Parenting Check-in (Oct 5th)

[kh826]

Good Morning Parents!

Here is our roster for this check-in:

Parenting
healz413
Manada
kevinandjesse
foodislove
megd893
calsurb
andstilltrying
jazibel
kh826
karlamo
jgy
sherminator
mahler5
wittyandwaiting
kona
strings
mrsnorris
2mrsks (mrs&mrsk)
jennicole
amberreva

*If you would like to be added to the list, just let us know!

Also, if the group thinks it would be helpful to add a name/initial and/or birthdate for children to the roster, just let me know. I would be happy to add that.

So, tell us about your parenting experiences this past week? Any new milestones? Anything exciting in your house?

QOTW: What is something related to parenting that has frustrated you recently? What is something that you were worried about that ended up being easier than you thought it was going to be?

[karlamo]

Checking in from under a sleeping baby. God I've missed these moments.

R is 19 months. He's doing pretty well overall. Now that my wife is back to work he is struggling with having to share time with L. If I go to pick up L he starts to cry. I'm working on being patient and reassuring him that I'll play with him. I actually feel like he gets quite a bit of 1:1 time. More than I would have predicted. He's just used to getting what he wants right away.
He started this new thing where he is afraid of planes. If we're outside and he hears one he franticly searches the sky fir it and cries. It's concerning and I hope this fear passes quickly.
He is doing awesome with language development and I love it when he is trying to get my attention and he calls me mom, like 10 times. I'm sure it'll get old fast but for now I love it.

L is great. At his 1 month check up he weighed 12lb 13 oz and length was 23 3/4. We bought a swing in the hopes he'll let us put him down. It sort of works. I plan to keep trying. His fussing time is 6-9pm but once he's settled the nights are "easy". He eats then goes right back to sleep. He doesn't eat a ton at night so I've been having to pump to relieve pressure. I've been getting 9oz in a 10 min session. I'm not sure what qualifies for over supply but I need to pump or I'm afraid I'll get a clog.
He started cooing and it's so cute. I can't believe he'll be 6 weeks on Wed. It's flying by.

QOTW: We need to be more consistent with discipline with R. It's so hard to do it when you're busy putting out fires. I'm afraid we're going to be raising a bratty kid if we don't get it under control. It's stuff like hitting, playing with covered light sockets. Dangerous stuff.

[kh826]

William is 16 months (where is the time going?!?!)

He has become much more reliant on his afternoon nap recently. If he does not get a solid nap, we notice a definite difference in his personality and his behavior. He is still pretty much a "go with the flow" kind of kid, but recently we have just noticed it really impacts him when he does not get as much sleep as he is used to. I think it really has to do with certain milestones and developments he has been experiencing lately. His language development is amazing me, and just cognitively I feel like everyday is something new for him, which is awesome. I can totally imagine that must be exhausting though!

He has been putting words together more and more... it is interesting, because he never repeats a phrase when asked (ie "William, can you say 'More, please'?"), but he will string words together unprompted regularly. Yesterday he picked up his stuffed doggie (his new favorite thing) and said "My Doggie, OK?" -- It was super cute. It's so funny because there are words that seem like they would be easy to say that he struggles to pronounce, and then there are other seemingly difficult words that just roll off his tongue without effort. He says turtle, purple, Auntie, happy and outside super clearly. Yet he struggles with saying red. He says Ro for red. Interesting.

We definitely have started to see more toddler-like behavior recently that we are hoping to curb ASAP. He definitely has started whining when he doesn't get his way. I feel like sometimes it is out of frustration (he thinks we don't understand what he wants, when in reality we know what he wants but we are redirecting him because we don't want him to have it/do it). When he gets really upset he puts himself in a "downward dog" yoga position with his head on the floor and squeals for a minute. J and I seem to not always be 100% on the same page about this one... so we need to chat about it. J will often say "it's ok, give him a minute, he has big feelings just let him get it out" ... I am more apt to try to redirect him and explain to him why sometimes we can't always have what we want at the moment. I am not sure that is reasonable for a 16 month old to understand, and J's approach is probably right... but I really do worry about letting it go and perhaps it will escalate into a tantrum, which I REALLY want to avoid.

