TTCAL Check-In 11/3

[notagoddess]

The Trying to Conceive After a Loss thread is posted once a week (generally on Tuesday) for those of us who have unfortunately experienced a loss. No matter what type of loss you've experienced, from miscarriage to stillbirth to the loss of a child, it is heartbreaking. This thread is to help us commiserate, get support, and to try to navigate trying to conceive after a loss every week.

Out of respect to all the ladies here, please add a trigger warning if you decide to talk about any living children and please hide your signature if it contains pictures or tickers of babies or children. We also kindly ask for grads to refrain from commenting in this thread.

**If this is your first check-in, and you would like to provide a gtky loss history intro go for it. If not, no worries!**

How are you doing?

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched):

Diagnosis (if applicable):

Updates/questions:

Debbie downer (a place to vent):

GTKY: What was your experience with doctors and medical professionals surrounding your loss?

[LadyNymeria]

How are you doing? I'm alright.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC, currently WTO Cycle 3 AL

Diagnosis (if applicable): n/a

Updates/questions: Based on CD1 (LMP) my due date if we conceived this cycle would be 2 days after my birthday and 1 day after our loss date. And it would possibly have me out of work for most of the summer Olympics. Needless to say I am super hopeful for this cycle, but that leads me to...

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I was so hopeful last cycle and it obviously didn't work out. I already feel my hopes are super high this cycle and I'm worried about being let down again.

GTKY: What was your experience with doctors and medical professionals surrounding your loss? For the most part my drs & nurses were great. There was one nurse who said some not so helpful things but I was so upset at the time about finding out about the loss that I didn't realize how she acted until MH mentioned later that he almost went back and said something to her. But overall they were really good to me, in particular the 2 OBs I primarily worked with and the main nurse I worked with.

[notagoddess]

How are you doing? OK. I had a rough few days after getting a BFN and my period, but I'm feeling better now.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): Resected uterine septum

Updates/questions: I have been starting to consider foster parenting. Time is passing and we have a lot of love to give, but no child. I asked my husband if he would be interested in it -- he said yes. But, we haven't taken any steps to start the process. I need to sit with the idea for a while before taking action. 

Debbie downer (a place to vent): None today.

GTKY: My OB is based out of a maternity hospital. The ER was filled with women in labor, as I was sobbing uncontrollably while waiting for hours. The ER nurses were not very sensitive to what was happening. My OB was fine. He mentioned he was sorry about the loss, but immediately starting talking about next steps. All business. After my D&C, I got a packet of info about miscarriage support resources and a memorial charm to remember the baby. That was comforting and validating of the loss.

[flojo973]

This is my first time participating - thanks LadyNymeria, for letting me know about this thread I naturally miscarried last Thursday at 7 weeks. No need for a D&C so I guess that's something positive.

How are you doing? Ok. Still processing everything. Physically I'm still spotting but otherwise I feel good.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): n/a

Updates/questions: None.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I saw the doctor yesterday and she told me that I didn't have to wait until I got my period to TTC, so I guess that's good. I have all the feels about respecting this loss and being upset but then also wanting to try to TTC this cycle and feeling hopeful about TTC again. I'm AMA and I'm stressing about getting pregnant again.

GTKY: What was your experience with doctors and medical professionals surrounding your loss? I had a good experience. I really love my doctors and nurses. They were so kind and supportive.

ETA:  Extra fx for you LadyNymeria!  I hope the stars align for your EDD this cycle

[LadyNymeria]

Nov 3, 2015 11:00:57 GMT -5 flojo973 said:

This is my first time participating - thanks LadyNymeria, for letting me know about this thread I naturally miscarried last Thursday at 7 weeks. No need for a D&C so I guess that's something positive.

How are you doing? Ok. Still processing everything. Physically I'm still spotting but otherwise I feel good.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): n/a

Updates/questions: None.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I saw the doctor yesterday and she told me that I didn't have to wait until I got my period to TTC, so I guess that's good. I have all the feels about respecting this loss and being upset but then also wanting to try to TTC this cycle and feeling hopeful about TTC again. I'm AMA and I'm stressing about getting pregnant again.

GTKY: What was your experience with doctors and medical professionals surrounding your loss? I had a good experience. I really love my doctors and nurses. They were so kind and supportive.

