TTCAL Check-In 9/22

[LadyNymeria]

The Trying to Conceive After a Loss thread is posted once a week (generally on Tuesday) for those of us who have unfortunately experienced a loss. No matter what type of loss you've experienced, from miscarriage to stillbirth to the loss of a child, it is heartbreaking. This thread is to help us commiserate, get support, and to try to navigate trying to conceive after a loss every week.

Out of respect to all the ladies here, please add a trigger warning if you decide to talk about any living children and please hide your signature if it contains pictures or tickers of babies or children. We also kindly ask for grads to refrain from commenting in this thread.

**If this is your first check-in, and you would like to provide a gtky loss history intro go for it. If not, no worries!**


How are you doing?

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched):

Diagnosis (if applicable):

Updates/questions:

Debbie downer (a place to vent):

GTKY: Is there anything you have found that always seems to help you when you're having a hard day?

[LadyNymeria]

So many hugs to everyone last week. I may not have been around to comment, but I was thinking of all of you. Especially to rablissful and snakefisherbub - I hope you both found something to help you get past your EDDs. Many hugs to you both.


How are you doing? I'm ok. The vacation was much needed and it was wonderful. The only day I had trouble on vacation was the day (**OPP mentioned**) a pregnant woman walked by who looked to be about as far along as I should have been. It was really hard to see her beginning of a bump knowing I should have been rocking the beginning of a bump on that trip too. (**End OPP**) Sunday was a bit tough being home with no beach to distract me, but yesterday and today are better.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): n/a

Updates/questions: I'm currently very confused by this month's chart. I temped on vacation but the temps were very rocky - FF has given me CHs putting me at 6DPO today, but I don't really believe the CHs. We had lots of vacation sex so it would be great if they were true CHs, but I should probably start seducing MH EOD because I can't imagine I actually ovulated already.

On a positive note, I heard back from the dr office and my hCG draw from yesterday was down to 3. They're considering that close enough to zero to be considered zero so I'm done with the draws.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): Nothing really vent worthy. Just frustrated with the confusing chart this cycle.

GTKY: Is there anything you have found that always seems to help you when you're having a hard day? Ice cream!!! Plus hugs from MH and cuddles with my dog, but for some reason ice cream seriously makes me feel better on a bad day. I'm sure it's the perfect combination of fats and sugars, but I don't care how it works, I'm just happy that it does.

[doodler]

LadyNymeria- I'm glad you had a good time(mostly) on vacation! Also, good news about being done with the draws!

How are you doing? ***baby mentioned***I'm ok. Honestly I am doing better than I thought I would be. It's been hard coming back to work because one person had a baby two weeks ago, another had her baby last week, and three more are pregnant. Most of the time I'm ok with it but occasionally I have to leave the room when people are talking because it becomes too much for me.

Also, I drank a bottle of wine the other night and finally mustered up the courage to ask my husband if he wants to try again. He immediately said yes, and that he realized as we were going through this that he really wants another child. I cried, of course. I'm excited and hopeful but also freaking scared. So freaking scared.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): I have my two week post-D&C appointment on Friday.

Diagnosis (if applicable): N/A

Updates/questions: Ok, I have a question. I have had one loss. I have no idea if the OB did any testing after the D&C but I am assuming no and that we won't know why this happened. Should I assume that after only one loss I will be treated like a normal pregnancy with my (hopeful) next pregnancy? So coming in for my first appointment after 8 weeks and not having any betas drawn before that? Or should I expect that I could have some extra monitoring? I only ask because I will be switching OB's and don't need my annual appointment for awhile so I might not get to speak to the new doctor until after I (hopefully)get pregnant. Does that make sense? Sorry I am rambling.....

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I wrote a long letter to my current OB office about my experience and how awful it was. It ended up becoming a dear diary for me and is 3 pages long. I'm considering still giving it to them, but I am also considering writing a simple letter stating that I didn't receive compassionate care and requesting my records. I'm torn. I don't want anybody else to have the experience I did but it feels very scary to put my story out there and not know who in the office will end up reading it.

