Check in time!

[ceejay]

It's been so quiet around here lately. Let's have a check-in! What has been going on with everyone?


We have had our foster sons for almost 2 months now. Things are going well, and we have all settled into a good routine. It's hard to remember what life was like before we were parents! Both boys are growing so quickly and catching up developmentally to where they should be. Their bio parents oscillate between wanting to get the boys back "as soon as possible" to showing zero interest and not showing up for their mandatory drug tests and weekly visits. So it's hard to know how the case will turn out. We are hoping to adopt the boys if possible but are willing and able to support their return home if that's what ends up happening. Time will tell.

[jenn]

We finally got into a normal scheduled routine so I'm trying to get more active on the boards again - thank you for posting this!

Ollie is seven months old today. I have no idea where time has gone. We are just waiting to finalize but I will echo the "It's hard to remember what life was like before we were parents" statement. What did we do with all of our 'free' time? I have no idea... haha.

[pamela]

We're still waiting (DIA). The agency has been so slow with the only two matches in the last 9 months falling through after birth before signing. We are now being shown to another couple and expect an answer in a week.

[chicago]

We have a happy healthy 6 week old girl home. I have 6 weeks left in my leave
Baby girl is doing great. She is eating great. We are very lucky that she is sleeping through the night already. We are also starting to get some smiles.
I'm happy to say that we met with the Birthmother a couple of weeks ago. She seems to be doing great (so far. I'm very cognizant of the ups and downs to come). She held and fed the baby. We chatted about how baby is doing, how BM is doing etc. While we met at the adoption agency this time, we will coordinate the meeting between ourselves next time. We will be meeting between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

[frenchteachermama]

We had a tiny bit of a rocky start with our agency, our first social worker was overloaded and the office was in the middle of moving. They switched our social worker and things have been much better!! They have our completed home study and all of our paperwork (hopefully)! We filmed our profile video over the weekend. We still have to finish the profile book, my good friend is helping us so hopefully that will be wrapped up soon too. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!

[roxy]

We are trying to figure out our new normal as a family of 3. I'd say that things are going pretty well though we have had our fair share of blow ups. He tends to have the biggest mood swings with me than with my H. I will say this is a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. Intellectually, I know that I'm not the mom he is punishing, but that doesn't make it any easier to handle in the thick of it.

[pinkie]

Nov 2, 2015 19:16:48 GMT -5 chicago said:

We have a happy healthy 6 week old girl home. I have 6 weeks left in my leave
Baby girl is doing great. She is eating great. We are very lucky that she is sleeping through the night already. We are also starting to get some smiles.
I'm happy to say that we met with the Birthmother a couple of weeks ago. She seems to be doing great (so far. I'm very cognizant of the ups and downs to come). She held and fed the baby. We chatted about how baby is doing, how BM is doing etc. While we met at the adoption agency this time, we will coordinate the meeting between ourselves next time. We will be meeting between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Wow I'm jealous - our one year old still wakes every night to take a bottle around 4-6 am

[pinkie]

Thanks for starting this check-in - it's nice to hear from everyone.

We are doing well. Our kids are now 2.5 and 1. We are still waiting for our little guy to walk and think it will happen soon. Our older son absolutely loved Halloween. He picked his costume and was so very proud.

[gnomesweetgnome]

We are doing pretty well. The twins have been with us for 1.5 months now. I'm starting to feel a little more bonded to them, but it's definitely a work in progress. We have had some behavior stuff that is driving us batty and we are trying to keep our parenting positive and trauma informed, but it is incredibly difficult and I feel like I'm failing at it a lot.

K1 had tonsils & adenoids removed today and tubes put in her ears. DH took her and they are staying overnight at the hospital. It's been kind of nice only having two two year olds running around today! K2 has her tonsils & adenoids out next week and is doing great with her TB treatment (she's got latent/non infectious, non symptomatic, clear chest X-ray TB). Almost one month down, 8 more to go.

Still no idea how long they will be with us. They have visits every other Saturday for 2 hours, sometimes with both bio parents and all their siblings, sometimes just one parent or the other and some or all siblings (there are 9 kids altogether).

We also recently attended an adoption/foster care conference and got to hear Dr. Karyn Purvis speak, which was great.

[cst2cst]

We are almost 2 years into waiting for DIA. We had an "almost" situation 2 weeks ago with a baby who was already born, but CPS got involved and fought to keep the baby while the parents wanted to place, so he wasn't our baby.

We initially started early, and weren't in a hurry for a match (dd was 18 months when we started) but it is getting really hard now.

