Thursday In-Law/Family Vents

[sunshyneshay]

I haven't seen this started yet today! Vent away ladies

[sunshyneshay]

I hope I don't get flamed for this because i freaking hate this but my mom offered to throw me a shower, and I feel like she doesn't understand the concept of throwing me a shower because she is spending the money to do it but she is asking me to make decisions like picking out invites and decor for the damn thing. HELLO MOM, it isn't you throwing me a shower if I have to pick everything out for it. I feel incredibly tacky and I have told her it is not proper for me to be involved but she doesn't seem to get the concept...

[Deleted]

Jan 29, 2015 12:41:24 GMT -5 sunshyneshay said:

I hope I don't get flamed for this because i freaking hate this but my mom offered to throw me a shower, and I feel like she doesn't understand the concept of throwing me a shower because she is spending the money to do it but she is asking me to make decisions like picking out invites and decor for the damn thing. HELLO MOM, it isn't you throwing me a shower if I have to pick everything out for it. I feel incredibly tacky and I have told her it is not proper for me to be involved but she doesn't seem to get the concept...

I know how you feel. Some people just don't get it. It's hard to be between trying to follow etiquette and being tacky. 

[sunshyneshay]

Jan 29, 2015 12:45:57 GMT -5 @tinyjoys said:

Jan 29, 2015 12:41:24 GMT -5 sunshyneshay said:

I hope I don't get flamed for this because i freaking hate this but my mom offered to throw me a shower, and I feel like she doesn't understand the concept of throwing me a shower because she is spending the money to do it but she is asking me to make decisions like picking out invites and decor for the damn thing. HELLO MOM, it isn't you throwing me a shower if I have to pick everything out for it. I feel incredibly tacky and I have told her it is not proper for me to be involved but she doesn't seem to get the concept...

In the same respect, I feel there's a difference between HER asking you your opinion on things and YOU telling HER "I WANT THIS" without her asking. If that makes sense. She probably just wants to make sure you'll be happy.

Yeah but she doesn't give me options to give my opinion on, she straight up said, "Pick out your invites/decor and I will give you my credit card to buy it" UGH! 

[jil]

Jan 29, 2015 12:45:57 GMT -5 @tinyjoys said:

Jan 29, 2015 12:41:24 GMT -5 sunshyneshay said:

I hope I don't get flamed for this because i freaking hate this but my mom offered to throw me a shower, and I feel like she doesn't understand the concept of throwing me a shower because she is spending the money to do it but she is asking me to make decisions like picking out invites and decor for the damn thing. HELLO MOM, it isn't you throwing me a shower if I have to pick everything out for it. I feel incredibly tacky and I have told her it is not proper for me to be involved but she doesn't seem to get the concept...

In the same respect, I feel there's a difference between HER asking you your opinion on things and YOU telling HER "I WANT THIS" without her asking. If that makes sense. She probably just wants to make sure you'll be happy.

This exactly! Without knowing your mom, maybe she's stuck in the planning stage. Do you have a close friend or relative that you could ask to help your mom with the idea stage? That way your mom doesn't feel like the decisions are all on her, but you get to stay out of it.

[lolacachia]

Jan 29, 2015 12:41:24 GMT -5 sunshyneshay said:

I hope I don't get flamed for this because i freaking hate this but my mom offered to throw me a shower, and I feel like she doesn't understand the concept of throwing me a shower because she is spending the money to do it but she is asking me to make decisions like picking out invites and decor for the damn thing. HELLO MOM, it isn't you throwing me a shower if I have to pick everything out for it. I feel incredibly tacky and I have told her it is not proper for me to be involved but she doesn't seem to get the concept...

This is happening with my mom and MIL as well. I feel like an asshole, but what can we say to them??

[sunshyneshay]

Jan 29, 2015 12:53:54 GMT -5 jil said:

Jan 29, 2015 12:45:57 GMT -5 @tinyjoys said:

In the same respect, I feel there's a difference between HER asking you your opinion on things and YOU telling HER "I WANT THIS" without her asking. If that makes sense. She probably just wants to make sure you'll be happy.

This exactly! Without knowing your mom, maybe she's stuck in the planning stage. Do you have a close friend or relative that you could ask to help your mom with the idea stage? That way your mom doesn't feel like the decisions are all on her, but you get to stay out of it.

