How babies are made.

[Ray]

This just popped up on my newsfeed.
www.brainpickings.org/2015/01/12/parents-kids-babies/

How do you plan to tell your kids/have you told your kids how babies are made?

[Ray]

We haven't had the discussion yet wit DH's sons but we do use the proper names for anatomy. The curriculum here is pretty thorough in covering it from an early age (not to say all the teachers are necessarily) we will probably bring it up once SS1 gets to be around 12/13 and just discuss again using proper anatomical terms. I think we'll leave love out of it. Because sex doesn't necessarily require love. I laughed at the one dad's pocket analogy. I thought it was actually pretty good. I gagged at the special dance explanation.

[housecarder]

With DD she has asked about how my sisters or I got pregnant and I used that as a starting point based on her questions. She is the oldest of all the cousins so she's seen pregnant bellies and been told "Aunt so and so has a baby in her belly" and then the baby comes out. She's asked both how it got in there and how it got out and my answers have changed as she got older. She's seen my c section scar and I explained that she came out through that, but normally a baby comes out of the mommy's vagina. (Yes we use penis and vagina, not wee wee or any other slang. If it's good enough for the doctor it's good enough for me.) As to how the baby was made, she's only 5 so we just said that the mommy has an egg and the daddy has a sperm, and that they join and the baby grows in the mommy's belly. Being that her dad and I both have children after her with other people it was the best way to explain why I am her mom but not her sister's mom and why her dad was not DS's dad. Thankfully she hasn't asked how the sperm get in there yet, but when she does I will be as honest as possible.

[Rama]

The kid who learned everything from his older brother slayed me.

[singingsea]

Currently DS thinks he popped out of my stomach.

[mosdub]

Sept 5, 2015 21:20:36 GMT -5 singingsea said:

Currently DS thinks he popped out of my stomach.

Was going to post an obligatory Alien/Predator gif here, got squeamish, decided against it.  

Just pretend. 

[mosdub]

I once had 2 elementary students argue about "babies in the belly" and one insisted that babies pee when they are inside their mom. The other one, disgusted and needed my reassurance, asked, "Do babies pee inside their mom before they are born?"

How does one talk to a kid about amniotic fluids?

I basically said it's not quite the same thing but that the other kid isn't wrong and to talk to their parents about it.

[bunnyfungo]

We used this: www.amazon.com/What-Makes-Baby-Cory-Silverberg/dp/1609804856

It addresses the multiple ways babies are made, and the characters aren't gender specific. Although it does use the correct anatomical terms for everything. This was important to me. I don't believe in teaching kids fairy tales about where babies come from. Mom isn't a flower and dad isn't a bee or whatever. He has a penis and I have a vagina and my kids aren't going to be scarred for life by knowing the truth. Hopefully it'll keep them off of Baby Center in 30 years.

[Ray]

That looks like an awesome book bunnyfungo!

[twocents6708]

So far we haven't had the how does the baby get in there discussion yet. We use anatomically correct language in our house and DD knows that she grew in my tummy and that the dr helped take her out. She knows about nursing as well. We plan to have a similar conversation as housecarder did and talk about egg and sperm if she does ask about how the baby gets in there.

The harder conversation has been her asking why we haven't given her a brother or sister yet....that one leaves us a bit stumped on how to explain that to her.

[jwinct]

I'm pretty matter-of-fact with my kids, also. I can't stand when parents don't use anatomically correct words for body parts. You're not doing your kids any favors by shielding them from the truth about their bodies. I just don't get it. So, I'm thrilled that you ladies feel the same way.

My girls are currently 6 and 8 years old. A couple of years ago, my older DD was telling her sister that babies are cut out of your belly and that's how they are born. I interrupted them and explained to them that that's how they were born, but that most babies come out of your vagina. They were wide-eyed, amazed and horrified. One of them eventually asked me how babies get in your belly and I explained that women have eggs inside their body and that a man has to fertilize the egg for the egg to grown into a baby. I was full expecting them to then ask me how the man fertilizes the egg, but they didn't. They seemed happy with my explanation. Had they asked me, I would have told them the truth. They know what a penis is, so I will tell them that the man puts his penis inside the vagina.

DH hates that I am so frank with the kids, only because those conversations make him uncomfortable, but I am determined that my kids will not to be completely clueless about the female reproductive system, like I was. My mom never talked to me about menstruation or anything at all. Everything I learned, I learned from my friends, which wasn't much! I remember reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility 9 or 10 years ago and being completely amazed and feeling so enlightened and empowered. I want my girls to understand their menstrual cycles. Knowledge is power, and I don't want to become a grandmother before I should be.

[Deleted]

Sept 6, 2015 13:14:28 GMT -5 danib said:

Funny story about anatomically correct words. DS's babysitter told me a few weeks ago that he kept grabbing his penis while she was changing his diaper (he was a little younger than 2 at the time) so she told him to leave his "bird" alone its yucky (I am assuming she said yucky because of pee). DS responds "no that's my penis, I hold it". I laughed and had a proud mommy moment at the same time.

So onviously haven't had the conversation yet as he is still a baby himself, but when the time comes I plan to be has honest as possible.

I don't know your feelings on the topic but I wish people wouldn't discourage children from touching and exploring their own body. It can really cause some bad complexes.

[singingsea]

Sept 6, 2015 16:07:56 GMT -5 @rutherily said:

Sept 6, 2015 13:14:28 GMT -5 danib said:

Funny story about anatomically correct words. DS's babysitter told me a few weeks ago that he kept grabbing his penis while she was changing his diaper (he was a little younger than 2 at the time) so she told him to leave his "bird" alone its yucky (I am assuming she said yucky because of pee). DS responds "no that's my penis, I hold it". I laughed and had a proud mommy moment at the same time.

