TTCAL Check-In 9/8

[kayladawn91]

I didn't see this posted yet, so...

The Trying to Conceive After a Loss thread is posted once a week (generally on Tuesday) for those of us who have unfortunately experienced a loss. No matter what type of loss you've experienced, from miscarriage to stillbirth to the loss of a child, it is heartbreaking. This thread is to help us commiserate, get support, and to try to navigate trying to conceive after a loss every week.

Out of respect to all the ladies here, please add a trigger warning if you decide to talk about any living children and please hide your signature if it contains pictures or tickers of babies or children. We also kindly ask for grads to refrain from commenting in this thread.


**If this is your first check-in, and you would like to provide a gtky loss history intro go for it. If not, no worries!**


How are you doing?

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched)

Diagnosis (if applicable)

Updates/questions

Debbie downer (a place to vent)

GTKY: Who knows about your loss(es)? Do you receive much support from these people?

[kayladawn91]

@pineappleoranges I am so sorry you're not doing well. TTCAL is such an emotional rollercoaster. Hugs to you!

How are you doing: Eh. Not great. I've definitely been better.

Status: TTC

Diagnosis: N/A

Updates/questions: None

Debbie downer: ***Warning: baby mentioned*** So on the way from my car to the school today, BIL texted me pictures of their new baby born this AM. It caught me off guard and I got really emotional. I figured I would just go shut myself in my office for a little while and I could get a cry in/compose myself before the school day began. When I got to my office, I learned that they had used it for storage over the summer and I couldn't even walk in the door. So I had to just go to my assignments for the day and suck it up. After 1st hour, I managed to get through the rest of the day without many emotions creeping up on me. But I just logged onto FB a few minutes ago so there's that...

GTKY: Other than H, my sister and a friend know. Both are pregnant right now and don't understand since they've never had losses themselves. One had trouble TTC and tries to be supportive but just isn't. They both tell me things like "it just wasn't the right time" and "it will happen for you when it's supposed to" which actually make me feel worse. I honestly wish they didn't even know.

[babyzebra]

@pineappleoranges I'm sorry that you're not doing well. I sometimes do the same thing with my pregnancy apps to see how far along I would have been. It's hard to see. ((Hugs))

kayladawn91 Sorry that you had to deal with seeing the baby picture right before work.

[babyzebra]

How are you doing?
I'm doing alright.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched)
I'm somewhere between TTA and NTNP I guess

Diagnosis (if applicable)
None

Updates/questions
No real updates for me. We might start TTC in 1-2 cycles from now.

Debbie downer (a place to vent)
I've been surprisingly alright with OPP and seeing little babies throughout my losses. But, just recently I've started to feel kind of jealous about OPP. It's kind of a weird emotion to be surfacing now and I'm just trying to rid myself of that feeling.

GTKY: Who knows about your loss(es)? Do you receive much support from these people?
MH, parents, sister and 3 friends know about my losses. I don't get any support from any of them. They don't know what to say or do.

[Deleted]

How are you doing? Meh. Not terrible.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched) TTC 6DPO today

Diagnosis (if applicable) MTHFR PCOS RPL

Updates/questions nada

Debbie downer (a place to vent) So, I did the math, and if I manage to get pregnant this cycle, and Blake's parents visit at the end of the October instead of the beginning of October, they'll likely be here when the heartbeat stops. Which is causing me to freak out way more than I should. FFS I don't even know if I'm pregnant or not. And I don't know when they're visiting our for how long. Ugh. I just hated not knowing and it's making me jump to the worst case scenario. Who knows, maybe I won't even miscarry this time.

GTKY: Who knows about your loss(es)? Do you receive much support from these people? Pretty much everyone knows to some extent. Very few people know about all of them. I don't get support from my ILs (it's not proper to talk about such things), but they don't actively degrade me for it looked my family does. So that's about as supportive as it gets aside from you guys.

[hydrangea1019]

@pineappleoranges, i'm sorry you're having a bad time recently. Sometimes it hits harder than others.
kayladawn91, I'm sorry that picture caught you off guard this morning. Seeing things like that can certainly mess up an entire day. I hope you're able to have a better day tomorrow.

