Told mom...feeling down

[broadwaymama]

My mom is taking my kids for a couple days because my rehearsal schedule is crazy. She stayed over last night so we decided to tell her (we don't see he much and I didn't want to tell her over the phone).
Her reaction was "really? When?" Very monotone not even really a smile. She said congrats before we went to bed but that's it. She didn't even mention it this morning. I'm really upset, I know she worries about me but I'm an adult and this is my life. We decided now was the time, and we are not getting younger. This is what I was afraid of. So far not so great reactions and the two major family members we have told would be my biggest support system. My SIL is an attention whore so as soon as she finds out it will be all about making everything into a competition. Ughhhhh I hate this.

[Andrea]

Yikes, I am sorry that these conversations are not going as planned. Why do you think they are having these reactions?

[pbandj714]

I'm sorry you didn't get the reaction you were hoping for. Just try to remember that sometimes other people aren't good at showing emotion even if they are truly happy for you. Keep your head up!

[mladerri]

Sorry you aren't having great response from family. Just remember that you're doing this for yourself and if it makes you happy than who cares about the rest. They'll be happy once the baby is here. Who doesn't love cute babies?

[broadwaymama]

Nov 4, 2015 11:07:20 GMT -5 Andrea said:

Yikes, I am sorry that these conversations are not going as planned. Why do you think they are having these reactions?

I don't know. We live in a small place, and money is tight off and on. My DH and I have lived together for 11 years and always made it work so I don't know why everyone is so worried.

[virginiaorjohn]

I'm so sorry that didn't go as you had hoped. I know it is hard not to let people's underwhelming reactions dampen your joy. But remember, this is yours and YH's baby, your joy. Your mom will come around or she won't, but you have us to squee to, and DH to be excited with! There is still so much fun to be had with your little one, regardless of anyone else's reactions!

[Flair Underwood]

Maybe she's being selfish and is worried about another kiddo being more work/babysitting for her? I always get the impression from my MIL that she never really ENJOYS spending time with my kid and is always looking for it to be over. Not that it makes it any easier.... sorry.

[babyzebra]

Sorry, it really sucks to get a less than positive reaction. I really hope that this does not take any of the joy that you and YH have about this baby. I know that's easier said than done when we want everyone to be just as excited as we are. Hang in there.

[origamimommy]

Sorry you're not getting the best reactions. I think those internet videos of people screaming and crying make it worse, because a lot of people need time to process and think about things before they can show emotion. I know when I found out with this baby, it was a shock because we had been told months prior our chances of conceiving were extremely low, and I was on birth control to treat my health issues. My husband was really quiet the first night, but the next day he came around, and really came around. Now he's super excited, but getting caught off guard does that to some people.

I hope they can process and get through these weird emotions and then be super excited for you! In the meantime, be excited for yourself. And we're excited for you!

[sandandsea]

I'm so sorry they aren't being supportive. Maybe they'll come around once they get used to the news. And, I'm sure they'll be thrilled once the baby is here. Honestly though, it really only matters what you think, so ignore them and their negativity and be super happy for yourself because babies are awesome!

[manybellsdown]

I love everyone here, such good advice! I'm sorry her reaction was so blah. I hope she comes around.

[txmommy14]

I'm so sorry!

[frecklesnbrains]

Recently I've been thinking back to all the times my family and good friends have announced their pregnancies to me, and I've come to the realization that I'm one of those people who probably gave a less-than-enthusiastic first reaction to the news. It wasn't because I wasn't thrilled for them, but rather that it takes me a while to process things, and I'm also very cautious (I was soooo nervous for my SIL who told me the news when she was only 4wks and she has a history of IF and MC - all turned out well in the end though and that beautiful baby just turned 1!). My hesitant reactions weren't done on purpose, and in every case I showed more excitement as the pregnancy progressed and definitely after baby was born. Anyway, I'm sorry your mom was so dismissive, but give her some time and maybe she'll come around. And if she doesn't, I agree entirely with all the PPs - this pregnancy is yours and you can own the joy surrounding it!

