I agree with letting her make her own decision/mistake. She is hitting a age where she wants some independence and control, and this is a good place to try that out. If she hates it she can cut it off and let it grow back. It is not permanent.
When it comes to hair and that process I wouldn't let her make her own decision/mistake.
I only mean on whether or not she's going to like it/find it easier, not in regards to whether she could get scalp burn or be allergic or anything.
I'm pretty easy going about hair - it grows back. You wanna try something crazy? Here are all the negatives and you fully understand? I don't think it is overly dangerous? Go to town. If you look ugly for 6 months until it grows back a bit, i guess you learned a lesson.
I'm biracial and my natural hair texture is very similar to your DD's and I had my first relaxer around the age of 10. I know it can be scary to think about losing her curls but in reality as her hair grows her natural texture will return (the curls will not be gone forever). It may allow her more independence and may make her feel more confident which is important in the preteen and teen years. I know that was my experience and hope that you and your daughter are able to find a solution that is comfortable for both of you. I can appreciate how it can be a struggle at this age and think you're a great mom for asking the question.
I'm biracial and my natural hair texture is very similar to your DD's and I had my first relaxer around the age of 10. I know it can be scary to think about losing her curls but in reality as her hair grows her natural texture will return (the curls will not be gone forever). It may allow her more independence and may make her feel more confident which is important in the preteen and teen years. I know that was my experience and hope that you and your daughter are able to find a solution that is comfortable for both of you. I can appreciate how it can be a struggle at this age and think you're a great mom for asking the question.
Post by runnergirl812 on Jan 28, 2015 17:43:38 GMT -5
And any stylist who says they never burned a client is lying IMO. It is hard to tell if a client is burning unless the person tells you, it's itching or burning. And the longer the relaxer sits the risk goes up. My then stylist was a professional who lately has been teaching at Paul Mitchell, and she burned me at least twice. Chemical burns are no joke.
Post by dingdongditch on Jan 28, 2015 17:45:29 GMT -5
runnergirl812 I will have to ask her stylist about getting it wet because she swims for several hours every day during the summer, and plays a lot of sports where she is sweating. Thanks for bringing that up.
Yea I had one relaxer ever, and got a chemical burn. That shit is strong. I was using the wrong strength. My hair 3c/4a, so at most I need a mild. I was using an extra strength.
If it's that common to get a burn then I would steer clear of whatever type of relaxer that is. That is fucked up.
Until recently we were pretty limited in options. It was basically relaxer, hot comb, or be nappy. Black womwn have a complicated (and kinda fucked up) history with our hair.
Post by runnergirl812 on Jan 28, 2015 17:53:57 GMT -5
She could do a relaxer and sports/swim as long as she wears a cap in the pool and/or does a protective style and doesn't wash it that often. But if she gets it wet say, the 48 hrs after a relaxer? It won't last. This is why people who get relaxers only wash every 1-2 weeks. The water wrecks it.
All that I've said..... It's just hair. If she hates it? She grows it out for a few months, and then she'll be rocking a TWA (teeny weeny Afro) until her curls grow back out.
But protective styling it kinda negates the relaxer really. You could do braids, etc with her hair now.
If it's that common to get a burn then I would steer clear of whatever type of relaxer that is. That is fucked up.
Until recently we were pretty limited in options. It was basically relaxer, hot comb, or be nappy. Black womwn have a complicated (and kinda fucked up) history with our hair.
If it's that common to get a burn then I would steer clear of whatever type of relaxer that is. That is fucked up.
Until recently we were pretty limited in options. It was basically relaxer, hot comb, or be nappy. Black womwn have a complicated (and kinda fucked up) history with our hair.
nothing to add, other than this reminds me of Chris Rock's Good Hair movie. I learned quite a bit about black women's hair history from that movie.
She could do a relaxer and sports/swim as long as she wears a cap in the pool and/or does a protective style and doesn't wash it that often. But if she gets it wet say, the 48 hrs after a relaxer? It won't last. This is why people who get relaxers only wash every 1-2 weeks. The water wrecks it.
All that I've said..... It's just hair. If she hates it? She grows it out for a few months, and then she'll be rocking a TWA (teeny weeny Afro) until her curls grow back out.
But protective styling it kinda negates the relaxer really. You could do braids, etc with her hair now.
If she doesn't wash it often won't the chlorine damage her hair? Right now she rinses her hair and puts in a spray on leave in conditioner every day after swimming and washes just once a week.
Our daily routine is for her to get it wet in the mornings, comb through it, put coconut oil in, and style however she feels like that day. Occasionally we use Motions spray oil which works great in her hair and seems to keep it very moisturized for several days. Then at night we comb through it again and she sleeps with a silk wrap on and a silk pillow case because her hair will get knotted very quickly, like a tiny dreadlock after just a nights sleep.