How are you doing? I've been better. I'm not in a horrible place, but I'm also not in a good place.
Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC
Updates/questions: My period started yesterday. So needless to say, it hit me pretty hard. I'm hoping these sad emotions will leave as my period tapers off.
Debbie downer (a place to vent): soooo I looked at my chart to see when my period is expected to start next month and OF COURSE cd1 is expected on our EDD.... greeeeaat.... that's just going to be a super great day.
GTKY: Who knows about your loss(es)? Do you receive much support from these people? my husband's immediate family, my immediate family, 3 co-workers, my supervisor, and my 2 best friends. I have received AMAZING support from all EXCEPT 1 best friend. She just doesn't get it. She thinks it's over, move on. She doesn't understand and I get that. I just don't discuss this with her.

[Deleted]

I'm mobile and can't keep things straight today, so I just want to give hugs to all of you whether you need them or not. None of this is easy and I'm so sorry some of you are having a rough time right now.

[kayladawn91]

I'm sorry you're dealing with a new cycle hydrangea1019. CD1s have been hitting me pretty hard lately too. Hugs!

[mosdub]

How are you doing? Doing fine. Feeling better than I have in a long time but also not 100% myself.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): Benched

Diagnosis (if applicable): Still waiting for hCG to drop to 0 and stay there for 6 months to a year following a partial molar pregnancy. Should get my next number tomorrow. FX it dropped significantly.

Updates/questions: Started school and it was a welcomed distraction! Lots of hugs and laughs and smiles!

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I'm doing alright right now.

GTKY: Who knows about your loss(es)? Do you receive much support from these people? Everyone knows about my loss. Well, everyone in my family, all of my friends, all of my students and my coworkers. The only people that don't know are those peripheral people on facebook. I was waiting until the 20 week appt to post anything online about it but of course that was the appointment we discovered the loss. I received so much support from all of them. I am very fortunate to have that network.

[mosdub]

Sept 8, 2015 19:03:27 GMT -5 @led said:

Debbie downer (a place to vent) So, I did the math, and if I manage to get pregnant this cycle, and Blake's parents visit at the end of the October instead of the beginning of October, they'll likely be here when the heartbeat stops. Which is causing me to freak out way more than I should. FFS I don't even know if I'm pregnant or not. And I don't know when they're visiting our for how long. Ugh. I just hated not knowing and it's making me jump to the worst case scenario. Who knows, maybe I won't even miscarry this time.

I'm so sorry that you're already looking at the worst case scenario.  It's a natural defense mechanism to do that.  I think I do it too much sometimes.
Hugs @led  

[hydrangea1019]

babyzebra I'm really sorry you don't get any support from the people around you. Unfortunately some people just can't do 'hard' and we don't know about it until something hard happens. Sending you hugs!
@led going through this process is a mind game and I'm sorry it's messing with you now. It can certainly put us in a bad state ((Hugs))
@pippacticket 1) enjoy that pasta!! What kind?? 2) good job on getting to that intermediate yoga class!!
FX your hcg drops significantly where it needs to be (at 0) mosdub! I'm glad school starting back has been a welcomed distraction for you.

[uwodahikamama]

I posted a general intro on the board, but I'll post a little about why I'm in this group too.
I got married in Feb this year, got ktfu right after. I was so impatient to see an ultrasound! I was in shock. I went off the pill a few months prior but considering I was on hbc for so many years and also did several egg donations I assumed it would take awhile to get pregnant, if at all.
I had a super early ultrasound at like 5 weeks because of some spotting but they couldn't see anything at all and said there might be something wrong and to do a follow-up.
Well I had another us a week or so later and they could barely see anything in my uterus. Then came the blood draws. My hcg wasn't rising fast enough. More ultrasounds and eventually we saw a small something but it never grew past about 5-6 weeks size. Turns out I had a blighted ovum. I didn't miscarry until about 10 weeks. It happened in my car while working and was really traumatic... In a way it was a relief though because my doctor told me I would miscarry. The wait was horrible.
Anyway, I thought that was the end and went for a last us a week or 2 later and my body wasn't completing the process naturally so I needed a d&c. Worst experience ever... They kept me awake and didn't even give me pain meds!!!! It was excruciating. Not to mention traumatic!! I'm still mad at them for that. Thankfully I got a shot of something afterwards for the pain and I was able to uncurl from the ball I was in. Why didn't they give me that BEFORE they tortured me?? Thank God I had my best friend with me, she took me home.
I did go for a follow-up at one point and there seemed to be some fluid in my uterus (must be blood) but I was adamant I wasn't going to take any cytotek and if they did anything to me again they would have to knock me out! They haven't brought me back since.