GTKY: Is there anything you have found that always seems to help you when you're having a hard day? Not really. Well, I do think that getting outside and going for a walk in the fresh air helps. But sometimes it can be very hard to get myself to the point where I am willing to leave the house.

[LadyNymeria]

doodler - I wasn't here when you unfortunately joined us, so I just wanted to say I am so sorry for your loss. I hate that you find yourself here now too.

I can't actually help with any of your questions because this was my first pregnancy and loss as well, but as far as I can tell from things my dr has said a next pregnancy will be treated as a normal pregnancy. However, my dr office typically doesn't do any sort of ultrasound/heartbeat check until the 12 week appointment. I am not waiting until 12 weeks to check for a heartbeat after having lost a baby. If I get pregnant again, I will definitely be asking for an early ultrasound around 7-8 weeks because of the loss. The office was great while I was going through the loss so I can't imagine they would deny me the earlier check next time.

[akraus2015]

LadyNymeria, glad you enjoyed your vacation!!

doodler, this is also my first loss, but from what I understand, my next pregnancy will be treated like a normal one. When I asked my doctor about it, she basically said that it happens so frequently that they typically don't do any testing after a first MC, but that if it were to happen again they would do some testing. She said that even then, they don't always figure out what causes MCs (only about 50% of the time do they find a cause). I'm planning to ask for early monitoring when I get pregnant again, though, especially since I struggle with really bad anxiety and I know I will be a mess next time around. Sorry I couldn't give better info!

How are you doing? Meh. Okay most of the time. I'm really ready to be pregnant again. This WTO seems to be taking forever.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): N/A

Updates/questions: I ended up forgetting to go back for my last HCG draw, and was sick and had to cancel my last follow up appointment, but I feel fine (reproductively speaking) and my period returned like normal, so I haven't rescheduled another appt. WWGKUD? Do I need to go back, or can I assume that life is back to normal at this point?

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I know this is silly, but the Grad Check-in thread makes me really sad every week. I don't even open it, but I want to because I want to know how all my F16ers are doing, but I know if I see their little baby bumps and hear their updates, I will lose it. I find myself staring at the thread and getting sad every single Tuesday...

GTKY: Is there anything you have found that always seems to help you when you're having a hard day?
I've been really leaning on my husband when I am having a bad day. Reminding myself that he and I are in this together, and that we are a team, helps to make me feel less alone.

[LadyNymeria]

akraus2015 - I think I personally would try to reschedule the hCG draw to make sure it was down (I liked knowing the numbers), but if the dr office wasn't too concerned about cancelling that follow-up appointment I probably wouldn't worry about rescheduling that.

Don't feel bad about not going in the Grad thread. Maybe after some more time it won't hurt as much to see the thread pop up and maybe you'll feel ok to venture in there at some point.

[kayladawn91]

LadyNymeria, I'm glad you had a good vacation and that you're done with draws! Yay!

doodler, I'm sorry you're dealing with lots of babies/pregnancies in your life. I can totally relate and it's hard.

akraus2015, I also have trouble with the Grad check-in sometimes. Especially since there are people there with babies the same age as mine would be right now. I rarely open it so you're not alone in that.

How are you doing? I'm having an okay week actually.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): N/A

Updates/questions: I've been really frustrated with my chart this cycle. FF says I'm 10 DPO today and I was willing to believe maybe I'm 8 DPO but after today's temp I'm thinking I didn't O at all. I have no secondary signs because I decided to be lazy this cycle. So now I'm just waiting and HIO in case.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I realized yesterday that my annual exam is coming up next month. My last one fell the same time I found out I was pregnant and I went in for my ultrasound and annual exam the same day. I really wanted to be pregnant by now and I'm dreading going into that office. I kind of wanted to use a different OB if I get pregnant again so maybe I'll just switch now.

