Discussion Topic: "Completing the set"

[Widget123]

I heard this on the radio on the way to work, and I thought it was a very interesting hypothetical, so I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Suppose you and your significant other had 2 kids together but are now broken up/separated/divorced... but you always wanted 3 kids.  Would you consider conceiving and having another kid with your prior SO so that all 3 kids would have the same biological parents?  And we are mainly talking conception the old fashioned way, not artificial insemination, etc.

To throw in another twist, what if you and your old SO were both already married/remarried to different people?  Would this change your answer?

Supposedly this story is from real life ex-spouses who are both remarried to different people, but are getting together, with their new spouses' permission, to try for #3.


For me, this would never work even if we weren't remarried, because DH would want control of the situation and if we got a divorce, with his personality, I doubt it would be amicable.  What do you think?  Would you ever consider such a thing?

[Stormy61]

There are people that have done this? I can't imagine. I've never been divorced but if my marriage ever got so bad that I got divorced, I can't imagine getting back together with that person to create a baby together! I can't even comprehend the thought process.

[Deleted]

No way. This sounds bananas!

[Deleted]

I left XH when DS was 9 months old. XH actually proposed to me that I stay with him long enough to get pregnant again and then divorce as soon as the new baby was born. Ummm. FUCK NO!! That's just ridiculous.

ETA:  This baby won't even be genetically related to DS since we used a donor egg and I'm now remarried but who cares?  That in no way makes them less brothers. And there is NO WAY DH ever would have agreed to let XH be the bio parent.  

[sully326]

Um. No. No no no no no.

[Widget123]

I guess the people on the show were pointing out that if you really thought your ex SO was such a good parent then even if your personal relationship didn't work out you could still make it work for a new child, in theory. It kind of almost feels like one of those movies in which people who aren't in a romantic relationship (usually friends) just get together for the sake of having a child.

I agree that the remarried part of the scenario is totally bonkers... i.e. choosing to have a child with an ex over a current SO.

[bendherova]

This sounds insane. NO.

[mrskblack11]

[Deleted]

Jan 27, 2015 10:10:43 GMT -5 Widget123 said:

I guess the people on the show were pointing out that if you really thought your ex SO was such a good parent then even if your personal relationship didn't work out you could still make it work for a new child, in theory. It kind of almost feels like one of those movies in which people who aren't in a romantic relationship (usually friends) just get together for the sake of having a child.

I agree that the remarried part of the scenario is totally bonkers... i.e. choosing to have a child with an ex over a current SO.

Yeah, I thought my XH was a piece of shit parent.    Now that DS is older and can speak up for himself  it's ok, but there were major issues with him being able to properly take care of a newborn/baby/toddler.   

[Girlymama79]

Oh my gosh! No! I can't imagine new spouses being "cool" with this.

[neongreen]

...I don't get it. At all.

[bendherova]

who has the nope-topus ready?

[nicolec78]

Oh hell no!

[tiffbot]

What? No!

[blasto!]

The end.

[wormgerm]

Er... no. If you were with a new SO wouldn't you want to create life with the person you love? If it's an I'm single and want that third baby... maybe? But not the old fashioned way. The sperm donor way. Eh. Actually no.

[sugarkissed]

This is really a thing?

No, nope, never.

[beersandweirs]

Seems like a pretty terrible idea to me...

[kls6382]

No! Horrible idea. And then what, the ex-spouse comes along to all the prenatal appointments? Just a weird setup. No no no

[billyhorrible]

I don't really care if my children are biologically related. I mean, I do right now, because I'm married and think I should probably be having kids with my spouse, but in the vast scheme of things I don't see the importance of that. Adopted children - whether through remarriage or an agency, are just as much family as those without biological ties.

[schnurette]

This sounds incredibly creepy and weird. That said, I work for a family lawyer and have seen some weird people...

One of our clients came in to sign his Separation Agreement WITH his ex wife. She waited for him in the waiting room and he came out after signing and put his hand on her shoulder and they gave each other a huge grin and left together.

I also was at the Court once filing documents and a couple came in laughing and joking and the guy said he was there to file a joint application for divorce. I assumed the woman was his new girlfriend but it turned out to be his ex. They were discussing going for lunch after they were done.

