How are you feeling?

[lilqt3929]

Lately I've been questioning a lot of things in my life. Many thoughts run through my head about whether I made the right choice being a SAHM vs. returning to work, if I'm doing enough to teach LO and expose her to new learning experiences, what I'm going to do when I return to the workforce (I didnt have a "career" job before LO), how to completely trust and forgive DH (for something that happened last spring that really hurt me when I was vulnerable), and if we're making the right decision in buying a house thats been in the family for a long time.

I know it's completely normal to have these thoughts but some days are just harder then others and I guess I'm just feeling like I'm in a rut and need to vent. Sometimes it just feels good to let it all out, so how are you feeling? Anything you need to vent about or want to rave about?

[Unknown]

I'm sorry you are having these questions and doubts. It is such a challenge no matter what you do. ((HUGS)) I hope things get better. Maybe you should take a girls night out.

Honestly I'm feeling really good overall. I've always wanted to be a SAHM, but DH and I decided if I was to stay at home it would only be for 2-3 years so I could help save for retirement and college. By the time we had our LO I had a fantastic job and wasn't able to walk away. I was sad and wasn't sure I could do it. After 16m, I can honestly say I love being a working mom, and give crazy props to SAHMs. I know each situation has it's challenges, but think I've fallen into a good routine working and that has benefited both myself and my LO. I don't feel the pressure to always be stimulating and teaching my LO because we are paying a bazillion dollars a month for somebody else to do it. That doesn't mean I think they are raising her, but they are helping in the overall growth and development of our daughter while I get to enjoy just being w/ her and bonding w/o the pressure of being the sole person responsible for her learning and development. She loves going and has friends who run over and greet her at drop off, and wave bye to her when she leaves.

I do want to vent about my BIL. We hired him to finish our basement to create a playroom plus a new laundry room and storage room last September, and he still isn't done! We have boxes all over the house for our storage, I'm only now able to park in the garage and DH still is outside, and when you live somewhere cold and that gets quite a bit of snow that sucks. We were suppose to have the playroom ready for her to play in for this winter. We haven't seen him in 2 weeks, and my DH has been do most of the work at this point.

[redfraggle]

Oh, hugs, honey!
You are absolutely normal to have your moments of doubt and to need time (and an apology/change in behavior on your H's part?) to heal.

DH got surprised with mandatory overtime at work this month (he's salaried and already works more than 40 hours a week, so this was particularly unwelcome). It's made for some long weeks, and we aren't sure how long it will last.

On the happy side of things, the kids helped me pack bags for the food pantry I volunteer for this week. They were good helpers, and DS made comments about how good it was to "help feed the hungry people".

[junewife]

Sorry you're having a tough time! I don't think there's a one size fits all answer to these types of questions, and you probably won't ever feel like you made the perfect decision. It's just finding the balance that works best for your family.

I'm a working mom and feel like it's the best choice for us for myriad reasons, but I do wish I could cut back to 3-4 days per week. I'd just have to give up too much at work for that to work, though. DH has a great job, but he works about 60 hours/week. I wish he could keep his awesome job while only working 40

Do you belong to any moms' groups? Can you afford to take LO to a class once per week, or maybe just storytime at the library?

Hang in there!

[lilqt3929]

Unknown a night out sounds like a wonderful idea, I know it wont "fix" everything but it would help relieve some stress.

It must be so difficult to have parts of your house all out of order during the renovation and waiting for something to get done like that is always hard, even more so when you're relying on someone else who doesn't have it as one of their priorities! Once its done, I'm sure your family will love it and I hope you make many, many memories in it to help forget about all that went on to finish it!

[Unknown]

I wanted to add, don't forget how awesome of a mom you are. I recently had a conversation w/ a friend who adopted and was describing the baby's family and how the other children weren't enrolled in school or had proper shoes. Then we commented on how we feel like bad moms if we don't read every night or do stimulating activities on a daily bases. Puts things in perspective. I truly believe if you love, provide a healthy/safe/clean living environment and care for their health (Drs/food) you are a great parent, and anything above and beyond that is bonus. Mom also has to care for herself. Even though I work after my LO goes to sleep I sit my ass on the couch and read. My hour of quiet time is very important.

[lilqt3929]

redfraggle and junewife it must be so hard to deal with your DH's working so many hours, it certainly can add a lot of stress for everyone. I can hardly deal with DH working a few days of overtime here and there let alone weeks if it, hands down to you both!

redfraggle I love that you had your LOs involved in your volunteer work! I'd love to get into something like that for myself and with my LO.

junewife I understand you wanting to cut back your days at work, I cant imagine having to work AND take care of everything else that needs to get done at home. I think working moms deserve a ton of props! I'm not in any Moms group but have just started taking DD to story time and plan to make it a weekly activity for us. Im hoping to meet some other Moms through that!

[lilqt3929]

Unknown I love what you said, its true! I think we all have our time(s) where we forget that and get caught up in the thoughts of us not doing this and that enough. Its a real struggle for every parent (dads, too) and we just need that reassurance to help get us through it! Thank you for sharing that!

[RedDDD]

ooohhh....dear. I will be brutally honest, probably more so then I have ever been on this board. I too am having a tough time. Thanks for posting because I do think it helps to know that other people struggle and you are not alone. I work full time with a 45 minute commute, sometimes I feel like its groundhog day. Alarm, shower, work, pick up kids, dinner, baths (sometimes lately I haven't had the energy), bed time routine, bed, sleep....and start all over again. Where is the enjoyment? We are really having a tough time with some family members (a very long story) but its a deep wound that has had permanent damage and affects our marriage every day. I start counseling next week in an effort to work thru some of my baggage. Hoping it helps.

so I hear you loud and clear. I wish I could take like a 3 week vacation because I feel like that is what I would need to be able to decompress from all the crap that has been going on.

junewife--same here!  I so wish I could work a 4 day work week and have one day to do all the running around or even a day to myself for some me time.  Its really hard.