GTKY: Is there anything you have found that always seems to help you when you're having a hard day? I wish I could say talking to H helps, but he just doesn't understand. I usually just cry and yell about how unfair everything is and it makes me feel better to air out my frustrations.

[mosdub]

akraus2015 don't feel bad about avoiding the grad check-in. I avoided it (and still kind of do) for a long time. It was too hard to see the milestones that I never got to. Now that my EDD has passed I'm starting to ease up on it a little bit.

[LadyNymeria]

kayladawn91 - If you were already looking to switch drs it sounds like now could be a good time to do it, especially so you wouldn't have to go back to the office.

Sorry you're having a confusing cycle. It's so frustrating to not be able to tell what's going on even with the charting.

[kayladawn91]

danib, I'm sorry about the BFN.

[peaseblossom55]

How are you doing? Ok I have my good days and bad days, today is a good day

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): benched RE appointment 10/8

Diagnosis (if applicable): PCOS

Updates/questions: No updates really, but the pictures we had done are being mailed out to us today I can't wait to see those pictures!

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I just keep wondering the what if's. I cried while cutting strawberries yesterday because Anneliese will never know how yummy strawberries are.

GTKY: Is there anything you have found that always seems to help you when you're having a hard day? No not yet, I need to work on this too.

[mosdub]

peaseblossom55 those what ifs are so hard I played the "what if" game a lot at first and now only think about it on occasion. I'm so sorry.

[peaseblossom55]

Sept 22, 2015 17:52:07 GMT -5 danib said:

Ohhh peaseblossom55 that just broke my heart. Hugs

Sorry it wasn't intended...  

[peaseblossom55]

Sept 22, 2015 18:00:57 GMT -5 mosdub said:

peaseblossom55 those what ifs are so hard I played the "what if" game a lot at first and now only think about it on occasion. I'm so sorry.

I feel like I do it all the time.  It's not fun but my mind goes there really without thinking almost.

[mosdub]

Sept 22, 2015 18:42:29 GMT -5 peaseblossom55 said:

Sept 22, 2015 18:00:57 GMT -5 mosdub said:

peaseblossom55 those what ifs are so hard I played the "what if" game a lot at first and now only think about it on occasion. I'm so sorry.

I feel like I do it all the time.  It's not fun but my mind goes there really without thinking almost.

I definitely did it all the time too.  It was hard on MH because he doesn't think like that and I would bring it up all the time.
Every time I saw a pregnant woman I'd compare her with the image of myself had we not lost.  When I go shopping and walk by the baby section (I still do this actually) I think how I would have had to probably stop in there if we had had a healthy pregnancy.  My birthday was hard, a family wedding and our anniversary was hard because I had allowed myself to plan as though I would have been massively pregnant.  Instead I drank. 

For me it's lessened as time went on.  I still think like that but I guess it makes me less sad now.  Maybe I've moved closer to a place of acceptance?

((hugs)) 

[kayladawn91]

So many hugs peaseblossom55

[doodler]

Thanks LadyNymeria!

kayladawn91, sorry about your chart. I'm so not looking forward to temping and all the other mess again!

danib sorry for the bfn. ***child mentioned***
I feel the same way about DS.

peaseblossom55 (hugs) I hope your pictures turn out great

akraus2015 I feel the same way. When I see people from my BMB posting it just crushes me.

[peaseblossom55]

Sept 22, 2015 18:55:51 GMT -5 mosdub said:

Sept 22, 2015 18:42:29 GMT -5 peaseblossom55 said:

I feel like I do it all the time.  It's not fun but my mind goes there really without thinking almost.

I definitely did it all the time too.  It was hard on MH because he doesn't think like that and I would bring it up all the time.
Every time I saw a pregnant woman I'd compare her with the image of myself had we not lost.  When I go shopping and walk by the baby section (I still do this actually) I think how I would have had to probably stop in there if we had had a healthy pregnancy.  My birthday was hard, a family wedding and our anniversary was hard because I had allowed myself to plan as though I would have been massively pregnant.  Instead I drank. 

