We're struggling, money-wise, and I feel guilty about only working twice a week. To be fair, I'd be making ~$300 more weekly than I do now and it wouldn't cover the cost of daycare (we'd be in a worse position financially, actually), but I still feel the guilt.
When I was pregnant I named my hemorrhoid. He wasn't going anywhere and I had to take care of him like a child so why the hell not give him a name. Lol he was Herman the hemorrhoid and he is not missed.
To be clear the fight was about sex but not about that kind of sex. I was exhausted and When DH is mad he wants to argue for hours. I just wanted to go to bed, so i proposed this as a solution to shut him up. Sorry if i wasnt being clear.
I'm mad at that scenario, too. Sex shouldn't be bartered and he should respect you enough to accept that no means no.
Our bodies just did the most amazing thing. We're still healing from that and adjusting to our bodies now, we're exhausted, a lot of us have more than one kid, work outside the home, etc - sex just isn't always a possibility. Quite frankly, I think any man that doesn't understand that is an asshole.
To be clear the fight was about sex but not about that kind of sex. I was exhausted and When DH is mad he wants to argue for hours. I just wanted to go to bed, so i proposed this as a solution to shut him up. Sorry if i wasnt being clear.
Sorry we're all harping on you now, but that's still not cool! I've definitely had long fights about having or not having sex (it's bound to happen if someone has a higher sex drive than the other). However, the fact he wouldn't leave it alone also pisses me off!
ETA: those fights aren't about trying to get me to give in that time. A no is no. There about trying to get him to understand why or figure out ways to stay more connected etc.
Post by carolyngrace on Nov 6, 2015 12:32:53 GMT -5
TBH I barter with sex sometimes. But it's more like, you do the dishes then we'll have sex and then everyone will be happier and more connected. He knows I'd probably have sex anyway, but sometimes we do play let's make a deal. It's just a reality that he wants it more, so..
@kej0004, that gif made me snort out loud in my office and then start giggling. I'm sure my next patient is wondering why their doctor is a crazy person.
Exhaustion, really, and not being in the mood to fight for hours. DH has been treating me like gold ever since. He was shocked. I kind of have mixed emotions about the whole thing.
But im glad we (this board) all seem to be on the same page.
I just cringe at the very idea of using sexual acts as a barter. I know that wasn't this scenario specifically, but it falls in same category. For me, in my marriage sex isn't bartered. Nor do either of us ask the other to do something we aren't comfortable with, or have expressed so in the past. No is no, and no shouldn't change because you don't feel like fighting, or because you just want to have him stop asking. IMO he isn't respecting no if he keeps asking. Also not respecting you if he goes along with it when you said yes KNOWING you've likely just said yes to appease him.
Does sleep sex fall under this category? Does anyone else do this? I've told H that as long as I don't have to do much work, he can have sex with me as I'm half asleep. And it needs to be a quickie. I think he's actually only done it like twice.
I just cringe at the very idea of using sexual acts as a barter. I know that wasn't this scenario specifically, but it falls in same category. For me, in my marriage sex isn't bartered. Nor do either of us ask the other to do something we aren't comfortable with, or have expressed so in the past. No is no, and no shouldn't change because you don't feel like fighting, or because you just want to have him stop asking. IMO he isn't respecting no if he keeps asking. Also not respecting you if he goes along with it when you said yes KNOWING you've likely just said yes to appease him.
Does sleep sex fall under this category? Does anyone else do this? I've told H that as long as I don't have to do much work, he can have sex with me as I'm half asleep. And it needs to be a quickie. I think he's actually only done it like twice.
*SITB** I dont think this would fall into the same category. You have are awake for it, just half a wake...Ive told DH the same thing that he can wake me up just dont expect me to be very involved..
It's a little rude for people to be telling Widget123 that her husband isn't respecting her by continuing to ask for that and letting her give in to it....
The only 2 people that need to be okay with that scenario are her and her husband. Quite frankly no one should really care or be offended by this. Different marriages have different dynamics.
