Post by daystardreams on Sept 17, 2015 12:59:13 GMT -5
I know a lot of people lurk here, I've been lurking for awhile and am still currently benched so I post on the main boards some but I don't technically 'go' there. I thought it might be nice to check up on everybody and see how you all are doing. Sometimes I want to ask people who posted a few weeks ago how they are doing but I don't want to draw them back here if they aren't ready or might be having a bad day.
I'm going to give some formal questions but feel free to skip them, add more, or write your response any way that you feel comfortable!
When was/were your loss(es)?:
Would you like to talk about it? (i.e. what happened, when is your EDD, etc.):
Are you TTC again? How long were/are you benched? Tell me your thoughts or feelings on trying again:
Overall, how are you doing? Physically, emotionally, socially?:
Post by daystardreams on Sept 17, 2015 13:14:18 GMT -5
When was/were your loss(es)?:
Loss #1 was April 3, 2014 (one year and five months ago). Loss #2 was December 25, 2014 (almost nine months ago). Loss #3 was August 21, 2015 (one month ago).
Would you like to talk about it? (i.e. what happened, when is your EDD, etc.):
Loss #1 was a blighted ovum that we conceived on our first cycle trying. We found out at our first ultrasound that baby had never grown. We decided on a D&C since I'd had no signs of miscarriage yet. The baby's EDD was 10/31/2014 which was my 24th birthday and also Halloween.
Loss #2 was a chemical pregnancy (conceived after seven cycles TTCAL) that occurred at five weeks and started first thing Christmas morning. It was due on 08/27/2015.
Loss #3 came after a DX of PCOS, four anovulatory cycles and one cycle of Letrozole with TI. It was due on Easter 2016. We had great betas for the first time ever, followed by seeing the heartbeat at 7w but it was slow and never recovered. We opted for another D&C and are having chromosomal analysis run on the products of conception.
Are you TTC again? How long were/are you benched? Tell me your thoughts or feelings on trying again:
We are still benched. The doctor benched us for six weeks but we have decided to remain benched until the tests come back on the baby, DH, and myself. Depending on the results, we might remain benched indefinitely.
I bounce between being completely terrified of trying again to wanting to jump right back on. Mostly I'm just anxious about the test results.
Overall, how are you doing? Physically, emotionally, socially?:
Physically, I feel fine. I had very little bleeding or cramping from the D&C. I'm dreading my first period but mostly for the emotional side of it.
Emotionally I wasn't as sad as the first time or as angry as the second time. I'm mostly just scared that this might not happen for us...EVER. Being scared causes me to be socially grouchy. I way more judgmental than I should be and filled with rage and jealousy pretty frequently.
Anything else you want to talk about?:
Well, since I'm the one that asked the questions I got most of my stuff out! Thank you guys for reading!
Would you like to talk about it? my first loss was just a few days after I had gotten a positive test. The last two, seemed to be my body having twin pregnancies and failing. In May, I had an ultrasound with 2heartbeats, but it appeared the babies did not separate correctly and a week later I started miscarrying. This time around, I had two GS, but only one developing, we didn't see a hb yet (I had just started spotting). Still going through mc, follow up us this week, possibly taking cyrotek after that....
Are you TTC again? How long were/are you benched? Tell me your thoughts or feelings on trying again: Not right now, I'm not really interested in TTA, but not sure we will chart or really track/plan things. I'm going to make a follow up appointment with a dr at my practice that has more experience with repeat losses, etc. and see what they say.
Overall, how are you doing? Physically, emotionally, socially?: back and forth by hour or day. I have a hard time talking about it without getting upset, but I feel like acknowledging it also helps me heal.
Anything else you want to talk about?: No, but nice to see some activity on the board.
Would you like to talk about it? (i.e. what happened, when is your EDD, etc.): Emergency D&C due to heavy blood loss and blood pressure issues. EDD was 30 March - 1 April
Are you TTC again? How long were/are you benched? Tell me your thoughts or feelings on trying again: I'm benched for 2 months, well one month now. I want to start trying, because it takes us so long to conceive, I want to start ASAP, but I'm terrified.
Overall, how are you doing? Physically, emotionally, socially?: Physically fine. Socially, getting there. Emotionally, it comes and goes.
