Wedding babysitter dilemma

[gilder40]

Alright ladies. I need advice and opinions.

My cousin is getting married this weekend and I am going out of town to attend the wedding. My husband works nights and is staying home, so T is coming with me.

A few weeks ago, they told us that the wedding and reception was 'adults only' and that T couldn't go. They've since changed their mind and said she could go to the ceremony, but not the reception. They even hired a babysitter to keep her (and one other kiddo) at the hotel where guests are staying. The other kiddo is now staying with his grandma, and my mom offered to keep T so I wouldn't have to leave her with someone I don't know in a city I'm unfamiliar with. My aunt and cousin are pretty upset that either my mom or I will be keeping her and not utilizing the sitter.

I never asked them to get a sitter or make arrangements. I'm not super comfortable with the idea of leaving my four month old in a hotel with someone I've never met. They hired her at the recommendation of a family friend or the wedding coordinator or something.

Am I way out in left field for not wanting to leave my kid with a sitter?? Or am I justified in my discomfort? I just need some reassurance that I'm normal and not being paranoid.

TL;DR: Cousin is getting married and my kiddo can't go to the reception. They hired a sitter and I don't want to leave her at the hotel with someone I don't know. Am I nuts or completely justified?

[Bluedaisy]

Nope you are not wrong. If you didn't ask them to get a sitter then they shouldn't be upset. I wouldn't leave baby with a stranger if a grandparent was available.

[Deleted]

I absolutely would never leave my baby with a sitter I am just meeting. Especially not an infant. You are in no way in the wrong on this one. Listen to you mommy instincts and don't let them guilt you.

[musicfrk2002]

I wouldn't leave my kid with someone I hadn't met either. It was their choice to get a sitter, they can't force you to utilize the sitter.

[stinybean]

I barely want to leave LO with my MIL let alone someone I've never met. You are totally justified.

[billyhorrible]

I don't think anyone should give any mom shit about using/not using a babysitter. Your kid = your comfort level. No matter the age.

It's a lovely gesture they've offered to provide a sitter, but you're under no obligation to leave your child of you're uncomfortable about it. Even if the sitter was Mary Poppins herself.

[erbear]

You're definitely not weird. I wouldn't leave my infant with someone I just met!

[periwinkledaydreams]

Completely justified. Do what you feel comfortable doing! Nobody dictates who takes care of your child but you! I honestly think the weird part here is that anybody cares enough to tell someone they can't bring their 4 month old to a wedding reception. Maybe thats just me, but babies always go to weddings where I come from. Older kids, different story, but an infant? But if that is the way it is, doesn't mean they get to tell you where and who with your baby stays. Nope nope nope.

[kemdupuis]

Sept 23, 2015 21:51:32 GMT -5 gilder40 said:

Alright ladies. I need advice and opinions.

My cousin is getting married this weekend and I am going out of town to attend the wedding. My husband works nights and is staying home, so T is coming with me.

A few weeks ago, they told us that the wedding and reception was 'adults only' and that T couldn't go. They've since changed their mind and said she could go to the ceremony, but not the reception. They even hired a babysitter to keep her (and one other kiddo) at the hotel where guests are staying. The other kiddo is now staying with his grandma, and my mom offered to keep T so I wouldn't have to leave her with someone I don't know in a city I'm unfamiliar with. My aunt and cousin are pretty upset that either my mom or I will be keeping her and not utilizing the sitter.

I never asked them to get a sitter or make arrangements. I'm not super comfortable with the idea of leaving my four month old in a hotel with someone I've never met. They hired her at the recommendation of a family friend or the wedding coordinator or something.

Am I way out in left field for not wanting to leave my kid with a sitter?? Or am I justified in my discomfort? I just need some reassurance that I'm normal and not being paranoid.

TL;DR: Cousin is getting married and my kiddo can't go to the reception. They hired a sitter and I don't want to leave her at the hotel with someone I don't know. Am I nuts or completely justified?

