A birth mother's plea

[lizblue]

This is heartbreaking and not ok.

I can't say enough good things about the agency I used and how they put the birthparents at the center of this entire process. I also feel grateful that we live in a state where we are able to sign a legally enforceable agreement, agreeing to the minimum level of contact that we all agreed to (in our case - regular pictures and letters as well as two in-person visits per year.)

I think there is a huge difference between people who go into open adoption with open hearts, willing to fully accept birthparents into their new family configuration, and those who look at open adoption as just a means to an end to get a baby.

Of course I am heartbroken for your friend, @bookworm92, but I'm also sad for that baby. She will suffer for this too.

[lbey]

You know, this child will grow and there is a pretty goos chance she will ask about the birth family and what happened. If she ever finds this video, if she ever sees it, what will happen?
I cant stop thinking about how this child will feel if she sees this video...or if she ever find out that all her bm wanted, was a simple picture and to know that this child is okay...
I dont know what happens in people's life, what goes on during the agreements and meetings. We always hear one side but there is always more to the story. I am no one to say what is right or wrong or judge anyone's decision. What I do know is that these kids all have a past and a history that should never be forgotten and ignored by the AP.

[pinkie]

I don't know if I can watch the video. We have one very open adoption and one fairly closed adoption. I want so badly to have more contact with our older son's BM. I want to tell her about him and show her photos and videos of how beautiful and smart and sweet he is. But at her request the contact is very limited and we do totally respect her wishes.

I hope for his sake that our relationship can become more open in the future. I tell him about his birth mom and that she loves him and I know that's true.

So it breaks my heart to read the comments and figure what the video is. as the PP said we may not know the full story but unless the birth parents are a danger to the child it makes me so sad to see this!