Well I tried to get my cousin involved so she could do this "roll" and then she tells me she pretty much planned her whole shower. So apparently my whole family is a bunch of tacky people that don't understand that I'm not suppose to plan my own shower!

edit: I really only have one real friend and she isn't that great of one as far as party planning goes...for example: she was my maid of honor and didn't even consider planning/throwing me a bridal shower.

[veganontuesdays]

Jan 29, 2015 12:41:24 GMT -5 sunshyneshay said:

I hope I don't get flamed for this because i freaking hate this but my mom offered to throw me a shower, and I feel like she doesn't understand the concept of throwing me a shower because she is spending the money to do it but she is asking me to make decisions like picking out invites and decor for the damn thing. HELLO MOM, it isn't you throwing me a shower if I have to pick everything out for it. I feel incredibly tacky and I have told her it is not proper for me to be involved but she doesn't seem to get the concept...

My mom literally just sent me an email asking me to come with her on Saturday to pick out the invites and decorations for my shower. O.o 

[bethypoo83]

I'm in the same situation except that my mother would happily take it all over if it weren't for DH who has this strange need to be involved to ensure that it also meets his vision?!?! His family is the kind that will comment/criticize everything and in order to prevent that he likes to be heavily involved in planning events that are geared toward both our families. It just makes it super awkward for me in terms of the etiquette piece. And my poor mother. Lol

[SassyPants150]

We are at the ILs office and if DH doesn't hurry I will be grouchy. I don't want FIL to get here while we are here or else we will never fucking leave!

[angelasashes]

Jan 29, 2015 12:50:09 GMT -5 sunshyneshay said:

Jan 29, 2015 12:45:57 GMT -5 @tinyjoys said:

In the same respect, I feel there's a difference between HER asking you your opinion on things and YOU telling HER "I WANT THIS" without her asking. If that makes sense. She probably just wants to make sure you'll be happy.

Yeah but she doesn't give me options to give my opinion on, she straight up said, "Pick out your invites/decor and I will give you my credit card to buy it" UGH! 

Dude, that takes all the fun out of it!

[rocksforludo]

Jan 29, 2015 12:56:57 GMT -5 lolacachia said:

Jan 29, 2015 12:41:24 GMT -5 sunshyneshay said:

I hope I don't get flamed for this because i freaking hate this but my mom offered to throw me a shower, and I feel like she doesn't understand the concept of throwing me a shower because she is spending the money to do it but she is asking me to make decisions like picking out invites and decor for the damn thing. HELLO MOM, it isn't you throwing me a shower if I have to pick everything out for it. I feel incredibly tacky and I have told her it is not proper for me to be involved but she doesn't seem to get the concept...

This is happening with my mom and MIL as well. I feel like an asshole, but what can we say to them??

Could you say "All I care about is that I get to spend time with you and my family/friends, so I'd prefer if you make those decisions and it'll be a fun surprise for me."  That's about all I got.

Edited to add:  It could be coming out of a place where mom/MIL wants to make it a fun bonding thing.  Like when you get married, you do dress shopping/fittings together (although I didn't do that because I'm a terrible daughter and I just rolled into a J. Crew store to buy my dress).  There's not as much of that with baby, so maybe it's coming from wanting to hang out and "make memories."  But I'd still decline.

[lolacachia]

Jan 29, 2015 13:15:40 GMT -5 rocksforludo said:

Jan 29, 2015 12:56:57 GMT -5 lolacachia said:

This is happening with my mom and MIL as well. I feel like an asshole, but what can we say to them??

Could you say "All I care about is that I get to spend time with you and my family/friends, so I'd prefer if you make those decisions and it'll be a fun surprise for me."  That's about all I got.

Edited to add:  It could be coming out of a place where mom/MIL wants to make it a fun bonding thing.  Like when you get married, you go dress shopping (although I didn't do that because I'm a terrible daughter and I just rolled into a J. Crew store to buy my dress).  There's not as much of that with baby, so maybe it's coming from wanting to hang out and "make memories."  But I'd still decline.

I've tried a version of that, more along the lines of I will love anything and can't wait to be surprised. I think MIL more specifically does like doing things together. My own mom is driving me nuts over the ordeal more than MIL but that's just par for the course with my parents vs DH's parents.

[angelasashes]

We registered over the weekend, and my MIL asked if we had purchased anything for ourselves. I told her we'd fallen in love with a stroller/car seat travel system that was on clearance, and bought it to make sure it wouldn't disappear. Innocent enough to tell her that, I thought. WRONG!

