Is anyone else really anxious lately? Ever since I've been back to work and driving 20-ish miles back-and-forth to work and daycare, I am so worried about getting in a car accident and what would happen if I got seriously hurt or if the kids were with me and what would happen to them.
I also worry after I put S too bed, about if she spits up and she's on her back what's going to happen, if she roll ( not that she ever has yet ) and she gets stuck because she swaddled.
Ever since she has started sleeping through the night, instead of being excited, my mind goes to the worst that something happened to her and that's why I didn't hear any noise.
It's hard to know which of these worries are normal, or what should be talked about with my doctor.
My anxiety hasn't been so bad lately, thankfully. It wouldn't hurt for you to talk to a doctor about PPA.
After I got into two car accidents within a few weeks of each other, for awhile I was having almost flashbacks of getting hit when I was getting behind the wheel. But I checked all of the car seats to make sure they were properly installed and the straps are tight enough and now my kids are being driven 100% of the time in an SUV or large truck, so I feel better about their safety. Now I am back to normal.
I haven't been having any fears about LO sleeping, but he still sleeps in the same room as me, and I might be a little more paranoid at first if he didn't, which is how I was with DD.
I've had anxiety my entire life, but it got out of control around 28 weeks of pregnancy. I take an anti-anxiety medicine and see a psychiatrist. It helps, but I still sometimes have irrational anxieties about LO. If it's really bothering you (I was waking up in the middle of the night covered in sweat/crying), say something.
budders, mine is worst at night and early morning as well. You'd think I'd be happy to have some quiet "me" time, but my brain goes into this weird "what if" game that spirals.
budders, mine is worst at night and early morning as well. You'd think I'd be happy to have some quiet "me" time, but my brain goes into this weird "what if" game that spirals.
budders, erbear, I have really bad night anxiety too. I know that all the books and resources say that the movement monitors don't actually prevent sids but I still really appreciate mine and can even live with having the crap scared out of me by a false alarm. I really think that if I didn't have it I'd be up all night watching the video monitor and panicking the he isn't moving enough.
I am also terrible about nights and weekends....basically any time our doctor isn't open. We have a 24 hour nurse hotline which helps and so far I've only called once...
I think the feelings are normal but if they are interfering with functioning and causing you to have physical symptoms than it is definitely worth talking to a doctor.
Post by billyhorrible on Sept 28, 2015 11:56:10 GMT -5
I've got GAD (one diagnostic criteria away from OCD), so these are all part of my "normal" but aren't for most people.
There's a lot of talk about PPD, but not PPA, and if this is all recent onset then it's probably worth talking to your doctor about. The hormonal changes following pregnancy/childbirth can definitely cause an increase in anxiety, but there are various ways to manage it.
Post by carolyngrace on Sept 28, 2015 12:53:16 GMT -5
My anxiety is pretty much how it was before DB. For me I tend to ignore how busy and stressed I'm getting until I have a panic attack. Usually once or twice a year. I suppress it big time! I have Ativan to take as needed when that happens. I know I should work through the cause of the attacks, but I keep putting off getting in therapy due to not feeling like I have time. Go figure.
Post by holliberry28 on Sept 28, 2015 13:05:55 GMT -5
I had severe panic before I got pregnant, and was in therapy and on medication throughout the entire pregnancy. I recently stopped taking Zoloft about a month ago, but find myself feeling depressed lately a lot.
I find myself wishing that M would stay with my MIL for longer and longer stretches and because of his fussiness, I'm constantly just feeling like I want to run away. Especially reading about how most moms have a hard time leaving their LO, I have no separation anxiety. I do call my mil frequently to check up on him though.
DH has said on bouts of anger, that I wasn't made to be a mom. And that other moms seem so much happier spending time with their babies. I love M so much, but the guilt I feel from wanting so much time apart depresses me.
I had a lot of anxious feelings/fear following DS's birth and didn't realize how bad it was until hindsight now and seeing how I feel post DD's birth. I think if you are questioning it it's worth looking into. Good luck!
Post by carolyngrace on Sept 28, 2015 13:16:21 GMT -5
holliberry28, I really feel for you, reading what you shared! Please don't feel guilty about wanting to get away from LO when he is fussy a lot. I love being with my baby, but whenever he has fussy periods DH and I are always trying to pass him off on the other person. You can love your baby and still be overwhelmed, frustrated, annoyed when they are fussy! I forget, does M struggle with reflux? Or what do you think contributes to his fussiness?
Also, I have a close friend who is pretty introverted and reserved that has struggled a lot with becoming a mom. She constantly wants more time alone and has had to learn to really be silly and play with her kids. She always says her husband is the more natural parent. But she loves her kids to death and is a great mom.
I'll be thinking about you. And if you feel like you're depressed more days than not maybe you want to consider getting back on the meds? Our babies are still little and this is an exhausting time. It's totally understandable to need some help!
Post by Bluedaisy on Sept 28, 2015 13:53:17 GMT -5
holliberry28, awe hugs! Nobody enjoys a baby when they are fussing no matter how much you love them. The worst part of babies is that they can't tell you what they want/need and it can be frustrating and terrifying.
My mom is incredible and she made being a mom look so natural that I was really upset that it wasn't all super easy. Rationally I know my mom worked very very hard to be a good mom but she just made it look so easy. It was very hard for me to realize that it doesn't always come easily and naturally and that there are times you will want to run away and join the circus!
Post by musicfrk2002 on Sept 28, 2015 14:10:10 GMT -5
I've had a lot of these same feelings as well. And I am constantly playing the "what if " game, but I have always played it, even pre-baby. I went through a whole list of what ifs daily (sometimes more than once) when I was in the hospital, with everything that went on. I found writing things out helped a lot for me.
