living children and please hide your signature if it contains pictures or tickers of babies or children. We also kindly ask for grads to refrain from commenting in this thread.
**If this is your first check-in, and you would like to provide a gtky loss history intro go for it. If not, no worries!**
Post by LadyNymeria on Sept 1, 2015 14:10:33 GMT -5
How are you doing? I'm ok. For the most part I'm fine unless something triggers a breakdown. Just anxious to get going again.
Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): Benched until I get a post-loss period
Diagnosis (if applicable): n/a
Updates/questions: Next hCG draw on Thursday morning so I'll get the results Friday. I did decided to use a Walmart cheapie test yesterday morning and the line was so light it was basically a shadow so that has me hopeful for another good drop this week.
Debbie downer (a place to vent): Nothing right now. Just being impatient.
GTKY: How is your SO doing? He's fine. Once in a while I'll ask how he's doing and it's always the same - sad this happened, ready to try again, but mainly just worried about me because I was having such a hard time at first. He had never seen me so upset over anything before so while he knew it was ok/normal for me to be so upset and cry a lot he was still worried about me.
How are you doing? Doing pretty well, surprisingly!
Status (TTA, TTC, Benched) TTC
Diagnosis (if applicable) MTHFR, PCOS, RPL
Updates/questions H and I are discussing maybe taking a break from TTC for a few months if this cycle doesn't work out. I need to go back on my pain meds and he's been having a harder time coping with the fact that if we do get pregnant another loss is pretty likely. A lot of it is still up in the air. Some days my pain isn't terrible so I think I can keep going, but other days I can't even get out of bed by myself, so I think this has to be it. But I don't know. Ugh. Which just brings me to being upset that we don't already have a kid. We started TTC so young (23) because I knew my health would just keep getting worse and I didn't want to be in my 30's and have to try to chase a toddler. But now there's no way to avoid that if we manage to have a biological kid. At least the weather out here is better and has helped so much to reduce my pain, so maybe it won't be that bad? Ugh. I hate having so many health problems to worry about. Sometimes I really wonder if it's even fair to any future kid to put them through having to live with me as a mother. Despite all the good things, there will inevitable be a lot of bad.
Debbie downer (a place to vent) Apparently my brother had his dates wrong and SIL B wasn't being induced last Tuesday, but this Tuesday. Today? Anyways, I'm actually really glad because last week I was in a much worse place than I am right now. Today I can handle it. And SIL E isn't due for a couple weeks, so hopefully I'll still be okay then.
GTKY: How is your SO doing? He's not been great. He's going to the doctor in a couple weeks to get back on antidepressants/anxiety meds because the stress of TTC and the likelihood of another loss is getting to him. Unfortunately, antidepressants have all kinds of lovely side effects that effect our ability to TTC, so that on top of my need for my pain meds and arthritis meds will likely leave us TTA for at least a few months. But we'll see. It will really depend what meds he is put on and how much they inhibit his ability to climax. But as of right now, he still wants to try more than he is afraid of another loss. So we're trying.
Post by notagoddess on Sept 1, 2015 14:13:24 GMT -5
Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC
Diagnosis (if applicable) Resected uterine septum
Updates/questions Got my period yesterday and now I'm on cycle 6 since burning the bench.
Debbie downer (a place to vent) This week has been incredibly hard for me. I had a huge, overwhelming wave of sadness and grief after my close friend told me she was pregnant. I cried on and off all day and got little done. Now, I feel burned out by TTC.
GTKY: How is your SO doing? He's doing fine. He's always trying to assure me that we'll have a baby soon. I don't think he has a lot of room in which to admit to feeling hopeless and worried, because he's being strong for me.
Post by hydrangea1019 on Sept 1, 2015 14:20:21 GMT -5
Thanks for starting rablissful. Hugs to you in September LadyNymeria FX your period comes quick so you can burn that bench. After dealing with everything burning the bench is a welcomed event. It's the one time in TTC where you hope for your period.