As for the questions:

How are you doing? Meh. I get sad when I think about what could have been...

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched) TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable) N/A

Updates/questions Don't have much to update right now, I just hope if I get pregnant again it will be a happy experience... It was my first pregnancy and I never expected it to end badly.

Debbie downer (a place to vent) I lost my hours at my job after I got pregnant because my 2 doctor appts conflicted with my work schedule. Assholes. Now I'm working someplace that treats me right but doesn't pay me shit. I'm supposed to get raises but I feel like they just promised me that so they could low ball me and I fell for it.

GTKY: Who knows about your loss(es)? Do you receive much support from these people? Some of my friends on Facebook, my family, my in-laws... Everyone has been really supportive and I'm thankful. I was a wreck for awhile.

[cheshie6]

@pineappleoranges, I'm sorry you're having a rough time!
kayladawn91, I'm sorry your BIL doesn't know that even baby pictures hurt. I hope tomorrow is better. This is an interesting GTKY, you realize for something that happens a lot more than one realizes (before TTC), there is very little support or knowledge on how to support someone who experiences this kind of loss.
babyzebra, Being envious of OPP happens. I didn't start being envious of OPPs till recently. I think the longer it takes us to get pregnant the harder I'm finding it to be around new moms and baby bumps.
@led, I'm sorry you don't have support, I was thinking that till yesterday, when my sister stepped up! (We'll see how long it lasts)
hydrangea1019, I'm sorry for cd1 and a future cd1 on your EDD. ((Hugs))
ETA: uwodahikamama, I'm sorry for your loss but I hope you'll find some more support here with us. 

How are you doing? I'm having a hard time lately.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched) TTC (cd7 here)

Diagnosis (if applicable) n/a

Updates/questions DH comes home tomorrow, and next 2 weeks we'll be in Hawaii so you won't hear from me.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I just feel like I can get away from kids or babies. I was sitting at church in the second row (nobody ever sits in the first 2 rows) and a lady with a family of 3 kids who don't go to Sunday School had to sit with me and the rest of her party had to sit behind me. I didn't think it would look good to just get up and move away so I stayed the entire service. The longer it takes to get to pregnant again, the harder it is to be around OPP and babies.

GTKY: Who knows about your loss(es)? Do you receive much support from these people? My best friend, my sister, my mom and my In-laws. I get the most from my sister because she's had two since I've had mine. And only recently has she been supportive... like yesterday!

[kayladawn91]

cheshie6 I'm glad your sister seems to be supporting you now. Hopefully it lasts and you can be there for each other!

[mosdub]

Sept 8, 2015 20:05:36 GMT -5 uwodahikamama said:

I posted a general intro on the board, but I'll post a little about why I'm in this group too.
I got married in Feb this year, got ktfu right after. I was so impatient to see an ultrasound! I was in shock. I went off the pill a few months prior but considering I was on hbc for so many years and also did several egg donations I assumed it would take awhile to get pregnant, if at all.
I had a super early ultrasound at like 5 weeks because of some spotting but they couldn't see anything at all and said there might be something wrong and to do a follow-up.
Well I had another us a week or so later and they could barely see anything in my uterus. Then came the blood draws. My hcg wasn't rising fast enough. More ultrasounds and eventually we saw a small something but it never grew past about 5-6 weeks size. Turns out I had a blighted ovum. I didn't miscarry until about 10 weeks. It happened in my car while working and was really traumatic... In a way it was a relief though because my doctor told me I would miscarry. The wait was horrible.
Anyway, I thought that was the end and went for a last us a week or 2 later and my body wasn't completing the process naturally so I needed a d&c. Worst experience ever... They kept me awake and didn't even give me pain meds!!!! It was excruciating. Not to mention traumatic!! I'm still mad at them for that. Thankfully I got a shot of something afterwards for the pain and I was able to uncurl from the ball I was in. Why didn't they give me that BEFORE they tortured me?? Thank God I had my best friend with me, she took me home.
I did go for a follow-up at one point and there seemed to be some fluid in my uterus (must be blood) but I was adamant I wasn't going to take any cytotek and if they did anything to me again they would have to knock me out! They haven't brought me back since.