ETA:  Extra fx for you LadyNymeria!  I hope the stars align for your EDD this cycle

Welcome flojo973. Sorry to be able to welcome you here.

It sounds like you're doing pretty well. Right after my loss all I wanted to do was try again so I understand the feeling. Don't let yourself feel like your disrespecting the loss or the baby just by wanting to get back to trying. There's nothing wrong with jumping right back in to TTC if you are physically and emotionally ready to do so. Personally I felt like I had a huge step forward in healing from my loss by being able to try again.

I hope you get pregnant again quickly. In the meantime, even if this thread dies down for a few days, we consider it open all week long. If at any point you need to get something off your chest, vent, or need support we're here.

Thank you for the FX! I would give pretty much anything for this month to work out like I hope it does!

[doodler]

LadyNymeria you know I am pulling for you The cycle I got pregnant was my "perfect" month timing wise. I don't know if it is possible for something to make a loss worse but I feel like I put way too much pressure on myself.

notagoddess it's pretty awesome that you are considering the foster route to share some of that love. I'm sure the other foster mama's on gku would be willing to answer questions if you have any.

flojo973 I'm sorry you have to join us here. Know that it is ok to have all those feelings. Also, know that your emotions will run a little wild the next few weeks(or longer) and that's ok. Two days ago I told my husband through tears that I didn't want to have another child because I can't handle the emotions. Here I am today posting on the WTO thread. This is an amazingly supportive group on this thread so feel free to vent if you need to.

How are you doing? Surprisingly not too bad.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): N/A

Updates/questions: Nothing right now.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): F'ing new FRER's gave me a false positive this weekend. I'm spreading the message about those suckers far and wide.

GTKY: What was your experience with doctors and medical professionals surrounding your loss? Well, most of you know how awful the OB was so I will spare that story. The nurses at the hospital for my D&C were amazing though. They were so kind and respectful of why I was there. I couldn't have asked for nicer people to take care of me that day.

[akraus2015]

LadyNymeria, I totally feel you on the high hopes this time around. I am feeling the same way. For some reason, I've  decided that this is my month, and have woken up every morning just sure I'm pregnant, only to see an negative HPT three days in a row.

notagoddess, I think it's great that you and your H are considering fostering. I really wanted to start researching the process, but my H is really against it, for his own personal reasons.

flojo973, I'm sorry you're joining us here, but know that this is a very welcoming group of women. If you ever need to talk or have questions, don't hesitate to reach out.

doodler, I know I said it a few days ago, but I'm so bummed for you and those stupid false positives. F U new FRER's!

How are you doing? Doing well this week. Still feeling good, and glad that I'm taking care of myself again.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC, currently 10DPO and going a little bit insane.

Diagnosis (if applicable): N/A

Updates/questions: None right now

Debbie downer (a place to vent):  It seems like I'm even more anxious this month than I was last month during this time. I usually have a 9 day LP, so being 10DPO today, I was just sure I'd get a positive test this morning, but it was negative. I'm so anxious to be pregnant again, but I also don't want people to forget about Emmett when we do finally get that BFP. It's a very weird and conflicting set of emotions.

GTKY: What was your experience with doctors and medical professionals surrounding your loss?
MY OBGYN is amazing and was very kind. During the D&C everyone was great. However, I ended up in the ER at a different hospital 6 days after my D&C. The first thing I learned is that the ER in a major urban city is much different than the ER in my tiny little town, so the waiting room experience was horrible. When they finally examined me, they had just started a new round of residencies, so there were was an attending ER doctor, the hospital OB, and two residents all poking around inside of me while I was in extreme pain. It really sucked.

[lovetruly2015]

Hi guys ive not posted here yet so quick background DH and I had one early very early loss back in july 2014 I knew about the pregnancy for three days before we lost it. I got pregnant again in September with our son Connor. We lost Connor when I went into premeture labor at 21 weeks. And I just recently had anothet very early loss this past month.

How are you doing?
Terrible. I want nothing more to curl up in a ball and stay that way until after the holidays are over.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched):
TTC maybe I have a doctor appointment on thursday so unless she says to stop trying we will continue to TTC.

