Post by PepperPottsJ on Nov 2, 2015 8:56:25 GMT -5
My anxiety over how to handle Thanksgiving is rising and I am curious how everyone handles being 100 different places at one time? I have decided that I would be willing to split this year - avoiding MIL FTW, however this gives me the sads and want to figure out a workable plan. Thanks!
Post by mustloveerica on Nov 2, 2015 9:03:38 GMT -5
We host thanksgiving. This year I told everyone were doing it on Saturday. That helps with everyone's schedules on Thursday and helps with me not having to run around and prep everything while I'm working during the week.
Christmas is another story. My parents are divorced so we have two Christmas there. We usually go to my dads on Christmas Eve and my moms Christmas morning then we drive and hour and a half south to go to Hs family.
Hey at least I got thanksgiving solved for this year :-)
My anxiety over how to handle Thanksgiving is rising and I am curious how everyone handles being 100 different places at one time? I have decided that I would be willing to split this year - avoiding MIL FTW, however this gives me the sads and want to figure out a workable plan. Thanks!
I think I will try to split Thanksgiving too. My MIL just mentioned Thanksgiving dinner and it dawned on me that MH has not clued her in on any discussion we have been having.
Or want to have secret fancy dinner at your place. Just me and you.
My family does one big HUGE Thanksgiving lunch with my entire extended family on my dad's side.
Luckily, H's family does an early dinner (around 4), so we do the big family thing, then head to their house. The good thing is that H's family always has wine with dinner, so it's a nice relaxing way to end the evening.
Christmas is more complicated. H's sister insists that she do Christmas morning with the family and won't wait for us. We have little kids on my side, so we want to watch them open presents, then go to H's parents' house. We end up going back and forth - mine, his, mine, his again between presents and food. It sucks. We've already agreed that once we have kids, Christmas morning is at our house and they can come to us.
My inlaws always make a huge deal about Thanksgiving and it's the only holiday they celebrate so we will be there all day. And I get to cook everything at their house.
My moms side has always done everything the weekend before or after a holiday but this year my aunt is on a crazy train and wants to do Thanksgiving on Thanksgiving. We already said we would not be attending.
Christmas Eve we watch White Christmas with MIL then go to the 7 pm church service. Usually my parents go with us because their church doesn't do a candle light service. Christmas Day we have all our parents over and cook breakfast. We figured if we trained them all to come to our house early it would be worth it when we do have kids.
We split Thanksgiving Day and make it to both sides of the family. MH's family gets together for a few hours where my family is together all night long until the last people leave after midnight. So we do lunch with MH's family then head to my parents' house and spend the rest of the night there.
For Christmas, we spend Christmas eve with MH's family and Christmas Day with mine. My family doesn't do much Christmas Eve and his does a big dinner so we go there. Christmas Day is an all-day thing with my family (immediate only in the morning, extended all afternoon/evening) so we spend that with them.
Easter is similar to Thanksgiving - we start at his family and head to mine after.
Post by requiressnacks on Nov 2, 2015 9:30:51 GMT -5
I refuse to split Thanksgiving because it always ended up being wayyyyyy too much food and/or people trying to get us to eat. MH and I rotate it - one year I'm with my family, one year we are wit his family.
Christmas is a whole other story - there are divorced parents, etc. It's a total shit show.
Post by PepperPottsJ on Nov 2, 2015 9:36:25 GMT -5
Christmas is semi-easy, in laws Christmas Eve and my family Christmas Day. Easter, was with my family bc MIL had just had surgery.
I am proposing we alternate my MIL for thanksgiving, as in we go to my family (until I can host) and his brother goes to his ILs, and we pass MIL back and forth each year. Not sure how MIL will take this...
We rotate years too. No exception. We set the expectation in advance and were very upfront with our families about it. Neither are thrilled when it's not "their" year, but no one can say it's not fair.
Post by TheEleventhHour on Nov 2, 2015 9:40:09 GMT -5
My solution this year is working both holidays. Double time and no family BS
But to seriously answer the question - DH is not close with his family so we don't spend holidays with them and usually just visit them in the summer. However, my parents are divorced so we split between them. My dad is a doctor and usually works holidays so we typically spend the actual holiday with my mom/mom's side of the family and then celebrate with my dad/dad's side of the family the weekend after the holiday. This worked well for a long time and I liked not having to bounce between places as much on the actual day.
But this year we are 4 hours away from my family and no thank you to driving that much so it will just be us celebrating the weekends after both holidays since I am working.
If/when the holidays become too much, we tell my in laws we're spending the day with my family and tell my family we're spending the day with my in laws. Then we just stay home and have our own little secret get together
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We swap years for holidays. So every second year we go to my parents and the alternating years is with MH family. Since our house has more bedrooms than my inlaws, xmas eve and day will be at my house this year.
Thanksgiving is generally swapped in the same way. Lately my parents have been on a cruise over thanksgiving, so we have been spending it with my inlaws.