[lbey]

A lot has been happening this week. Our puppy has graduation tomorrow from puppy classes and she is moving to next stage on her way to becoming a therapy dog. On Wednesday we will meet our little girl. We are super nervous about it, dont know what to expect, and are scared that for some reason SW might say no to us. Our SW, who we love, cant come so a different SW who we never met will come with us. Lastly, on Friday, I have to go to a funeral from one of my Host moms. She had brain cancer and passed away last week leaving 3 year old twin girls and a 5 year old boy. It has been a sad situation and im just glad they have a fantastic Au Pair. I have never neen to a funeral, let alone an American one so I have no clue how that is. I just know I need to be there to show support...

[Rogue]

Good luck at the funeral lbey. I have found hugs to the family when walking in work pretty well.

[packerfan4life]

I'm sorry for your loss lbey. How sad. I think the most important thing is being there and offering hugs and support

[packerfan4life]

Our daughter is 13 months old. She's such a fun little person. She's walking and trying to climb everything. She talks up a storm even though she only has a handful of real words. We're at the point where birthmom just asked for yearly updates, which I worry isn't enough. Our adoption is not as open as I'd like, so I can't just ask her, I think we'll still send updates for the major holidays (Thanksgiving/Christmas/Birthdat/etc) but it's hard to know for sure what the right thing is.

In other very surprising news, we found out recently that I'm pregnant (about 8 weeks along now). We're overjoyed, although I'm also nervous about the dynamics of raising a transracially adopted and a bio child, because I want to make sure that they both know that they are equally loved and wanted. Plus it's still early so I'm terrified something will go wrong, although I'm trying to think positively for now.

[packerfan4life]

Nov 2, 2015 22:09:43 GMT -5 gnomesweetgnome said:

We are doing pretty well. The twins have been with us for 1.5 months now. I'm starting to feel a little more bonded to them, but it's definitely a work in progress. We have had some behavior stuff that is driving us batty and we are trying to keep our parenting positive and trauma informed, but it is incredibly difficult and I feel like I'm failing at it a lot.

K1 had tonsils & adenoids removed today and tubes put in her ears. DH took her and they are staying overnight at the hospital. It's been kind of nice only having two two year olds running around today! K2 has her tonsils & adenoids out next week and is doing great with her TB treatment (she's got latent/non infectious, non symptomatic, clear chest X-ray TB). Almost one month down, 8 more to go.

Still no idea how long they will be with us. They have visits every other Saturday for 2 hours, sometimes with both bio parents and all their siblings, sometimes just one parent or the other and some or all siblings (there are 9 kids altogether).

We also recently attended an adoption/foster care conference and got to hear Dr. Karyn Purvis speak, which was great.

How is your older LO doing? How's he adjusting to being a big brother?

[gnomesweetgnome]

Nov 3, 2015 8:11:48 GMT -5 packerfan4life said:

Nov 2, 2015 22:09:43 GMT -5 gnomesweetgnome said:

We are doing pretty well. The twins have been with us for 1.5 months now. I'm starting to feel a little more bonded to them, but it's definitely a work in progress. We have had some behavior stuff that is driving us batty and we are trying to keep our parenting positive and trauma informed, but it is incredibly difficult and I feel like I'm failing at it a lot.

K1 had tonsils & adenoids removed today and tubes put in her ears. DH took her and they are staying overnight at the hospital. It's been kind of nice only having two two year olds running around today! K2 has her tonsils & adenoids out next week and is doing great with her TB treatment (she's got latent/non infectious, non symptomatic, clear chest X-ray TB). Almost one month down, 8 more to go.

Still no idea how long they will be with us. They have visits every other Saturday for 2 hours, sometimes with both bio parents and all their siblings, sometimes just one parent or the other and some or all siblings (there are 9 kids altogether).

We also recently attended an adoption/foster care conference and got to hear Dr. Karyn Purvis speak, which was great.

How is your older LO doing? How's he adjusting to being a big brother?

Well, he's actually 4 months younger! But he's doing great, he loves the girls and is starting to get better at sharing.

[persianmaman]

@bookworm92, Are you traveling to see him for the holidays, or are they coming to you?
gnomesweetgnome, I cannot imagine three times the terrible two's. It must be like a circus there sometimes, bless you and your DH. And so happy to hear that B likes having the girls around, it seems so sweet, ahhh, kids.
lbey, Big hugs all around. Losing someone is always hard.
packerfan4life, WOW, congratulations. Wishing you a healthy/happy nine months, sweetling.


All of our paperwork arrived at the agency in Joburg yesterday morning. So we are officially waiting with no paperwork on the horizon til next summer. Which is also when we are expecting to be matched about. A lot of families are getting matched within 4-6 months, but we have specifically requested that they delay us to around 9 months so that by the time we have a court date to travel, I will have vacation saved up and be eligible for FMLA.