Anything else you want to talk about?: see below warning:
--CHILD MENTIONED--
Our DS-3yo knew we were expecting and was quite emotional about the loss. He is a very intuitive kid and mature for his age. At home he seems to be better, but when he's at daycare he is struggling. His teachers pulled me aside last week to talk. I didn't know he was talking about 'mommy lost my baby' to his teachers and they didn't know if he was making things up or what. I was in hospital while he was at daycare and I asked my MIL not to bring him to see me because I was not in a good way and didn't want him to see that, but like she would ever listen to my requests and respect them, and brought him in to see me... He's been super clingy and emotional at the drop of a hat since then, and I don't know if it's from me being in the hospital and he seeing me hooked up to all sorts of machines, or the actual loss itself, or what. Does anyone have any thoughts or tips to try and help him go through this?
PCOS / Hypothyroidism TTC - March 2009 BFP1 DS 06/2012 TTC - July 2013 BFP2 Due 03/2016, MMC 08/2015, Emergency D&C BFP3 Due 02/2017, MC 07/2016, Natural MC BFP4 Due 04/2017, Boy!
Post by LadyNymeria on Sept 21, 2015 10:53:45 GMT -5
I've also been lurking a bit still.
When was/were your loss(es)?: MMC identified 8/5/15
Would you like to talk about it? (i.e. what happened, when is your EDD, etc.): They decided to track my hCG to zero and I'm hoping this morning was my last draw. They had been doing it weekly, but I was on vacation last week so I did the draw this morning instead of last Thursday. I was at 11 on 9/10 so I'm hoping 11 days was enough to get me down the rest of the way.
Are you TTC again? How long were/are you benched? Tell me your thoughts or feelings on trying again: I was benched until my first post-loss period which I got 9/6 so we are TTC again. I'm really happy to be trying again, but I'm already worrying about losing it again if I get pregnant.
I hate that I can't predict my current cycle. I was very regular before the pregnancy and loss and I hate not knowing if I'm going to fall back into that pattern or if I'll end up with a new normal. FF has currently given me CHs for this cycle, but my temps were really wacky on vacation so I'm not sure I believe the CHs are correct. It would be great if they were, but I doubt they'll stay.
Overall, how are you doing? Physically, emotionally, socially?: Physically I'm fine. Emotionally I have good days and bad days. Vacation was much needed and the only day I had trouble on vacation was the day (**OPP mentioned**) a pregnant woman walked by who looked to be about as far along as I should have been. It was really hard to see her beginning of a bump knowing I should have been rocking the beginning of a bump on that trip too. (**End OPP**) Yesterday was hard now that I was home with no beach to distract me, but today is going better. For the most part I'm ok, I just hate when the sadness creeps up on me. Even though a new pregnancy won't replace the one I lost, I think getting pregnant again would help make the emotional impact easier on me.
Anything else you want to talk about?: MH is doing fine and has been since the beginning for the most part. He was really sad we lost the baby, but seeing me so upset hurt him more than the actual loss itself - I think because nothing had really changed for him yet. He has been wonderful through this whole process and I just hope we can get lucky again quickly.
Post by daystardreams on Sept 21, 2015 12:01:16 GMT -5
feisty, I understand where you are coming from on the TTA. It seems so counterintuitive after all this time to be TTA. I'm still on pelvic rest for two more weeks and we haven't really decided what we will do after that.
lilmonk, I'm so sorry that your boy is taking it so hard. I don't have children of my own but I do work in a daycare and unfortunately last year, I had a four year who lost her baby brother pretty close to his due date. I would just make sure that the daycare and you are on the same page. It is a difficult thing for everyone, teachers included. This little girl's mother asked that I allow her daughter to speak freely of her little brother in heaven which I obliged happily. Make sure that the teachers are listening if he wants to talk about it. This little girl often brought in toys that were for her brother and all the other children knew she had a brother in heaven. I think it really helped having everyone acknowledge him.
LadyNymeria, I hated tracking my HcG last time especially because one time the tech was all excited, congratulated me, and asked how far I was all before I had time to blink. It made the whole experience very awkward. I asked not to do it this time and my doctor said that was fine. I got my fingers crossed for you this cycle!
feisty, I understand where you are coming from on the TTA. It seems so counterintuitive after all this time to be TTA. I'm still on pelvis rest for two more weeks and we haven't really decided what we will do after that.
lilmonk, I'm so sorry that your boy is taking it so hard. I don't have children of my own but I do work in a daycare and unfortunately last year, I had a four year who lost her baby brother pretty close to his due date. I would just make sure that the daycare and you are on the same page. It is a difficult thing for everyone, teachers included. This little girl's mother asked that I allow her daughter to speak freely of her little brother in heaven which I obliged happily. Make sure that the teachers are listening if he wants to talk about it. This little girl often brought in toys that were for her brother and all the other children knew she had a brother in heaven. I think it really helped having everyone acknowledge him.
