What have you been having? Food is awesome. Breakfast can be anything you want it to be. Including cake
I'm a lunch person. I enjoy some breakfast food items but given the choice between eating breakfast food and not, I will choose not 99% of the time. And I'd rather eat breakfast for dinner than in the morning.
There's just something about an affair that's long-term, premeditated, and not a "dumb mistake" that just seems different to me.
But who knows? Hopefully I'll never have to deal with this situation.
How is cheating ever a "dumb mistake". Using baking soda in a recipe that calls for baking powder is a mistake. Calling someone by the wrong name is a mistake. Mixing up appointment times is a mistake. Cheating, drunk or sober is never a mistake. You may regret cheating, but that doesn't make it a "dumb mistake".
How is cheating ever a "dumb mistake". Using baking soda in a recipe that calls for baking powder is a mistake. Calling someone by the wrong name is a mistake. Mixing up appointment times is a mistake. Cheating, drunk or sober is never a mistake. You may regret cheating, but that doesn't make it a "dumb mistake".
That's why it's in quotations.
Then why do you feel that there is a difference between a premeditated affair and a "dumb mistake"?
Breakfast foods, in general, are the worst. Also, eating in the morning is the worst. I need to be awake at least an hour before thinking about food.
Exceptions to this are coffee (not a food) which can be consumed immediately upon waking, and french toast or good ol' Southern biscuits with white gravy, which still have to wait an hour but will be consumed in mass.
Then why do you feel that there is a difference between a pre-meditated affair and a "dumb mistake"?
For me, in oversimplified terms, one seems like a lapse in judgment (if the person is truly remorseful) and the other seems like there's a culmination of lies, deceit, feelings, etc.
Like I said earlier, I've never been in the situation where I had to split hairs on this. Hopefully, I never will.
And as I said earlier, it's easy for me to feel this way now but who knows if I were ever cheated on if I would feel this way.
Number One: Born 06.16.2009 BFP: 01.17.2014 / MC 02.05.2014 BFP: 03.08.2014 / MMC: 05.07.2014 Dx: Partial Molar/GTD. Benched until 01.2015 Number Two: Born 07.22.2016
Then why do you feel that there is a difference between a pre-meditated affair and a "dumb mistake"?
For me, in oversimplified terms, one seems like a lapse in judgment (if the person is truly remorseful) and the other seems like there's a culmination of lies, deceit, feelings, etc.
Like I said earlier, I've never been in the situation where I had to split hairs on this. Hopefully, I never will.
And as I said earlier, it's easy for me to feel this way now but who knows if I were ever cheated on if I would feel this way.
I don't think lapse in judgement is the best term, but I get what you're saying. To me, one is started with the sole intention of cheating (typically a long term affair) and one is flirting that was allowed to get out of hand because you decided to ignore the consequences.
Also, for me, cheating and having an affair are very different things even if they can start the same way. Cheating is the physical only. Having an affair requires an emotional bond and commitment to the other person. If I had to pick which type happened to me, I'd rather choose an affair. Which seems weird, but I believe there is usually a root cause that allows affairs to happen versus the SO just cheating (this is not saying that I would blame myself for what happened). I'd definitely be more hurt over an affair but for some reason, knowing there was an underlying issue besides my SO being a sleazebag seems more forgiveable than just cheating because you want to have sex with someone else. Idk. Flame away lol But I have no idea what I'd do in this circumstance in all reality.
My UO: I dislike contemporary church music in church. Give me all the hymns and Latin and alleluias.
I like contemporary 1950- now. DNW to sing a song I don't know what I am saying.
eta: for example: Nobis datus, nobis natus
Ex intacta Virgine
Et in mundo conversatus,
I just like the sameness and routine that comes with traditional church music. Maybe my real UO is that I'm just not a fan of contemporary services in general. When I start seeing projector screens and guitars and drums, I just don't feel like I'm in church.
I just like the sameness and routine that comes with traditional church music. Maybe my real UO is that I'm just not a fan of contemporary services in general. When I start seeing projector screens and guitars and drums, I just don't feel like I'm in church.
Right now my faith is shaky at best and at worse I am edging into unbeliever status so I will just say that the lack of change in the church is one of the reason so many are leaving and many more won't see what it is about. The world is changing and the church need to change with it.
Agree to the bolded, that's why I assumed my opinion was a UO. I do like that many churches are beginning to offer both types of services, so there's a little something for everyone and people can choose where they feel comfortable.
I also prefer traditional services and hymns; I attend occasionally with my mom and her church has projectors, lights, etc. It sounds ok, but I dnw a concert with my sermon. It is an UO akraus2015, but I'm with you.
I like contemporary 1950- now. DNW to sing a song I don't know what I am saying.
eta: for example: Nobis datus, nobis natus
Ex intacta Virgine
Et in mundo conversatus,
I just like the sameness and routine that comes with traditional church music. Maybe my real UO is that I'm just not a fan of contemporary services in general. When I start seeing projector screens and guitars and drums, I just don't feel like I'm in church.
+1. Give me calm, peace, and tradition. DNW screaming electric guitar on Sunday morning.
Have any of y'all had Taco Bell breakfast? I love Taco Bell, I love breakfast. I'm scurrrred to bring my two loves together as one.
Their AM crunchwraps have changed my lyfe!
When they came out with breakfast, MH and I were like, "Oh, why not? Let's try it." I got a steak crunchwrap. I couldn't believe how good it was! For fast food, anyway.
I just like the sameness and routine that comes with traditional church music. Maybe my real UO is that I'm just not a fan of contemporary services in general. When I start seeing projector screens and guitars and drums, I just don't feel like I'm in church.