Welcome, though I'm sorry you find yourself here.  

I can not believe they performed a D&C without meds/anesthesia.  I'm so so so sorry.  I'm seriously in disbelief.  That doesn't seem right.  Is it possible for you to see another doctor in your area?  It also seems super sketchy that they wouldn't follow up with you after all of that - did you confirm that the fluid in your uterus eventually passed?  

(hugs) I'm sorry for all that you've gone through.

[mosdub]

hydrangea1019 I'm sorry your next CD1 is close to EDD I'll be thinking of you, I know this season must be hard.

[wannabmama]

@pineappleoranges I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I try not to think about my EDD
kayladawn91 I'm sorry you got hit unexpectedly with that news, rough start to the day!
@led the mind f*ck is the worst and I'm sorry you don't have more real life support.
hydrangea1019 so many hugs sorry for cd1
pippacricket a lot of people know in my life but it's the random eat assortment of people--basically anyone who asked how things are going got tmi, but my parents have no idea.
@mosdib so glad you have a good support system
babyzebra sorry you're feeling alone
uwodahikamama I'm so sorry you're joining us but I hope you find support here and good luck to you moving forward

[txmommy14]

kayladawn91, I am so sorry. As a teacher, it is so hard to put on a happy face and go about the workday with students when you're having a hard time. *Hugs* We have pretty similar numbers and sometimes I remember what cycle day I am on by looking at your post the past few weeks, haha!

@pineappleoranges, I am so sorry. *Hugs*

@led, I am so sorry! And I am sorry that your family and other people in real life are not very supportive.

hydrangea1019, That's the worst. I feel like that always happens. I was looking at the calendar and I think the day I'll be able to test (well, who knows when I'll ovulate) will be around my birthday. I feel like it always ends up making an already hard day harder or ruining an otherwise special day. So sorry.

uwodahikamama, I am really sorry for all that you have gone through.

cheshie6, so sorry. I'm sorry you can't seem to get away from kids and babies, that's hard. I am glad your sister can be there to support you. I would never wish this on anyone, but it's so nice to have others that understand.

[txmommy14]

How are you doing? I'm okay. I'm feeling a little better now that I have an appointment lined up to talk to my OB. I've had some weird things going on (lots of spotting, severe pain in the exact spot where I had my appendectomy on and off throughout the cycle, etc.) We're just going to talk about the plan moving forward (she put me on progesterone last cycle but it didn't really help)

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched) TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable) N/A-the dr. thinks my ruptured appendix is probably impacting things (the fluid leaks into your abdomen and can cause adhesions on your reproductive organs) and that I have "weak ovulation" which is causing my short luteal phase/spotting, but not diagnosis.

Updates/questions: Nothing really..just waiting to ovulate and am on day 14. No signs of ovulation yet, although I did have EWCM and and almost positive OPK a few days ago, but no temp spike so I guess it was a fake out.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I also feel like everyone is getting pregnant, it is almost becoming a joke. I go back and forth about deleting my Facebook, but I use it a ton for grad school (my cohort communicates with each other on FB). I feel like I'm constantly conflicted with being there for these friends that are pregnant (several of them are VERY sick) and protecting myself.

GTKY: Who knows about your loss(es)? Do you receive much support from these people?
Quite a few people. We never announced it on FB or anything like that-but quite a few people know. We don't regret telling anyone because we needed people here for us to love us and support us. The only people that I wish didn't know were my coworkers-they've said some pretty insensitive things-but I had to tell them when I went to the ER (they didn't know before that that I was pregnant although they knew we had been trying for a while, possibly). My family and other friends have been okay. People just don't know what to say, which I guess I understand. I've learned a lot about how to comfort and be there for people that are sad. Like kayladawn91, it makes me so mad when people say things like, "It'll happen when it's mean to happen"-that just seems like a way to sweep something under the rug and get past the conversation.

