Leaving baby with nanny/daycare/etc

[carolyngrace]

I'm really struggling to not get annoyed/pissed/worried about things my babysitter does with DB. None of it is serious. It's not going to hurt him or create long-term problems. But it's SO HARD to let go of control over what I think is best! 

I wrote on the randoms thread how she gave DB 8oz of pumped milk in one sitting. I ended up asking her about it again, and suggesting I thought it was too much. She basically said she DIDN'T think it was too much, and we just left it at that.

Then today when I picked DB up she mentioned that she got him up from his nap when he was stirring, even though he probably could have slept another hour, because "you want him to sleep tonight, don't you?".... She woke him up at 3:45 and bedtime is typically 7:30. So essentially I had to give him another nap and let him go to sleep late. Whereas if she would have let him sleep in his natural rhythm he would have went to sleep on time. Who wakes a baby from a nap?

I guess the thing is that the babysitter kind of bugs me all around. We have very different personalities and ways of raising our babies. And when she tells me things it's always very directive, and not seeming open to a conversation. 

Feeling discouraged. Just want to stay home with my baby. Anyone else struggling with childcare?

[Deleted]

I suggest you have a sit down meeting with her to go over rules. So it shouldn't be a casual conversation. Let her know in advance that you want to talk that way if she has questions she has time to think and ask you her own questions.

She should be open to your guidance as to how you want your baby taken care of. If you still feel resistance I would look for another nanny. Follow your instincts on this one.

She sounds confused or just uninformed bout the age of your baby in relation to sleep. It's way more common or I would say accepted in a toddler to wake them if they sleep past 4 that way it doesn't interfere w a 7 or 8pm bedtime. For a baby I would not wake them.

So far your rules on feeding and sleep are correct so I think she needs to be open to what you have to say.

[carolyngrace]

@poppyc8, Thank you for saying that. I think if she wasn't a mother herself (to a 5 month old) I would have an easier time bringing things up with her. But because of that I sort of expected her to be on the same page with most things, and therefore didn't have an up-front conversation about expectations, like I would have with someone else. Now it feels more dramatic to bring things up. But I know I need to.

[shahoi]

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. Leaving your baby to go back to work is hard as it is, and things like this just make it that much more difficult. Maybe try to be as direct with her as she is with you. She is watching your child, and if you make suggestions, it is unacceptable to just dismiss them. Would she want you doing that when you watch her LO? My sitter told me to be very up front with her if there comes a time that I disagree with something that she does and vice versa. Your opinion matters, and if she doesn't think it does then you should find someone else. Good luck to you!!

[mcp6286]

carolyngrace I'm so sorry you're going through this! A sitter should ALWAYS do what the parents want, no matter their personal opinions. It sounds like your sitter is very opinionated so maybe not the best fit? I know that for me, it was very important to find a caregiver who would share ideas but let me make the final decision. After all, this is MY baby! I wouldn't be able to leave LO if I knew my sitter would just disregard my directions and do her own thing. I would highly suggest interviewing several other sitters and being very firm with your routine/schedule to see how they react. When I interviewed, I told all the potential nannies exactly how I wanted the day to go to see how they'd respond. I chose the nanny I did because she was very open to my wishes, much more so than the others. I hope you can find someone who respects you more...you deserve better! And you shouldn't have to worry about that on top of everything else moms have to deal with every day!

[carolyngrace]

Sept 1, 2015 20:25:20 GMT -5 mcp6286 said:

carolyngrace I'm so sorry you're going through this! A sitter should ALWAYS do what the parents want, no matter their personal opinions. It sounds like your sitter is very opinionated so maybe not the best fit? I know that for me, it was very important to find a caregiver who would share ideas but let me make the final decision. After all, this is MY baby! I wouldn't be able to leave LO if I knew my sitter would just disregard my directions and do her own thing. I would highly suggest interviewing several other sitters and being very firm with your routine/schedule to see how they react. When I interviewed, I told all the potential nannies exactly how I wanted the day to go to see how they'd respond. I chose the nanny I did because she was very open to my wishes, much more so than the others. I hope you can find someone who respects you more...you deserve better! And you shouldn't have to worry about that on top of everything else moms have to deal with every day!