That night she was texting DH nonstop, demanding to know the brand and model number for our stuff. DH told me that she was purchasing a frame stroller and car seat base for herself to match our car seat. Having an extra stroller at their place to use sounded like a good idea, but I suspect it was purchased with their expectation of using it in the (unlikely) event I allow them to steal my kid every weekend like my SIL allows. I mostly feel like it's a little presumptuous for MIL to expect that she'll be carting around my child in her car regularly enough to need her own base. WTF?? And why did she need this immediately? Already feeling overwhelmed by their expectations of having the baby to themselves. It won't be happening often.

[radtechgirl]

I Hate how my mother in law waits till the last minute to do anything. She is working on refinancing the rental home and needed to have DH, I, and her other son on the banking so she could get the money to redo the roof and remodel part of the house. She had been talking about this since January 2014. Finally in November she asked for our information, and she is like I need it by tomorrow. Really I have been at work all night last thing I want to do is rummage through paperwork at the last minute because you decided to wait till the last minute to tell me.

So today she sent me a text message asking if she could call because we all need to sign the papers. I guess we all need to sign today because she needs the money today so she can pay the taxes on the rental. She also informed me that she needs to pay the taxes on the cottage before the end of the month and asked how much I would be able to contribute.
I flat out told her I was not able to, because when I take maternity leave I only get paid for 6 week at 60% and still have to pay insurance premiums. So any savings we have are going to cover my maturity leave.

Grah she pisses me off.

[Starbuck128]

sunshyneshay It kind of sounds like your mom is going through the motions of what she believes she should do, throw you a shower, but doesn't really want to go through the stress of it so she wants you to handle a lot of the decisions. I don't know what you can do in that situation.

My MIL is very passive aggressive towards me. Before DH and I were married, it was more obvious, like she couldn't remember my name until the wedding. We saw her at least once a month for years and she just accidentally always called me by the wrong name? Uh-huh.

So now she tries to appear really polite and generous in front of others while still simultaneously being passive aggressive towards me. She's made an art of it. Today I'm finally exchanging her Christmas gifts. She buys DH clothes as gifts, but always the completely wrong size, then she hands me the receipts and tells me I can exchange them for the right size. So it looks like she was so sweet to get DH clothes, but then I have to go to 4 different stores to actually pick out the gifts. Every year. Well played, MIL, well played.

[rocksforludo]

I have a loooong MIL vent. If this is TL/DR for you, I totally get it. It's basically my letting off some steam and if you want to weigh in, I am super appreciative of other perspectives on this. Maybe I'm being a twat too.

Since DD's birthday in August last year, MIL has been bringing her a present/presents every single time she sees her. Usually, I'm in the "just politely accept and give to Goodwill later" camp when it comes to dealing with this. At Thanksgiving, MIL buys DD an Olaf doll (Frozen). We generally don't do the Disney/Nickeolodeon/whatever character or princess merchandise in our house, but I proceeded with just politely accepting and letting it sit in a bin in our playroom. But I did mention to MIL that DD's other Grandma got her Frozen pj's and that was enough Frozen stuff for us - which I also told my mom who accepted it without missing a beat.

The holidays comes around and we see IL's multiple times. Each time, MIL brings more Frozen stuff - two big Bratz-like dolls and cheap Chinese plastic crap. Each time, she gives them directly to DD before I enter the room or get to the gathering. This is my major sticking point.

The first time, I specifically said, okay, we're good on the Frozen stuff please and then let it go because I thought that would be the end of it. The second time, I walk in and there's Frozen crap spread all over my SIL's house. I pretend I don't see it but MIL walks me through each and every thing she bought and then keeps bringing up how she can always get more Frozen stuff as there's so much out there. It was just poke, poke, poke. Finally, when she brings it up again at the dinner table in front of the whole family, I explain what I don't like about that type of stuff and ask her to respect my opinion on this one. I also mention there are a lot of other things DD likes more than Frozen that we're completely fine with and that I'd be happy to share with MIL if she wants gift ideas.

The next day, MIL blows up on DH about me at length and then tries to tell him not to tell me. He backs me up and tells her we're married and he can tell me whatever he wants. Later, she sends FIL to talk to DH. DH asks me to let him handle it and comes away with the impression that we're all on the same page. MIL still wants to come watch DD while we go to a friend's wedding a few weekends ago and she says nothing about it at that time.

