Nursing to sleep - I think I broke her

[seannemairi]

So being a ftm and completely clueless on the whole sleeping front, since the beginning our nights have been relatively the same. Go upstairs to my bed at 9ish feed til she falls asleep, make sure she's fully asleep and transfer her to her rnp right next to me. Now I've created a monster and I don't know how to fix it. She will only go to sleep at night if she falls asleep while nursing. If she wakes up in my feeble attempt to put her in her rnp or pnp she screams til there's a boob in her mouth regardless of how recently she's eaten. As of a week ago she will no longer even allow me to put her her own sleep area. If by some miracle I can move her without waking her, she makes it between 15 and 30 minutes before she wakes screaming bloody murder then we start over. I tried to not give her the boob tonight when I woke her on accident and that was a 30 minute scream fest I don't wish to relive. All the Googling in the world hasn't given me the advice I'm looking for. Help!

Tldr; my baby will only feed to sleep, I need mom help because I fucked up.

[pghtruelove]

I'm in the same boat. Following.

[tiffbot]

You didn't fuck up. Year one is survival mode, and it's exhausting figuring out what the heck you are doing. Also, I'm on mobile so I can't to back and read your OP right now, but 4 months is an incredibly common time for disruptive and regressed sleeping patterns, as they have a big mental leap coming up here.

I nursed DS to sleep until he was 7 or 8 months old. DD is now closing in on 4 months and I have never once tried the 'put down drowsy but awake' method with her.

I can't give you real by the book advice..I'm certainly not a baby sleep expert and the only experience I have is having 2 kids myself. So mom to mom, you do what you need to do. If nursing her to sleep is what's getting her to sleep right now, that's what you both need.

Trust me, I thought for sure I had broken DS too. (ETA-and I shed a lot of tears over it) I'm not that mom that has any cute pictures of him falling asleep while playing with their toys or doing something funny because I had to hold him (and now DD) to fall asleep. But DS loves sleeping now! Heck he'll go to his room on his own yelling bye bye to me and shut the door himself somedays when it's naptime.

So that is my go with the flow anecdote. I'm sure others can chime in with other tricks and what they've done, but nothing worked for me until he was older. DD is learning probably faster than DS so far, but she's a different baby and I also have a lot more confidence with her soley because she's number 2.

[carolyngrace]

My only "advice" comes from watching what my friends have done and reading the epically long sleep threads on May 15 (which I suggest if you haven't already).

You either do some form of sleep training now or wait until do is older, and keep doing what you're doing. There's a chance she will naturally change somewhat on her own, since every day is a new ballgame with these little ones....

Or you research sleep training like crazy, pick a method, and stick to it no matter what (which I've heard is really the only thing you HAVE to do to get it right).

[periwinkledaydreams]

Cant say anything better than what tiffbot already said. Just letting you know you're by no means alone. Im nursing my girl back to sleep as I type this! We do what works while it works until it doesn't work anymore, and then we figure out what to do next, and we keep figuring out and keep trying. I think this will continue as long as we are parents to these children! There are going to be "by the book" ways of doing things and then theres going to be what works for you. At the end of the day your kid is clothed and fed and sleeping, and youre still there to make it better if LO needs you. You've done your job. Definitely didn't fuck up!

[periwinkledaydreams]

Just a thought.. do you use a pacifier at all? We have a very rough go at going to sleep, so Im by no means giving out sleep advice that youd find in any book anywhere. However I found if I nurse till she's not actually eating anymore and just sucking to soothe, I can switch her over to a pacifier, then I rock her to sleep in the rocking chair. That way once I move her to the Rnp or Pnp (we've gone back and forth between the two.. she'll sleep for weeks in one or the other and then suddenly hate it) if she wakes up she doesn't need the boob, I can just replace the pacifier and rock her Rnp for a bit til she falls back asleep.

[billyhorrible]

tiffbot nailed it. No one here is broken. Not you. Not your baby. You'll hear so much about creating a bad sleep habit or association, but really, sleep is developmental. Just like anything else, babies all do it on their own timeline and nothing you do is going to hinder it.