Ok, you're helping me feel like I'm not crazy... The thing is, I watch her kid too, so it's essentially "free" childcare and I can't afford to work otherwise. I really hope having a direct conversation will help.

I guess I shouldn't feel bad about being direct and having strong opinions since she isn't shy with hers.

But yeah, it's just one more stressor on top of everything else!

[alayne926]

I know at our center, we have to write down a "typical" schedule (ha!) for them so they have an idea (loosely) of baby's routine. I wrote down how much she typically eats, how long after a bottle she sleeps and roughly how long. Maybe putting it down in writing for her will help?

[jessila]

I'm sorry this is happening. My mom will be our childcare. She wants me to give her a basic loose schedule since that's all that we have now. She is convinced that O takes 5 or 6 oz when he eats but based on how much I pump I know that isn't true. I plan to leave her something like awake for 1 to 2 hours then how long naps are.
Like pp said you need to have a sit down conversation with your babysitter. Maybe also tell her how much you pump as an example of how much your son normally eats.
Good luck!

Eta because pumping and typing at the same time is hard

[Deleted]

I agree have the sit down talk but it doesn't have to be intense. Keep it friendly and to the point and also put an emphasis on that it is about both of you discussing rules for watching each other's babies since she might have suggestions for you about her baby too.

On a side note I feel like I got cursed for my never wake comment. I decided to experiment yesterday if you should in fact wake a toddler from a late nap. I let my toddler take a 3 1/2 hour nap and he was up wide awake at 4am this morning!!

[baytosa2013]

Sept 1, 2015 19:36:09 GMT -5 carolyngrace said:

I'm really struggling to not get annoyed/pissed/worried about things my babysitter does with DB. None of it is serious. It's not going to hurt him or create long-term problems. But it's SO HARD to let go of control over what I think is best! 

I wrote on the randoms thread how she gave DB 8oz of pumped milk in one sitting. I ended up asking her about it again, and suggesting I thought it was too much. She basically said she DIDN'T think it was too much, and we just left it at that.

Then today when I picked DB up she mentioned that she got him up from his nap when he was stirring, even though he probably could have slept another hour, because "you want him to sleep tonight, don't you?".... She woke him up at 3:45 and bedtime is typically 7:30. So essentially I had to give him another nap and let him go to sleep late. Whereas if she would have let him sleep in his natural rhythm he would have went to sleep on time. Who wakes a baby from a nap?

I guess the thing is that the babysitter kind of bugs me all around. We have very different personalities and ways of raising our babies. And when she tells me things it's always very directive, and not seeming open to a conversation. 

Feeling discouraged. Just want to stay home with my baby. Anyone else struggling with childcare?

I'm sorry that you are feeling like this about your DCP.  I am struggling with not being able to be home but I luckily really like the day care center we chose and the teacher that she is with most of the day.  They are very open to following your schedule as much as possible and write every little thing down.  Once a month we fill out a feeding and nap schedule and we haven't had any changes in Charlotte's feeding or bedtime schedule at home.  I'd say that if you are feeling that anxious or irritated with it, then either be more assertive with how you want things done (within reason) or start looking for a place that is more in line with how you want baby cared for.  Lots of people switch around because of personality conflicts.

ETA: sorry just read all the other comments and saw that this is a reciprocal type deal.  I'd try like others said to keep it friendly.  Something along the lines of "I'd like to get together without the kids and just note down and go over their current schedules.  We can review each others, make notes and ask questions, etc.  We should update this once a month since they change so much at this age".  Hopefully approaching it in a way that shows that you are just as receptive to making sure HER baby is on HER schedule will help.