Yesterday, I get an email from MIL stating that the whole situation is unresolved for her and she needs (her words) to be able to buy DD as many gifts as she wants and that she "needs" to be free to choose whatever gifts she wants.  That she won't just do "sanctioned" gifts.   I basically emailed her back and told her I couldn't stop her, but that I thought it would be more respectful of me to talk to me about it and not sneak gifts to DD that MIL knows I don't want her to have. And that I also have the right to get rid of things that we don't want DD to have.

Now I'm just waiting for the return email...which won't come for 4-5 days because that's how often she checks her email.

Edited for typos

[angelasashes]

Jan 29, 2015 13:53:17 GMT -5 rocksforludo said:

I have a loooong MIL vent. If this is TL/DR for you, I totally get it. It's basically my letting off some steam and if you want to weigh in, I am super appreciative of other perspectives on this. Maybe I'm being a twat too.

Since DD's birthday in August last year, MIL has been bringing her a present/presents every single time she sees her. Usually, I'm in the "just politely accept and give to Goodwill later" camp when it comes to dealing with this. At Thanksgiving, MIL buys DD an Olaf doll (Frozen). We generally don't do the Disney/Nickeolodeon/whatever character or princess merchandise in our house, but I proceeded with just politely accepting and letting it sit in a bin in our playroom. But I did mention to MIL that DD's other Grandma got her Frozen pj's and that was enough Frozen stuff for us - which I also told my mom who accepted it without missing a beat.

The holidays comes around and we see IL's multiple times. Each time, MIL brings more Frozen stuff - two big Bratz-like dolls and cheap Chinese plastic crap. Each time, she gives them directly to DD before I enter the room or get to the gathering. This is my major sticking point.

The first time, I specifically said, okay, we're good on the Frozen stuff please and then let it go because I thought that would be the end of it. The second time, I walk in and there's Frozen crap spread all over in my SIL's house. I pretend I don't see it but MIL walks me through each and everything she bought and then keeps bringing up how she can always get more Frozen stuff as there's so much out there. It was just poke, poke, poke. Finally, when she brings it up again at the dinner table, I explain what I don't like about that type of stuff and ask her to respect my opinion on this one. I also mention there are a lot of other things DD likes more than Frozen that we're completely fine with and that I'd be happy to share with MIL if she wants gift ideas.

The next day, MIL blows up on DH about me at length and then tries to tell him not to tell me. He backs me up and tells her we're married and he can tell me whatever he wants. Later, she sends FIL to talk to DH. DH asks me to let him handle it and comes away with the impression that we're all on the same page. MIL still wants to come watch DD while we go to a friend's wedding a few weekends and she says nothing about it at that time.

Yesterday, I get an email from MIL stating that the whole situation is unresolved for her and she needs (her words) to be able to buy DD as many gifts as she wants and that she "needs" to be free to choose whatever gifts she wants. I basically emailed her back and told her I couldn't stop her, but that I thought it would be more respectful of me to talk to me about it and not sneak gifts to DD that MIL knows I don't want her to have. And that I also have the right to get rid of things that we don't want DD to have.

Now I'm just waiting for the return email...which won't come for 4-5 days because that's how often she checks her email.

First of all, what the eff is the deal with Frozen? I feel like the entirety of our nation's children is literally blanketed in Frozen-themed crap. Ick. And second of all, I totally hear you on the entitled MIL "I want to buy MY grandkids whatever I feel like!" camp. Is this a new-ish thing? It drives me crazy because on the surface how can you really argue with someone who wants to do something "nice" for your child? But underneath that kind of routine spoiling it feels like they're just jockeying for favortism or control. Gross. Gooood luck to you! I am cultivating the same varietal of MIL in my vineyard, if that helps! Constant tantrums and boundary violations. 

[rocksforludo]

Jan 29, 2015 13:23:45 GMT -5 angelasashes said:

We registered over the weekend, and my MIL asked if we had purchased anything for ourselves. I told her we'd fallen in love with a stroller/car seat travel system that was on clearance, and bought it to make sure it wouldn't disappear. Innocent enough to tell her that, I thought. WRONG!