[titania]

I'm so sorry broadwaymama. It is so disappointing to get a reaction that does not reflect the joy that you feel. I understand that you would feel down and hurt. Hopefully after she processes the news she will get more excited. Please try to not let it damper your joy surrounding your pregnancy. We are excited for you!

[Kevinmac]

I'm so sorry you aren't getting the reactions you hoped for. That had to be so disappointing for you.

[shoogars]

Unless it's your 15 year old telling you she's pregnant, the only reaction to a pregnancy announcement should be, "congratulations!" Or something along those lines. It baffles me that people do not get this, and let their own worries or judgements fly.

[jjh1119]

I'm sorry you aren't getting good reactions. Maybe she just needs time to process it. Or maybe as your belly starts growing and you get closer to the baby being here and of course when the baby is here they will be super excited! Maybe she just needs to "see" it to be excited?

[Deleted]

Nov 4, 2015 12:11:19 GMT -5 Flair Underwood said:

Maybe she's being selfish and is worried about another kiddo being more work/babysitting for her? I always get the impression from my MIL that she never really ENJOYS spending time with my kid and is always looking for it to be over. Not that it makes it any easier.... sorry.

Idk how selfish that is. It's a pretty legit feeling.

Anywho OP, I think it's important to remember that you can't control anyone else's emotions, so don't let them control you. Maybe she just needs a minute to marinate. I want another baby, but when I took my test and saw the two lines, elation was not my reaction.

She may have been preoccupied with other thoughts.

I hope she comes around, and congrats.

[Deleted]

Nov 4, 2015 13:27:58 GMT -5 shoogars said:

Unless it's your 15 year old telling you she's pregnant, the only reaction to a pregnancy announcement should be, "congratulations!" Or something along those lines. It baffles me that people do not get this, and let their own worries or judgements fly.

I don't agree with this, there are plenty of situations where I'd not be thrilled with someone's pregnancy announcement. I wouldn't be mean, but there'd be no couch jumping either.

[regal]

I'm sorry it's not the reaction you were hoping for. I'm bracing myself for something similar. My mother's first words will likely be "Well now you'll definitely need a bigger house!".

[athn64]

I'm sorry you're not getting the reactions you'd hoped for!

When DH and I first got engaged and I called to tell people, my favorite brother has an asthma attack because he was shocked and then made snide comments to me through the phone. My dad thought I was lying. Neither was what I expected or hoped for. But people's concerns come out in not the best way sometimes. Looking back, I can kind of understand the less than enthusiastic response, as DH and I had only been dating for a few months.

What it comes down to is that you can only control yourself and your reactions. Don't let other people's reactions to your news rob you of your joy. Continue to be happy about your baby, and let that be above everyone and everything else.

[broadwaymama]

I just don't even feel like telling anyone anymore. Everyone was so mean when I got pregnant with DD cause she was so close in age (she was a surprise conceived on birth control) so I was freaked out and had all that shit to deal with on top of it.
Maybe I will just keep it to myself, and move out of country and be happy with my family.

[broadwaymama]

Nov 4, 2015 12:11:19 GMT -5 Flair Underwood said:

Maybe she's being selfish and is worried about another kiddo being more work/babysitting for her? I always get the impression from my MIL that she never really ENJOYS spending time with my kid and is always looking for it to be over. Not that it makes it any easier.... sorry.

She doesn't live very close and we never really ask for her to watch them she offers. This is the first time we have seen her since May so I don't think that's the case.

[Flair Underwood]

Nov 4, 2015 14:39:39 GMT -5 broadwaymama said:

Nov 4, 2015 12:11:19 GMT -5 Flair Underwood said:

Maybe she's being selfish and is worried about another kiddo being more work/babysitting for her? I always get the impression from my MIL that she never really ENJOYS spending time with my kid and is always looking for it to be over. Not that it makes it any easier.... sorry.

She doesn't live very close and we never really ask for her to watch them she offers. This is the first time we have seen her since May so I don't think that's the case.

Mmmh... sorry either way.  Just be happy with your H and make it all about YOU guys.  That's what matters.   Creepy internet stranger hugs coming your way.

