am i overreacting? bonus-1st post on here :]

[ryanswifey619]

Dh and I are debating on whether or not Im overreacting over this issue. My mil decided to take Joss and get pics done of her, no big deal, that was fine. She texted my stepmom and told her what she was doing and sm jumped on that and her and my dad decided to go with mil. They all take her and get pics done, and I didn't find out til after it was all said and done, but she didn't even text my mom and see if she wanted to go with them all. They each paid for their own portrait packets of Joss, and my mom would have done the same, but it wasn't even brought up to her. My mil and sm get along great, but my sm and mom don't. I told dh from the beginning that this is exactly what I wanted to avoid, having my mil playing favoritism and leaving my mom out on things with J. Ive been telling myself that she wont do this again with Joss unless she includes all of the parents, not just one set. Am I being crazy about this? Whats the best way to talk to mil about this?

[lizzybizzy]

Do your MIL and your mom get along?

[graceinca]

I would set a blanket rule in the future: all grandparents or no grandparents. Your husband should be the one to communicate that to MIL since she is his mother.

[kames12]

Jan 29, 2015 13:43:41 GMT -5 graceinca said:

I would set a blanket rule in the future: all grandparents or no grandparents. Your husband should be the one to communicate that to MIL since she is his mother.

This

And you aren't overreacting

[hellooldfriend]

I don't think you are overreacting. That being said, I am not sure that you should push the relationship. In this case it was pictures, but would your mom who doesn't get along great with SM really even want to be involved? That could have made the fun experience negative. I think they should have offered a package for your to buy and thereby allowing you to share with your mom. I think "events" should be the all or none grandparents rule, but oictures don't really fall into that category for me.

[lioness13]

Jan 29, 2015 13:35:32 GMT -5 limabeanmom said:

I don't think you are over reacting -I don't think it was nice to your mom. Explain to your mil that she would be hurt if she was the one left out and that next time maybe include your mom regardless of how they get along.

I agree that it wasn't nice but I don't think you can force it. It was just photos. Yes, I think you are overreacting.

I don't like the rule that all grandparents need to be involved in everything either because next time it could just be a lunch date. Are you saying that if they go to lunch together that you expect them to invite your mom too? Where do you draw the line? I think that's the question you need to answer.

On another note, I hope that they all realize that having Joss as a grandchild should bring them together and they figure out how to get along better.

[musicalsilver]

Jan 29, 2015 14:29:11 GMT -5 lioness13 said:

Jan 29, 2015 13:35:32 GMT -5 limabeanmom said:

I don't think you are over reacting -I don't think it was nice to your mom. Explain to your mil that she would be hurt if she was the one left out and that next time maybe include your mom regardless of how they get along.

I agree that it wasn't nice but I don't think you can force it. It was just photos. Yes, I think you are overreacting.

I don't like the rule that all grandparents need to be involved in everything either because next time it could just be a lunch date. Are you saying that if they go to lunch together that you expect them to invite your mom too? Where do you draw the line? I think that's the question you need to answer.

On another note, I hope that they all realize that having Joss as a grandchild should bring them together and they figure out how to get along better.

I feel the same way.  It's just pictures.  I understand that you feel badly that your mom got left out, but I think forcing all those people to interact who don't apparently get along isn't fair on any of them.  It could turn enjoyable interactions with their grandchild into a stressful event, which doesn't sound fun for anyone.

Maybe you can get set of the portraits for your mom?

[melohdy]

I think you're over reacting. You can't force people to be friends. It would have been nice if they included her in this picture thing but they're not required to. It's kind of shitty to leave her out. But if you insist on all or nothing with grandparent times, then none of them build relationship with Joss individually.

[ryanswifey619]

Jan 29, 2015 13:43:41 GMT -5 graceinca said:

I would set a blanket rule in the future: all grandparents or no grandparents. Your husband should be the one to communicate that to MIL since she is his mother.

This is basically what Im wanting. If its lunch, its not a big deal to me, but for something like pics of Joss, pics that my mom would have wanted to see and get the opportunity to buy for herself, I think my mil could have sent a text to let her know what was going on. They aren't the best of friends, but do talk and catch up when they are together. My step mom and mom don't get along at all-they are civil to each other, but that's about the extent of it(step mom was the other woman when I was a baby, but she and my dad have been together as long as Ive been alive, so shes mom to me too) It gets on my nerves when dh doesn't seem to care that Im trying to include everyone. They have done great at holidays, bdays, etc. I just think that everyone should at least get an opportunity to be able to be there for something like this.

Side note, we just made a copy of the cd of the pics for my mom, so she did get them, but the package that mil and my dad got included a little mini booklet of pics, a calendar, and a few other goodies. Again, not something we couldn't make for my mom, but just the idea..

[ciahanna]

I can sort of see both sides.(Personally my problem would have been that someone else took my kid for pictures,but that's just something I want to do myself.)In this case it would have been nice to include everyone since it was something special.

[natalie115]

I think it's pretty shitty to leave your mom out even if she and sm don't get along. If it was your MIL being left out I'm sure she would be less than pleased. I don't really know how I would handle that situation going forward, maybe if she does something that again, let her know that you would rather take J yourself and then you can invite everybody. Or if it comes up with pictures ask that she get a cd of them (if possible) so your mom can get some printed if she wants.

[daffy2k]

Jan 29, 2015 14:56:39 GMT -5 thelorax said:

I don't have step- parents so maybe the dynamic is different, but I don't see what the issue is. If your mom wants to get pictures can't she just do it another day? Would your mom even want to spend the day with your stepmom?

I was going to say this too.  I do have step-parents, and I know for a fact my mom would never want to spend the day out with my step-mom.  If this had happened to us, my mom would prefer to take DD on her own a different day.  I can see that it's sort of shitty your MIL and stepmom get along, leaving your mom out of this "grandma to Joss" circle, but I would personally just make an extra effort to make sure my mom still got plenty of grandbaby time separately.

[cl8badb]

I dont think that you overreacted. I have a step mom and a mom who hates her. My mom and mother in law get along great.
Granted, my mil would never get together with my step mom but my mom and step mom suck it up when they need to be in the same room with eachother.
I think that all 3 shouldve been involved.
I agree with you. They dont have to go out to lunch and become best friends but i think taking their granddaughter for pics is something that couldve been done all together.
ETA i dont know how your relationships are with all 3 but my mom comes before my step mom.

[bcandlm]

I think it is rude they left your mother out of it, and I might mention something to your MIL so it doesn't happen in the future. (However, I do think it could be very awkward with SM and your mom if they don't get along, so that's a consideration.) But if it's a one time thing, I don't see the big deal. But if it continues to keep happening over and over, especially after you tell MIL, I would be pissed.