Feeling like a failure :(

[cnbpa3027]

Don't be too hard on yourself! Breastfeeding is hard! I feel like no one ever talks about how hard it really is! You are on the right track. Just because you are using formula and a bottle in no way means you are ruining your breastfeeding relationship! It means you are a great mom for feeding your baby! Both my older kiddos needed bottles from day one and we went on to breastfeed for a full year (no supplementing needed!)

It took my daughter about three weeks to get back to her birthweight-lots of bottles, lots of pumping, and lots of weight checks, but once she starting gaining, she grew like a weed!

The pump can also be very deceiving! They will get more from you than they do from the pump. It is great that you are pumping and even just that half an ounce is great for the baby in addition to the formula!

Take a couple of deep breaths, remind yourself that you are doing great!

[aylafsu1881]

Hugs. BF is so hard and emotional. What you describe is the exact situation I had with DD1. I pumped and introduced a bottle at 4 days old. Our pedi wanted me to supplement after every feed. I didn't want to do formula so I chose to pump. It took DD1 almost 3 weeks to regain her birth weight. I shed a lot of tears and was so emotional. In the end I made it to the other side. You will to.

Have you looked at your flanges on the pump? Are they the right size? Are you drinking enough water? I aim for 100oz a day. On average it takes 10-14 days for a baby to reach birth weight. For some reason the pedi wants it to happen right away. So it is ok that P is not there yet.

ETA: Dd1 had no nursing confusion even though she got a few bottles a day right away. She went between boob and bottle with no issue. This one had actually been worse. We just tried to introduce the bottle at 4 weeks but she won't have it. She hates all bottle .

[link7913]

First off - hugs. Being a mom is so difficult sometimes. You are not a failure - you are a mom who loves your baby & you are figuring things out.

What does the milk look like when you pump? Is it white or yellowish? Yellowish would be collostrum & white would be more milk. Remember, it is not uncommon to have difficulty producing for the pump either. Is there an LC at your hospital that can help? Call the L&D floor to ask. An LC will have more knowledge than a pedi. A weighted feed might be a good idea.

Hang in there mama!!

[peachey]

We are in a very similar boat. No formula yet but I am pumping and giving bottles. I am struggling and sad too.

L has only pooped 3 times at home. I know on Monday the checkup is gonna be rough.

With E I was pumping an supplementing with both formula and bm for the first three weeks and then we weaned him to just the breast. So things will get better.

I also recommend finding an LC who can really help with getting a plan to up your output. Drs focus on the baby and often aren't great at offering the support the Mom needs. I second the suggestion for a weighted feeding. Also a support group for new moms can be amazing for finding help.

Try drinking more and eating more too. Oatmeal, flax, and dark beer can all help supply. And remember at 5 days old the baby's stomach can only hold 1-2 oz so you are giving the exact right amount.

Also if you want try nursing first then pumping whole your DH feeds the supplement to the baby. I would have a lot more luck pumping after nursing. It boosted my supply a lot.

[Squishy622]

Huge hugs, lady. Everyone else has had great advice so I'll just add that you should know know you're not alone and that nothing is ruined. It's so hard to see through the fog and the emotions and the tears now but I promise everything will be ok. Please be kind to yourself!

[darkbluesunday]

Huge hugs. I know exactly where you're coming from. DS was born at 9 lbs. 2 oz. and weighed 8 lbs. 11 oz. when we left the hospital. When we had our first weight check, he was down to 8 lbs. 7 oz. A few days later, he hadn't gained any weight but also hadn't lost any. The pedi sent us to the LC for a weighted feed and I was instructed to pump after every feeding since he was constantly falling asleep due to jaundice. I was also instructed to supplement formula when I wasn't getting enough at the pump (I've been dealing with supply issues). At a breastfeeding check-in at 2 weeks, he was back up to 9 lbs. 1 oz. He should be back to his birth weight by now (he's a month old) but I'm still supplementing as DS still likes to fall asleep.

When the LC asked how I felt about supplementing with formula, I said that I hated the idea, but in the end I'd do whatever I had to to feed my LO. I have days when I feel like I'm hardly making anything because I won't get as much as I think I need to at the pump. But, I'm doing the best I can. You are too. Don't let it get you down! Your LO will gain. It just might take a little while as it has with my DS. You're a great mother, don't let that pump tell you otherwise!