[cattuccino]

I'm very sorry these reactions have you feeling down when you should be feeling excited.
I know it's hard not to be affected, but just because no one else seems excited, doesn't mean you shouldn't be.

[jlabbe1123]

I'm sorry you aren't getting good reactions from your family. It sucks when you hope it goes one way but then you are hit with the total opposite. Hopefully they will come around soon & can share in your excitement. Hang in there.

[ArgyleEnigma]

Nov 4, 2015 13:58:39 GMT -5 @nonniedee said:

Nov 4, 2015 13:27:58 GMT -5 shoogars said:

Unless it's your 15 year old telling you she's pregnant, the only reaction to a pregnancy announcement should be, "congratulations!" Or something along those lines. It baffles me that people do not get this, and let their own worries or judgements fly.

I don't agree with this, there are plenty of situations where I'd not be thrilled with someone's pregnancy announcement. I wouldn't be mean, but there'd be no couch jumping either.

It's one thing not to be thrilled, and another to express that reaction. "Congratulations" is the appropriate response, whatever you are thinking.

[Deleted]

Nov 4, 2015 15:36:31 GMT -5 ArgyleEnigma said:

Nov 4, 2015 13:58:39 GMT -5 @nonniedee said:

I don't agree with this, there are plenty of situations where I'd not be thrilled with someone's pregnancy announcement. I wouldn't be mean, but there'd be no couch jumping either.

It's one thing not to be thrilled, and another to express that reaction. "Congratulations" is the appropriate response, whatever you are thinking.

If it were an acquaintance or a not that close friend, yes that is the appropriate response. However, if like my sister said she was pregnant, and her situation was not great, I'd say something along the lines of "what are your plans?".

[bgkc4]

I think subsequent pregnancy announcements are not received as well as first pregnancy announcements in general (with the exception of people struggling with IF or MS). There is this general perception in society that a family of 3-4 is fine (parents and one-two kids), but a family of 5 or more is too large. If you have one or two kids that's accepted as reasonable, but as soon as you go over that arbitrary number, prepare to be judged.

My family is super sweet and loving, but they are even judgmental in that way. My cousin and his wife have 4 kids ranging from 6months to 6 years. When my family found out about the last two, the reaction was all: "more kids?" or "another one?" or "how can they afford that many?". Even though it's nobody's business how many kids they have, everyone commented about it. In fact, we didn't learn of the most recent pregency until after the baby was born. They didn't announce the pregnancy to anyone, and when they posted the baby's pic on social media the mother's status was like "I know I was supposed to be done after our last child, but..." . I really felt bad for her, because she was almost apologetic about it, when she shouldn't be. They love their 4 kids and take care of them and that's the end of story. They live in another state away from most family, so the family isn't responsible for the care of the children in any way. I can't imagine feeling judged for having children, especially if I know that I am being a responsible parent.

I'm sure your mom's tune will change as your pregnancy progresses, and she will become increasingly more excited. I just used the above example to show you that this is a common reaction to subsequent pregnancies. Keep your head up.

[RNfromMN]

We did the whole "Big Sister" shirt on our oldest when I was pregnant with number 2. Took my mom all day to notice it and when she did, all she said was (total flat affect), "Is there a reason why she's wearing that shirt?" My grandmother was there, too and all the two of them could say after I confirmed the pregnancy was how "nice" that was. It was so disappointing.

With #3, I wore a sweatshirt to our family Christmas gathering that said, "Three Months Sober." I thought it was hilarious. My mom was happy that time (she was probably a few glasses of vino in) & said, "I knew it!" My nasty nasty cousin (whom you'll all be hearing about over the coming months) yelled at me, "You're pregnant AGAIN?!?" My grandmother read my sweatshirt and said, "Well, that's nice," referring to my newfound sobriety.

Not really sure what I'm going to do this time. I'm seriously considering just having my husband tell my mom and let the info flow that way. The baby we announced on Christmas was also due in July, so I suppose I could wear the shirt again. Honestly, I'm not looking forward to it at all, which is really sad.