[lilqt3929]

RedDDD I'm so sorry you're having a tough time right now. I wish you could take 3 weeks to decompress, it sounds lovely! I hope going to counseling will help you, I'm sure being able to talk to an unbiased person will lift some weight off your shoulders, you deserve it.

Your right, it does help to hear what others are struggling with, it solidifies and reassures you that no person/family/situation is perfect and can even give you some insight that your own situation really may not be as bad as you think it is (or make you grateful for what you are dealing with that its not much, much worse). This thread is definetly making me rethink a lot of what I'm struggling with. I wasn't sure what kind of response I'd get by starting this but I'm glad we can all vent (and rave) here and be able to provide a little support to one another because lets face it, we all need it in one way or another!

ETA: added a few words.

[jlprybs927]

Sorry to hear your're having a difficult time, but know you aren't alone. As much as I loved being at home with DD her first 13 months, I missed teaching. I love to teach and worked very hard to earn my degree while working for an insurance company (returned to school a little later in life). Like other posts have said, it's not always black and white, crystal clear, easy to figure out what's right for you. Being at home was a struggle for me and I'm so happy to be back teaching, but some days I feel terribly guilty because of it. I beat myself up because I feel like we don't have enough time together after day care, or if I'm low on patience from being tired. Just know you are not alone and hope you find some peace in knowing that your feelings are totally legit and normal!

hugs!

[legitsince86]

I'm a SAHM too so I understand what you mean by teaching and exposing LO to new experiences.
I'm hard on myself when I'm too tired to really teach and just sit with her and read. Or if she plays by herself without wanting me I feel guilty that I'm not teaching. I feel like I need to be structured like a classroom but I know it's not realistic at this age due to attention span. I think I hold myself to a Pinterest standard.

Even though I'm hard on myself, my LO is happy so I must be doing something right.

[lilqt3929]

jlprybs927 and legitsince86 thank you for the reassurance, I believe a lot of us here can benefit by those words. The Pintrest standard is so spot on, it's so hard to not fall into. I hear you on that!

[littlefoot]

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I too am a SAHM and I feel like I have sooo much more time on my hands to just stress. About everything. I second the girls night out or just you time. Relax! Have a glass of wine. And try not to stress the small stuff. You are a wonderful mommy and I'm sure no matter what decisions you make, things will work out in the end. They always do.


I'm doing well. DH and I are doing exceptionally better than we were during my last vent. We are still working through things and it's going to take a little more time for us to be where we want but they're better. Knowing that my time being SAHM is limited is making me enjoy it a million times more. She's been extra clingy though lately. No matter what I do she's alwayssss under my feet. Shes started standing on my foot and clinging to my leg while I do things such as cook or clean or dishes. That starts to drive me crazy after awhile.

[sugarkissed]

I often have the same feelings. I meet so many other SAHMs who are constantly toting their kids around to music classes, swimming, play dates, all sorts of activities... we do a mom and tot class every Monday but aside from that, we are homebodies. I worry that she's not getting enough interaction with other kids, and that I could be doing so much more to help her learn and develop. At the end of the day, we are all doing the best that we can!

She is happy and healthy and I'm so fortunate that I'm able to stay home with her. You're doing a great job!

[lilqt3929]

littlefoot I'm so glad to hear you and your DH are doing better, I've often wondered how you were doing!

sugarkissed I am somewhat of a homebody too and I think it limits a lot of what LO and I do, especially during the winter. This attributes to a lot of stress and overthinking for sure!

[happymama]

It sounds like a lot of people are going through tough times here. Thanks for starting this thread and giving us a chance to vent and support each other!

DH and I are happy and doing well, but it's been hard finding a way to juggle everything. I had to quit my job last spring in order to accommodate DH's new job. His new job is great, but with more money comes more responsibility and stress on him. It was also time for me to quit my previous job. I made it work with my first pregnancy and post-partum, but I honestly don't know how, and I wasn't willing to go through that hardship and risk again. So my career got put on hold until we are done having kids. I took the summer off and then started a new part-time job in the fall. As much as I loved being with DD over the summer, I am definitely one of those moms who does better working and having a schedule. Things have been going well since I started working, but I have been commuting almost 2 hours each way (it's only about 20 minutes away but with rush hour traffic and dropping off/picking up DD, it's 2 hours). I'm only working 3 days a week, but with the time I spent commuting, and DH having to deal with a similar commute, it was taking a toll. We recently both adjusted our hours to an earlier work day, which is making the commute shorter, but it also means getting up at 4:30am, so we will have to see if we can sustain that.
I know we are all dealing with different things, but what I'm hearing from everyone is that it's hard to find the right balance for your family. We are right there too. We keep having to make adjustments and find new ways to make it work. It's tough. It's stressful. And it's a huge sacrifice. But our families are worth it. Hang in there ladies! We are a tough bunch and I know we will be able to come up with solutions. And we always have each other to vent to when the stress gets to us :-)

[lilqt3929]

happymama a 2 hour commute, I cant even imagine what that'd be like! Balance is definetly a struggle for everyone and prioritizing is difficult because there's always sacrifices to be made somewhere. Your so right, its important to find what works for you and your family and to reevaluate if things start getting off track. Thanks for your input!

[ajaan113]

To all the SAHMs I don't know how you do it. I like to call myself a part-time SAHM. I am teacher, so I am home with DS during the school breaks. I love staying home but I also looked forward to going back to work.

Now I want my snow days! Or at least 3 more days and couple of delayed starts.