LadyNymeria, I hated tracking my HcG last time especially because one time the tech was all excited, congratulated me, and asked how far I was all before I had time to blink. It made the whole experience very awkward. I asked not to do it this time and my doctor said that was fine. I got my fingers crossed for you this cycle!
You too?? 3 draws ago the tech asked me if I was there for a pregnancy test. My lab order had "sp.ab. hCG to zero" right on it!! I quite sharply pointed out to her that we were tracking it to zero and she started telling me about her own miscarriage. I'm sorry she had a loss but being a loss mom herself should have made her even more careful!! I was a wreck the entire rest of the day.
I'm sorry you had to deal with the comments too. It's hard enough without the addition of stuff like that, especially from people who should know better.
feisty, I understand where you are coming from on the TTA. It seems so counterintuitive after all this time to be TTA. I'm still on pelvis rest for two more weeks and we haven't really decided what we will do after that.
lilmonk, I'm so sorry that your boy is taking it so hard. I don't have children of my own but I do work in a daycare and unfortunately last year, I had a four year who lost her baby brother pretty close to his due date. I would just make sure that the daycare and you are on the same page. It is a difficult thing for everyone, teachers included. This little girl's mother asked that I allow her daughter to speak freely of her little brother in heaven which I obliged happily. Make sure that the teachers are listening if he wants to talk about it. This little girl often brought in toys that were for her brother and all the other children knew she had a brother in heaven. I think it really helped having everyone acknowledge him.
LadyNymeria, I hated tracking my HcG last time especially because one time the tech was all excited, congratulated me, and asked how far I was all before I had time to blink. It made the whole experience very awkward. I asked not to do it this time and my doctor said that was fine. I got my fingers crossed for you this cycle!
You too?? 3 draws ago the tech asked me if I was there for a pregnancy test. My lab order had "sp.ab. hCG to zero" right on it!! I quite sharply pointed out to her that we were tracking it to zero and she started telling me about her own miscarriage. I'm sorry she had a loss but being a loss mom herself should have made her even more careful!! I was a wreck the entire rest of the day.
I'm sorry you had to deal with the comments too. It's hard enough without the addition of stuff like that, especially from people who should know better.
Yeah, I would think they would be more careful. Little things like that have happened several times to me. There should be some kind of loss training for any healthcare professional that might be involved in the process. I'm glad my doctor is wonderful. She always seems to know when I need space or when I need a hug.
At my ultrasound after I started bleeding (I wasn't feeling very hopeful, but still)...we were moved to a regular room to talk to dr and right before taking my blood pressure the nurse in training said to me and how did your ultrasound go...I lost it.
Last time I went in to see if everything had passed and the ultrasound tech had no idea what I was there for...
Kinda ridiculous if you think about how common this type of stuff is
At my ultrasound after I started bleeding (I wasn't feeling very hopeful, but still)...we were moved to a regular room to talk to dr and right before taking my blood pressure the nurse in training said to me and how did your ultrasound go...I lost it.
Last time I went in to see if everything had passed and the ultrasound tech had no idea what I was there for...
Kinda ridiculous if you think about how common this type of stuff is
Seriously??? Seems like people at your dr office need to work on their communication. I'm sorry you had to deal with those.
At my ultrasound after I started bleeding (I wasn't feeling very hopeful, but still)...we were moved to a regular room to talk to dr and right before taking my blood pressure the nurse in training said to me and how did your ultrasound go...I lost it.
Last time I went in to see if everything had passed and the ultrasound tech had no idea what I was there for...
Kinda ridiculous if you think about how common this type of stuff is
After we confirmed my loss, the doctor left and a nurse came in to move us to a different room because the doctor wanted to talk to us. The nurse came in and was looking down, I think the door stop on the door was down so she was fixing it. She was laughing and saying something about how they needed to move us to another room. She got a good three sentences out before she looked at us and her face just fell. We must've looked a mess because she immediately said "Oh no, I'm so sorry." It wasn't really her fault but it just sucks because I've seen every member of my family make that same face over and over again when dealing with my pregnancies.
***includes some kinda graphic descriptions of what I am experiencing, you may want to skip over it if you are squeamish***
When was/were your loss(es)?: We found out about falling betas at 5 weeks 5 days and I started spotting at 6 weeks.