That night she was texting DH nonstop, demanding to know the brand and model number for our stuff. DH told me that she was purchasing a frame stroller and car seat base for herself to match our car seat. Having an extra stroller at their place to use sounded like a good idea, but I suspect it was purchased with their expectation of using it in the (unlikely) event I allow them to steal my kid every weekend like my SIL allows. I mostly feel like it's a little presumptuous for MIL to expect that she'll be carting around my child in her car regularly enough to need her own base. WTF?? And why did she need this immediately? Already feeling overwhelmed by their expectations of having the baby to themselves. It won't be happening often.

I walked into MIL's house when I was 6 months pregnant with my first and she had an entire nursery set up for when "the baby sleeps over."  We live 45 minutes away.  DD is 2.5 and we've used it once over Christmas last year because DH demanded we stay two days in a row so he could hang out with his friends from high school.  I have zero guilt about her wasting her money as no one asked her to do it in the first place.

ETA:  I should say we've used the room one time over night.  We've used the crib for naps during the day more often.  But I like my sleep too much to struggle through a night away from home with a baby when we could just drive home and go to bed.

[rocksforludo]

angelasashes You have become my MIL buddy. I don't care if you don't want to be.

I honestly think MIL enjoys buying stuff for DD that we won't. That's the only explanation I have for MIL's obsession with Frozen. And...DD doesn't even like Frozen that much. She would rather watch Wild Kratts or Curious George any day of the week. She just likes yelling the words to the songs because they listen to them during dance/exercise time at daycare sometimes.

I'm tempted to cut and paste MIL's description in her email of the "joy" that DD gets out of Frozen. MIL has watched it with DD a total of one time. It's fucking batshit crazy and so far off from reality that it just makes MIL seem completely delusional.

[rocksforludo]

Jan 29, 2015 14:24:19 GMT -5 @gfj48 said:

Jan 29, 2015 13:23:45 GMT -5 angelasashes said:

We registered over the weekend, and my MIL asked if we had purchased anything for ourselves. I told her we'd fallen in love with a stroller/car seat travel system that was on clearance, and bought it to make sure it wouldn't disappear. Innocent enough to tell her that, I thought. WRONG!

That night she was texting DH nonstop, demanding to know the brand and model number for our stuff. DH told me that she was purchasing a frame stroller and car seat base for herself to match our car seat. Having an extra stroller at their place to use sounded like a good idea, but I suspect it was purchased with their expectation of using it in the (unlikely) event I allow them to steal my kid every weekend like my SIL allows. I mostly feel like it's a little presumptuous for MIL to expect that she'll be carting around my child in her car regularly enough to need her own base. WTF?? And why did she need this immediately? Already feeling overwhelmed by their expectations of having the baby to themselves. It won't be happening often.

Is SIL her daughter? I feel like mom's of boys can't comprehend that their DIL's don't want the same level of participation as their own daughters.

You know what I mean? Like if anyone is going to buy a base/stroller/pack n play to go with our stuff it will be MY mom. MIL will never have my child overnight. This is partially because I hate her and partially because if they continue to be how they are to us my kid(s) won't know them (MIL/FIL/30 year old BIL who still lives at home)...We live 3 hours away and came to visit us ONCE in almost 3 years...And it was 2 months after we moved up here. They'll have a rude awakening once he's born...We aren't going home until August for his baptism. I would like to place money on the fact that they won't drive up here before then. And then she'll pout when she doesn't get to see him the majority of the time we are home for his baptism...Sorry he has other family to see.

Yesssssss....I agree with this.  I have two SIL's - one lives out of the country and one is still in the partying hard phase of her life (no judgments, BTDT).  We rarely dealt with IL's before DD was born but now that we have a kid, it's like MIL wants to pretend we have a mother-daughter relationship as her own daughters aren't where she wants them to be in life and don't have kids for her to be a grandma to.  I have a mom, thanks - and she's not passive-aggressive or bsc.

[rocksforludo]

Jan 29, 2015 14:55:48 GMT -5 @gfj48 said:

UGH, MIL replied back to me asking if a specific person was on her list. Back story: I met this person through my DH coaching wrestling. My DH coached this woman's son in wrestling for years. We've been on trips as far as Virginia Beach to watch him wrestle. Before DH coached him my FIL coached him, so these people have known DH's family FOR YEARS. This woman's son passed away last year and our child's middle name is after him for fucks sake...Anyway, MIL says "Oh no she isn't on my list. I guess I could add her" Yeah you better fucking add her. WTF is wrong with my MIL...