Oh, also I am taking Motherlove's More Milk Plus. I've been told by the LC that it's more concentrated than the tea.

[stephy1221]

Hugs. I was in that boat with both kids, DD1 lost more than DD2 so was a more urgent situation.

I ended up pumping exclusively DD1 once she was back up to birth weight. DD2 I can pump,nurse and FF without any one thing interfering with the other. Now that her weight is up we dropped the FF.

The only real difference (other than being more experienced) is two different kids. DD1 horrible latch and lazy eater, DD2 eager eater with a great latch.

Basically I just want to re assure you that doing FF or pumping doesn't have to kill the nursing. It might take a little work but you can get it back.

If you continue to pump and dont' have a hands free pump bra I highly suggest investing in one.

[starry]

How old is your baby?

DD2 was born at 9 pounds 8 ounces but the breastfeeding people are using 9 pounds 4 ounces because that was her weight after her meconium diaper. At any rate, at hospital discharge (4 days pp) she was 8 pounds 8 ounces and at one week old she was 8 pounds 12 ounces. Because she is gaining decently and over the 10% threshold no one is concerned. Most likely she will get to 9 pounds 4 ounces by 2 weeks old and the 9 pounds 8 ounces by 3 weeks.

My first DD was also not a great gainer. She was born at 6 pounds 8 ounces, dropped to 6 pounds 3 ounces by discharge, and weighed 7 pounds 2 ounces at 1 month old. She was totally fine!

So if you trust your doctor please do what he says but those numbers do not alarm me. I would rather do a weighed feeding and talk to a LC than immediately start the supplementing routine (mainly because it's a PITA - I am totally fine with formula and gave DD2 a few ounces at the hospital). 

Good luck with whatever you decide.

You are NOT a failure.

[starry]

Also notice how many of these anecdotes are from 9 pound plus babies. I honestly think it's just a lot more normal with them.

[starry]

One final emphasis... pump output is NOT equivalent to what they are getting per feeding from the breast. That's why weighed feedings are so helpful. I am not a good pump responder but I always had enough nursing DD1.

[starry]

I got this scale with DD1 and it has given me peace of mind on multiple occasions:

www.amazon.com/Health-meter-Toddler-Scale-Growth/dp/B0009MFUZE

[katie0919]

Oct 24, 2015 13:01:25 GMT -5 aylafsu1881 said:

Hugs. BF is so hard and emotional. What you describe is the exact situation I had with DD1. I pumped and introduced a bottle at 4 days old. Our pedi wanted me to supplement after every feed. I didn't want to do formula so I chose to pump. It took DD1 almost 3 weeks to regain her birth weight. I shed a lot of tears and was so emotional. In the end I made it to the other side. You will to.

Have you looked at your flanges on the pump? Are they the right size? Are you drinking enough water? I aim for 100oz a day. On average it takes 10-14 days for a baby to reach birth weight. For some reason the pedi wants it to happen right away. So it is ok that P is not there yet.

ETA: Dd1 had no nursing confusion even though she got a few bottles a day right away. She went between boob and bottle with no issue. This one had actually been worse. We just tried to introduce the bottle at 4 weeks but she won't have it. She hates all bottle .

Big hugs, and above is exactly what I went through with DS1, he was 9lbs 7oz at birth and was 8lbs 4oz at discharge....it took about 4 weeks for him to get up to birth weight. I also chose to BF, then pump, then give him what I pumped.

I'm assuming your milk has actually come in, or is in transition right now...how long did you pump? What kind of pump do you have? Did you go back to the stimulate/massage phase a couple times? I pumped the other day for the first time since using the hospital grade pump and it took me nearly 10 minutes to get milk flowing...up to that point I had only expressed about half an ounce. By the time the milk started flowing, I had 4 ounces before I knew it. Keep on pumping! My guess is you're not pumping quite long enough.

You can get through this!! BF'ing was sooooooooo hard for me the first time, I even bought a baby scale and weighed my son before and after each feeding to see how much he was getting. It was all very stressful but once we got past the hump, I was able to successfully bf him without formula for a full year.