As an example, I nursed LBB to sleep even longer than Tiffbot did. Because it was much faster and more pleasant to nurse for 10 minutes instead of a screaming baby for much longer. At 10 months, he stopped falling asleep at the breast on his own. It took us longer to get there, but we still got there, and in a painless and tear-free way. I have a nearly 4 year old who still takes daily naps and falls asleep at night about 5 minutes after his head hits the pillow. If I could only convince him to sleep in on weekend mornings he'd be a perfect sleeper!

[seannemairi]

I want to reply to each of you individually, but frankly I'm exhausted haha. Thank you so much for all your advice and reassurance. I feel a million times better. She's definitely going through her 4 month sleep regression early and she is getting ready to roll completely over among other things so I know she's got a lot going on. I just kept reading about moms rocking their babies to sleep or putting them down while drowsy and they just peacefully drift off while hot mess Hunter over here hates being rocked, will be wide awake f I try and put her down drowsy, has developed a disdain for her pacifier, and needs a boob in her mouth constantly. I felt like I was doing it wrong haha. Anyway, you've all helped immensely and put my mind at ease. Thank you so much.

[stinybean]

seannemairi you mentioned in the post above that LO doesn't like her pacifier. Have you tried other brands? I intentionally got multiple brands because there nipples are different (like on bottles). DD also seems to have a small mouth so some age appropriate pacifiers are just too big for her. If you want to continue with pacifiers, check out other brands. GL

[mirage86]

Just to echo PP, keep on with what works for you! I'm still nursing E to sleep, too. I had actually asked my mom when he was around 2.5 months if I was creating a bad habit, and she said the same. If it's working for you, then it's working and you don't have to worry about it right now. Babies go through so many different phases and one day you'll find that nursing to sleep will end and you will have a different way of getting her to sleep. My mom had 9 babies, so I feel comfortable following her advice on that!

[ashbash]

The Mamas here are wise and I echo what they said. I had a similar experience, nursed DD to sleep until 10 months when she naturally stopped. She goes to sleep easy peasy and takes great naps. DS doesnt like to nurse to sleep, I rock him and he is a way crappier sleeper than DD was. Every baby is different and you do what needs to be done to sleep, if its still an issue down the road you can tackle it but right now isnt the time just enjoy the peaceful sleepy nursing

[erbear]

I also nurse to sleep and it just feels right for us. One thing I learned from wise btdt mom's is to just go with what works and feels right. They're too little for bad sleep habits now, anyways.

[seannemairi]

Sept 25, 2015 5:49:19 GMT -5 stinybean said:

seannemairi you mentioned in the post above that LO doesn't like her pacifier. Have you tried other brands? I intentionally got multiple brands because there nipples are different (like on bottles). DD also seems to have a small mouth so some age appropriate pacifiers are just too big for her. If you want to continue with pacifiers, check out other brands. GL

I started out with mam when she was new, she seemed to have a hard time keeping them in her mouth but enjoyed it nonetheless. I thought maybe it was the shape so I bought nuk since they curve up a bit but she couldn't keep those in either. I kinda gave up a little because she didn't really seem to care if she had one or not. She only recently started giving me this look of utter disgust when I put one in her mouth so i stopped trying haha. I give it a whirl once a day but she makes the same awful face every time.

I feel so much better that I'm not alone in this. I hope the sleep gods will smile upon my fellow zombie moms. Maybe we'll know sleep again sometime before next June Haha.

[nchauhan]

Just chiming in to say that I still nurse T to sleep and plan on doing so for as long as it works. Having a sleeping child is good for my mental health and I would judge anyone who would try to tell you that you're implementing bad habits now. And it definitely helped to read all the supportive comments in this thread!

[silv3rlining]

The 4 month sleep regression can be brutal. With DS bedtime became a huge chore and caused frustrations between my husband and I. We finally (after 6 month) resorted to a type of sleep training.

[wegrowsheep]

I nursed DS1 to sleep for most of his first year, then did sleep training and nighttime weaning simultaneously. Took 2 nights for the sleeping to work, and about another 4 nights to wean.
Don't sweat it.