[akraus2015]

@pineappleoranges, sending you big hugs. I have to force myself every day not to look at my BMB, or to check the grad check-in, etc.
@led, I only know bits and pieces of your story, but I'm sorry that you don't have a ton of support. Anytime you want to talk or bitch it out, I'm just a PM away.
uwodahikamama, your story is similar to mine in many ways. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
cheshie6, enjoy Hawaii! I hope you get some kid and baby free time!


How are you doing? Okay, actually. Finally starting to feel like I can talk about our loss when someone asks.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched) Benched until my period returns, but we are NTNP anyway.

Updates/questions I posted a thread earlier (hope it was appropriate), and the TL;DR version is that I don't know how to talk about my loss without making people feel awkward but also not minimizing the impact Emmett has in our lives.

Debbie downer (a place to vent) Just impatiently awaiting CD1.

GTKY: Who knows about your loss(es)? Do you receive much support from these people? Everyone, pretty much. We had already announced. I have gotten an overwhelming amount of support. The prayers and kind words lift me up when I need it.

[akraus2015]

Sept 8, 2015 21:17:51 GMT -5 @pineappleoranges said:

You guys are very supportive I forgot to mention that. It's just so hard sometimes. H gets it but he doesn't get it. He grieves in his own way but he's stoic and he gets into his car but I know he's a different mourner than I am.

Hugs to everyone who needs them. I have lots of bosom to share.

This has definitely been a marriage lesson I had to learn quickly.  MH grieves very differently than I do, and sometimes neither of us knows how to be there for the other, but we are learning and it's comforting to know that he tries, even when it doesn't seem to help right away.  Hopefully you and YH are able to be there for each other, even if it's only silently or in unspoken ways. 

[akraus2015]

Sept 8, 2015 21:36:11 GMT -5 @pineappleoranges said:

Sept 8, 2015 21:25:36 GMT -5 akraus2015 said:

This has definitely been a marriage lesson I had to learn quickly.  MH grieves very differently than I do, and sometimes neither of us knows how to be there for the other, but we are learning and it's comforting to know that he tries, even when it doesn't seem to help right away.  Hopefully you and YH are able to be there for each other, even if it's only silently or in unspoken ways. 

Yes! We have the bonus if knowing each other for so long. I know that he rubs my face when he thinks I'm sleeping and I know that I hold onto him when I have my nightmares.

I hate to be cliche but for us we have clung to each other but give each other space. I know he's there for me and me for him but it doesn't change that we each mourn differently.

at first I would texted him how I felt because it was easier and could leave any unintended accusations out of my voice. And we have gotten into a good swing of things again

This sounds all too familiar to me.  Sometimes MH and I have better conversations via text than in person.  I tend to do too much speaking and not enough thinking, and he tends to do too much thinking and...no speaking.  Sometimes text allows us to think, write, evaluate our thoughts, and then respond. 

It it sounds like we are sharing some similar experiences (nightmares, needing H AND needing space at the same time); if you ever want to talk, I'm always open to listening.

[LadyNymeria]

I've read everything but don't have time to comment individually to tonight. I just wanted to send everyone hugs in the meantime.

[LadyNymeria]

How are you doing? Pretty good actually.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): n/a

Updates/questions: Just waiting for my period to go away to begin actively TTC again.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I called my dr office this morning to let them know I got my period and they nevwr called back. Frustrating since I'm supposed to be trying to schedule that sonohysterogram. I'll have to call again in the morning.

GTKY: Who knows about your loss(es)? Do you receive much support from these people? Besides MH, only a few people know. MH has been awesome ans has been taking very good care of me whenever I get upset. The others are: Our neighbor, who has been through a loss herself, has been super supportive. Was always checking in on me and always seems to know the right thing to say since she's been through this. And 2 friends, one at work, one out of state. Both have been awesome. The out of state one is getting married in a month and just today asked me if I would be ok sitting with someone at the wedding who was pregnant, or would I prefer to sot elsewhere. I appreciated her thinking to ask me.