+1. Give me calm, peace, and tradition. DNW screaming electric guitar on Sunday morning.
+1
One of H's cousins is a youth pastor at a big contemporary church and we went one time to check it out. No, thank you. There was so much technical stuff happening, I felt like it was a concert too early in the morning and I couldn't focus on what everything was supposed to be focusing around.
I don't think lapse in judgement is the best term, but I get what you're saying. To me, one is started with the sole intention of cheating (typically a long term affair) and one is flirting that was allowed to get out of hand because you decided to ignore the consequences.
Also, for me, cheating and having an affair are very different things even if they can start the same way. Cheating is the physical only. Having an affair requires an emotional bond and commitment to the other person. If I had to pick which type happened to me, I'd rather choose an affair. Which seems weird, but I believe there is usually a root cause that allows affairs to happen versus the SO just cheating (this is not saying that I would blame myself for what happened). I'd definitely be more hurt over an affair but for some reason, knowing there was an underlying issue besides my SO being a sleazebag seems more forgiveable than just cheating because you want to have sex with someone else. Idk. Flame away lol But I have no idea what I'd do in this circumstance in all reality.
Wait. So are you saying that someone who has an affair isn't a sleezebag and someone who just cheats is? That makes absolutely no sense. A person who cheats whether it's one time or a planned out affair is a sleezebag. /gavel
Perhaps my wording was weird. Where I said "besides being a sleazebag" meant they were a sleazebag but that wasn't the only reason that they chose to do what they did. I don't know how to explain this well.
I don't think lapse in judgement is the best term, but I get what you're saying. To me, one is started with the sole intention of cheating (typically a long term affair) and one is flirting that was allowed to get out of hand because you decided to ignore the consequences.
Also, for me, cheating and having an affair are very different things even if they can start the same way. Cheating is the physical only. Having an affair requires an emotional bond and commitment to the other person. If I had to pick which type happened to me, I'd rather choose an affair. Which seems weird, but I believe there is usually a root cause that allows affairs to happen versus the SO just cheating (this is not saying that I would blame myself for what happened). I'd definitely be more hurt over an affair but for some reason, knowing there was an underlying issue besides my SO being a sleazebag seems more forgiveable than just cheating because you want to have sex with someone else. Idk. Flame away lol But I have no idea what I'd do in this circumstance in all reality.
Wait. So are you saying that someone who has an affair isn't a sleezebag and someone who just cheats is? That makes absolutely no sense. A person who cheats whether it's one time or a planned out affair is a sleezebag. /gavel
I think she means that someone who has an affair is probably doing it for reasons other than just wanting to have sex with that person because affair implies some sort of emotional level. It's not just a one time, I got drunk and wasn't thinking clearly sort of sleazebaggery.
FWIW, I'm not sure I agree. I'd be more hurt by my SO having a significant, long term relationship with someone else than I would by a drunken, one-night fling. Either way we'd have some serious relationship work to do, but the emotional toll feels like it would be worse from an affair.
Post by butlerfan on Sept 17, 2015 11:36:13 GMT -5
Honestly you cheat on me one time or have a long term affair=no getting over it and divorce. All kinds of wrong with either one that I don't think I could get over no matter the situation. H also knows that I would go crazy on him and both sides of the family would be after him. Same would happen if I would be the one to cheat.
I just can't see why if you want to be with someone else you can't break it off with the person you are seeing first. I had a high school boyfriend that cheated on me and when I found out I broke up with him. He said he never wanted me to lose my trust in him. I said you should have thought of that first before you did this.
I give my trust easily-you break it and it's going to be very hard to gain it back.
Engaged May 2003 Married June 2005 TTC #1 since October 2014 H-1% morph, low motility, low count Me-.1 AMH levels, low AFC, DOR/POI, perimenopause Foster Care journey begins March 2016-licensed 11/7/16 Foster parents to A & J 1/31/17 www.fertilityfriend.com/home/5525ef
Post by samanthasays on Sept 17, 2015 11:43:25 GMT -5
I really hate weight based "compliments". Tell me I look healthy, or glowing, or happy, or vivacious (I would love to get that as a compliment). But telling me I look thin (like it is a given that thin = good) rubs me the wrong way.
I breaks my heart that there are people that would love to receive "thin" as a compliment, I wish our society didn't value thinness to such an extreme.
July 2013 started TTC 7/20/2014=BFP; CP confirmed 8/1/2014 Dec 2014: Diagnosis = Unexplained IF 12/24/2014 Medicated TI (clomid)=BFN 1/22/2015: IUI #1 cancelled due to cyst 02/17/2015: IUI #2 cancelled due to another cyst 3/31/2015: IUI with Femera, 1 good follie, great sperm count = CP, my December Rainbow became an Angel
Number One: Born 06.16.2009 BFP: 01.17.2014 / MC 02.05.2014 BFP: 03.08.2014 / MMC: 05.07.2014 Dx: Partial Molar/GTD. Benched until 01.2015 Number Two: Born 07.22.2016
pismoduo, your description is how I differentiate the two as well. One is a physical act while disgusting and hurtful in no way encompasses a lengthy affair (talking months or longer of not only sex outside the marriage but the emotional attachment to another person besides spouse, etc entails so much more than just sex). One, for me, is almost forgivable the other not. I have unfortunately been in a marriage with an affair occurring and there are many reasons why someone would try to save a marriage/long term relationship, but it isn't easy and I hope none of you have to.
edit: because this is an emotionally charged subject for me I cannot seem to type what I'm trying to say. Hope I made it easier to understand.
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