Diagnosis (if applicable):
None officially my doctor made mention of putting in a cercloge ( im fairly sure that is spelled wrong) when I went in for an appointment right after we lost our son so maybe a problem with my cervix.

Updates/questions:

Debbie downer (a place to vent):
I walked into work yesterday to find our Christmas decorations already up and I've been an emotional basket case ever since. Ive been crying on and off all day. It was like being hit with a brick. We should be celebrating Connor first Christmas but we're not. I have no idea how im going to get through this. Maybe wine...yeah I'm thinking wine and shunning the outside world sounds like a great plan.

GTKY: What was your experience with doctors and medical professionals surrounding your loss?
Our nurses at the hospital where amazing that night. We had one primary nurse Melissa who was with us all night I am so greaful to her. I haven't seen my doctor much other than that night and the follow-up appointment but she seemed ok nice, professional. Since i switched doctors just before we lost Connor, I have only ever seen her twice so I can't say much about her yet.

[lovetruly2015]

Nov 3, 2015 16:18:34 GMT -5 danib said:

I'm so sorry for your losses lovetruly2015
Will you have any testing done at this point or continue to TTC on your own?

Im not sure I'll know more after the doctors appointment this week. I guess it all depends on what she has to say.

[LadyNymeria]

I'm so sorry for your losses lovetruly2015. I think lots of wine sounds like a great way to help you get through the next couple months. Good luck at your appointment Thursday.

[notagoddess]

LadyNymeria, hope is such a double-edged sword. You want to be hopeful but then you risk more disappointment. But I hope so much this is it for you! 

flojo973, welcome. So sorry about your loss. I get the conflicting feelings and I think they are very natural given the situation. I hope you are able to get pregnant again quickly.

doodler, I'm so sorry about the false positives. You must have gone through so many emotions looking at those tests. I don't blame you for thinking you can't do this sometimes. I said that to my husband last cycle too.

danib, just wanted to give you hugs.

akraus2015, first, your chart looks great! I know people on here have said that short LP doesn't necessarily mean early implantation, so I still have my FX for you this cycle. Second, for my IRL friend who is now 2nd tri after an early loss, people did forget/ignore her miscarriage once she got pregnant again. It upsets her a lot. I don't know why that happens, but it sucks. 

lovetruly2015, welcome. I am so sorry about your losses and that you're not doing well. I am dreading Christmas too for the same reason. If you need to withdraw during the holidays instead of keeping up a fake festive exterior, then that is what you should do. Big hugs as you're going through this difficult time. 

[hydrangea1019]

Hi Ladies... I'm back!
LadyNymeria, not going to lie, having a summer Olympics baby sounds pretty fun, but I hear you on getting your hopes up. It's hard.
notagoddess, our church just hosted a panel on foster parenting. It was really an eye opener seeing the numbers of the children in just our area who need families. It broke my heart
flojo973, I'm sorry you find yourself here, but welcome!
doodler, OMG i'm so sorry about the false positive. How awful!
lovetruly2015, I am so sorry for your losses. Take care of yourself

How are you doing? I'm doing ok. I was in a wierd headspace last night because I let DH talk me into taking a hpt... dumb...
Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC
Diagnosis (if applicable): N/A
Updates/questions: well... I had in my head I was pregnant. I had been brown spotting for about 3 1/2 days (and 2 days longer than my usual LP) I opened my mouth to DH and he was all "take a test take a test take a test!". I was an idiot. I did it. Big ol' BFN, like I knew it would be considering I had about a gallon of water yesterday and my urine was pretty diluted. Then woke up this morning to cramping and cd1. yay.
Debbie downer (a place to vent): my period came this morning after a couple days of convincing myself I was knocked up.
GTKY: What was your experience with doctors and medical professionals surrounding your loss? Whew... well.... my initial experience was really crappy. The OBGYN was almost like she had never dealt with this before and the whole bedside manner was non-existent. Just basically told us there was no baby. As the weeks went on, she was a bit more comforting. The hospital staff when I had the d/c done was much more sweet, caring, and loving. The OBGYN's office staff was pretty awful. I think I told the front desk person every time I called I was no longer pregnant. I finally went off one day. Needless to say no one asked me again when I called in the following time.

I just wanted to add a side note and apologize for being MIA the last few weeks (maybe it's been months...?) DH and I just purchased our first home and we are finally in it and getting settled. I lurked a bit the other night checking in on ladies, but I didn't post.