Would you like to talk about it? (i.e. what happened, when is your EDD, etc.): I suspect a weak ovulation on Clomid (O on CD21) combined with low progesterone. My peak beta reading was 219, second beta was 164 (four days ago) and it is down to 69 today. I had some really bad cramping last night but not a lot of increase bleeding. This morning about 11:00 the cramping picked up again including what I can only guess were contractions (sharp cramps in my lower torso that felt like someone kicking me in the cervix). Advil barely took the edge off and when I went to the bathroom I passed a few large clots that I didn't examine too closely. Shortly after passing the clots the cramping eased up to a dull ache and I feel a lot better. I suspect that the worst is over, but I have no evidence to back that up.
Are you TTC again? How long were/are you benched? Tell me your thoughts or feelings on trying again: We will be benched for 30 days/one cycle after betas return to zero. I don't cycle on my own due to PCOS so my doctor said I only have to wait the 30 days if I don't get a natural period. I'm going back to temping to see if I can see any pattern.
Overall, how are you doing? Physically, emotionally, socially?: Mentally I'm doing okay. They day we found out I was a sobbing, hormonal mess. Saturday was "normal" and we went out and did normal things. Sunday at church was a little raw for me and then I was a little emotional when the bleeding started. Yesterday and today have been rough physically, the cramping and bleeding just aren't fun and I feel gross. Socially we have a lot of support. My Mom, MIL and sister are checking on me via phone and text frequently and I told two friends who are being great support systems. I'm looking forward to the bleeding at least slowing down some (not that it is super heavy) so I can just feel more normal and go out and do things without fear of ruining a pair of jeans.
Anything else you want to talk about?: I'm trying to decide what, if anything I want to do to commemorate the loss. I'm sure I will never forget this, but I also don't want to dwell on it. Even though we were at 6 weeks when the actual miscarriage took place, we had only known for 6 days, so my brain is "protecting" me by letting me think this is a period in a lot of ways.
Post by peaseblossom55 on Sept 22, 2015 19:00:51 GMT -5
When was/were your loss(es)?: My loss was 4 weeks ago tomorrow
Would you like to talk about it? (i.e. what happened, when is your EDD, etc.): EDD was 1/1/16 for our daughter Annel.iese Mar.ie at our 20 week scan we found abnormalities with the heart and brain. Amnio revealed she had triploidy if she survived the pregnancy she wouldn't make it more than a month or two and that was being generous. We decided to terminate, it was such an awful decision to make. I was induced and went through L&D at 21 weeks and 5 days she was born sleeping. We got to hold her get baptized. Both of our parents were there to see. We have pictures and her foot and hand prints too. I got a call from the hospital today that they are mailing out her formal pictures to us in the mail today. I miss her more than anything in the world. I ache for my daughter but I know I will never get her back.
Are you TTC again? How long were/are you benched? Tell me your thoughts or feelings on trying again: I have PCOS so I don't cycle on my own. I have an appointment with the RE 7 weeks post lost to come up with a game plan for getting pregnant again. I hope he allows us to try again very soon.
Overall, how are you doing? Physically, emotionally, socially?: Physically fine. I stopped bleeding after 2 weeks or so. Testing negative on HPT's too. Socially I'm still hiding a bit, but it is getting easier to be around people. Emotionally I am a mess. I miss her so much, I miss not being able to parent her. I miss all of the what if's as well. Like yesterday when I was cutting up strawberries, she would never know what strawberries would taste like.
Anything else you want to talk about?: Ugh I think I probably over shared. I honestly love being able to talk about my daughter and just be able to talk about my grief process. It's so helpful. I'm looking into therapy as well.
When was/were your loss(es)?: My loss was 4 weeks ago tomorrow
Would you like to talk about it? (i.e. what happened, when is your EDD, etc.): EDD was 1/1/16 for our daughter Annel.iese Mar.ie at our 20 week scan we found abnormalities with the heart and brain. Amnio revealed she had triploidy if she survived the pregnancy she wouldn't make it more than a month or two and that was being generous. We decided to terminate, it was such an awful decision to make. I was induced and went through L&D at 21 weeks and 5 days she was born sleeping. We got to hold her get baptized. Both of our parents were there to see. We have pictures and her foot and hand prints too. I got a call from the hospital today that they are mailing out her formal pictures to us in the mail today. I miss her more than anything in the world. I ache for my daughter but I know I will never get her back.