How are you doing? I'm doing ok this week. Bummed it's September. October is right around the corner Status: TTC Updates/Questions: nada right now Debbie downer: nothing for now. Just the general why not me phase. GTKY: DH had a rough night last night. I don't know if it's bc he isn't feeling well so he's just kind of feeling puny and not himself. But he came in the door last night saying he sat in his car and had a moment (he was listening to one of our favorite Christian songs) and I could tell he's been upset. The song is so right on for us it's hard to not get choked up-'I'll keep my eyes above the waves'. If anyone is interested it's Oceans by Hillsong United. Then by accident he opened a random drawer I had put his 'daddy and me book'. I didn't think he would want to throw it away, so I put it there thinking he'd never go in there...
Updates/questions Got my period yesterday and now I'm on cycle 6 since burning the bench.
Debbie downer (a place to vent) This week has been incredibly hard for me. I had a huge, overwhelming wave of sadness and grief after my close friend told me she was pregnant. I cried on and off all day and got little done. Now, I feel burned out by TTC.
GTKY: How is your SO doing? He's doing fine. He's always trying to assure me that we'll have a baby soon. I don't think he has a lot of room in which to admit to feeling hopeless and worried, because he's being strong for me.
*hugs* I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. I hope it gets easier for you soon and you start feeling better.
Post by hydrangea1019 on Sept 1, 2015 14:26:56 GMT -5
I'm glad the GTKY question is about SO. I feel like we (in general) kind of don't think about others' SO in this journey. We think about our own, but maybe not others.
@led you guys have to do what's best for you. If taking a break is what you need then I say go for it. I'm sorry you guys have to work through all of that. notagoddess ((hugs)) dealing with the emotions of a friend's pregnancy is really difficult. Unfortunately not everyone understands that either.
@led so many hugs lady. I'm sorry your health hasn't been all that great and that you might have to TTA. Do not doubt yourself as a mom though! My mom has a ton of health problems but I still love her and she was amazing. You will be too.
My niece was born and I still haven't talked to my mom. I just can't right now because I know even if I tell her I don't want to talk about the baby she eventually will. I just have no energy to deal with it, especially when everything in my life is a complete shit show right now.
GTKY: How is your SO doing? He's fine. Always talking about having kids and what not. I don't think the CP really phased him at all, whereas it hit me like a truck.
Post by notagoddess on Sept 1, 2015 14:38:59 GMT -5
@led, that is a lot to deal with. You're up against so much. I hope you and your H can come to an agreement about the next steps.
LadyNymeria, I can relate to the impatience regarding burning the bench. Having some hope goes a long way to healing the pain of the loss. I'm glad the test had only a bit of a line, and I think you will get your period fairly soon if those numbers keep dropping.
hydrangea1019, it's true our SO's are sometimes ignored in this process, especially talking about other people's losses. It's awful to see someone you love that much be so upset.
rablissful, I'm wishing you strength to get through this difficult time. I really hope things turn around for you soon.
Post by kayladawn91 on Sept 1, 2015 15:49:06 GMT -5
LadyNymeria, I hope your body does what it needs to quickly so you can get back to TTC soon!
@led, I'm sorry that you have to deal with all of that and may have to TTA.
notagoddess, Sorry about a new cycle and also that you've had to deal with your friend's announcement. That's always hard.
hydrangea1019, Hugs to both you and YH! Sorry about your EDD coming up. That's a hard time.
rablissful I'm sorry about September being your EDD. Try to do something nice for yourself this month. I'm also sorry that you're having a hard time dealing with a new niece. Hopefully your family can be understanding and give you the time and space you may need to deal with your feelings. Hugs to you!
How are you doing? Mostly okay. Starting another cycle last week was hard, but this week I've been trying to stay positive. The first couple weeks of my cycle I feel like I can relax and there's no crazy train to get on, so I'm thankful for that this week. Especially since I've been upset about work-related things. It's nice to be relaxed about TTC when dealing with other things.
Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC (Cycle 5 AL)
Diagnosis (if applicable): N/A
Updates/questions : Nothing right now!
Debbie downer (a place to vent) : *OPP and children mentioned* My sister and SIL are both due this month. I have a feeling it's going to be a rough month visiting babies and seeing how happy they both are. In the last few months, I've also been having a hard time with birthday parties and H's niece is turning 2 this weekend. I skipped my bff's daughter's 1st birthday last month because I felt like I wasn't going to be able to handle it. I don't know how I can skip this one because H only has one niece and I feel like he would be really hurt if I didn't make the trip with him. Sometimes he just doesn't get it.
GTKY: How is your SO doing? MH does a good job of hiding his emotions. Lately, he's been optimistic, saying a lot of things about "when we have a baby" so he must be doing okay with talking about it. I rarely say things like that because (and I know this may be irrational) I don't want to get my hopes up, only to experience another loss
Post by LadyNymeria on Sept 1, 2015 15:59:10 GMT -5
I'm glad your doing well @led but I'm sorry to hear how much YH is being impacted by all you've been going through. I hope they can find something that helps him without impacting TTC.
notagoddess - I'm sorry about finding out about your friend and that it has been a hard week for you. Hugs.
hydrangea1019 - I'm glad you're doing ok this week, sorry to hear about YH feeling so sad last night.
rablissful - Many hugs to you all month long. I wish you strength as you try to get past the EDD. Don't worry about not talking to your mom yet. It is more important that you focus on your well being especially with it being an emotional month for you already.
kayladawn91 - I'm sorry this is looking to be a rough month for you although I'm glad you're doing mostly ok right now. If you really don't think the birthday party would be good for you right now at least try talking to YH. There's no reason you have to put yourself in a situation that will be painful for you right now.
Post by LadyNymeria on Sept 1, 2015 16:03:26 GMT -5
I just talked to my dr office. I've mentioned it here before but for the past 7 years or so I've experienced brown spotting for a few days, sometimes up to a week before I get my period. I was already supposed to call whenever I get my period to come in for an ultrasound to make sure everything looks good, but now they want me to do a sonohysterogram too. The nurse mentioned it would have to be scheduled at a certain time and depending on when they could actually get me in it might prevent us from being able to start trying again the first cycle after I get my period. Makes me not want to even do the procedure.
I'm trying not to worry about it because maybe they could get me in quickly, but it still sucks thinking about having to wait more time. Although it will really suck if I get my period right before or during my trip to Aruba and I can't even schedule it that month and have to wait. Ugh.
I just talked to my dr office. I've mentioned it here before but for the past 7 years or so I've experienced brown spotting for a few days, sometimes up to a week before I get my period. I was already supposed to call whenever I get my period to come in for an ultrasound to make sure everything looks good, but now they want me to do a sonohysterogram too. The nurse mentioned it would have to be scheduled at a certain time and depending on when they could actually get me in it might prevent us from being able to start trying again the first cycle after I get my period. Makes me not want to even do the procedure.
I'm trying not to worry about it because maybe they could get me in quickly, but it still sucks thinking about having to wait more time. Although it will really suck if I get my period right before or during my trip to Aruba and I can't even schedule it that month and have to wait. Ugh.
When I had my last SHG they never mentioned not being able to TTC that cycle. Weird. Did they say why?
I just talked to my dr office. I've mentioned it here before but for the past 7 years or so I've experienced brown spotting for a few days, sometimes up to a week before I get my period. I was already supposed to call whenever I get my period to come in for an ultrasound to make sure everything looks good, but now they want me to do a sonohysterogram too. The nurse mentioned it would have to be scheduled at a certain time and depending on when they could actually get me in it might prevent us from being able to start trying again the first cycle after I get my period. Makes me not want to even do the procedure.
I'm trying not to worry about it because maybe they could get me in quickly, but it still sucks thinking about having to wait more time. Although it will really suck if I get my period right before or during my trip to Aruba and I can't even schedule it that month and have to wait. Ugh.
