"The One Thing Nobody Tells You Before You Have Kids"

[redhorizon343]

www.slate.com/articles/life/family/2013/07/kids_and_dogs_if_you_re_having_a_baby_do_not_get_a_puppy.html


I have a close friend who is having trouble TTC and also has pets. One of her dog park friends sent her a link to this article, and she came to me very worried.

Discuss!

[vk]

For me the article is over exaggerating it a bit. We have a dog and he still gets plenty of attention. We got him in May 2013. He is part of our family and I would never ignore him. Sometimes I get mega pissed if he barks and wakes up DS, and he his collar jingles if he moves quickly but that doesn't mean I hate him and regret getting him. Havoc is so good with DS, they do tummy time together and DS LOVES him. I am happy that we have a dog right now and our two boys can grow up together.

[Chrisse]

I wish I could get all righteously upset and say this wasn't true. But, IMHO, it's true. My poor cat, who once belonged to my father and who I just HAD to take in after he passed, is desperate for attention and a majority of the time, it is a BIG.HUGE.PITA. Thank God DH is his best bud.

We had a dog, Willow, who was my absolute world, and who we had to put down when I was about 7 or 8 months pregnant. She was so, so sick, liver and kidney failure. And I am so glad we didn't prolong it so she could 'meet the baby'. I would have felt so guilty then, even knowing it had to be done, because at that point, it would have felt like we were doing it because she was an inconvenience.

[vk]

Oh, I will say that we would not have gotten a dog if I was pregnant. We got a dog first because we wanted him to be trained and at least a year old before we had a child. As much as I love dogs there is NO way I would get a puppy right now. They are way too much work lol. When we got him I spent the first week laying on the floor next to the cage with my hand inside so Havoc could snuggle up against me. We would set our alarm every few hours or so to take him out in the middle of the night. He is great now, but there is no way I want to do that at this time.

[laur110]

Jan 30, 2015 7:28:23 GMT -5 vk said:

For me the article is over exaggerating it a bit. We have a dog and he still gets plenty of attention. We got him in May 2013. He is part of our family and I would never ignore him. Sometimes I get mega pissed if he barks and wakes up DS, and he his collar jingles if he moves quickly but that doesn't mean I hate him and regret getting him. Havoc is so good with DS, they do tummy time together and DS LOVES him. I am happy that we have a dog right now and our two boys can grow up together.

This.

DD is obsessed with our dog. She would spend all day hanging out with him if she could. He is very well behaved and gentle with her. He sheds and we are just diligent about vacuuming (which we were before DD anyway). He is part of our family and I could not imagine not having him around.

[redhorizon343]

I do think it's unwise to get a new puppy when you have a baby because they require so much attention. It is not wise to be up at all hours of the night caring for a baby and house training a pup. But that's not what this article says. This article says don't own a dog at all.

I think this woman's personal problems stem from several sources:
1. She treated her dog like a human princess (I'm sorry, it is weird for a dog to ride in the front seat if there are two full grown humans in the car)
2. She ignored her dog after the birth of her children. (Regularly brushing a dog is a normal thing. Get your shit together and maintain your dog's basic hygiene.)
3. She clearly did not consider what pet ownership and raising a family would be like, because she is in over her head. (You mean I'll have to WALK the dog? DAILY!?)

While I don't have three children, the love I have for my dog is unchanged from when I brought my only child home. That being said, we've always treated Leela (the dog) like a dog, and not like a human baby. (Ignore my profile picture.) When the weather permits, a family walk is my favorite part of the day. She is part of our family, and I still regard getting her as one of the best decisions my husband and I have ever made. Maybe this woman should not have had a dog, or she should have stepped up her pet ownership game, or re-homed the dog if she truly felt she didn't love him. My biggest problem with the article is that I disagree that her opinion is the universal truth that she believes it is.

[theteno]

I have to run, so I didnt get to read your responses yet. But IMO this woman is a complete idiot. The fact that She gives her dog treats to shut him up is the irritation thats standing out at this moment. No common sense of basic training at all. Yeah its hard to get your dog to stop barking, I get that, but she sacrificed his health to perpetuate a problem she has with her dog.