Are you TTC again? How long were/are you benched? Tell me your thoughts or feelings on trying again: I have PCOS so I don't cycle on my own. I have an appointment with the RE 7 weeks post lost to come up with a game plan for getting pregnant again. I hope he allows us to try again very soon.
Overall, how are you doing? Physically, emotionally, socially?: Physically fine. I stopped bleeding after 2 weeks or so. Testing negative on HPT's too. Socially I'm still hiding a bit, but it is getting easier to be around people. Emotionally I am a mess. I miss her so much, I miss not being able to parent her. I miss all of the what if's as well. Like yesterday when I was cutting up strawberries, she would never know what strawberries would taste like.
Anything else you want to talk about?: Ugh I think I probably over shared. I honestly love being able to talk about my daughter and just be able to talk about my grief process. It's so helpful. I'm looking into therapy as well.
I don't think it is possible to overshare about our experiences on this board. Talking about our losses helps us heal.
When was/were your loss(es)?: My loss was 4 weeks ago tomorrow
Would you like to talk about it? (i.e. what happened, when is your EDD, etc.): EDD was 1/1/16 for our daughter Annel.iese Mar.ie at our 20 week scan we found abnormalities with the heart and brain. Amnio revealed she had triploidy if she survived the pregnancy she wouldn't make it more than a month or two and that was being generous. We decided to terminate, it was such an awful decision to make. I was induced and went through L&D at 21 weeks and 5 days she was born sleeping. We got to hold her get baptized. Both of our parents were there to see. We have pictures and her foot and hand prints too. I got a call from the hospital today that they are mailing out her formal pictures to us in the mail today. I miss her more than anything in the world. I ache for my daughter but I know I will never get her back.
Are you TTC again? How long were/are you benched? Tell me your thoughts or feelings on trying again: I have PCOS so I don't cycle on my own. I have an appointment with the RE 7 weeks post lost to come up with a game plan for getting pregnant again. I hope he allows us to try again very soon.
Overall, how are you doing? Physically, emotionally, socially?: Physically fine. I stopped bleeding after 2 weeks or so. Testing negative on HPT's too. Socially I'm still hiding a bit, but it is getting easier to be around people. Emotionally I am a mess. I miss her so much, I miss not being able to parent her. I miss all of the what if's as well. Like yesterday when I was cutting up strawberries, she would never know what strawberries would taste like.
Anything else you want to talk about?: Ugh I think I probably over shared. I honestly love being able to talk about my daughter and just be able to talk about my grief process. It's so helpful. I'm looking into therapy as well.
I don't think it is possible to overshare about our experiences on this board. Talking about our losses helps us heal.
^^agreed. peaseblossom55, please don't feel like you overshared. Being able to talk about what I went though here has helped me greatly and I hope you find the same. Being that this section of TCF is devoted to those of us who have had a loss, I don't think there is such thing as oversharing here, ESPECIALLY when it comes to the emotions you're feeling as you grieve and try to heal.
***includes some kinda graphic descriptions of what I am experiencing, you may want to skip over it if you are squeamish***
When was/were your loss(es)?: We found out about falling betas at 5 weeks 5 days and I started spotting at 6 weeks.
Would you like to talk about it? (i.e. what happened, when is your EDD, etc.): I suspect a weak ovulation on Clomid (O on CD21) combined with low progesterone. My peak beta reading was 219, second beta was 164 (four days ago) and it is down to 69 today. I had some really bad cramping last night but not a lot of increase bleeding. This morning about 11:00 the cramping picked up again including what I can only guess were contractions (sharp cramps in my lower torso that felt like someone kicking me in the cervix). Advil barely took the edge off and when I went to the bathroom I passed a few large clots that I didn't examine too closely. Shortly after passing the clots the cramping eased up to a dull ache and I feel a lot better. I suspect that the worst is over, but I have no evidence to back that up.
Are you TTC again? How long were/are you benched? Tell me your thoughts or feelings on trying again: We will be benched for 30 days/one cycle after betas return to zero. I don't cycle on my own due to PCOS so my doctor said I only have to wait the 30 days if I don't get a natural period. I'm going back to temping to see if I can see any pattern.
Overall, how are you doing? Physically, emotionally, socially?: Mentally I'm doing okay. They day we found out I was a sobbing, hormonal mess. Saturday was "normal" and we went out and did normal things. Sunday at church was a little raw for me and then I was a little emotional when the bleeding started. Yesterday and today have been rough physically, the cramping and bleeding just aren't fun and I feel gross. Socially we have a lot of support. My Mom, MIL and sister are checking on me via phone and text frequently and I told two friends who are being great support systems. I'm looking forward to the bleeding at least slowing down some (not that it is super heavy) so I can just feel more normal and go out and do things without fear of ruining a pair of jeans.