ETA: One of my cousins also knows. Another cousin is getting married late July and we're both bridesmaids. If we were to get pregnant again somewhat quickly I could end up due right around her wedding and she can be self-centered and jealous so I thought it would be a good idea to have someone else involved in the wedding know what had happened just so I had someone I could be honest with. Plus she's always been there for me so she seemed like a good person to tell. Some of the things she says would generally fall under the "trying to be supportive but aren't" bucket, but coming from her they are. It's really weird how that's working out, but I'm glad it has and I'm glad I ended up telling her.

[peaseblossom55]

How are you doing? Hanging in there

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched)benched and waiting for my RE appointment 10/8

Diagnosis (if applicable) none

Updates/questions I am just counting down to my RE appointment to discuss the game plan for TTC #2. I hope he doesn't make me wait too much longer after our appointment.

Debbie downer (a place to vent) I mostly stopped bleeding yay. I just want to sleep away the month and wake up to my RE appointment, only 29 more days. I really want to move on and begin trying again. My BFF told me on Friday she is pregnant and yesterday another friend announced her pregnancy.

GTKY: Who knows about your loss(es)? Do you receive much support from these people? Everyone knows and we posted about it on FB too. Our families and friends have been so amazingly supportive.  We have received so many flowers care packages and cards.  

[hydrangea1019]

Sept 8, 2015 20:21:15 GMT -5 mosdub said:

hydrangea1019 I'm sorry your next CD1 is close to EDD I'll be thinking of you, I know this season must be hard.

Thanks. Yeah it caught me off guard. I just checked FF to see when suspected FW and CD1 would be this go around and sure enough there it was. Right on our EDD.

[LadyNymeria]

@pineappleoranges - Hugs. I'm sorry things are not well right now and I'm sorry to hear the friends(?) aren't being very supportive. Even if they're super busy, it would be nice if they at least reached out once in a while to check in with you.

kayladawn91 - Sorry about the pictures from BIL, that has to be a tough way to begin your morning. I haven't told many people about our loss because I don't want to have people making comments that they think are supportive but aren't like you're dealing with. Too bad the memory spell from HP wasn't a real thing.

babyzebra - Sorry to hear OPP jealousy is working its way in. I've been fighting that since post-loss day 1 and it sucks. I hope it fades away again for you since you had been doing ok with them.

Oh @led, so many hugs. I'm sorry that's what your mind jumped to, although completely understandable. It's tough to push that worst-case scenario out of your (general you) head once it's there, but I hope you can find a way to do so.

hydrangea1019 - Sorry about CD1 and the fact that the next one is expected on your EDD. That seems like such a cruel thing to have happen. Hugs.

pippacricket - Good luck in your TWW!! Glad everyone has been pretty supportive for you.

mosdub - FX for good results today!!! I'm glad school is starting off well (I assume it is with all those hugs and laughs and smiles)!

uwodahikamama - I'm sorry you're here, but welcome. I'm also sorry you had to go through all that - I can't believe they would do a D&C with no pain blocking or anesthesia! I didn't go through quite the experience you did, but my loss was my first pregnancy as well and all we can hope is that our next ones are happy, healthy, and uneventful.

cheshie6 - Hugs. Hopefully this nice vacation you're leaving on will give you a break from OPP and babies and you can really enjoy your time with YH.

txmommy14 - Does your grad school group use FB messages or a FB group? If it's messages, you could always download the messenger app which would let you read and reply to messages without having to be on FB. That's wonderful you're there for your friends, but if it's really impacting you maybe it's time to focus on protecting yourself. You are your most important person to watch out for. Hugs.

akraus2015 - I'm glad you're starting to feel ok and that you've feeling able to talk more about your loss. I read your other thread and I would say what feels right for you, without worrying too much about if it makes someone feel awkward. If your response does make someone feel awkward, maybe it will help them learn what they should and shouldn't be asking other people about babies or pregnancies. I'm glad to hear everyone has been so supportive for you.

peaseblossom55 - I hope time passes quickly for you until your appointment and that you can get back to trying quickly. Sorry you're dealing with others' announcements so soon. Hugs.

danib - FX you O when expected so you have good timing. I'm sorry you mom and sister aren't being properly supportive. It's hard (in general, not just with a loss) when someone thinks they're being supportive but what they say actually hurts more than if they had said nothing.