If you don't want to use formula just make sure you keep pumping every time she has a formula bottle to tell your breasts to make milk to "make up" for that formula feeding. Big hugs, try not to feel so discourage although I definitely know it's so hard!! Xo

[Maggie0424]

(Hugs) echoing what everyone has said. You are NOT a failure! I've been right where you are twice! FWIW, it took DS 3 weeks and 2 days to get back to birth weight! I also had to supplement formula and still do. I'm working with a LC to get help which I also suggest. I think somesay gave you a ton of great advice. I have to drink water nearly non-stop to keep my supply up. Also do not take a lot of stock in what the oz are from pumping. Baby gets more from you than the pump. No matter what you decide to do, you are feeding you baby and that shows you care - again in no way does that make you a failure!

[sunflwra]

First of all- no failure at all! A lot of what you stated seems normal and I'm wondering how overly cautious your pedi is being. I had DD1 on a Wednesday and milk didn't come in until the following Monday. The typical expectation is that they will regain to their birthweight by 2 weeks so still plenty of time- do you know what her weight was upon hospital discharge? My DD1 got nothing but bottle due to latch issues until 2 weeks old, so your breastfeeding journey is far from ruined. I bet that in another few days you'll see a huge difference in breastfeeding and pumping. If your supply does stay low, I definitely recommend meeting with an LC- I went from pumping .5-1 oz per session to 3-5 oz with a pumping regimen and supplements (Motherlove More Milk capsules and Reglan), daily oatmeal and beer.

You probably also have a very typical baby that would rather sleep than eat, so just do as much as you can to keep her awake and engaged at feedings but it will likely continue to improve as she grows.

The fact that you are concerned shows how great a mama you are, the rest will come. Big hugs!

[lilyharper]

Hey there,
I'm so sorry breastfeeding has been so hard! It's really, really tough, especially with low supply. My little guy was chewing the crap out of my nipples (even though they told me his latch was great) due to tongue tie, and we're pretty sure my pcos and c/s is causing my supply to be low.

Little Man was 8 lb 15 oz at birth and was 7 lb 12 oz at his 3 day appointment. We immediately started supplementing with formula. Both of my brothers were allergic to breastmilk, so we are using the hypoallergenic formula.

I never would have been able to manage 2 oz every 2 hours. Even now I can sometimes eke out an ounce when I pump, I think I've once managed 34 ml. I tend to get 20 ml per pumping session. I breastfeed him first, and then I or DH give him 2 oz of formula. When we started with this, btw, he wouldn't take more than about 20 ml of formula. He still gained several ounces back, which is what they wanted to see. At 2 weeks he was 8 lbs 7 oz. so gaining, but not quite back to full we it. Since then we've been giving him 60 ml at each feed (and he's happily taking it), and I'd be shocked if he hasn't hit birthweight by Monday at his next weight check.

I've had four LC appointments so far (plus the one at the hospital) and will have another at his weight check.

Are you eligible for a hospital grade pump through your insurance? That's helped me a lot. I would suggest at least spending a few minutes with you breastfeeding, this way you will be able to feel like you're reestablishing your breastfeeding relationship with baby and I think it's a comfort thing for both baby and mom. Just because they said you should exclusively pump doesn't mean you have to. Just my two cents...

Good luck lady, and try not to worry, you're making sure your baby is fed, and that is the most important thing.

somesay, I've been doing the fenugreek, lactation cookies, oatmeal and ice cream (hey that was just cuz it's tasty, didn't realize that helps! I'll take it). I just tried your idea of not looking at the output, seemed to help. Thanks for that tip!

[mrsg80intn]

There is nothing wrong with you. I had to bottle feed Maggie in the nicu for 5 days and we've gotten back to EBF but it took work. My LC recommended I take mother love more milk plus capsules and I think it helped up my supply. Maybe try that? And give yourself a little grace momma! A little formula is not a bad thing neither is pumping. I know it seems like it's not a good thing but you'll both be great!!!!

[mrsg80intn]

Also, like somesay, I took the picture thing to a different level and listened to videos of her crying to help stimulate my milk while I pumped. Also, try and find a special needs bottle/nipple and feed her on her side so it's like Bfing to make the transition back easier.

[sewfie2]

You're not a failure! BF is hard, physically and emotionally! I mean, I knew that going in, but there was still a part of me that, when bfing was getting rough, that berated myself for not being able to do something that is supposed to be natural. But now I think it's actually pretty crazy that early humans survived without LCs!!