Until recently we were pretty limited in options. It was basically relaxer, hot comb, or be nappy. Black womwn have a complicated (and kinda fucked up) history with our hair.
nothing to add, other than this reminds me of Chris Rock's Good Hair movie. I learned quite a bit about black women's hair history from that movie.
I was just about to mention this. It gives a pretty good explanation of it all.
She could do a relaxer and sports/swim as long as she wears a cap in the pool and/or does a protective style and doesn't wash it that often. But if she gets it wet say, the 48 hrs after a relaxer? It won't last. This is why people who get relaxers only wash every 1-2 weeks. The water wrecks it.
All that I've said..... It's just hair. If she hates it? She grows it out for a few months, and then she'll be rocking a TWA (teeny weeny Afro) until her curls grow back out.
But protective styling it kinda negates the relaxer really. You could do braids, etc with her hair now.
If she doesn't wash it often won't the chlorine damage her hair? Right now she rinses her hair and puts in a spray on leave in conditioner every day after swimming and washes just once a week.
Our daily routine is for her to get it wet in the mornings, comb through it, put coconut oil in, and style however she feels like that day. Occasionally we use Motions spray oil which works great in her hair and seems to keep it very moisturized for several days. Then at night we comb through it again and she sleeps with a silk wrap on and a silk pillow case because her hair will get knotted very quickly, like a tiny dreadlock after just a nights sleep.
Yes the chlorine isn't good for it either. It'll dry it out more.
Her hair sounds beautiful!! I see your dilemma. As she gets older she will definitely be able to do more. I really do feel for her. My two stepdaughters are mixed (Black/Portuguese) and both have curly hair. One is ringlets (3b/c) and the other's hair is thicker and more 4c in curls. I use coconut oil and Motions on The youngest's hair, and it works wonders. Sounds like the regimen is very similar.
Definitely ask the stylist about summers and sweating/pool time. She will most likely have to keep washing her hair every few days and it may impact how long the treatment will last.
Post by crunchymama11 on Jan 28, 2015 18:18:46 GMT -5
My DDs are still young- 3 1/2 and 1- but DD1 has hair like what you posted. It is soft and very curly. We have a long way to go before we get there, but DH is adamantly against relaxers. MIL so far has not made many comments, but she has talked about getting burns from the relaxers before. And black friends of mine have talked about getting their hair relaxed, and it seems burns are common enough that almost everyone I have talked to (I am aware this is not a huge sample size) have been burned at least once.
I'm not sure how I feel about it. I do understand wanting your daughter to be happy with her looks, and I know that is a big reason to get it done. I would probably try other non-permanent options before agreeing to a chemical relaxer. But I don't know how I will feel in the future.
Until recently we were pretty limited in options. It was basically relaxer, hot comb, or be nappy. Black womwn have a complicated (and kinda fucked up) history with our hair.
nothing to add, other than this reminds me of Chris Rock's Good Hair movie. I learned quite a bit about black women's hair history from that movie.
I am mobile so beware if I mess up the quotes. Good Hair was a great movie and that was the tip of the ice berg. You could get a doctorate researching the history of black women and their hair.
She could do a relaxer and sports/swim as long as she wears a cap in the pool and/or does a protective style and doesn't wash it that often. But if she gets it wet say, the 48 hrs after a relaxer? It won't last. This is why people who get relaxers only wash every 1-2 weeks. The water wrecks it.
All that I've said..... It's just hair. If she hates it? She grows it out for a few months, and then she'll be rocking a TWA (teeny weeny Afro) until her curls grow back out.
But protective styling it kinda negates the relaxer really. You could do braids, etc with her hair now.
I can give a little insight on this because not only was my hair relaxed, I was on the swim team. I would get the relaxer Saturday or Sunday night and be back in the pool Monday afternoon. I would wear my swim cap most of the time, especially if my hair wasn't in braids. I also had the swimmers shampoo. The combination of the relaxer and chlorine took the color out of my hair so it was red until it grew out.
She could do a relaxer and sports/swim as long as she wears a cap in the pool and/or does a protective style and doesn't wash it that often. But if she gets it wet say, the 48 hrs after a relaxer? It won't last. This is why people who get relaxers only wash every 1-2 weeks. The water wrecks it.
All that I've said..... It's just hair. If she hates it? She grows it out for a few months, and then she'll be rocking a TWA (teeny weeny Afro) until her curls grow back out.
But protective styling it kinda negates the relaxer really. You could do braids, etc with her hair now.
I can give a little insight on this because not only was my hair relaxed, I was on the swim team. I would get the relaxer Saturday or Sunday night and be back in the pool Monday afternoon. I would wear my swim cap most of the time, especially if my hair wasn't in braids. I also had the swimmers shampoo. The combination of the relaxer and chlorine took the color out of my hair so it was red until it grew out.
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