Need quick advice.... help!

[traceyt07]

Hello all! 

Some of you may remember, but I had a student pass away last year.  I only saw him a handful of times.  The mother, who I haven't spoken to since the funeral, called me yesterday.  She has two boxes full of school supplies (books, paint, crayons, etc) that she wants to share with me.  She told me she's finally getting around to going through his room and she's having a hard time throwing things away.  I told her I could come pick them up today.  Do I bring her something?  A plant?  Flowers?  Something?  I feel weird just going to pick up these boxes of her precious son's stuff and not bringing her something.  Am I overthinking things?  Help!!!

[bliz1712]

I would bring her something maybe a small item. It's a long shot but do you have anything specific to this student in your classroom you could give her? That might be more meaningful. Otherwise I would maybe do a small flower or plant.

[traceyt07]

Thank you, bliz1712, that's kind of what I was leaning towards. I don't want to make her sad, but I don't want to not acknowledge her feelings either.

[somethingcleverer]

I don't think you have to bring anything. Maybe just sticking around to talk about her son would be nice. The only thing I would worry about bringing flowers or a plant is that they are the same things people send to funerals. Or I could be overthinking too. What about a small thing of chocolate instead?

[trixi282]

That's a tough one. She's likely not expecting anything, and I know at times when you're trying to clear things out, the last think you want is more stuff coming in (or maybe that's just me).

I'm sure you don't have time to bake anything, because that would be a sweet gesture... but the few people I know who have lost children really just want others to acknowledge and remember their children as much as they do. They often feel like as time goes on people forget about their child while they are left still mourning, daily. Maybe just talking about him a bit and how he's missed will remind her that others think about him too?

I don't know, I'm no good at that kind of thing either.

[xanthepants]

Is there anything meaningful that you could bring up that you say you wanted the class to do in his memory? Would she want to be a part of it someday? Say a tree planting in his name in the spring as a memorial on the school grounds as an idea. An art day with the kids in the class that he was close to? Perhaps just talking about it and acknowledging her feelings might be more than most are willing to do. Just opening a door is good.