I would feel exactly the same way. Of COURSE you are way more comfortable leaving your LO with your mom and not some rando. I wouldn't feel bad in the slightest. I am sure the sitter was not hired on a contract or anything, so it should be pretty simple for them to call her up and say "we just don't need you anymore". Do not feel bad AT ALL. They should have asked.

[dmoney]

You have every right to feel the way that you do! When DD was 3 weeks old I was in a wedding, it was Adults only. The bride who I have known since elementary school hired a babysitter since another one of her bridesmaids had a 4 month old. The reception and ceremony were all in the same place and the sitter used the bridal suite to watch both kids. Is this an option to have the baby sitter on site? For my situation the bride was from out of town but getting married in her home town which is where I live, so I actually hired the sitter. She had come at the recommendation of my sister who had used her in the past. Having her onsite made it a great deal easier for me since I am a nervous first time mom.

Since you said the wedding is out of town, is it possible to skype or facetime with the sitter before the weekend so that way you can make a decision if you want to take your LO with you or leave them at home? Either way I would not feel bad about offending anyone. This is your child and you need to feel 100% comfortable with who you leave your child with. Good luck!

[nchauhan]

Sept 24, 2015 5:46:02 GMT -5 budders said:

It's not uncommon for people to hire sitters for situations like this. I totally agree that I wouldn't leave my baby with the sitter, but I understand why your cousin doesn't get it. It was such an obnoxious thing to hear before the baby arrived, but it's true: you don't get it until you have a kid. We had a very small wedding and said absolutely no kids. My SIL got pregnant soon after our engagement and had my nephews 6 months before the wedding, and they left them with her mother while they came for the weekend. At the time I saw it as a great kid-free weekend for them, but now, I would have a hard time doing the same.

Could you and your mom swap out at the reception so that you both get to be there for a little bit?

Same - before I had a baby, I totally wouldn't understand why someone wouldn't use a sitter that was provided. But now, I wouldn't leave my baby with someone I had never met. Although, I do like the suggestion given on meeting the sitter and if you aren't comfortable, to go with your mom. In the end, you have got to go with your gut. Your kid, your choice

[gilder40]

Sept 24, 2015 5:46:02 GMT -5 budders said:

It's not uncommon for people to hire sitters for situations like this. I totally agree that I wouldn't leave my baby with the sitter, but I understand why your cousin doesn't get it. It was such an obnoxious thing to hear before the baby arrived, but it's true: you don't get it until you have a kid. We had a very small wedding and said absolutely no kids. My SIL got pregnant soon after our engagement and had my nephews 6 months before the wedding, and they left them with her mother while they came for the weekend. At the time I saw it as a great kid-free weekend for them, but now, I would have a hard time doing the same.

Could you and your mom swap out at the reception so that you both get to be there for a little bit?

This is a fantastic idea. I don't know why I didn't think of it. The hotel is like a block from the venue, so it wouldn't be a big deal to switch. I'll talk to my mom when I get to their house this evening. Thank you all for the affirmation and ideas!!

[gilder40]

Sept 24, 2015 5:37:48 GMT -5 periwinkledaydreams said:

Completely justified. Do what you feel comfortable doing! Nobody dictates who takes care of your child but you! I honestly think the weird part here is that anybody cares enough to tell someone they can't bring their 4 month old to a wedding reception. Maybe thats just me, but babies always go to weddings where I come from. Older kids, different story, but an infant? But if that is the way it is, doesn't mean they get to tell you where and who with your baby stays. Nope nope nope.

We are from the South, so every wedding I've been to has been kid-friendly. Just a bunch of family and friends all together. My cousin's bride-to-be is from up north....are adults only weddings more common there?

[dmoney]

Sept 24, 2015 10:17:00 GMT -5 gilder40 said:

Sept 24, 2015 5:37:48 GMT -5 periwinkledaydreams said:

Completely justified. Do what you feel comfortable doing! Nobody dictates who takes care of your child but you! I honestly think the weird part here is that anybody cares enough to tell someone they can't bring their 4 month old to a wedding reception. Maybe thats just me, but babies always go to weddings where I come from. Older kids, different story, but an infant? But if that is the way it is, doesn't mean they get to tell you where and who with your baby stays. Nope nope nope.