Other than that and the fact that DH and I are a little shell-shocked to realize we have made it to this point after 15 months, life is alright. We're doing a lot of home projects to make the house more comfy before the LO arrives. New windows. Need to redo at least one of the bathrooms and start prepping the nursery.

[ceejay]

gnomesweetgnome - glad things are going well! Are the twins' siblings in other foster homes or still at home with mom and dad?

packerfan4life - Congratulations! Wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy.

persianmaman - Congratulations on being officially waiting!!!

I'm so sorry for your loss, lbey.

[gnomesweetgnome]

Nov 3, 2015 10:11:29 GMT -5 ceejay said:

gnomesweetgnome - glad things are going well! Are the twins' siblings in other foster homes or still at home with mom and dad?

packerfan4life - Congratulations! Wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy.

persianmaman - Congratulations on being officially waiting!!!

I'm so sorry for your loss, lbey.

They are all in care. The two oldest together, next four together with their bio paternal grandma, the twins with us, and one 3 year old by herself in a home with two other unrelated foster kiddos. Our twins and the three yo have the same dad, the four middle have a different dad, not sure on the oldest two.

[delenire]

We were told the 5th of October that they hoped to have us ready by the 1st of November, it is the 3rd and we still don't have any kids! (jk) ok in all seriousness we think everything is done because we haven't heard anything...

we don't have much to do in the house, mainly just put together the bunk beds.

For some reason I am not excited like I hoped I would be. I think it is primarily that deep down I am afraid that if I get excited something disappointing with happen.

I am also feeling a great sense of sadness for the children and their parents. The confusion the children will feel is really hitting me, and I remember in training that the parents sometimes crash hard before they reach out for help.

Anyone have any thoughts on how to get excited about this again?

[pinkie]

Gnome - I cannot even imagine having three 2 yr olds. Our one 2 yr old is often totally exhausting. I'm glad B is doing well. Our 2 yr old is constantly telling us he doesn't want to share with his brother so that's great B is doing so well with it

[pinkie]

Nov 3, 2015 8:10:21 GMT -5 packerfan4life said:

Our daughter is 13 months old. She's such a fun little person. She's walking and trying to climb everything. She talks up a storm even though she only has a handful of real words. We're at the point where birthmom just asked for yearly updates, which I worry isn't enough. Our adoption is not as open as I'd like, so I can't just ask her, I think we'll still send updates for the major holidays (Thanksgiving/Christmas/Birthdat/etc) but it's hard to know for sure what the right thing is.

In other very surprising news, we found out recently that I'm pregnant (about 8 weeks along now). We're overjoyed, although I'm also nervous about the dynamics of raising a transracially adopted and a bio child, because I want to make sure that they both know that they are equally loved and wanted. Plus it's still early so I'm terrified something will go wrong, although I'm trying to think positively for now.

I didn't realize our kids are so close in age - our little guy is almost 13 months . We are still waiting for him to walk.

This is totally just my opinion. If you have an address to send to your LO's BM I would send with whatever frequency you can do to make it more than annually. Maybe include a note to say if it's too much to tell the agency to tell you to cut down. I always think it's better to do more unless you are told not to. I hear you on wanting more openness - we really have no contact with our older son's BM and I think about her all the time and wish we could have a relationship.

[mrsslick]

We're coming up on the three year anniversary of ds1 leaving the orphanage and bringing him home. Today I looked through pictures of our first time meeting him and it made me tear up!

We also recently finished our LAST post placement visit and I'm so excited! We technically didn't have to do them but it was important to me and dh to follow through with all our promises to our agency, his home country, and most importantly to ds and complete these. I want to be able to tell him someday that we followed through with every promise we made.

Also, I'm getting closer to tracking down one of ds' bio family members! I'm so excited to possibly find this link for him.

[pinkie]

Packer fan - omg congrats on your pregnancy!!

[delenire]

packerfan4life, OMG Congrats!!!!!!!!

[nextchapter24]

We are homestudy approved and just yesterday we finished our profile book. FINALLY!! Now we are just waiting on the agency to get us in the book and officially be waiting!

[jwinct]

Congratulations, packerfan4life!! H&H 9 months to you!
I'm sorry for your loss, lbey.

I'm glad that, overall, everyone seems to be doing well.

I emailed our DCF SW last week to check in and found out that our homestudy was finally approved on October 22nd. Our SW said that the only reason we haven't received our license yet is because our profile hasn't been "clicked" yet. It literally is just waiting for someone to open it and click on a button in their system and we'll officially be licensed.

DH and I are still TTC, but I can't shake this feeling I have that we will not be able to conceive. We agreed that we will see what happens first. If I get pregnant first, we won't open our home to DCF. If we get selected as an adoptive family by DCF, then we'll stop TTC. So, we continue to wait and see what happens.