Post by sleepymonkey on Nov 2, 2015 9:56:37 GMT -5
We alternate families for Thanksgiving. We spend one year with mine and the next with MH's family. MH's family lives almost 1 1/2 hr away so it would be too much to try to make to it to both on one day. I'm also really lucky in that MH's family celebrates Christmas on Christmas Eve so we always go down there for the day and then come home at night so we can be at our house and then my parents' house on Christmas morning. It does mean that the small Christmas Eve traditions I grew up with that I would've like to have for our child(ren) don't happen but it's a small price to pay for family harmony.
We rotate Thanksgiving here since it's not a HUGE deal to either family. (My siblings rotate as well so we're all together one year and off the next and my parent's go to a friend's house for Thanksgiving).
Christmas is a different story. We tried to rotate that but we can't because my SO's aunt does Christmas and it's just too much, especially since my siblings have kids and want to do Christmas morning with them and their own in laws to deal with. I think my family has finally decided on Christmas Eve every year and then we do Christmas day with my SO's entire family in the afternoon at his aunt's house, then on the way home we swing through to his parent's house to do gifts with them.
No divorces here do it isn't nearly as complicated as some people's holidays.
I'm part of a stepfamily now, so that makes my formerly super easy holidays significantly less so. My sis alternates Thanksgiving and Christmas between us and her in-laws (so we have her for T-giving this year) and my bro comes up when he can get the time off of work. But now we also have alternating holidays with my SS and have to coordinate with his mom. So this year we don't have him for Thanksgiving but we do have him for Christmas Eve and Christmas morning. But we have to take him to his mom's by early afternoon on Christmas, which makes it very difficult to see my family on Christmas. Luckily DH is not close to his parents, who are divorced, but we do try to see them as well when we can. I can't imagine if he also wanted to see both his mom and dad separately for the holidays!
We live 1 hour from my family and 8 hours from H's family, so there is no easy way to split holidays. We did attempt to split Christmas once, and it was the worst Christmas ever. We did Christmas morning with my family, then drove to the airport, waited there for 3 hours, flew to PA, and spent a couple hours of Christmas day with H's family when we arrived that evening. NEVER AGAIN. I refuse to spend Christmas day in an airport again.
Besides that terrible Christmas, for the first 5-6 years we were together, H and I usually would swap holidays each year: one family would get us for Thanksgiving and the other would get us for Christmas. Then a few years ago, we decided (mostly because I pushed for this and eventually H agreed) that we would always do Thanksgiving with his family and Christmas with mine. It works better for a variety of reasons... namely we don't have to worry about potentially driving through a snowstorm in the midwest in the middle of December, H's family has more Thanksgiving traditions, my family has more Christmas traditions, and when we have kids, we want to be at our house Christmas morning for Santa gifts and family time (and we can easily do that and then drive 1 hour to my parents' Christmas afternoon).
We still get some grief from H's family about how we are never there for Christmas, but I think they understand our reasoning even if they are not happy about it.
We do all the things with my family. MrRama's parents are divorced; his dad lives in town and his mom lives an hour and a half away. His dad isn't big on celebrating holidays, sometimes we'll visit his mom, just so that she doesn't feel left out. It really depends on how we feel, though.
I'm not sure what the how is if we have kids. Probably continue going to my parents' house for at least the first few years, then maybe start doing it at ours when they get older (and our housing gets upgraded ;) ).
We normally rotate families for Thanksgiving and Christmas, but this year we are staying home. I think. I would say there is still a 20% chance we will go to my family's (it is their turn), but right now I'm sticking with, we deserve a holiday in our own house.
We rotated the last couple of years but now we live in NC, my family is in RI, and his is in IL. It's just too much. So this is the first year that we're staying put. His dad will come for T-day and our niece is coming for Christmas. I suspect my parents will come next year if we refuse to leave again.
We live in a different state from our families. We have decided to fly back every other year for Christmas and always stay up here for Thanksgiving. When we're down for Christmas there are at least three houses we need to hit so really I can only handle doing it every other year. Plus it acceptable to see family on both Christmas Eve and Christmas day so that really helps with the stress level.
This is the shitty part of the holidays. I can't even imagine what a cluster it will be when we eventually have kids since they will be first grandchild for both sides. Ugh.
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Post by ohinvrtedworld on Nov 2, 2015 12:44:12 GMT -5
We are "lucky" to be in a position where splitting time is impossible since my family lives several states away, but I think making a hardline decision to alternate holidays, or going to the other side of the family ever other year, can be sanity saving.
Or if one side is willing to compromise by having an earlier get together that you can comfortably attend -- maybe pumpkin french toast, hot toddies, and watching the Macy's parade in the morning and early afternoon -- if they really want you to be there.
I thrive on boundaries and compromise to save myself from hating holidays, but I also have both easygoing family and easygoing in-laws, so there's that.
Ugh. Holidays are always pretty dramatic for us. The first Christmas we were together, DH's family told us that we weren't spending enough money on the presents for his side. They've also accused us for favoring my side. Which is probably a little true because holidays are just way more fun with my family. My mom's side is giant and we all get together for multiple dinners, and shopping, and games, and present opening. It is just a fun zoo. DH's family does not have any traditions or get together with family. So, it is maybe a dinner with just us, and then sitting in a formal living room for presents or something. We also see them significantly more then my family since we live in the next town over from them. I also have divorced parent's, so we have to split up holidays further.
