Overreacting??

[newmomma8]

So last night was our first night putting T in her toddler bed upstairs. I planned to sleep in the extra bed across from her room with the video monitor since she always wakes up in the MOTN.

She fell asleep with me on the couch, DH brought her upstairs and put her down in her bed. I start getting my phone, charger and pillow to go upstairs and while doing this, I ask DH if he closed T's door. He said no,...I start to say "that's why I'm hesitant" and that's where he cuts me off and jumps down my throat and says "don't say that's why your hesitant to put her up there". So I get mad that he wouldn't even hear me out so I just start walking towards the stairs and he tries to hug/kiss me goodnight and I bypass him because pregnancy hormones just don't work well with him pissing me off.

What do I see when I get to the top of the stairs?!?! THE BABY GATE FOR THE STAIRS IS OPEN!!!!!!!!!!! I immediately went to her room to make sure she was asleep and realized the camera for the monitor was on the floor, so I fix it, set up the monitor and my phone in the extra room and lay down and immediately start bawling my eyes out. Not only did he not shut her door, he left the gate to the stairs open. Granted, yes, she was still asleep when I got up there 10 minutes after he put her down, but my argument for this is how in the world did he know 100% sure she would not wake up in those 10 minutes because it's a strange room, strange bed and just the fact that he can't be 100% sure she wouldn't have rolled over and woke up.

IF, by chance we heard her cry if she did wake up, could he have gotten to the top of the stairs before she tried to come down them?

Does he know for sure she would have even cried if she woke up and not just walked out of her room to try to find us and made it to the stairs to find the gate open?

MAIN QUESTION: Is the consequences of leaving a 19 month old upstairs in a strange area (we don't go up there a lot) with her bedroom door and stair gate open worth it? Is it worth your ego when I plea with you not to do it? Is her life worth it?!

Please don't sugar coat anything, if you think I'm overreacting, please let me know because I feel like DH and I really need to sit and discuss this and why I'm "over protective" about this situation tonight and I want to go into it fairly, not crazy overreacting because of pregnancy hormones.

[walkek85]

I think we as mothers are a little more sensitive to our children's needs, at least that is what I find in our relationship. I also think that we have strong opinions and ideas of how we should do things with our children. Your husband is likely not looking at the situation with as much detail as you are. I'm sure he didn't purposefully leave the gate open, it likely slipped his mind or he didn't quite think it through.

Transitioning to a toddler bed is a huge step in raising a kid and you and your husband should be on the same page. Since nothing terrible happened, I think that you are overreacting a bit but I do think that the two of you need to sit down and talk about how you are going to tackle this step. You need to tell him your concerns and how you foresee the transition going and he in turn needs to give you feedback/agreement.

As parents we sometimes make mistakes (leaving the baby gate open, leaving the cupboard with knifes in it unlocked, leaving baby on a bed where they roll off) and from these mistakes we learn. Try to take it a little easier on your H. Hopefully sees the potential danger in the situation and then learns not to leave the gate open.

GL!

[Deleted]

I think you're being a little sensitive. New routines are tough, yes it's a safety concern but we have occasionally forgotten to close the door (and don't have a gate at the stairs) and e is alive to tell the tale.

[newmomma8]

@notyourmom, I should have clarified too, I wasn't actually mad about the door being open because I was going up there within 5-7 minutes, but it was the fact that as I was trying to explain to DH that I'm hesitant to put her upstairs because my fear of her falling down the stairs is great and I am nervous about US being consistent with leaving the door closed. But he wouldn't even let me explain my concerns in a general way, he cut me off and snapped at me.

Granted these damn pregnancy hormones are a lot worse this time, but still, I just wanted him to hear me out. So if the door open was the reason I was mad, I would have probably jumped his butt and chewed him out. I was just trying to use that opportunity to express my concerns about transitioning her from our room for the past 19 months to upstairs. I didn't actually get pissy until he snapped at me, so I walked out for fear of what I would have said next.

The crying about the gate open too, he didn't know anything about that. He was downstairs in our room and I was in the extra room upstairs. So he didn't know that was going on.