[jessila]

This makes me feel better about Owen's sleep constantly changing. We had some serious regression 2 weeks ago (at 10/11 weeks) and it was terrible.
This week he wants to go to sleep at night in the swing. If I try to put his down in his crib at bedtime he is wide awake. So I pop him in the swing and suddenly he sleeps 5+ hours. It's about survival at this point..or I've been told as a FTM.

[holliberry28]

Sept 25, 2015 16:41:38 GMT -5 jessila said:

This makes me feel better about Owen's sleep constantly changing. We had some serious regression 2 weeks ago (at 10/11 weeks) and it was terrible.
This week he wants to go to sleep at night in the swing. If I try to put his down in his crib at bedtime he is wide awake. So I pop him in the swing and suddenly he sleeps 5+ hours. It's about survival at this point..or I've been told as a FTM.

+1 to only falling asleep in the swing.  Glad I read this, too.  Dealing with reflux and transitioning to a crib doesn't sound fun at all.  

I found LO doesn't like the nuke pacifier either, but he really likes the Tomme Tippee pacifiers, so maybe you want to give those a try.  Although he likes the MAM too.

[periwinkledaydreams]

Aaand Ive been trying to get her to fall asleep for the last 3 1/2 hours. She's SO TIRED. She looked sleepy around 7, so I started nursing her and she dozed off around 7:30. When I went to swaddle her up she woke all the way up.. as usual.. so to the rocking chair we go. Rock until 8 but she's still awake and squirming and spitting out her pacifier, sure enough I pop her a boobie and she zonks right out! I put her down at about 8:30 and she woke up crying and busted out of the swaddle by 9. Reswaddle and back to the rocker. Screaming. Paci not working, rocking not working. Only boobs tonight I guess. Back down, back up, back down, back up.. its now 10:50 and we're in the rocking chair again for the I cant count which number time........ top it off SO is out galavanting with his friends and not answering his phone. I could have definitely used a tag team on this one, not that he can help with the boob situation but at least I could tag out on the rocking for a second! Sorry yall, end rant!

[carolyngrace]

periwinkledaydreams, So sorry that sounds awful! Buy a few different swaddles and find one that keeps her in! Nothing worse than when they wake up from getting out of the swaddle. The Ergo one is literally the only one that works for me. Also it sounds like next time swaddle her before you nurse for sure. Not that it helps you tonight. I really hope she lets you put her down... Tried sleeping in a swing instead? (I'm not sure what you're using now).

[seannemairi]

Sept 25, 2015 21:55:40 GMT -5 periwinkledaydreams said:

Aaand Ive been trying to get her to fall asleep for the last 3 1/2 hours. She's SO TIRED. She looked sleepy around 7, so I started nursing her and she dozed off around 7:30. When I went to swaddle her up she woke all the way up.. as usual.. so to the rocking chair we go. Rock until 8 but she's still awake and squirming and spitting out her pacifier, sure enough I pop her a boobie and she zonks right out! I put her down at about 8:30 and she woke up crying and busted out of the swaddle by 9. Reswaddle and back to the rocker. Screaming. Paci not working, rocking not working. Only boobs tonight I guess. Back down, back up, back down, back up.. its now 10:50 and we're in the rocking chair again for the I cant count which number time........ top it off SO is out galavanting with his friends and not answering his phone. I could have definitely used a tag team on this one, not that he can help with the boob situation but at least I could tag out on the rocking for a second! Sorry yall, end rant!

Girl, you and me both. She was clearly getting sleepy around 730. I gave her a bath and then around 830 headed upstairs to get settled. She fell asleep on my shoulder before we made it up. Success! I sat on my bed with her to make sure she was really asleep and made a break for the pnp (she's hasn't slept in it yet but is just about too big for her rnp now) she stayed asleep for maybe 5 minutes and screamed. I popped a boob in, she fell asleep, laid her down next to me. Up in 5 minutes. Popped a boob in again and now she's asleep on my chest. My back is killing me and all I want is to sleep on my belly and right now. This is gonna be one of those nights...for the 7th night in a row.
And hub is out with his friends. I told him he could but I need a break sometimes. I haven't been alone to sleep freely since dinosaurs roamed the earth.