WTF people.

[dmoney]

Jan 27, 2015 9:29:31 GMT -5 Widget123 said:

I heard this on the radio on the way to work, and I thought it was a very interesting hypothetical, so I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Suppose you and your significant other had 2 kids together but are now broken up/separated/divorced... but you always wanted 3 kids.  Would you consider conceiving and having another kid with your prior SO so that all 3 kids would have the same biological parents?  And we are mainly talking conception the old fashioned way, not artificial insemination, etc.

To throw in another twist, what if you and your old SO were both already married/remarried to different people?  Would this change your answer?

Supposedly this story is from real life ex-spouses who are both remarried to different people, but are getting together, with their new spouses' permission, to try for #3.


For me, this would never work even if we weren't remarried, because DH would want control of the situation and if we got a divorce, with his personality, I doubt it would be amicable.  What do you think?  Would you ever consider such a thing?

Do you listen to the Kane show??? Because I heard the same thing this morning and just think its odd!!

[leenziepops]

No way. Sounds completely crazy to make a baby when you're not in love with each other but in love with other people.

[flbabychin]

Yeah...no. I don't think I would ever even consider a scenario like this.

[erbear]

This totally deserved the nopetopus.

[kemdupuis]

I think this is so unbelievably strange. Why would you bring another child into a relationship that you know doesn't work? ESPECIALLY if you both have new spouses... I can't even fathom this scenario. Like, it would never occur to me. So weird!

[missjenniebean]

Yeah.....no.

[gingerbabe]

Jan 27, 2015 10:10:43 GMT -5 Widget123 said:

I guess the people on the show were pointing out that if you really thought your ex SO was such a good parent then even if your personal relationship didn't work out you could still make it work for a new child, in theory. It kind of almost feels like one of those movies in which people who aren't in a romantic relationship (usually friends) just get together for the sake of having a child.

I agree that the remarried part of the scenario is totally bonkers... i.e. choosing to have a child with an ex over a current SO.

If your ex is that great of a parent, why get divorced? I'm old-fashioned and would stay with my husband until my kids are 18 even if we didn't love each other or get along in any manner other than as co-parents. If we get along as parents, I don't see a reason to get divorced until my kids are adults. Now, if we can't get along as even co-parents for whatever reason, then that's a different story because staying together would just add chaos to the kids' lives.

My DH's good buddy is getting a divorce. He and his wife are best friends, but haven't felt romantic towards each other basically since they got married (10 years ago), so they are getting divorced. I can totally imagine this wife wanting this situation. She wants more kids, but he doesn't. They are getting divorced but planning to be next door neighbors so its easy to co-parent and I can imagine them randomly hooking up as they please. Seriously I think they are so screwed up. Why not just stay married in a non-romantic marriage until the kids are grown? Now they'll be dirt poor because they won't be sharing bills and their kids are going to have their lives all torn up just because this wife wants romance. Oh and this wife has cheated on her husband twice and he stayed with her through it all. He's just incapable of romancing anyone, not just her. He's got mommy issues.

[Widget123]

Jan 27, 2015 17:36:42 GMT -5 dmoney said:

Jan 27, 2015 9:29:31 GMT -5 Widget123 said:

I heard this on the radio on the way to work, and I thought it was a very interesting hypothetical, so I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Suppose you and your significant other had 2 kids together but are now broken up/separated/divorced... but you always wanted 3 kids.  Would you consider conceiving and having another kid with your prior SO so that all 3 kids would have the same biological parents?  And we are mainly talking conception the old fashioned way, not artificial insemination, etc.

To throw in another twist, what if you and your old SO were both already married/remarried to different people?  Would this change your answer?

Supposedly this story is from real life ex-spouses who are both remarried to different people, but are getting together, with their new spouses' permission, to try for #3.


For me, this would never work even if we weren't remarried, because DH would want control of the situation and if we got a divorce, with his personality, I doubt it would be amicable.  What do you think?  Would you ever consider such a thing?

Do you listen to the Kane show??? Because I heard the same thing this morning and just think its odd!!

Yes, that is where I heard it from