[Deleted]

I get it! Hormones are hard, and after putting a Lo to bed you are exhausted on top of pregnancy.

I would take a deep breath, it was the end of the day and you both were probably exhausted. Mistakes were made, words said, etc.

Now go have a conversation and have some of that awesomely awesome pregnancy makeup sex

(I could be projecting my own needs here)

[katka512]

I don't necessarily think you were overreacting. It doesn't sound like you got in a huge argument over it or anything.
I am also afraid of LO falling down the stairs. Luckily so is my DH, so that's something we're on the same page about. Since it sounds like you feel more strongly about it than your DH, I think you should sit and talk when you're both calm and explain to him why it's so important to you.
And I get your fears about putting LO in a bed upstairs. My DH wants LO to go to a full size bed on the floor before LO2 gets here, but I'm nervous about it. I feel like she could get hurt having free roam of her room.

[newmomma8]

Oct 14, 2015 15:43:07 GMT -5 katka512 said:

I don't necessarily think you were overreacting. It doesn't sound like you got in a huge argument over it or anything.
I am also afraid of LO falling down the stairs. Luckily so is my DH, so that's something we're on the same page about. Since it sounds like you feel more strongly about it than your DH, I think you should sit and talk when you're both calm and explain to him why it's so important to you.
And I get your fears about putting LO in a bed upstairs. My DH wants LO to go to a full size bed on the floor before LO2 gets here, but I'm nervous about it. I feel like she could get hurt having free roam of her room.

We didn't get in a huge argument, I walked off before my pregnancy hormones got the better of my mouth.

We stripped T's room because of that fear. She has her dresser, bed, decorations on the wall and her closet. That's it. Until she is comfortable in there, I didn't want anything that she could climb on or trip over if she starts wandering around lost because she's half asleep.

[babycaps]

Hormones. I think you over reacted a little but not much. Also, if this is a concern, why not keep her in the crib upstairs longer?

[babycaps]

Also, dresser anchored to the wall??

[angelsnight]

I totally see your concern, but I do think maybe a little overreaction was present. But I get it, pregnancy hormones are horrible. Maybe your husband got snappy because he got on the defensive. I know when I make a mistake with LO, I already feel bad about it, and then if MH points it out, I feel like he is criticizing me as a parent, not the actual problem at hand. I think in the morning it will seem like less of an issue (the snippiness itself, not the issue of LO and stairs).

Also wanted to add, I cannot imagine how scary it must be to move LO upstairs and have her in a toddler bed.  So the stress of that combined with the hormones almost calls for a reaction.  LO has been in her own room since day 1, but it is right down the hall from us.  I'd imagine the transition is very hard on you.

[newmomma8]

babycaps, angelsnight, I should have mentioned in the OP that I didn't actually cry or fuss to him directly. I did that when I went upstairs to the extra room to sleep up there with T. Only thing I actually did that he was aware of was walk out of the room when he cut me off while I was talking. I think I overreacting in not kissing him goodnight before I walked upstairs, but I wasn't happy with him,...he pissed me off. So I never actually "fussed" at him.

babycaps,...I can't keep her in the crib because for her to not climb out, I have to have the crib mattress on the lowest point. With this pregnant belly, I've tried every way possible and for the life of me cannot lower her in the crib when she's asleep. Due to bad habits on my part, there is no option of putting her in her crib awake to let her fall asleep on her own. It just won't happen. She screams as soon as you put her in it thinking you are leaving her. So we converted her crib to the toddler conversion so I can do her night time routine now, especially since DH is out of town for work a lot lately. There would be no consistency if he had to do the crib part of bedtime.

Dresser, no, not yet. I plan to buy the anchor this weekend and do that. I know it's not the best solution, but I did have T and my SD (10 years old) both pull, stand, lean on the open drawers to see how sturdy it was. That sucker didn't budge. But either way, it will be anchored this weekend. We didn't do a repeat last night, I was too exhausted from not sleeping the night before and working, so we will attack this project again this weekend when I don't have to get up at 5am to go to work.