When I had my last SHG they never mentioned not being able to TTC that cycle. Weird. Did they say why?
Because you can't be pregnant when they do it so if they can't schedule it right away they don't want me to potentially be pregnant when the appointment comes. If they can schedule right after my first post-loss period then it won't matter, but if they can't get me in for another month they don't want me "risking" getting pregnant that first month.
ETA: If I get in for it right after my period, there is no delay to trying. It solely based on not knowing when it will be scheduled.
When I had my last SHG they never mentioned not being able to TTC that cycle. Weird. Did they say why?
Because you can't be pregnant when they do it so if they can't schedule it right away they don't want me to potentially be pregnant when the appointment comes. If they can schedule right after my first post-loss period then it won't matter, but if they can't get me in for another month they don't want me "risking" getting pregnant that first month.
Ah. That makes sense. They usually schedule them before CD 10-ish to make sure you haven't ovulated yet. But if you tend to ovulate a little later then you might be able to get away with scheduling it a little after that. They will do an ultrasound before they do the SHG to make sure you haven't ovulated yet. Hopefully they can get you in and it's not even an issue, though.
Because you can't be pregnant when they do it so if they can't schedule it right away they don't want me to potentially be pregnant when the appointment comes. If they can schedule right after my first post-loss period then it won't matter, but if they can't get me in for another month they don't want me "risking" getting pregnant that first month.
Ah. That makes sense. They usually schedule them before CD 10-ish to make sure you haven't ovulated yet. But if you tend to ovulate a little later then you might be able to get away with scheduling it a little after that. They will do an ultrasound before they do the SHG to make sure you haven't ovulated yet. Hopefully they can get you in and it's not even an issue, though.
Thanks. Before the loss I typically ovulated on CD16 so if my cycle resumes somewhat close to that it would give us 2 weeks to get the procedure done before O. Granted my cycle could be completely different now so I guess we'll see.
Post by wannabmama on Sept 1, 2015 21:00:57 GMT -5
LadyNymeria hope you have a drop this week, wishing you continued healing. @led I'm sorry you are dealing with you and YH's health (mental and physical) on top of "regular" TTC challenges. Figuring out which concessions to make and decisions when there feels like there's a time constraint is extra stressful. notagoddess I'm sorry for your sadness, sounds like you have a great SO for support when things are rough. hydrangea1019 poor H, I do feel like men have it hard bc they aren't "expected" to be hit so hard by this stuff so I think they can feel extra isolated or unsure how to express that sadness. rablissful I feel similar in that MH seemed genuinely shocked how sad I was with the CP even out of the blue months later, I get how he can't understand it bc I couldn't understand until I felt it. It's really something I can't even explain to my girlfriends without kids. For that short time I was pregnant, and it was an unexplainable and awesome feeling. He had an intellectual understanding but it's just...different. kayladawn91 MH and I have talked about how I always say "if we have a baby" and he thinks I should change to "when," but I agree, it hurts to get my hopes up. I'm trying, though, bc he needs to hear me hopeful sometimes. snakefisherbub so sorry that's so much to deal with at once, so many hugs to you.
TTC since July 2014. CP March 2015. IVF #1 March 2016, 5R, 3M, 2F with ICSI. Transferred 2 on day 3. CP. Surprise BFP and then CP August 2016 (prep cycle for IVF). IVF #2: zero eggs retrieved IVF #3: 6R, 5M, 5F, 3 (2 8A and 1 11A) transferred, one "B" graded embryo frozen on day 5. BFP (at home 7dp3dt, confirmed 14dp3dt with 1552 beta) and U/S at 5w5d, 2 sacs and 2 yolks!
For those of you who have passed your EDD, how did you handle it? Did you find something in particular helped you get through it?
Any ladies with approaching EDD have any plans?
Right now I'm planning on taking that day off from work but other than that, I have no clue how it's going to hit.