We have also seen him become more tentative and less of a physical risk taker in recent weeks, which is a little surprising. I would have told you a month ago (and I probably did!) that this kid has no fear. He was always quick to try to run up slides, climb on things, run head first into something, etc., but that is beginning to change noticeably. We took him to an indoor play space yesterday, and he acted very nervous about all of the physical "obstacles" in the play area. He stood on top of one of the platforms in the middle of the play area yesterday and yelled "Help, Mommy" until one of us went to get him. It could just be a phase, who knows. Yesterday, when we left the play place J jokingly said "So, I don't think he is going to be an athlete. Maybe tennis or track?" HAHA... she was kidding of course. However this Mama would not be upset if he didn't like contact sports!!!

He is also going through a phase where he is calling us both Mommy. We refer to J as Mommy and I am Mama. We have done that since day 1. He definitely knows the difference, and he has called us Mommy and Mama before, but just in the last couple of weeks he has started saying Mommy for both of us. We both respond and we don't correct him, but we still refer to ourselves/each other as either Mommy or Mama to try to reinforce the difference and make it less confusing. We will see how this one shakes out... we will roll with whatever our kids decide in terms of names (within reason LOL).

QOTW: Diaper changes have become SOOO frustrating. He just doesn't want to be still for 30 seconds to get a clean diaper. Sometimes if we take a small toy or book with us to distract him during the diaper change it isn't too painful, but other times he is just a total mess and wiggles and kicks and yells "no" the entire time. We have tried a lot of different things, but so far nothing has consistently worked to make this better.

Modifications to the bedtime routine have so far been not half as painful as I would have thought. Switching up when he gets his milk and in what kind of cup, adding in tooth brushing, reading books downstairs, having him walk himself up the stairs instead of me carrying him (this kiddo is heavy!), etc. I really worry every time we make a small change that "this will be the thing that throws off the whole bedtime routine" -- but so far we have been really lucky and nothing has really upset the applecart. I am still holding my breath though, and waiting for the day that he doesn't go to bed easily... I feel like it is bound to happen eventually.

[2brides]

Things are still going well. We continue to get really nice feedback from the kids' school teachers and sunday school teachers about how well mannered they are and so nice to have in class. There have been many years when that wasn't the case, so go them...go us!

Last night G was heartbreaking. He had turned his light out to go to sleep and I went downstairs to get something. As I was coming back up, he was coming down the stairs.

Me: Hey, buddy. What's up? (he isn't a kid to stall bedtime)
G: I can't go to sleep because I keep worrying about what is going to happen when I die.
Me: Oh, wow. Yea. That's a lot to think about. What do you think happens when you die?
G: I don't know....
Me: Yea, me either. What I do know is that you aren't going to die for a long time. And in that time you have a really exciting life to live. It is going to be awesome.
G: Yea...
Me: But I know that thinking about dying and what happens can be scary. You can talk to Mom or me anytime about this stuff. *I pulled him off of me - his face had been buried in my chest - to see if he was crying. He was.* I appreciate that you came and told me what you were thinking.
G: Ok. I think I can go to sleep now.

When did my kid get old enough to have these conversations??

QOTW: Procrastinating. OMG.

"Go upstairs and take a shower" evidently translates to go upstairs, start looking at Pokemon cards, turn water when mother yells upstairs wondering why you aren't in the shower, start reading a book (while leaving the water running), wonder why mother is upset when she finally comes upstairs when she can hear that no one is standing under the stream of water.

"Put your clothes on for school" translates to put on underwear, start picking your toenails, come find mother to tell her that now your toe is bleeding (ever so slightly), go back to room and lay on the floor of your bedroom, put on pants when mother looks in and finds you laying on the floor and gets exasperated, drink from the water bottle you found under your bed, pull on shirt, lay on the floor some more looking at a book that was under your dresser, go downstairs with no socks on....

