Post by kimberlyandthor2014 on Sept 21, 2015 17:37:39 GMT -5
So I've gotta jump in here. I get the point that was behind BillyHorrible's horrible statement. But it's was definitely your use of the words classist and elitist which rubbed so many the wrong way. Mothering is fucking hard, no matter how you do it. Feed your baby what is best for you and yours, formula or BM, it's all momming.
There is nothing elitist about momming. It is raw, it is messy, it is primal, and as you can see, it dips into our strongest emotions. Momming is a hands-dirty job. When we mom, we are in touch with the deepest parts of our humanity.
I work two part time jobs and EBF, I make my own hours for one job which is my own business, and have to be ready to take off on the fly for the other one. My life is a balancing act of momming and working. I choose to EBF because I love it and it's what's best for me and my baby. We had some very tough times in the beginning and I came close to wanting to give up. I happen to be lucky enough to control my schedule to a degree so that k can pump when I'm away and pull over to feed when we are on delivery jobs if the timing doesn't line up.
Point of the above ~ not elitist at all. In fact I feel like a schedule acrobat and all over the place. i did this for 15 months with my first as well. We are lucky to be able to make this work, and that our medical issues are finally resolved, but we are certainly not elitist by any stretch.
also billyhorrible, saying 'Wealthier women, and/or higher educated women are able to make that choice. They can choose to breastfeed because it's easier for them. They don't have to struggle with their supply after going back to work'
i can say for sure moms regardless of economic status have moments where they struggle with supply. i ended up supplementing with formula with DS within a month of returning to work due to constantly being 2-4 oz short everyday. i'm not sure if this was a case of my body not responding to the pump or our caregiver overfeeding, but it does happen and can happen without clear cause and it can be very frustrating.
I'm not sure if you're trying to disagree with me here, but you perfectly exemplify the point I'm making. As a working mom, you had to struggle with your supply after going back to work. If you were able to stay home until you had decided that you were done breastfeeding, you may have continued longer. If you had a career like the CEO of yahoo and could install a nursery in your office and breastfeed on demand, you may have continued longer. But in order to keep your job (whether that's because you need it to pay bills or because you like the job and didn't want to lose it) you had to choose between breastfeeding and working. Which is a shitty choice to have to make.
I really need to have sex with my H. It's been two weeks and he's been hinting without being pushy, so I want to help him out. I just don't WANT to have sex. I am so fucking tired and my libido is nonexistent. Ugh.
Just about everyday I tell myself "tonight is the night!" and then when it's time I find a million excuses and absolutely zero drive. I feel awful for my poor H:(
also billyhorrible, saying 'Wealthier women, and/or higher educated women are able to make that choice. They can choose to breastfeed because it's easier for them. They don't have to struggle with their supply after going back to work'
i can say for sure moms regardless of economic status have moments where they struggle with supply. i ended up supplementing with formula with DS within a month of returning to work due to constantly being 2-4 oz short everyday. i'm not sure if this was a case of my body not responding to the pump or our caregiver overfeeding, but it does happen and can happen without clear cause and it can be very frustrating.
I'm not sure if you're trying to disagree with me here, but you perfectly exemplify the point I'm making. As a working mom, you had to struggle with your supply after going back to work. If you were able to stay home until you had decided that you were done breastfeeding, you may have continued longer. If you had a career like the CEO of yahoo and could install a nursery in your office and breastfeed on demand, you may have continued longer. But in order to keep your job (whether that's because you need it to pay bills or because you like the job and didn't want to lose it) you had to choose between breastfeeding and working. Which is a shitty choice to have to make.
I would be categorized as wealthy/with higher education and I hold an executive level position at our company. I still had supply issues and trouble pumping. It can happen to any women. It's a complicated subject matter.
I really need to have sex with my H. It's been two weeks and he's been hinting without being pushy, so I want to help him out. I just don't WANT to have sex. I am so fucking tired and my libido is nonexistent. Ugh.
Just about everyday I tell myself "tonight is the night!" and then when it's time I find a million excuses and absolutely zero drive. I feel awful for my poor H:(
Coming in late here, but I was going to say wording aside, this is something worth reading and something that needs to be talked about.
I'm coming from the outside looking in in regards to work, laws, healthcare etc. You guys know it's different up here. So I'm just going to throw this out there, it seems to be the root of a lot of (not all-a lot) these 'mommy wars' end up stemming back to the fact that the U.S. maternity laws are shit. It actually upsets me when I see any of you upset because of pumping, spilling milk, feeling disconnect because you aren't ready for going back to work yet, but there's no choice to wait. It's shitty, and I hope someday SOON you see a change. Because momhood is hard enough with laws working your way.
And don't get me wrong, there is NOTHING wrong with wanting to go back to work whenever, it's the matter of choice of when that I feel seems to be a lot of frustration comes from.
I'm trying to come off understanding here, and I apologize if I'm off context. But that's just how I'm seeing this and other discussions/arguments on here. A lot of this is stuff that isn't discussed in my real life, therefore thats why I feel it's all stemmed back to that.
I'm not sure if that's necessarily the issue in this thread, but it definitely is an issue in real life. I am not back at work because I want to be there. I'm back there because I couldn't take anymore time off unless it was unpaid, and I can't quit my job because we rely on my income. I do wish that I had more time, as I do feel that I would have been ready to return to work probably when V is about a year old. Obviously until we get there I can't say, but I do know that I was forced to return before I was ready, and it leads to a lot more emotional instability and difficulty with all of the facets of being a working mom. Even though it doesn't help anything, I do get angry every now and then that I didn't get to make this decision, and that it was made for me.
You have such a way with words, budders. All of the above is how I feel. I was back at work at 6 weeks, not because I was dying to get back to work, but because we cannot afford to live without my income. The best thing that I did was start pumping right away and luckily, even with going back to work I have not had any supply issues, but I am now tied to a pump. I cannot plan anything without figuring out how I'm going to pump if I need to. I agree with the anger too...and resentment that I have to be at work and someone else gets to be with my baby. I wonder how things would shift in America if there were better maternity leave benefits. Unfortunately, I believe this is what tends to hold women back in the workforce and rather than celebrating and supporting motherhood it's looked upon as a nuisance.
Theres no hinting with MH, it's all right there on the table. Speaking to him the other day and he's suggesting lewd things via FaceTime. Dude, I'm at my parents house and they're RIGHT THERE.
But this is also brought to you by the guy who, in order to be supportive to my post-Partum healing needs suggested he "go around the back" while we were waiting for the 6 weeks.
My DH made the same "joke". I said sure, can you massage my hemorrhoids while you're back there? He didn't suggest it again.
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