As in "No, that person who is very important to you isn't on my list that I pulled out of my ass from nowhere..."  Sorry you are dealing with that @gfj48!! 

[Deleted]

My In laws drive me nuts, thank god they live 8+ hours away and our house is too small for them to stay the night. I can't really pinpoint the precise source for my annoyance, I'm just not that into them.
My MIL talks and talks and talks and repeats the same stories over and over again. I'm pretty introverted small talk annoys me and this woman just drains me.
Plus it's like do you not want to ask me questions about your grandson? Or would you just prefer to keep rambling on about random shit and people I don't care to know?
I'm just not a big talker and instead of trying to understand me they take it personally.
I simply don't feel the need to talk for the sake of talking. It's just not who I am. Sorry. Tell me again while you remove your shoes how it takes you a little while to do so and remind me again when you put them back on.
I'm such a dick.

[domesticatty]

I'm envious of all the rants about overinvoled ILs. (Maybe the grass is always greener and I should shut my mouth).

MIL is so disinterested in our DD and this pregnancy. She was more involved in her BF's daughter's pregnancy (attended her shower) than her our grandchild (in her defense, her relationship with her BF is relatively new so she still thinks rainbows and the sun shine out his ass- so she in overdrive trying to impress him still). She made no effort to throw us a shower, come to our shower thrown by my family, come to DD baptism (we always offer to buy her plane ticket), babysit, come on family vacations, etc. I couldn't care less, her loss. But DH is so hurt and embarrassed by her actions and is constantly trying to get his mom to be more involved. He compares my involved family to his all the time. I want to tell him to just let it be and accept whatever relationship she wants to give us....It's just sad.

[Whinycooper]

Jan 29, 2015 12:41:24 GMT -5 sunshyneshay said:

I hope I don't get flamed for this because i freaking hate this but my mom offered to throw me a shower, and I feel like she doesn't understand the concept of throwing me a shower because she is spending the money to do it but she is asking me to make decisions like picking out invites and decor for the damn thing. HELLO MOM, it isn't you throwing me a shower if I have to pick everything out for it. I feel incredibly tacky and I have told her it is not proper for me to be involved but she doesn't seem to get the concept...

Mine is very similar. She wants to host but wants to tell me about all the details, ask for suggestions, ask me to ask another friend to do x,y,z and the whole time I'm so uncomfortable.

[seventythree]

I've already bitched about MIL a little in UO (forgot about this thread!) but I definitely have more!

I remember DH telling me stories about how she would sometimes just undermine his opinion, like he once came home with takeout and was annoyed when he realized they gave him dark meat instead of the requester white and she was just like "oh but dark meat is better anyway", or a time he was bummed about missing out on concert tickets and her response was "well that band isn't even very good". Stupid stuff, but easy to see how it can be super annoying.

Well earlier this week she did the same thing to me! I mentioned I am planning to CD and she basically brushed it off saying that she started DH in cloth but he had terrible rashes and the washing was just too much, and do I know they have to be changed A LOT and the disposables have stuff that wicks away moisture. I started to try to have a conversation about it, but she didn't even want to hear it... like she stated her opinion and that's it. So frustrating! Also when it came up she said "oh good, because I almost bought you a box of diapers" (she had come over bearing some onesies and baby body wash). Arrrrrgh this lady has her priorities all out of whack. She also gave me baby wipes at Christmas, as if THAT is top of mind (also we live almost across the street from Target, I'm seriously not worried about stockpiling that kind of stuff). Onesies and baby body wash at 24-25 weeks, yet didn't think I needed to have a shower until 37 weeks.

I've heard that if you're not close to your MIL, having a baby is a good time to foster that relationship. I want to get along with her, especially since this LO will only have one set of grandparents and MIL is actually the normal one. I get that she has 3 boys (and honestly both my BILs are dicks, one of them calls MIL by her first name which I think is mind-bogglingly rude and would never have been tolerated by my parents) maybe she's used to interacting with her kids in a certain way, but if you really do "love me like a daughter" then maybe don't just brush me off and bulldoze me with your version of the "right" way to do things.

Sigh, sorry, this got long and all over the place. I'm just seeing a new side to MIL since this pregnancy, and of course H is a mama's boy at heart so it makes me feel extra-alone and unable to really discuss it with him, either.