I think having a boy was easier than expected. Having no experience with men/boys, aside from babysitting, I was worried that they wouldn't want to talk to us about stuff, how they would learn to pee standing up, etc. I know we have some critical years ahead of us, but so far so good.

[karlamo]

2brides, I'm already amazed at how much my boys' penises occupy my mind/time.

To my wife:, That look normal to you? Do they really stretch that far?, Why are his balls so small?


Things I never thought I'd hear myself say. "Stop hitting your penis with a wooden spoon." "Please don't put that toy on your penis." "No one wants yours balls on the sofa." #momsofboys

Having no experience with men, I'm at a lost. I routinely text BIL about my kids junk.

[mahler5]

C is 19 months.

She is doing great overall. She has been a little more clingy recently which may be related to stopping daycare. I did have a friend watch her a few hours last week and she did fine but she hates the daycare at the gym ( I just signed up). But I'm hoping if I go frequently enough she will get used to the people there.

She is obsessed with school buses that she calls " yellow bus". She gets really excited if we see them in the car or from our backyard.

Our church had a bring your well behaved pet day during the service. C loved that! She was shouting doggie during the service.

I had a little freak out moment about parenting a girl this weekend. I was at a friend's Mary Kay event that was for mom's and daughters. Most of the daughters were teenagers and a few were 5 year olds. Who didn't want to participate in the Mary Kay thing but had their own play make up. I don't want my daughter playing with make up that young. I can vaguely remember playing with make up with a friend I think as pre-teens. Anyway, A) I worry that she will grow up too fast if she plays with that stuff too soon and, b) that I will be ill equipped to help her with make up and similar girlie things that I'm not really into much.

QOTW) karlamo -- I was going to say discipline too. I feel like she doesn't listen to me EVER even though she seems to understand 50% of what I say to her now. My biggest concern right now is her running in the street or parking lot at the park. I will tell her to stop and she just keeps going ( sometimes even faster after I tell her to stop !) she is fast too ! I have to run to catch her. Assuming things comtinue to go well in this pregnancy I am going to have to stay in shape or keep her in a fenced area at all times !!!

As far as things that went better than expected probably eating. She eats everything. I'm really hoping to add potty training to this list soon. I'm thinking of doing a 3 day potty training thing where we let her run around naked and have a potty in every room. Anyone try this?

[karlamo]

mahler5, At our recent pedi visit she suggested we start disciplining by doing a time out for violence/dangerous things only. She suggested if we see either of these things happening then right away remove him from situation and sit him down in a quiet/boring area for 1.5 minutes. She said you'll have to restrain him. When the time is up don't make him apologize or reason with him cause he's way too young for that. Her point is get him used to the negative concept of time out and then in a few months do it for other negative behaviors like throwing food.


As for potty training we're starting at 2. I would suggest either doing it now before baby comes or waiting long after baby is here. Ever heard of Chinese Split crotch pants? lol
online.thatsmags.com/post/explainer

[2brides]

We did the 3 day potty training boot camp....twice.

The first time was right after the kids turned 3y - there was NO interest prior to this and we didn't see the point in pushing it - but they were 3y and we were over buying diapers/pull ups. It was a freaking nightmare. We went through 9 pairs of underwear in the first hour and 29 over the course of the day - we were outside playing so no underwear thing wouldn't have worked. We didn't have a potty in every room, but took them every 15m. L called her mother and said it was the worst day of her life. LOL. Day 2 was marginally better, but not much...same with 3. And then our beloved nanny decided to quit and we backed off.

The second try was about 3m later when we HAD to potty train them in 1 weekend so they could start PK (our second nanny quit after 5 weeks and we ditched the nanny idea for full time PK) - but they couldn't go in diapers/pull ups. It was better - but there were still LOTS of accidents for a REALLY long time. I was convinced the PK was going to kick us out - they didn't.

Potty training was one of my least favorite parts of parenting. But some kids are MUCH MUCH quicker about it and once they train, there is never an accident. That wasn't us. But it is done now and not only as they potty trained, but I am not involved in their bathroom goings on at all.