I had one really bad freak out episode when J was probably a month old. It had been a rough week where he would not stop crying no matter what I did. I completely broke down and had even contemplated dropping him off at my parents house because I knew they would take care of him, because I obviously couldn't. We ended up getting in the car and driving around for quite a while until he fell asleep and I calmed down and felt in control again...which in hindsight, driving around panicky with a baby probably isn't the best idea.
I had severe panic before I got pregnant, and was in therapy and on medication throughout the entire pregnancy. I recently stopped taking Zoloft about a month ago, but find myself feeling depressed lately a lot.
I find myself wishing that M would stay with my MIL for longer and longer stretches and because of his fussiness, I'm constantly just feeling like I want to run away. Especially reading about how most moms have a hard time leaving their LO, I have no separation anxiety. I do call my mil frequently to check up on him though.
DH has said on bouts of anger, that I wasn't made to be a mom. And that other moms seem so much happier spending time with their babies. I love M so much, but the guilt I feel from wanting so much time apart depresses me.
I'm so sorry that you're having a rough time too and for the way if is affecting you and your relationship with your H.
Post by alayne926 on Sept 28, 2015 14:24:13 GMT -5
I'm so glad I'm not the only one feeling like this. I called DH after posting and reading some of your thoughts and told him how I was feeling. He said that if I start dwelling on these thoughts to definitely go to the dr. to get checked out.
I'm so glad I'm not the only one feeling like this. I called DH after posting and reading some of your thoughts and told him how I was feeling. He said that if I start dwelling on these thoughts to definitely go to the dr. to get checked out.
M had colic for the first 9-10 weeks, had about 2 good weeks, and then his reflux got out of control. The frustration not knowing if he'll finish a 3-4 oz bottle is the worst part.
Problem with H is that he also says he wasn't cut out to be a dad, and if the baby isn't happy, he refuses to hold him for the most part. He says I can't wait til He's 4 and fun. His mom comes every day though, so I shouldn't complain because I do have help. But, my mom sees him maybe once a week... She's going through chemo now, but refuses to stop working or take any time off to be with us. And that bothers H bc she was that way always. I always just thought being a speech therapist, I'd be such a more competent parent. I go back to work on Wednesday so I guess I'll see if that helps being around other adults all day.
Mines is so out of control lately. Bad nightmares every night & SO and I had a little fight tonight. No shouting or anything but enough for him to walk out. I don't think he'll be back tonight, probably gone to stay at his parents. So I have no clue about whats happening tomorrow or if I'll see him as he's working. He left his phone so I won't be able to call. I'm majorly anxious about that as it'll just be myself and LO tonight and I'm worried that I'll stress out. LO is currently asleep beside me. I'm scared to move him to crib as he might wake and scream the place down and then get himself into a state. & I don't have anyone to hold him whilst I get a bottle, Max is impatient when it comes to breastfeeding at night. I'm alone and emotional tonight.
I had severe panic before I got pregnant, and was in therapy and on medication throughout the entire pregnancy. I recently stopped taking Zoloft about a month ago, but find myself feeling depressed lately a lot.
I find myself wishing that M would stay with my MIL for longer and longer stretches and because of his fussiness, I'm constantly just feeling like I want to run away. Especially reading about how most moms have a hard time leaving their LO, I have no separation anxiety. I do call my mil frequently to check up on him though.
DH has said on bouts of anger, that I wasn't made to be a mom. And that other moms seem so much happier spending time with their babies. I love M so much, but the guilt I feel from wanting so much time apart depresses me.
I get like this and I feel so guilty because some days I think "what if I just ran away" then immediately after I hate myself and think "your all he's got" how could you think that? I've had severe aniexty ever since I was young. It was so bad I couldn't leave the house. It's definitely gotten worse post partum. I was the one that caused the fight tonight with SO and now that he's left me alone with LO I'm so down. You are not alone in feeling like this. & other moms may appear happy all the time with their children but they get like this too. Don't feel guilty. We're always here for support if you need it.
M had colic for the first 9-10 weeks, had about 2 good weeks, and then his reflux got out of control. The frustration not knowing if he'll finish a 3-4 oz bottle is the worst part.
Problem with H is that he also says he wasn't cut out to be a dad, and if the baby isn't happy, he refuses to hold him for the most part. He says I can't wait til He's 4 and fun. His mom comes every day though, so I shouldn't complain because I do have help. But, my mom sees him maybe once a week... She's going through chemo now, but refuses to stop working or take any time off to be with us. And that bothers H bc she was that way always. I always just thought being a speech therapist, I'd be such a more competent parent. I go back to work on Wednesday so I guess I'll see if that helps being around other adults all day.
Thank you everyone ❤️
I would bet a million dollars that you are far more competent than you are giving yourself credit for. Your baby is loved, well cared for, and you are concerned for his well-being. That's a really lucky kid.
Also, just a thought, but your H might want to talk to somebody. Even if he wasn't "cut out" to be a dad, he is one now, for better or worse. If he is sitting around waiting for the baby to be "fun", he's going to miss out on so much, and you're not going to have the support that you need. H and I both see our own therapists, and it has been a HUGE help in processing issues with our own parenting concerns, and then bridging the gap to come together as a team.
You're right. I think we need to go to therapy, separately or together, but he's one of those who doesn't believe in going to a psychologist. He still plays with him, I just know he wishes he wasn't so fussy. Hopefully things will get better- I have to keep the line of communication open and talk about things when we're both not upset and frustrated.
Was it difficult convincing ur H to go to therapy?
I hate to bear the bad news to your DH, but until the age of about 7 or 8, YOU will likely be your son's favorite person. And remind him that relationships don't happen overnight. We are on #3, and DH still gets frustrated by T's fussy times. Just keep coaching and encouraging
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