We are from the South, so every wedding I've been to has been kid-friendly. Just a bunch of family and friends all together. My cousin's bride-to-be is from up north....are adults only weddings more common there?

I am in Maryland, some call us northerners and some call us southern, take it however you want.  But most of the weddings that I have been to have been adults only.  Our own wedding was Adults only. It was a black tie Event (is this wedding a formal event??) and wanted our guests with children to be able to enjoy them selves.  But we have also been to weddings up north that have been kid friendly.  I think it really all depends on how the bride envisions her night going?? 

[periwinkledaydreams]

Sept 24, 2015 10:17:00 GMT -5 gilder40 said:

Sept 24, 2015 5:37:48 GMT -5 periwinkledaydreams said:

Completely justified. Do what you feel comfortable doing! Nobody dictates who takes care of your child but you! I honestly think the weird part here is that anybody cares enough to tell someone they can't bring their 4 month old to a wedding reception. Maybe thats just me, but babies always go to weddings where I come from. Older kids, different story, but an infant? But if that is the way it is, doesn't mean they get to tell you where and who with your baby stays. Nope nope nope.

We are from the South, so every wedding I've been to has been kid-friendly. Just a bunch of family and friends all together. My cousin's bride-to-be is from up north....are adults only weddings more common there?

I don't know, Im from the north (CT) and we always have babies at our weddings

[thecatsmeow]

I'm from the (northern) Midwest. I don't think I've ever been to an adults only wedding.

[Deleted]

Adult only weddings are super common in Southern California. We have 2 coming up in October and November and the invite states no children. The last 2 weddings we went to were also no kids. They are all evening weddings so it could also be the timing. Don't young kids tend to be fussier after 7ish?

I had a small afternoon wedding and we allowed kids but no one brought theirs. They just arranged sitters.

[Deleted]

Not crazy. We needed a sitter last week and people kept telling me to go to care.com. Uh no. I'm not hiring a random person from the interests to take care of my children.

We're in the Rocky Mountain west and our late afternoon wedding was adults only, except for DS1. Had we waited until the next summer and done it in a barn in the mountains we would have included kids, but our venue just wasn't child friendly, cost tons more than a barn party, and kids would have more than doubled our guest list.

[ladysif]

You are not at all crazy. I refused the same offer for BIL's wedding.
...I also refused their follow up offer of having an RV on site (a public park in a large city) for the kids to sleep in during the reception. Because awesome idea, lock them in an RV and check periodically, it's all good.

[gilder40]

Just an update on the wedding. It was in a small, historic chapel, and it was very small...under 35 people. The chapel echoed really badly since it was all stone and hardwood floors. She went for a formal, more elegant vibe, so I could understand asking for no children to be there.

The babysitter came to the chapel after the ceremony, and I got to chat with her and visit for about 45 min between the wedding and the reception. I let her hold T, and just watched how she interacted with her. She said her sisters have a lot of kids, so she was comfortable feeding and changing babies. I walked back to the hotel with her, and changed T out of her wedding clothes and all that. The sitter offered to feed her since she was getting fussy, so I let her and just watched. At that point, I felt okay to leave her for a bit. It was literally a 5 min walk....and Tinsley was falling asleep. I got back and the sitter sent me photos of her all evening. Overall, it was a positive experience. I was still nervous, but I felt better after meeting her and all that.

[mirage86]

Glad to hear it turned out well!

[Deleted]

Sept 27, 2015 16:42:22 GMT -5 @jemomma said:

Glad everything went so well and that you were comfortable with her.

@jimbobcooter we have used care.com a few times and have had very good luck. I always interview the person and let them meet the kids and see how they interact before leaving alone with them though.

*stuck in a box*

We just used a pet sitter we found there but I was scared to do it with the kids.  We're going to need someone regular soon though so we can go out regularly.  Maybe I'll do a meet and greet and then a mother's helper day with someone first before pulling the trigger.