Anything else you want to talk about?: I'm trying to decide what, if anything I want to do to commemorate the loss. I'm sure I will never forget this, but I also don't want to dwell on it. Even though we were at 6 weeks when the actual miscarriage took place, we had only known for 6 days, so my brain is "protecting" me by letting me think this is a period in a lot of ways.
My two D&C's were so much easier than my one natural miscarriage even though I was five weeks for it. The bleeding really, really bothered me but it was no longer than a regular period for me so I hope it'll be over soon for you. I remember having several days of spotting after though. I also have PCOS. We've been using Letrozole to conceive and my next appointment is October 5th so I'm hoping we get some sort of plan going then.
When was/were your loss(es)?: My loss was 4 weeks ago tomorrow
Would you like to talk about it? (i.e. what happened, when is your EDD, etc.): EDD was 1/1/16 for our daughter Annel.iese Mar.ie at our 20 week scan we found abnormalities with the heart and brain. Amnio revealed she had triploidy if she survived the pregnancy she wouldn't make it more than a month or two and that was being generous. We decided to terminate, it was such an awful decision to make. I was induced and went through L&D at 21 weeks and 5 days she was born sleeping. We got to hold her get baptized. Both of our parents were there to see. We have pictures and her foot and hand prints too. I got a call from the hospital today that they are mailing out her formal pictures to us in the mail today. I miss her more than anything in the world. I ache for my daughter but I know I will never get her back.
Are you TTC again? How long were/are you benched? Tell me your thoughts or feelings on trying again: I have PCOS so I don't cycle on my own. I have an appointment with the RE 7 weeks post lost to come up with a game plan for getting pregnant again. I hope he allows us to try again very soon.
Overall, how are you doing? Physically, emotionally, socially?: Physically fine. I stopped bleeding after 2 weeks or so. Testing negative on HPT's too. Socially I'm still hiding a bit, but it is getting easier to be around people. Emotionally I am a mess. I miss her so much, I miss not being able to parent her. I miss all of the what if's as well. Like yesterday when I was cutting up strawberries, she would never know what strawberries would taste like.
Anything else you want to talk about?: Ugh I think I probably over shared. I honestly love being able to talk about my daughter and just be able to talk about my grief process. It's so helpful. I'm looking into therapy as well.
I'll echo the other girls. I made this post because I wanted to talk about my lost babies with other women who wanted to talk about their lost babies. No such thing as over sharing! I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I can't imagine, sometimes I wonder if being able to put a face to the pain is a blessing or a curse. ((Hugs))
***includes some kinda graphic descriptions of what I am experiencing, you may want to skip over it if you are squeamish***
When was/were your loss(es)?: We found out about falling betas at 5 weeks 5 days and I started spotting at 6 weeks.
Would you like to talk about it? (i.e. what happened, when is your EDD, etc.): I suspect a weak ovulation on Clomid (O on CD21) combined with low progesterone. My peak beta reading was 219, second beta was 164 (four days ago) and it is down to 69 today. I had some really bad cramping last night but not a lot of increase bleeding. This morning about 11:00 the cramping picked up again including what I can only guess were contractions (sharp cramps in my lower torso that felt like someone kicking me in the cervix). Advil barely took the edge off and when I went to the bathroom I passed a few large clots that I didn't examine too closely. Shortly after passing the clots the cramping eased up to a dull ache and I feel a lot better. I suspect that the worst is over, but I have no evidence to back that up.
Are you TTC again? How long were/are you benched? Tell me your thoughts or feelings on trying again: We will be benched for 30 days/one cycle after betas return to zero. I don't cycle on my own due to PCOS so my doctor said I only have to wait the 30 days if I don't get a natural period. I'm going back to temping to see if I can see any pattern.
Overall, how are you doing? Physically, emotionally, socially?: Mentally I'm doing okay. They day we found out I was a sobbing, hormonal mess. Saturday was "normal" and we went out and did normal things. Sunday at church was a little raw for me and then I was a little emotional when the bleeding started. Yesterday and today have been rough physically, the cramping and bleeding just aren't fun and I feel gross. Socially we have a lot of support. My Mom, MIL and sister are checking on me via phone and text frequently and I told two friends who are being great support systems. I'm looking forward to the bleeding at least slowing down some (not that it is super heavy) so I can just feel more normal and go out and do things without fear of ruining a pair of jeans.