Since being off the board, we posted about our loss on FB on our EDD (October 5th). We received a lot of love and support. I also received messages from 3 friends from college whom I was really close with while in school. They opened up and shared their experiences as well, as recently as this week. It breaks my heart thinking these women didn't have this support group or another friend to reach out to.

[LadyNymeria]

Sorry for the BFN and CD 1 hydrangea1019. It sucks to be so hopeful and have it not work out. Congratulations on the house!!

[notagoddess]

Welcome back, hydrangea1019! We've missed you! Congrats on the house

[peaseblossom55]

How are you doing?a mix of emotions

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Diagnosis (if applicable): PCOS

Updates/questions: So my MRI came back fine but I'm on meds for high prolactin. Our meeting with the geneticist went well, with the inversion of chromosome 9 H has, it just puts us at a higher risk for miscarriage but no potential issues with any future baby and the triploidy was a fluke. I go back Monday for observation of follicle sizes and my last doze of femara is tomorrow.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I've been feeling pretty emotional lots of ups and downs. I miss her so so much. The necklace came today that H ordered of her foot prints, I love it. Luckily I have therapy tomorrow.

GTKY: What was your experience with doctors and medical professionals surrounding your loss? I've been blessed so far with so many great understanding doctors, it makes a crappy situation a bit easier.

[kayladawn91]

Welcome lovetruly2015 and flojo973. I am so sorry for your losses and hate that you both find yourselves here but hope you can find support here as well. The ladies here are wonderful.

Also, hugs to everyone who needs them this week.

How are you doing: Alright.

Status: TTC (currently Cycle 6 AL)

Diagnosis: N/A

Updates/questions: I THINK I may have O'd yesterday after seeing my temp spike today. I'm really hoping this is my cycle but trying not to get my hopes up since that always sucks when CD1 comes.

Debbie downer: The holidays. I just want them to be over already. I feel like I just have nothing to feel joyous about.

GTKY: My OB was very considerate and sympathetic about the loss at first but then immediately started trying to push a D&C which I personally just didn't want. She wanted me to come in every 2 weeks for an ultrasound (which was horrible to do during the holidays) and then each time tried to push a d&c again (she really wanted to send it off for testing because her office was chosen to participate in some trial..blah blah blah) even though she couldn't give me any medical reason why I couldn't wait. When I asked her if there was any way to jumpstart the miscarriage, she informed me that "we don't do abortions at this office" which made me feel like complete crap. Needless to say, I will probably request a different OB in that office if I get pregnant and disagree with her even once. She's the only female OBGYN within 30 miles so I'm hoping it works out.

ETA sorry for the rant..

[doodler]

kayladawn91- That doctor, wow. The abortion comment blows my mind. Really lady?! I want to rant for you but I will restrain myself. I'm sorry she was an ass.

lovetruly2015 I'm sorry you have to join us but welcome to the group. The holidays are going to be so hard for many of us. ((hugs))

hydrangea1019 Hi! Sorry for the BFN. At this point I never want to take another damn test again, lol. Congrats on the house!

peaseblossom55 welcome back to TTC! Your necklace sounds beautiful

kayladawn91 FX that you O'd and can begin the dreaded tww. Good luck!

danib ((hugs))

akraus2015 I have similar emotions about getting pregnant again. I feel you.

[notagoddess]

peaseblossom55, I'm happy you've gotten the go-ahead to TTC again, but of course sad that you're in this position at all. I hope the TTC process is easy for you this time around.

kayladawn91, that abortion comment alone would make me change doctors. What a bitch.

[LadyNymeria]

Holy shit kayladawn91! That dr's comment was beyond unprofessional. How can she say that to someone?? Especially someone going through a loss! I'm not sure I'd be able to give her a second chance.

[kayladawn91]

Nov 4, 2015 12:03:04 GMT -5 LadyNymeria said:

Holy shit kayladawn91! That dr's comment was beyond unprofessional. How can she say that to someone?? Especially someone going through a loss! I'm not sure I'd be able to give her a second chance.

This specific OBGYN's office now has a midwife who, I hear, is gradually taking over the obstetrics side of the office. I'm hoping that I can see her when the time comes.