I buy myself a few good bottles of wine, some snacks (so I don't have to worry about making meals), and drink and cry and look at ultrasound photos/videos until Blake inevitably tells me I need to get some air and then we go for a walk or something.
Sometimes it doesn't hit as hard as others. It really depended how I was doing up until that point. But I was always prepared with wine and snacks. After that first one, I look for ways to remember. When I was still in IN I used to donate supplies (formula/diapers/etc) to the womens shelter. It let me feel like I was still able to take care of a baby, even if it wasn't my own.
For those of you who have passed your EDD, how did you handle it? Did you find something in particular helped you get through it?
Any ladies with approaching EDD have any plans?
Right now I'm planning on taking that day off from work but other than that, I have no clue how it's going to hit.
I found the lead-up to my EDD awful, but once the day passed, it was somewhat better. A relief in some way.
I put pressure on myself to be pregnant by my EDD. It didn't happen. If you can avoid that, that will save you pain. Easier said than done, of course.
The day before my EDD I told my husband that tomorrow, our baby should have been born. He broke down sobbing. After a while he said he cannot handle the constant sadness, he just can't deal with it anymore. I did not bring it up to him again. I tried to spend the day as normally as possible, for his sake.
I would have preferred to do something to commemorate our baby on the day, but it would hurt my husband more, so I didn't. I wore my angel wings necklace that day and otherwise went on as if it were a normal day.
Post by notagoddess on Sept 2, 2015 11:20:28 GMT -5
So sorry you're suffering, snakefisherbub. Period coming and EDD around the corner is a crappy combination. Take care of yourself.
kayladawn91, are you finding any good possibilities for work? You're right that some parts of the month are calmer than others while TTC, so it's good you're in a less stressful part of it while dealing with the huge stress of job hunting.
So sorry you're suffering, snakefisherbub. Period coming and EDD around the corner is a crappy combination. Take care of yourself.
kayladawn91, are you finding any good possibilities for work? You're right that some parts of the month are calmer than others while TTC, so it's good you're in a less stressful part of it while dealing with the huge stress of job hunting.
I will be working the same place I worked last year. I work in a support position at a high school where I work with at-risk students. I pull out small groups for re-teaching, go into classrooms where teachers have a lot of struggling students and help out, coordinate an after school tutoring program, etc. Anything to give extra academic support. It's definitely not what I want to do forever, but at least it's in the education field. I hate it most days because I feel like I'm overworked and underpaid. I also share a super small office with another coworker which makes my job seem impossible to do correctly most days, as I have nowhere to take students. Plus I work with a lot of the people who interviewed me and decided not to give me a full-time teaching job, so that's awkward and annoying.
Sorry for the ranting and complaining, I just want my own classroom.
Post by peaseblossom55 on Sept 3, 2015 0:21:34 GMT -5
How are you doing? Not good at all.
Status (TTA, TTC, Benched) Benched
Diagnosis (if applicable)PCOS
Updates/questions My loss was just last week, I had an appointment a f/u with my gyn today. Since we got pregnant with an RE she was fine with the appointment we scheduled with him Oct 8th. I don't think we will get the go ahead to try again at that point but at least we will have a game plan in place for getting pregnant again.
Debbie downer (a place to vent) I feel so depressed, I don't know if it's the natural grieving process or worse. I miss being pregnant and I miss our little girl so so much it hurts. I just don't get why- why us, why her? I really want to get pregnant again as soon as we can. Meanwhile I have a countdown going until Oct 8th, I would sleep the entire month of September if I could.
GTKY: How is your SO doing? Better than me at this point but I think he hides it better than I do. Considering grievance counseling or therapy or something. H & I are somehow stronger as a couple though.
So many hugs peaseblossom55. The craziness of hormones when a pregnancy ends can be a complete mindfuck on top of all the sadness and grief you're already experiencing. I'm so sorry you find yourself here, but I hope you're able to find some comfort. Take care.
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