Anything else you want to talk about?: I'm trying to decide what, if anything I want to do to commemorate the loss. I'm sure I will never forget this, but I also don't want to dwell on it. Even though we were at 6 weeks when the actual miscarriage took place, we had only known for 6 days, so my brain is "protecting" me by letting me think this is a period in a lot of ways.
My two D&C's were so much easier than my one natural miscarriage even though I was five weeks for it. The bleeding really, really bothered me but it was no longer than a regular period for me so I hope it'll be over soon for you. I remember having several days of spotting after though. I also have PCOS. We've been using Letrozole to conceive and my next appointment is October 5th so I'm hoping we get some sort of plan going then.
This may sound strange but the bleeding itself bothers me less than not being able to use a tampon. It has been so long since I used pads that I forgot just how gross I feel when I can feel the blood flowing out of my body. I always feel like the pad is leaking and I need a shower. My bleeding isn't even that heavy (I haven't even come close to filling a pad between changes) I just feel gross.
I'm really tempted to use tampons and change them frequently and take my chances with infection.
Post by LadyNymeria on Sept 24, 2015 9:27:08 GMT -5
I hated having to go back to pads during the loss. They're uncomfortable and I personally feel gross wearing them.
However, I wouldn't recommend using tampons right now even if you do change them frequently. I definitely thought about it too, but in the end decided it was more important to let my body expel what it needed to as needed.
My bleeding has slowed down a bunch since yesterday. For now it is only slightly more than spotting so it looks like I can avoid the tampon temptation now. I was really tempted though.
Post by likethewheels on Sept 24, 2015 20:18:47 GMT -5
Add me to team #padssuck. My doctor gave me the go-ahead to use tampons again (it's the little things, right?) at my post-op visit on Monday since I've had some irregular bleeding but I think the rules are probably different given that I had a d&e.
When was/were your loss(es)?: Friday, 9/4 the MMC was confirmed. I had the d&e on Saturday, 9/5, at 10 weeks.
Would you like to talk about it? (i.e. what happened, when is your EDD, etc.): I don't know what happened. The thought of a MMC crossed my mind at my 8 week appointment when they didn't hear a heart beat on the doppler (but I was reassured that it was still too early). A week later, they confirmed the MMC after an in-clinic ultrasound and another ultrasound as well as a transvaginal ultrasound at the hospital. I measured 9w6d, which is exactly how far along I was. So...I have no idea if there ever was a heart beat, or if there was, when it stopped. I was due 4/2/16. I had a post-op visit this week and haven't had any follow up blood work because they assume there isn't anything to track since everything is removed during the procedure.
Are you TTC again? How long were/are you benched? Tell me your thoughts or feelings on trying again: We are benched until I get my first period back. I'm not sure if we'll start TTC right away. Part of me wants to try soon, but another part of me thinks I need some time to get my shit together.
Overall, how are you doing? Physically, emotionally, socially?: Physically, I'm doing well. I'm still amazed at how "easy" the d&e was physically. I expected much, much worse. Emotionally, not so well. Better this week than the last two weeks, but I still have moments where everything all comes back to me. I still feel like I'm in denial some days. I keep thinking of the day I found out, and how I went to bed knowing that would be the last night I had with my baby, even though I knew the baby was gone. I think of that and it kills me. I wrote a letter to the baby that night while I was in bed, but I don't know if I'll ever be able to read it.
Anything else you want to talk about?: I'm just grateful for this thread (thanks, daystardreams!). It's hard to talk about loss, but I feel like dealing with this is helping me move forward.
Post by daystardreams on Sept 25, 2015 11:20:21 GMT -5
likethewheels Sorry for your loss. I was really surprised how "easy" my D&C's were too, physically. I'm five weeks out from my third loss and for some reason yesterday, in front of people and everything I just broke down into a hysterical mess. I think I was just stressed about other stuff and the loss just overwhelmed me! I guess it just happens sometimes.
Today's beta is down to 19 (it was at 69 on Tuesday) so a few more days and it should be at zero and we can start the 30 day wait. The bleeding has stopped and I just have a little spotting left.
I asked the nurse today if there were any restrictions on sex and she kind of hesitated before saying that they like their patients to wait a month before trying again. I about hit the floor. 30 days before sex after a chemical pregnancy?!?! I pushed back and asked why, she said they they wanted to give my body a chance to heal. I asked again, why does that mean we can't have sex? She finally said that it would be okay if we used condoms.