So onviously haven't had the conversation yet as he is still a baby himself, but when the time comes I plan to be has honest as possible.

I don't know your feelings on the topic but I wish people wouldn't discourage children from touching and exploring their own body. It can really cause some bad complexes.

DS has recently started doing this A LOT. I never scold him or make him feel bad. I just tell him that's something we do in our private time.

[jwinct]

Sept 6, 2015 17:32:24 GMT -5 singingsea said:

Sept 6, 2015 16:07:56 GMT -5 @rutherily said:

I don't know your feelings on the topic but I wish people wouldn't discourage children from touching and exploring their own body. It can really cause some bad complexes.

DS has recently started doing this A LOT. I never scold him or make him feel bad. I just tell him that's something we do in our private time.

I do the same thing. My girls love touching themselves and I've  had to speak to them about not doing it in front of everyone.

singingsea - I super puffy heart your Mr. Garrison siggy.

[Ray]

my sister's kids call their vagina their "nunny" and it drives me absolutely bonkers.

[thechickencoop]

Sept 6, 2015 17:32:24 GMT -5 singingsea said:

Sept 6, 2015 16:07:56 GMT -5 @rutherily said:

I don't know your feelings on the topic but I wish people wouldn't discourage children from touching and exploring their own body. It can really cause some bad complexes.

DS has recently started doing this A LOT. I never scold him or make him feel bad. I just tell him that's something we do in our private time.

DS went through a phase in the spring where he just wanted to take his penis out all.the.time. We had a lot of discussions about how it's fine BUT not at the gym or grocery store or at the dinner table. He had been excused to his bedroom more than once ::shrug:: 

All kids are naturally curious; not a day goes by where I don't get asked about how I pee since I don't have a penis or something along that line. But we try to not act like our bodies are anything to be ashamed about and just answer factually. I'm not looking forward to when the tough questions start though. Oy.

[setsuna17]

Sept 5, 2015 21:20:36 GMT -5 singingsea said:

Currently DS thinks he popped out of my stomach.

My daughter told me she came out of my mouth. Lol.

[Ray]

Sept 6, 2015 21:40:35 GMT -5 setsuna17 said:

Sept 5, 2015 21:20:36 GMT -5 singingsea said:

Currently DS thinks he popped out of my stomach.

My daughter told me she came out of my mouth. Lol.

oh wow. i just noticed your siggy. its gonna be a tough call between you and Chang for the winner this month lol 

this K&P skit was HUGE in my teacher's college class lol

[setsuna17]

Sept 6, 2015 22:41:23 GMT -5 Ray said:

Sept 6, 2015 21:40:35 GMT -5 setsuna17 said:

My daughter told me she came out of my mouth. Lol.

oh wow. i just noticed your siggy. its gonna be a tough call between you and Chang for the winner this month lol 

this K&P skit was HUGE in my teacher's college class lol

I looooooooove the skit. It's the best.

[bunnyfungo]

Sept 6, 2015 20:58:42 GMT -5 ugaqueencity said:

Sept 6, 2015 20:17:12 GMT -5 Ray said:

my sister's kids call their vagina their "nunny" and it drives me absolutely bonkers.

I nannied for some kids when I was in college and they called pretty much everything peaches. It was so weird to me

I hate this because it makes it more difficult to tell someone about inappropriate touching. Imagine you're a teacher and a student is confiding in you. There's quite a difference between, "Grandpa touches my peaches," and, "Grandpa touches my vagina."

[Deleted]

Sept 7, 2015 8:51:44 GMT -5 bunnyfungo said:

Sept 6, 2015 20:58:42 GMT -5 ugaqueencity said:

I nannied for some kids when I was in college and they called pretty much everything peaches. It was so weird to me

I hate this because it makes it more difficult to tell someone about inappropriate touching. Imagine you're a teacher and a student is confiding in you. There's quite a difference between, "Grandpa touches my peaches," and, "Grandpa touches my vagina."

*major trigger warning*
I've kinda explained my job a little bit on here, but to be completely open I work in investigations for my state's version of DFS. I investigate child abuse and neglect. I am a social worker but also work quite often along side police. We have a center we take children to for sexual abuse interviews and the interviewers must use children's version of words to make them feel comfortable. There are so many words used now, the interview process has to include naming the parts of the body on a diagram of a boy and girl. This way it can still hold up in court so a lawyer doesn't say "well peaches could mean anything!" and the whole case get thrown out. So, bunny you're so right that parents need to teach their children the correct words so if something bad happens they can get the help they need and so the bad person doesn't get away with it.

[jwinct]

Sept 7, 2015 9:12:10 GMT -5 @rutherily said:

Sept 7, 2015 8:51:44 GMT -5 bunnyfungo said:

I hate this because it makes it more difficult to tell someone about inappropriate touching. Imagine you're a teacher and a student is confiding in you. There's quite a difference between, "Grandpa touches my peaches," and, "Grandpa touches my vagina."

*major trigger warning*
I've kinda explained my job a little bit on here, but to be completely open I work in investigations for my state's version of DFS. I investigate child abuse and neglect. I am a social worker but also work quite often along side police. We have a center we take children to for sexual abuse interviews and the interviewers must use children's version of words to make them feel comfortable. There are so many words used now, the interview process has to include naming the parts of the body on a diagram of a boy and girl. This way it can still hold up in court so a lawyer doesn't say "well peaches could mean anything!" and the whole case get thrown out. So, bunny you're so right that parents need to teach their children the correct words so if something bad happens they can get the help they need and so the bad person doesn't get away with it.

When we were going through our foster training classes through DCF, one of the social workers told us a story about a little girl in foster care who kept talking about one of her family members putting things in her purse. They eventually found out that her purse was actually her vagina, but it took them a while to realize that. So sad.