We've had our ups and downs with bfing, days when I've felt great about it, and days when I've felt terrible and useless. I think it's pretty normal, but you have to remember that you're not a failure! My first attempts at pumping were completely miserable. I've had multiple conversations with the LCs at the hospital that I delivered at, and they've helped tremendously! Not only their advice, but also their confidence in ME. Definitely reach out to an LC, if only for the emotional support that can provide.

[leopardgurl831]

So first you are not a failure. BFing is hard! I was in your shoes with DS1. He lost 1 lb while in the hospital. They wanted us to supplement, but we weren't ready yet. So what I did was BF then pump. While I was pumping DH would syringe feed the milk from the previous pump. It worked and DS got up to birth weight around 2 weeks. Also it took 5 days for my milk to come in.

No matter what you do you are a great Mom! The problem with adding formula is that it's time at the breast that brings your milk in and it may be hard to wean off formula once you start supplementing. It's not impossible, but can be hard.

[Squishy622]

A couple of pieces of advice, if I may.. don't wait til Monday to see an LC. The ones I've met work weekends, I'd try to reach out tomorrow if you can (or at least find one that you can call first thing Monday), time is of the essence!

And I think I read on Kellymom (can't go look right now, sorry!) that at least 15 minutes of pumping per session is the minimum if you're trying to build supply.

Hugs!! Hang in there!

[lilyharper]

@moonandback141, if my DH is here, I pump while he feeds Little Man, right after I breastfeed him. It's harder when I'm alone, because I have to wait for him to be happily sitting somewhere or asleep.

I don't pump at every feed because I feel it's important that I sleep too (personal choice).

If your milk hasn't come in yet that amount seems reasonable for colostrum. Based on what you're saying it sounds like your milk is about to come in with the color change.

Weighted feeds are interesting. They want you to bring the baby hungry, weigh them prefeed and post feed. It was good to know the exact output so we could accurately figure out how much formula to give him. He was pissed though prefeed cuz it was three hours since his last feed. You could potentially do it at home if you had an accurate enough scale.

[mrsk91011]

First off, you are not a failure. You are a good mom.

Second, find a good BF support person, whether it is an LC or a friend or a mother figure, but a woman who has been there and has your back and can physically be there to help you. There was a bf-ing support group at the local hospital where we lived when DD was born and it was the best thing thing that could have happened to me in the first 6 months of her life. The LC was awesome and the ladies who came to the group laughed and cried together about our individual triumphs and struggles with BF-ing. It was nice to know I was never alone.

It took DD 1 month to get to birth weight, with formula supplementation. I cried and cried and cried because I couldn't do it on my own. This time bf-ing is easier but it's still a struggle and it took DS 3 weeks to make weight with mostly BF (we've supplemented a handful of times).

Bottom line: you are a huge success because you are feeding your kid. BF-ing is SO hard. Huge hugs, mama. You're not alone.

[mrsg80intn]

I agree with squish about not waiting on a LC if you can. Also, I would look into the mother love pills I mentioned (make sure it's the capsules and take the highest dose for your weight)... I really think they helped me. We are here for you!

[leopardgurl831]

Babies stomachs are tiny! At 6 days your exactly where you should be. 5oz of formula sounds like way too much!

I agree with squishy622 don't wait to see a LC. I would listen to advice from an IBCLC before a pedi, since that is they area of expertise. www.ilca.org/i4a/pages/index.cfm?pageid=3432

If you go the pump route first feed baby then pump. Pumping after stimulates your body to make more.

[katie0919]

@moonandback141 - yes ma'am! I would try the stimulate button a second time around the 10 min mark and pump for 20 min (after you feed), if your milk is still yellowish in color, but starting to turn white then it's in "transition", and I never felt engraved either until prob day 9 or 10 (on day 12 now and yesterday was my first day that my boobs felt pretty darn uncomfortable - my milk came in on day 4), so don't feel discouraged at your lack of engorgement. You got this mama!!

ETA: when I say my milk came in on day 4, I should add I wasn't making a lot. I was pumping at the hospital because of raw bleeding nipples and I wasn't getting much. Now I'm getting 4 ounces total when I pump (which I've only done twice since I've been home just when I feel engorged...I don't want an oversupply but want to pump every few days to work up a small stash)