I kind of had to laugh because she then said she just isn't used to having patients being okay with using contraceptives. I had to roll my eyes. I would rather use condoms than go 30 days without sex (and my husband doubly agrees). Second, you work at an RE's office. The chances of their patients getting pregnant on their own is slim or they wouldn't be there in the first place.
I think we have a few condoms around, not sure how old they are... Regardless I think we'll just risk it since I haven't ovulated on my own since I came off the pill a year ago.
Today's beta is down to 19 (it was at 69 on Tuesday) so a few more days and it should be at zero and we can start the 30 day wait. The bleeding has stopped and I just have a little spotting left.
I asked the nurse today if there were any restrictions on sex and she kind of hesitated before saying that they like their patients to wait a month before trying again. I about hit the floor. 30 days before sex after a chemical pregnancy?!?! I pushed back and asked why, she said they they wanted to give my body a chance to heal. I asked again, why does that mean we can't have sex? She finally said that it would be okay if we used condoms.
I kind of had to laugh because she then said she just isn't used to having patients being okay with using contraceptives. I had to roll my eyes. I would rather use condoms than go 30 days without sex (and my husband doubly agrees). Second, you work at an RE's office. The chances of their patients getting pregnant on their own is slim or they wouldn't be there in the first place.
I think we have a few condoms around, not sure how old they are... Regardless I think we'll just risk it since I haven't ovulated on my own since I came off the pill a year ago.
Honestly MH just pulled out. Some people think it's crazy to consider it as an option but between charting and pulling out we avoided pregnancy for 3 years when I decided I was done with the pill so we just went back to that for the month after the loss.
During my loss I had a week of bleeding then a week of spotting. We actually had sex during that second week at one point when the spotting had stopped for a bit. My cervix was pretty sensitive so we had to be careful, but the close physical contact and intimacy with MH was much needed at that point. I was a bit emotional after, but being so close to him made me feel better.
Just take it easy the first couple times. He hit my cervix right at the end that first time and I literally jump. It really hurt. So just be aware that's a possibility and take it easy.
Post by hollyberry on Sept 26, 2015 4:59:15 GMT -5
I pretty much just lurk here and give support when I can. My last lost was in March 15 (I have had 2 losses, both after HB were seen), so the EDD is coming near. We are ttc now, but were benched for 3 cycles and we stayed benched for about 5 since we were in the midst of testing. Emotionally I am ok. Usually CD 1 is a bad day, but other then that ok.
So basically I just wanted to give hugs to all you ladies that are here. And share a bit about me so I am not just a completely random person!
lilmonk, I am sorry your son is hqving a hard time with the loss, I also agree just letting him talk about it is good. It may be hard for you, but it is ok for him to see, and for you to tell him you miss the baby too. Maybe having a little funeral or something, for the baby could help. You could get him to draw a picture, or help him write a little letter to the baby, you could send both up in a helium balloon. Others have also planted a tree. It may give him some closure, and I am sure there would be kids books on death or what not. I don't know any specificly but there has to be one that could be appropriate. Lots of luck!
Last Edit: Sept 26, 2015 10:49:51 GMT -5 by hollyberry
Me: 36, DH 32 Bfp#1 June 2014 edd: Feb. 22, 2015,mmc: Aug. 5,2014,D&C Bfp#2 Feb. 2015 edd: Oct.12, 2015, mmc: Mar. 7,2015, D&C
DX: Me: slightly hypothyroid, taking meds DH: SA Showed all low levels, urologist appointment showed all was normal, so no reason why the levels were bad.
Plan: IUI #1 Aug. 25mg clomed, to help boost egg quality - BFN IUI #2 Sept. 25mg clomed, BFN IUI#3 Dec. BFP!! TWINS Edd: Aug. 22, 2016
Post by daystardreams on Sept 26, 2015 8:34:15 GMT -5
aprilz81 Oh jeez, the last time DH and I had sex was the day I got pregnant! It was July 4th. We were tired from TTC and we usually take a break during the TWW. After I found out I was pregnant, DH was too weirded out and really just wanted to wait until after 1st tri. Then I was put on pelvic rest for six weeks! But we didn't wait any time after my CP.
All the time I've ever been benched, I was always also on pelvic rest am so we've always used abstinence during that time but I am a firm believer of the pull out method. I've never liked birth control and all men hate condoms! I've only had two serious relationships and in both of them we've only used pull out and I never got pregnant unless I wanted to!
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