[mahler5]

Oct 5, 2015 14:00:09 GMT -5 karlamo said:

mahler5, At our recent pedi visit she suggested we start disciplining by doing a time out for violence/dangerous things only. She suggested if we see either of these things happening then right away remove him from situation and sit him down in a quiet/boring area for 1.5 minutes. She said you'll have to restrain him. When the time is up don't make him apologize or reason with him cause he's way too young for that. Her point is get him used to the negative concept of time out and then in a few months do it for other negative behaviors like throwing food.


As for potty training we're starting at 2. I would suggest either doing it now before baby comes or waiting long after baby is here. Ever heard of Chinese Split crotch pants? lol
online.thatsmags.com/post/explainer

Those Chinese split pants are awesome!! Maybe i could make her an assless chaps costume for Halloween and just have her wear that around the house for 3 days

We are definitely wanting to do potty training before the new baby and not after. 19 months does seem a little early though but I figure if it doesn't work then we can try again in a few months. She is showing some signs if readiness but I'm not sure she is there yet.

Yeah, that is a good idea on restraining them after bad behavior. I just don't know how much I should do it when she doesn't listen to me. There are some things that are a no brainer. Maybe I will start with running down the driveway or towards street

[kh826]

Do you folks think 16 months is too young to start with time-out occasionally? I feel like we are getting close to needing it, but I worry it is too soon for him to even "get it" - thoughts? I know your kiddos (karlamo & mahler5 specifically) are a few months older... do you think that makes a big difference?

[karlamo]

R shows no signs of being ready. He'll be stinking up the house and I'll ask if he pooped and he'll say no. Changing his diaper is the end of his world. Now my other son can't stand being dirty. We're not used to our child not minding sitting in their own filth. It still surprises us when L stops crying during diaper changes.

[karlamo]

Oct 5, 2015 15:25:52 GMT -5 kh826 said:

Do you folks think 16 months is too young to start with time-out occasionally? I feel like we are getting close to needing it, but I worry it is too soon for him to even "get it" - thoughts? I know your kiddos (karlamo & mahler5 specifically) are a few months older... do you think that makes a big difference?

At R's 18 month apt I got the impression we should have already started setting boundaries/discipline. I would start doing some sort of discipline now. I actually feel like R has already got some bad habits that we let go on far too long. Maybe moms of older toddlers might have some insight.

[2brides]

Yes. I would definitely start setting boundaries. It doesn't have to be punitive and they aren't going to follow you 100% of the time, but need to know that no means no....and you mean it. We started time outs around 18m. 1 minute... And you will have to put them on the step/chair over and over again, but consistency is important.

Parenting toddlers is an exercise in patience and sometimes futility, but the older they get the harder it is start getting them to listen.

[kona]

O is 14 months.

Her sleep is continuing on an upward trend despite the teething. We are thrilled! We are able to get her to nap more consistently during the day. It's still a bit odd since she must nap at 11 based on her 7-7:30 wake up time. But she won't sleep through lunch so then naps again around 2. We tried pushing the first nap to after lunch and it's just too long and she has a melt down. It's the most routined nap/wake time we have had and it seems to be working!

M and I are really enjoying her right now. She is engaging at times and other times I just sit and watch her play independently in the living room. She loves her 'ic' (music) and asks her that to be on all of the time.

We are looking to get her into a tumbling type class soon. I worry about over scheduling her though. I want her to enjoy doing activities and being around other kids but I don't want to be dragging her to activities all week long. Right now she does music with M on Thursday AM and swim lessons with me on Sat AM. I would be interested to hear others thoughts on how much is too much at this age.

QOTW: I'm frustrated overall with parenting in that as soon as you figure out one thing, the child will grow/change and there will be a new set of challenges. I love it and am frustrated by that at the same time. I was nervous about cloth diapering but also very committed to it from the beginning. (I am incredibly stubborn). But it has turned out to be much easier than I had anticipated.

