WWJ12D? To go or not to go?

[tribute17]

My H has an interview in Colorado on the 17-18or 19. The interview process for this kind of job is a little different. He will be with the professor for most of the day talking and touring the labs and campus. Then at night they would go out with others to dinner and get to know everyone in the lab. I'm invited to come along and would skip the day stuff but go out at night. MH wants me to go because it's important that the guy gets a feel for what H is like and he thinks I would help him out.

My problem is that I don't know if I can leave my 1 month old for a night and two days. I could leave Patrick no problem but I think about leaving William and I don't know if I could. He would stay with my parents who I trust completely.

Pros: I would get a night of sleep ( on my birthday no less), MH and I wild get some time together, I would get to see the place where we would potentially be moving. I could look for places to live during the day.
Cons; my baby is only a month old.

I don't want to take him on the airplane yet so taking him with us isn't an option.
What would you do?

[nursedesi]

I wouldnt if I were in the position. Especially if this is just the first interview.

[tribute17]

I guess I should explain the process. They have been emailing for a while and had a phone interview last week. Professors usually only fly 1 or 2 people out for interviews so there is a very good chance H will get this job. Part of this part of the interview is to see if personalities mesh. Professors treat post docs as apprentices and are usually very close to them. This is basically to see what H is like. The guy is family man and has made that clear. H has stressed that he really wants me to go but understands that I may not want to.

Am I being crazy? If so just tell me.

[britbratjf]

Are you BFing? I can't remember. If so I wouldn't just because pumping that soon is such a PITA. But if you aren't then I think I would go. It sounds like your H thinks it would help and it may help the two of you reconnect as well, I know you're both struggling with fatigue and how long your H has been out of work.

(Also 100% no judgement if you aren't BFing - wanted to make sure it didn't come off that way. But I took a trip when DD was 4 months old and all the pumping/transporting milk was such a pain I wouldn't do it again).

[tribute17]

I'm not BFing so that part wouldn't be a big deal.

[mrsrek10]

Could you take the baby with you? If they are family oriented, they should understand a mom not leaving a newborn.

[britbratjf]

Sept 7, 2015 15:26:54 GMT -5 tribute17 said:

I'm not BFing so that part wouldn't be a big deal.

It sounds like it could make an impression with this professor if you go and since it's just 1 night I think I would do it.

[tribute17]

Sept 7, 2015 15:28:06 GMT -5 mrsrek10 said:

Could you take the baby with you? If they are family oriented, they should understand a mom not leaving a newborn.

I think he would totally understand but I just don't want to take him on the airplane. He doesn't have any vaccines yet and the close quarters of the plane make me too worried. My microbiology training doesn't help with this either. I may be a bit crazy.

[paddyb]

I personally wouldn't feel comfortably leaving a baby that early.

[xanthepants]

I couldn't that early because I was still not walking well, and did not want to expose coco to germs nor was I emotionally ready to leave my baby. I get that your H is pretty dependant on you though. So you really have to make that call. This seems pretty critical for him, and thus for you both and I'm not sure how he performs on these interviews. Do you think he chokes? Do you think it will affect him detrimentally if you just can't go? What can you do in place of not going? Can you write a personal letter explaining you situation to this "family man" or is that crossing a line? I'm just not sure in this case.

eta family

[britbratjf]

Kind of going off what Bella said - my advice to go is largely because of how your H sounds to me. He sounds like someone that needs that support and will do better if you're there. But obviously I don't know either of you IRL.

Also if you don't go & your H doesn't get the job will
You of him worry/wonder if you going could have made the difference? Not saying that it will make a difference but I feel like when things don't go our way we looks for things to blame and I would hate for it to potentially cause future resentment.

[starfishy]

That's really tough. It's one night? How long is the flight?
Your H has been looking for a job for so long I feel like I would want to go just to make sure I did everything in my power to make sure he got the job.
Although I'm sure the guy wouldn't be surprised if you didn't come with your newborn.

[origamimommy]

Honestly I would go based on how dependent your husband is on you. However, I've still never spent a night away from Tyler so I get not wanting to go.

If it's just a night or two, I think it might be worth it but you really have to make that call. Good luck I hope your husband gets it!

[sarasansh]

That's a tough call...if it were me I'd either not go or go and take the baby with me. Whatever you end up deciding to do, I think you should ask your parents to watch Patrick so you aren't outnumbered!

[bantyrooster]

If you aren't bf and he thinks it could help and he has been out of work for how long he has I would go. Could you just fly in for the dinner and fly right back home? You will pay for flights no matter how long you stay so just fly in for a couple hours.