[seventythree]

Jan 29, 2015 15:42:11 GMT -5 @redcafe said:

My In laws drive me nuts, thank god they live 8+ hours away and our house is too small for them to stay the night. I can't really pinpoint the precise source for my annoyance, I'm just not that into them.
My MIL talks and talks and talks and repeats the same stories over and over again. I'm pretty introverted small talk annoys me and this woman just drains me.
Plus it's like do you not want to ask me questions about your grandson? Or would you just prefer to keep rambling on about random shit and people I don't care to know?
I'm just not a big talker and instead of trying to understand me they take it personally.
I simply don't feel the need to talk for the sake of talking. It's just not who I am. Sorry. Tell me again while you remove your shoes how it takes you a little while to do so and remind me again when you put them back on.
I'm such a dick.

I'm the opposite because I am a talker, but I hear you on the repetition. MIL has a tendency to ask me the same questions or make the same comments over and over and OVER to the point where I think she just doesn't listen to anything I have to say. The whole family is a little like that, to the point where I can predict the conversations that will be had at a holiday dinner table. So annoying!

ETA: I'm not talking conversation topics, but actual almost word-for-word conversations/comments that never change.

[Whinycooper]

My mother has decided that she is coming to stay at our house after LO is born. I get it. She's excited and wants to help. She's overbearing but I don't want to burst her bubble. I mentioned that MIL would likely be planning to come to stay, as well. Mom has bitched to no end about how MIL should not come because she will not be any help, like cooking or cleaning. I understand what she's saying but I do not need anyone to cook or clean my house. Places to eat deliver and it won't be the end of the world if laundry piles up for a bit. It drives me more crazy than anything that mom is trying to dictate who can and who cannot come to MY house.

I told her in no uncertain terms that anyone, ANYONE, who outstays their welcome will be asked to leave. I don't want it to come to that but I won't be bullied, either.

[angelasashes]

Jan 29, 2015 14:02:22 GMT -5 rocksforludo said:

Jan 29, 2015 13:23:45 GMT -5 angelasashes said:

We registered over the weekend, and my MIL asked if we had purchased anything for ourselves. I told her we'd fallen in love with a stroller/car seat travel system that was on clearance, and bought it to make sure it wouldn't disappear. Innocent enough to tell her that, I thought. WRONG!

That night she was texting DH nonstop, demanding to know the brand and model number for our stuff. DH told me that she was purchasing a frame stroller and car seat base for herself to match our car seat. Having an extra stroller at their place to use sounded like a good idea, but I suspect it was purchased with their expectation of using it in the (unlikely) event I allow them to steal my kid every weekend like my SIL allows. I mostly feel like it's a little presumptuous for MIL to expect that she'll be carting around my child in her car regularly enough to need her own base. WTF?? And why did she need this immediately? Already feeling overwhelmed by their expectations of having the baby to themselves. It won't be happening often.

I walked into MIL's house when I was 6 months pregnant with my first and she had an entire nursery set up for when "the baby sleeps over."  We live 45 minutes away.  DD is 2.5 and we've used it once over Christmas last year because DH demanded we stay two days in a row so he could hang out with his friends from high school.  I have zero guilt about her wasting her money as no one asked her to do it in the first place.

ETA:  I should say we've used the room one time over night.  We've used the crib for naps during the day more often.  But I like my sleep too much to struggle through a night away from home with a baby when we could just drive home and go to bed.

Exactly! It's so presumptuous, but hey, if they want to waste their money, I guess that's on them! My ILs live 20 mins away. Same deal--why would we leave our kid with you when we could just all go home to our own beds instead?

[angelasashes]

Jan 29, 2015 14:09:57 GMT -5 rocksforludo said:

angelasashes You have become my MIL buddy. I don't care if you don't want to be.

I honestly think MIL enjoys buying stuff for DD that we won't. That's the only explanation I have for MIL's obsession with Frozen. And...DD doesn't even like Frozen that much. She would rather watch Wild Kratts or Curious George any day of the week. She just likes yelling the words to the songs because they listen to them during dance/exercise time at daycare sometimes.

I'm tempted to cut and paste MIL's description in her email of the "joy" that DD gets out of Frozen. MIL has watched it with DD a total of one time. It's fucking batshit crazy and so far off from reality that it just makes MIL seem completely delusional.

HAHA! Let's totally be MIL buddies! We should have a MIL hall of shame, with delusional emails of the week! Yeeeeehaw!