[notagoddess]

I've read everything and I want to give hugs to all of you. I will be back later for tagging.

How are you doing? It's been hard lately. I've thrown myself into planning for a future without a baby anytime soon as a survival mechanism. A lot of the time I think it's OK that I'm not pregnant yet, because I'm doing other good things like getting a master's degree. But then I see other people getting pregnant and I feel the grief rise to the top.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched) TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable) Resected uterine septum

Updates/questions. I've decided that if I'm not pregnant by January, I'm going to get some basic tests done with my OB.

Debbie downer (a place to vent) My closest friend is pregnant. I found out early last week by text, and I finally called her yesterday. I cried myself to sleep later. It's going to be a long 9 months.

GTKY: Who knows about your loss(es)? Do you receive much support from these people? I told my immediate family, MH's immediate family, my boss, and 4 of my closest friends. I was overwhelmed with support and love after the loss from most but not all of the people who knew about the pregnancy. However, 9 months out no one asks about it anymore. My only real life support was my friend that just got pregnant.

[Deleted]

Sept 9, 2015 11:09:17 GMT -5 notagoddess said:

I've read everything and I want to give hugs to all of you. I will be back later for tagging.

How are you doing? It's been hard lately. I've thrown myself into planning for a future without a baby anytime soon as a survival mechanism. A lot of the time I think it's OK that I'm not pregnant yet, because I'm doing other good things like getting a master's degree. But then I see other people getting pregnant and I feel the grief rise to the top.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched) TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable) Resected uterine septum

Updates/questions. I've decided that if I'm not pregnant by January, I'm going to get some basic tests done with my OB.

Debbie downer (a place to vent) My closest friend is pregnant. I found out early last week by text, and I finally called her yesterday. I cried myself to sleep later. It's going to be a long 9 months.

GTKY: Who knows about your loss(es)? Do you receive much support from these people? I told my immediate family, MH's immediate family, my boss, and 4 of my closest friends. I was overwhelmed with support and love after the loss from most but not all of the people who knew about the pregnancy. However, 9 months out no one asks about it anymore. My only real life support was my friend that just got pregnant.

Getting any testing done with an OB is sketchy at best. You should just ask for a referral to an RE for more accurate results. 

[notagoddess]

Sept 9, 2015 11:39:08 GMT -5 @led said:

Sept 9, 2015 11:09:17 GMT -5 notagoddess said:

I've read everything and I want to give hugs to all of you. I will be back later for tagging.

How are you doing? It's been hard lately. I've thrown myself into planning for a future without a baby anytime soon as a survival mechanism. A lot of the time I think it's OK that I'm not pregnant yet, because I'm doing other good things like getting a master's degree. But then I see other people getting pregnant and I feel the grief rise to the top.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched) TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable) Resected uterine septum

Updates/questions. I've decided that if I'm not pregnant by January, I'm going to get some basic tests done with my OB.

Debbie downer (a place to vent) My closest friend is pregnant. I found out early last week by text, and I finally called her yesterday. I cried myself to sleep later. It's going to be a long 9 months.

GTKY: Who knows about your loss(es)? Do you receive much support from these people? I told my immediate family, MH's immediate family, my boss, and 4 of my closest friends. I was overwhelmed with support and love after the loss from most but not all of the people who knew about the pregnancy. However, 9 months out no one asks about it anymore. My only real life support was my friend that just got pregnant.

Getting any testing done with an OB is sketchy at best. You should just ask for a referral to an RE for more accurate results. 

I was thinking of getting CD3/CD21 bloodwork done with my OB. I've had mild thyroid issues in the past, though it seems to have leveled itself out in the past two or three years. I want to check that and the other blood tests to make sure I'm not wasting time if there's an obvious issue. I'm going to wait a full year to see an RE unless the tests show something wrong.