I am constantly bartering with sex, and I see nothing wrong with it. It is my choice, it is my body and I feel respected in my marriage. So eff right off with those judgments.
I'm more offended at the thought of someone continuing to argue for hours. In any scenario, that is immature to me. I have a friend who's husband does the same thing. And will be like yelling for most of the time. He can't just take a break to chill out and come back to the subject later.
nchauhan, Theo is a great name! Give it some more time and you will probably get to the point where you won't be able to imagine him with another name.
baytosa2013, did you tell your H you don't want to move? In your case, I would tell him.
We have had several conversations about it. He's dug in about the fact that he wants C to grow up around family (that we never spent time with when we lived there) and I'm just hoping that he either doesn't get offered the job or that it's a smack in the face if he does about what they are willing to offer and how that will impact us. Since he hasn't been offered anything I've avoided fighting about it for now.
Do not like giving BJs, but I will occasionally. To quote Meatloaf, though: "But I won't do THAT!" Ugh never never never.
Opposite problem in my house. I want the P in the V all the time and DH just isn't interested. I am seriously thinking about asking him to see a doctor. I don't know what is wrong with him. Super frustrating in more ways than one. I think he is just so fried from his job that he just doesn't want to do anything when he gets home. It's not healthy, and I miss that part of our relationship. It makes me feel like I've failed somehow
It's a little rude for people to be telling Widget123 that her husband isn't respecting her by continuing to ask for that and letting her give in to it....
The only 2 people that need to be okay with that scenario are her and her husband. Quite frankly no one should really care or be offended by this. Different marriages have different dynamics.
I am constantly bartering with sex, and I see nothing wrong with it. It is my choice, it is my body and I feel respected in my marriage. So eff right off with those judgments.
This....DH is SUPER motivated by sex. He gets what he wants and I get my house cleaned, the two year old bathed, dinner started, etc....
I still don't like my kids name! My husband and sister really had to convince me to go along with T's name, but I never really felt it. And now, I still call him baby or whatever nick name because any time someone calls him Theo, I just want to yell, that's not his name! It doesn't seem to fit him yet. The bitch of it is, even though I had a list of names i liked, I couldn't see myself using any of them for my kid. So it's not even like I had a name I fell in love with and didn't use. Ugh, please tell me he will grow into his name!
If it makes you feel better, your son has my favorite name. I couldn't convince DH to use it for LBB, and even though he changed his mind when I was pregnant this time, I felt it was a little too sing-songy with LBB'S name.
+1 I love the name Theo, but DH wouldn't agree to it. Thankfully we had a girl.
I hope you grow to love it. Is his full name Theo or Theodore? If it's Theodore, could you call him something else like Teddy?
It felt weird to me at first to call J by her name, there was much discussion about what her NN would be. Finally I began singing to her and inserted her NN into the song, now I can't imagine calling her anything else.
I guess I should qualify my bartering statement and say that the reason I had that reaction was because Widget123 offered something she didn't want to do just to end an argument she didn't want to be in. Lose lose for her. But, to each their own. However, ilovelucyv did state that she still doesn't know how she feels about how the whole situation went down. That's why I reacted and responded as such.
Will barter if I get a backrub for sure!!
I do still stand by my thoughts surrounding respect and repeatedly asking for something. It sounds like Lucy's situation was different as she offered. But in general, not even in just sexual situations, do not repeatedly ask me to do something I have expressed that I am uncomfortable with, or not interested in. That to me says that you don't respect me and will bully me into making the decision you want. Which really isn't me making the decision, it's me buckling under pressure.
I thought she said she "still has mixed emotions about it". She was very vague. She could have meant she might have enjoyed it a little more than she thought. Who knows. Lol. On that note DH knows better than to ask for it anymore. Unless he is super drunk.
I guess I should actually confess something, I wish you all would understand how boring I am...
DH and I STILL haven't had sex since before LO was born. He doesn't ask to, but then again I've always had to initiate. I used to LOVE dtd, now I'm worried it won't be fun/enjoyable. Plus who knows what DH is thinking. He always spoke about (prior to LO) how women are "wrecked" after giving birth. Not exactly the most motivating idea to want me to try. I wish we had even a third of the sex life we had before we got married.