[browneyes8]

We have one more post placement visit 3 weeks from today. Our lawyer has started the paperwork towards petition for finalization. :-)

DS2 is a happy, sweet, cuddly baby! He is the size of DS at 1 year- they were born in the same month so I originally thought we'd be good on clothing and we ARE- but a year ahead (he's in 12-18 months at 4.5 months!). DS1 is a very protective big brother! It warms my heart to be momma to these two amazing boys.

[Rogue]

I think our home study is officially complete! Once we get the license I plan to go out and get diapers and bottles and maybe some food stuffs. I am beyond excited! I really hope we get a long term foster initially. We are already working on another room to get ready for a second foster.

Our local agency is doing a 5k in a couple weeks. I would like to participate! I would love it even more if me and little person could participate. We shall see if we have one by then!

[redandblue]

ceejay, That is great to hear that your foster boys are settling into a routine!

jenn, Congrats again on almost having finalization!  7 months is such a fun age!

pamela, Good luck on your profile being viewed.  Let us know how it goes. 

@bookworm92, Sounds like you have been very busy.  That's great that you continue to advocate for BP.  I hope you  have a nice Christmas holiday with your son's family.

chicago, So glad that things are going well with your baby girl, there is nothing better than the first smiles from your baby!  I can't even imagine having such a short leave.  Its a sin really!  That's great that you have contact with BM and that she seems to be doing well. 

frenchteachermama, Good luck on getting the profiles completed and hopefully going live soon!

roxy, So happy to hear that you are adjusting.  I can't imagine how difficult it must be dealing with the trauma your son has faced.  I hope you are able to get some support for yourself and know that you are doing a great job!  And when we have bad days, just know that you always have tomorrow to try again.  Parenting is far from a perfect place!  Good luck as your family continues to adjust!

pinkie, Sounds like Halloween was fun!  2.5 yr is a fun age, particularly for things like holidays!

gnomesweetgnome, Wow sounds like you have your hands full!  And what a complicated first family to foster!  I hope you are also able to get some support for yourself during the transition.  Parenting can be a challenge on a good day, let alone when dealing with toddlers and then add trauma to the mix.  Positive thoughts to you!  And when that's not enough, there is always wine!

cst2cst, Sorry the wait has been so long.  It is such a challenging process to go through. 

lbey, Sorry for your loss.  But that is such great news about your match!  I wish you all the best during the transition!  I love how you are looking at all of your LO's strengths!  It will be important to remember all of those on the hard days. 

packerfan4life,  13 months is such a fun age!  I understand the feeling about not having as much openness as you would like.  Ours sounds like it may be similar.  Big congrats on your news and wishing you a H&H 9 months! 

persianmaman, congrats on getting this far in your process.  International adoption seems like such a long process.  Good for you and your husband for going that route!

delenire, Sorry that you are not feeling as excited as you hoped.  Just try to remember all the reasons you started down this journey, maybe that will help.  GL!

mrsslick,  3 years!  That's awesome!  It's so much fun to look back on your journey!  I think that's great that you stuck to you commitment and continued with your visits even if you didn't need to. 

jwinct, congrats on your HS finally being approved.  I know following your journey on here that it has been a long a frustrating process.  I hope someone clicks what they to for you soon.

browneyes8, congrats on moving forward with finalization!  What a size difference!!  DS2 sounds like quite a big boy!  That's wonderful that DS1 is so proud and adjusting to his role as big brother!

Rogue, congrats on being HS complete!  I hope you are able to do the 5km with a little one! 

Thanks ceejay for posting the checkin!

As for me, DS is 11 weeks old and absolutely amazing!  We totally adore him and he has been such a wonderful addition to our family!  He is a really good baby, but the past two days I am wondering if it is possible that we might be dealing with some early teething (showing some signs....I do hope not!  Poor pumpkin has been rather uncomfortable!).  My older son is a very proud big brother (he is 16 yr) and loves his little brother!  Our son's BM signed her consent for the adoption the end of September and we signed paperwork for his 'official' placement for adoption October 21 (even though he has been with us since 3 hours old!).  We would love to have openness and a relationship with his BM, but aside from meeting us in the hospital, she is not feeling comfortable to have a relationship at this time.  We will continue to provide pictures and letters through the agency.  We think about her often and hope for her happiness and health.  We are fortunate to have contact with our DS siblings who were adopted by another family.  It is nice that our children will be able to have relationships with each other as they grow.  I do struggle with wanting more openness, but need to respect his BM's wishes.  I try to pop on here when I can!  Wishing everyone a great week!