[mahler5]

Oct 5, 2015 15:25:52 GMT -5 kh826 said:

Do you folks think 16 months is too young to start with time-out occasionally? I feel like we are getting close to needing it, but I worry it is too soon for him to even "get it" - thoughts? I know your kiddos (karlamo & mahler5 specifically) are a few months older... do you think that makes a big difference?

I know I was wondering a few months ago if I should start something and didn't because I was worried it would be too much for her and I thought I would err on being too cautious and having to correct behavior later than do it to soon. Now I think it would have probably been fine but I think starting now will be fine too.

A big part of my problem too is I hate it when she cries and throws a tantrum but I have to get over that.

[2mrsks (mrs&mrsk)]

R is 7 months. He keeps saying dadadada. yesterday we were waiting for DW outside the dollar store and i said dadadadadollar store and he goes "dadada" LMAO! getting top teeth-- so a little clingy/whiney but still a very happy baby overall. And, sleeping over an hr at a clip (naps) so that's nice started waking up at 1 am- not nice. then for "good" at 5 am- double not nice.

Still HIGH average on weight @ 20.2lbs (semi guessing since we didnt have a real pedi appt this month) he has big hands and feet but is lower on % for height. we will see if he becomes tall but i doubt it. our donor was 5'9". I am 5'4" LOL.

BIL and his GF are having a baby in the next 2 weeks (due 10/12, they will only go a week over per their Dr). DW says that will cause her some baby fever. I am putting my foot down until at least 15 mo. NOT having 2 under 2. i would rather wait until R is 21 ish mo to try. TBD!

kh826 - mommy/mama difference is something we worry about too. my mom is SO inconsistent with calling us the right names (as well as most things) but she isnt' around more than 1x per week, everyone else is on board with it... i hope it sticks.... We are also having problems NOW with diaper changes. it better not last the next 9 months! LOL. squirmy wormy!

karlamo - we are worried about not "knowing" boy things and have pre-enlisted the help of M's 4 brothers (well at least 1 or 2 of them for sure)!

QOTW: What is something related to parenting that has frustrated you recently? it's hard to get time to do the "normal' things- grocery shop, get an oil change, etc. R is getting better on errands (he sits in the cart now) but still difficult. i know this is lame and obvious but i couldn't think of anything better !
What is something that you were worried about that ended up being easier than you thought it was going to be? Leaving R with my mom overnight for the first time. she followed the guidelines/ rules wonderfully!

[Stringy]

Older toddler mom weighing in. We have never done a timeout. Maybe twice in her life we have put her in her room and told her she needs to hang out and calm down until she can come out, and I've sat right at the door of her room waiting. She was allowed to play or just be mad or whatever. These were instances where she wanted to do something that she couldn't. With her usually this means wear a certain piece of clothing or go outside when its dark out or something that we'd say no to and she'd have a complete meltdown. We weren't punishing her for having a meltdown but after 20 minutes of her following us and pulling at our legs and screaming and throwing things, we needed a break - so that's what she did. Otherwise, I don't believe that timeouts do much, what does making a kid sit still in one place teach them about hitting or climbing the furniture, or talking back? I'm more in the positive parenting camp - toddlers are impulsive, we can't expect them to control their impulses all the time, the best we can do is make their environment as safe as possible so that there isn't much to get into - and to pay attention to them fully if they're in an environment where there is danger. I don't know how to explain it more without going on forever. And I'm not saying I don't set limits - I just do it by redirecting with what it is ok to do (walk and hold my hand in a parking lot vs DONT RUN).

As for potty training, we are almost at 2.5 and my view is completely not to push until she's ready. She's had a potty since 18 months and if she wants to sit on it she can - and she does sometimes. But the absolute last thing I want is a long drawn out potty training battle, if she doesn't train until 3.5, thats fine if I'm not fighting it from 2.5-3.5. She has started showing a few more signs of knowing when she is peeing now (vs afterwards) - so once we settle down from these big transitions (moving and starting school) maybe we'll try a diaper free weekend, but if it doesn't take, I'd back off completely. It must be so hard when preschool requires that of kids even if they aren't ready .