My confession is that I made it barely to two weeks postpartum before having sex. I also never have to fake an O. Not because SO is super awesome in the sack, but because I'm selfish for the first five-ten. Men always get theirs and when they do it's over and done so I figure why not get mine then worry about him.
As for the sleep sex, that's just not for me. In my eyes that's not sex, that's using my body to masturbate with. Just not something I'm personally okay with.
Also love giving bj but hate receiving. But then again I'm not too keen on any kind of affection being shown towards me. I would rather give than get. It makes me uncomfortable to be on the receiving end of anything.
I guess I should actually confess something, I wish you all would understand how boring I am...
DH and I STILL haven't had sex since before LO was born. He doesn't ask to, but then again I've always had to initiate. I used to LOVE dtd, now I'm worried it won't be fun/enjoyable. Plus who knows what DH is thinking. He always spoke about (prior to LO) how women are "wrecked" after giving birth. Not exactly the most motivating idea to want me to try. I wish we had even a third of the sex life we had before we got married.
My delivery was incredibly uneventful. 9 hours of labor, epidural, 5 pushes, and no tears. I got really lucky. And postpartum bleeding only lasted a few days. Nothing hurt and I was good as new after. Aside from being a worrywart about Maddie's jaundice.
Do not like giving BJs, but I will occasionally. To quote Meatloaf, though: "But I won't do THAT!" Ugh never never never.
Opposite problem in my house. I want the P in the V all the time and DH just isn't interested. I am seriously thinking about asking him to see a doctor. I don't know what is wrong with him. Super frustrating in more ways than one. I think he is just so fried from his job that he just doesn't want to do anything when he gets home. It's not healthy, and I miss that part of our relationship. It makes me feel like I've failed somehow
I totally get this! We have the same issue...always have because DH was molested as a kid and has a hard time with anything sex-related. And it does make you feel like shit when everyone else's DH can't get enough. My confession: I get annoyed when women turn their husbands down for sex and complain about how frequently he asks, even though I know it's totally normal. But all I can think is, "be thankful you don't have the opposite problem."
Maybe I'm super dense, but I have no idea what y'all are talking about "giving in to." I mean, I thought I knew, but then some comments threw me off.
We did it a few times while I was pregnant. We've done it 2-3 times since she was born. But he works nights, so he leaves for work about an hour after I get home from school. And his nights off are in the middle of the week, and I'm too damn tired to do anything.
Maybe I'm super dense, but I have no idea what y'all are talking about "giving in to." I mean, I thought I knew, but then some comments threw me off.
We did it a few times while I was pregnant. We've done it 2-3 times since she was born. But he works nights, so he leaves for work about an hour after I get home from school. And his nights off are in the middle of the week, and I'm too damn tired to do anything.
Maybe I'm super dense, but I have no idea what y'all are talking about "giving in to." I mean, I thought I knew, but then some comments threw me off.
We did it a few times while I was pregnant. We've done it 2-3 times since she was born. But he works nights, so he leaves for work about an hour after I get home from school. And his nights off are in the middle of the week, and I'm too damn tired to do anything.
Searching for a gif for an answer and that was a really bad idea.
haha, agreed! I was looking for the "up the butt, bob!" from the classic newlywed game, but came up short
@jemomma- tbh, I'm not really functioning well without it. It has definitely been a point of contention around here. I don't know if he is just afraid that he is going to hurt me or what. Appearance wise, I feel like I look pretty much like I did pre pregnancy, so I don't feel like it's that.i think he is just exhausted/stressed. But it's getting to a point that is pretty ridiculous and definitely needs to be addressed
Does sleep sex fall under this category? Does anyone else do this? I've told H that as long as I don't have to do much work, he can have sex with me as I'm half asleep. And it needs to be a quickie. I think he's actually only done it like twice.
All. The. Time.
I also don't barter sex, but I certainly use it as a reward!
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