This year, DH and I are hosting his parents, grandma, and aunt, and my mom and stepdad for Thanksgiving. We told them that we will do Christmas with my side to see both sets of my parents for Christmas. This works well for this year, because the IL's will go to MT for Christmas to see BIL & SIL.
We've also made it clear that we won't be "switching" every other year to keep things fair. Each holiday will be on a case by case basis. I refuse to spend my whole life dealing with "they got you guys for Christmas last year". I'm sure this comes across snotty, and like we are just choosing who has the best plans. But honestly, if I am taking vacation days for it, I'm going to enjoy myself.
Post by jubilantsquirrel on Nov 2, 2015 13:07:14 GMT -5
I think my situation is a bit different. We do Thanksgiving Day with H's family every year and then we do the day after Thanksgiving with my family. My family is small, I'm an only child so it's just me, my parents, an uncle and one grandma, so it's easy to for us to celebrate it a day late. I hope to one day have enough space to host Thanksgiving and have everyone together on that day.
For Christmas we spend Christmas Eve with H's family. It's nice because it's just us and his parents and grandma. His brother and his family do Christmas Eve with his wife's family so it's nice and quiet. Christmas Day is spent with my family. We always do gifts at home first and head out to their house later in the morning.
We've been doing this basically since started dating (with the exception of the first since we had only been together for a few weeks), it works for us. This will be our second holiday season with a LO and we plan to continue this schedule until it no longer works for us.
We live close enough to both sides of the family to be able to see everyone on one day, but we'd rather be able to just stay in one place and not have to rush around. Plus I only have so much room in my belly for yummy food and I want to be able to eat all the things.
Post by BabyStandish on Nov 2, 2015 13:09:49 GMT -5
DH's parents are divorced. His Dad and my parents live many states away and his mom lives about an hour away. I know eventually we will want to stay at home with the kids for the holidays. We spent last Christmas here with MIL and his grandma flew in. This year we are flying to my family's house. DH and his mom used to fly to NC every other year growing up to see his grandma/aunt/uncle. She tried pressuring us to go there this year but I informed her/reminded her that we spent last Christmas with her so it's my family's turn. I'm predicting that this will be a problem in the future. We don't want to always be traveling for Christmas so I'm guessing she will be upset when we tell her we want to start staying home. Even though she lives here. She just doesn't quite understand that we are our own family now and want to start doing our own traditions. I think people are just going to have to start traveling to us if they want to spend the holidays with us. It's just so expensive to travel every year and will be harder as our family hopefully continues to grow.
For thanksgiving DH and my family do it on separate days Someone does Saturday someone does sunday/Monday. (Canadian thanksgiving) So that works well
Christmas annoys us We have to split the day Morning we go to my parents and open immediate family gifts and have breakfast, then go to DH's moms (1 hour away for lunch and presents - then go back to my parents for family dinner
DH does not talk to his dad (he does Christmas Eve)- in some ways it's easier - one less house
We have already both agreed we will not be going to his Moms on Christmas when we have young kids We are not spending 2+ hours in the car on Christmas with them.
Post by goldenlove3 on Nov 2, 2015 14:40:11 GMT -5
We usually spend the day before Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve with my family and the day of with H's family. Sometimes we go visit my family if my mom is hosting Thanksgiving because my aunts and uncles will be there. However, every year is different. Sometimes my family goes OOT for the holidays so we go see them before they leave. Last year on Thanksgiving, H and I went to the Detroit Thanksgiving Day parade and Lions game then straight to H's parents. Luckily, our parents live about 5 minutes away from each other. I don't know how it'll be once we have kids though.
Post by ♪♫choppinbroccoli♫♪ on Nov 2, 2015 15:29:48 GMT -5
We said fuck it, and we host every year. Anyone can come, but we live 6 hours from most family, so not everyone comes.
If we didn't host, we would alternate every other year (year 1 - my family, year 2 - his family, year 3 - back to mine). Because fuck trying to make everything work every single year.
Last year on Thanksgiving, H and I went to the Detroit Thanksgiving Day parade and Lions game then straight to H's parents. Luckily, our parents live about 5 minutes away from each other. I don't know how it'll be once we have kids though.
Not to bee super skin-suity, but for all we know, we might have seen each other IRL without realizing it! bahaha
We used to have the perfect, easiest split - rotate Thanksgiving every other year. No exception. My parents, in-laws, and I all live in different cities so it was the only option. And Christmas was always easy bc I'm Catholic and H is Jewish so Christmas was with my family and Hanukkah (random weekend in December) was with the in-laws.
Now H and I live on the west coast while our parents are still back east. There is an open invite for anyone to come to our place for the holidays. Otherwise, we have said we will travel back east 1 time in Nov/Dec so every other year, our family gets us for 1 of the holidays, their choice.
So far there have been no complaints. Only fair way we see it.
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