For me it's lessened as time went on.  I still think like that but I guess it makes me less sad now.  Maybe I've moved closer to a place of acceptance?

((hugs)) 

I think it's hard on MH as well.  I try not to bring it up too much but it's how I'm dealing with things right now and it is what it is.  

[akraus2015]

Thanks for the support today, everyone. I have opened this thread every time I wanted to lurk the grad check in and it really helped. You guys are the best!

[notagoddess]

LadyNymeria, welcome back. I'm glad you and your H had a great vacation. I agree that your chart doesn't suggest ovulation.

doodler, I don't know what would be best regarding the letter to your OB. I am so sorry you had to go through that. About the tests, I did get testing ordered by my OB after my loss. Not sure why. He said the chances of another pregnancy going well are normal after one loss, so I could do the standard protocol and come in at 12 weeks for a future pregnancy. But, I could do all kinds of early monitoring if I felt more comfortable with that. He left it up to me. I'm going to go with the monitoring.

akraus2015, I'd say another check probably wouldn't provide much new info, but of course it depends on what you're comfortable with. I am so sorry the grad thread is making you sad. I can imagine that being a very painful reminder of where you should be.

kayladawn91, switching OBs now makes sense. You want to be "in the system" when you get pregnant again so you can get in as soon as you need to. I'm sorry your H doesn't help with your hardest days. Mine can't handle my intense sadness about the loss at this point either.

danib, so sorry about the BFN. I also got pregnant this time last year so I can understand the BFN being extra sad when you had your hopes up.

peaseblossom55, that broke my heart too. Hugs.

pippacricket, I hope you can get some answers soon.

[notagoddess]

How are you doing? Pretty good this week

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): Resected uterine septum

Updates/questions: I mentioned in a separate thread how I may have to TTA for a while if I start a new job and move. That's been on my mind a lot. If I got pregnant this cycle, that would make the situation so much more clear. 

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I saw my pregnant friend on Saturday. She will have had her 9 week ultrasound today. I had my ultrasound at 9 weeks exactly and at that point everything looked great. It's hard watching her go through my milestones and passing them. Seeing her was tough.

GTKY: Is there anything you have found that always seems to help you when you're having a hard day? No. I can get pretty lost in the sadness at times.

[LadyNymeria]

Well my CHs are gone. I realized I had high-medium-medium for CP on CD 9 when it should have been medium-medium-medium. I fixed it and apparently that was enough for FF to take away my CHs. I knew I really hadn't ovulated yet so I'm glad the chart finally matches that.

[sympkin]

I am so far behind this last little bit so here to hand out hugs and love tits.

LadyNymeria, Glad you figured out what was going on with your chart.

doodler, I think with the letter I would go somewhere in between. More towards the shorter side but I wouldn't want to be completely impersonal about it because their behaviour was rather atrocious and I would hope something a little more strongly worded would help them get their act together for the next woman in that situation.

kayladawn91, If H isn't being particularly understanding is there someone else you could possibly talk to? This is a great little group but I know some us need a little more and someone to lean on and talk to IRL.

danib, Sorry for the BFN, the little bit about thinking of your DS totally gave me the warm fuzzies though.

akraus2015, I went in for all the tests but honestly I never really checked up on the numbers. My GP made it sound that basically once your period returns you are considered in the clear if there were no other extenuating circumstances.

peaseblossom55, Just lots of hugs.

pippacricket, Glad they were able to do the bloodwork. I feel you on the draws though. I have a few tests I have to get done on a semi-regular basis and one time they all converged on the same date as my annual checkup. I was so faint I felt like I was high and my spouse had to basically carry me home.

notagoddess, I hope you can find something that helps you when you are feeling down. It's so important to find ways to give yourself a break. I'll even just put on some cheesy stand up routines or read a bit from a favourite book just to break it up give me a laugh or a good memory.