[cookiesandwine]

I'd go. The only reason I wouldn't now is I'd be tied to the pump anyway. But maybe I'm a horrible monster who could use a full night of sleep and a day without anyone attached to my teats.

[barefoot84]

I wouldn't go. Honestly, I wouldn't be able to leave my one month old overnight. Hell, I wouldn't be able to leave my one year old and my three year old overnight, but that's my problem.

BUT if your H's future boss is really a family man, he might actually frown upon the fact that you'd be willing to leave a newborn overnight. Even if I don't always agree with it, we live in a culture where it's still very much the mother's job to take care of young babies, and they're seen as our most important responsibility. I would send H with some recent pictures of both babies in his wallet (do people still do that???) or at least on his phone, and I would set at least one Skype/Facetime date with him that he could casually mention to his boss. He can easily excuse you to your new boss, saying you couldn't bear the thought of leaving your newborn at home.

I would however hide something in H's laptop bag/suitcase to remind him that you're there for him. Maybe some Hershey kisses, a craft from Patrick and a surprise picture of the baby holding an "I love you Daddy" heart (just cut it out from so red paper). You could even just put the heart on the baby while he was sleeping and snap the picture. Or you can simply text him some pictures you take while he's away, with some encouraging message/I miss you or whatever.

You can even bake cookies if you want. But I'd stay home.

[laurski81]

I did it for work at 3 months PP. Yes its a bit later than you BUT I was/am still nursing and had to do it and pump and it was for 3 full days and 2 overnights. Based off what you have said about your H I think this is something he needs for support and if this could very possibly get him a job I would go.

[aimeefarrahfowler]

I would go. 1. To get some sleep. 2. If this was my H and he wanted me to come because he thought it would help him, I wouldn't want to chance it being my fault if he didn't get it.

I would try to maybe take a later flight if H doesn't need you there during the day, go to dinner, get a night's sleep, and fly back out first thing in the morning.

[tribute17]

Based on responses I must make my H sound like a huge baby which I probably do. I promise he really isn't. He would actually do really well with this kind of situation because the guy would get to know him in a more casual setting. MH is a blast when he is out in a dinner/bar type setting. I know he would do fine but I think being there would help him.
I feel like in also a monster because my first thought was, awesome a full night of sleep! That makes me a horrible person doesn't it. But then I thought, that's a long time. I feel like I'm making too big of a deal out of it. The flight would be a little over an hour and I could convince Mh to go for only one night.

That said, we just went to a baseball game and he stayed with my inlaws for a few hours and I'm having anxiety and hate being away. Maybe I wouldn't handle it very well. The hormones aren't helping either.

[bliz1712]

I don't think you've made him to sound like a baby, but I think the road to him finding a job has been difficult and you've both had your ups and downs and this might be an extra push for him to get that confidence that anyone needs during an interview.

I personally would go. I would like the extra sleep and like Aimee said I wouldn't want it to somehow come back and bite me or be the "what if" of why he didn't get the job. I trust my parents completely and if they were willing to take both kids I would do it. But I also know that I'm not in the majority of what most mom's would do. To me the sleep and the alone time with my H would be something that would be really helpful for me as a Mom.  And sometimes to be the best Mom I need a break for a little bit.  I miss them like crazy, but I also enjoy my alone time!

[summergirl1211]

Ugh, that is so tough! I left Riley overnight when she was 2 months, but that was for my grandpa's funeral and only because I didn't want to take a little baby on 13 hours worth of car rides that soon (although in hindsight she probably would have done great). It was hard being away, but nice to have a good night's sleep as well.

I really think this is something you and your H need to decide. If you can't bring him with and you're not comfortable leaving for even a day, then don't go. I'm sure your H would love having you there, but everyone would (SHOULD) understand why you can't go. I don't think there's a wrong decision here, honestly. GL lady!

[samelly]

If it were me, I wouldn't be able to leave the baby that young.  But the decision is really yours - if you aren't BF and you have your parents who are happy to take the kids and it's just one night, it is probably okay.  But you'd have to ask yourself too, if you have the energy yet for a night of socializing with new people with your DH.  I wouldn't at just one month post-partum - but everyone is different.

[lkamenko]

I would not be able to leave 1 months old, but I was breastfeeding and I did not have family who would be able to help...
I think your DH will do great if he goes by himself and will be able to focus on the interview without worrying about the kids.
I understand that you want to help him, but I think it could backfire if you will be stressed and sad because you have left your newborn.
In any case - best of luck for your H on the interview!

[mrsplaydoh]

I wouldn't be able to leave the baby so young but that's just me...I don't even think I would sleep good so far away...But if he really wants/needs your in person support and you're comfortable with it...definitely each person is different so I hope you choose what's best for all of you! And good luck to him on the interview!