I love my dog. We started treating him less like a baby when lo was going to come so he would be more used to not being the center of attention. When we moved in together we had a rules that were put in place bc we knew we wanted kids: no jumping. Period. No jumping up on the couch. You can jump on the bed, when youre invited only. No barking when we say to stop (he still barks but its muted. At least he turns down the volume), etc. But from the moment I got him training has been very important to me because hes a dog and if I want him in certain situations with me he has to behave. Does he still jump, once in a while, but its all training. He only jumps on 2 people and its bc they allow it. He would never jump on me.

That being said I have never been able to get him to stop crying in the car. He just whines and whines. So sometimes now he doesnt get to go everywhere bc he will wake lo up. So the baby comes first, but Hes not dangerous, so I dont wish I never got a dog. If I had a dog with a serious problem related to the baby, not including aggression, Id do what i could to be 100% consistent and change it. LO has missed a nap before bc i thought the dog had a tick i couldnt remove and we got a rush appointment at the vet. The dog still matters.

If the dog was aggressive I would not take a chance. My parents did and my sister and I and my friends all were bitten. Terrible.

[vk]

Jan 30, 2015 7:34:22 GMT -5 redhorizon343 said:

I do think it's unwise to get a new puppy when you have a baby because they require so much attention. It is not wise to be up at all hours of the night caring for a baby and house training a pup. But that's not what this article says. This article says don't own a dog at all.

I think this woman's personal problems stem from several sources:
1. She treated her dog like a human princess (I'm sorry, it is weird for a dog to ride in the front seat if there are two full grown humans in the car)
2. She ignored her dog after the birth of her children. (Regularly brushing a dog is a normal thing. Get your shit together and maintain your dog's basic hygiene.)
3. She clearly did not consider what pet ownership and raising a family would be like, because she is in over her head. (You mean I'll have to WALK the dog? DAILY!?)

While I don't have three children, the love I have for my dog is unchanged from when I brought my only child home. That being said, we've always treated Leela (the dog) like a dog, and not like a human baby. (Ignore my profile picture.) When the weather permits, a family walk is my favorite part of the day. She is part of our family, and I still regard getting her as one of the best decisions my husband and I have ever made. Maybe this woman should not have had a dog, or she should have stepped up her pet ownership game, or re-homed the dog if she truly felt she didn't love him. My biggest problem with the article is that I disagree that her opinion is the universal truth that she believes it is.

I only added the second part because of the title.

I agree with you on all of your points. We love our dog, and I do call him my child, but he is still a dog. He sleeps in his cage, he shits outside and he is not allowed on any of our furniture. For her to complain that the dog whines because it doesn't get enough attention is silly. When you have a kick ass life and then all of a sudden it goes away you're going to be a little pissy and whine.

[vk]

I keep thinking of more things to add.

I think having a pet at a young age is a good thing. It teaches a child responsibility. A kid can brush the dog, play fetch, run around the in yard, etc. It blows my mind that the lady has 3 kids and the dog gets no attention whatsoever. All of the kids I know love dogs and love playing with them.

[mandapanda1382]

Agree with the above. Getting a puppy the same time as having a baby is probably not wise.

Having an already trained dog may make you more busy once you have kids, but you should have realized that going in to pet ownership.

[cdseno]

There are a lot of days lately when I feel the way she does. The dog is always under foot, she only seems to need to go out right when I sit down to nurse, and if a squirrel farts 10 miles away she can hear it and barks from the noise. But I know when it isn't winter and we can take her out more often then I will feel different. It isn't her fault that she wants attention. Plus, she is so good with the boys and J would be devastated if we got rid of her. They love running around together. Like PP said, why aren't the kids more involved with the dog? J chases Lola around our house and she loves it and it gives her some exercise in the middle of winter.

[kimberlyb]

I'm also in the camp where I think having a dog and kids is a pain in the ass but I would also think having our dog and no kids would still be a pain in the ass. The dog was DH's before we met and I can't stand her so I'm not entirely objective. She likes to wake up our sleeping kids and eat drywall. Anyone in the market for a new dog?

[peanuts]

Dh and I are getting a puppy on the 26th of February. DH has wanted a dog since day 1 of our marriage, but I'm allergic to most dogs, plus I'm not a huge animal lover anyway. But he bugs me so much that I finally gave in. I've told him countless times that housetraining the dog will be HIS duty. No way in hell am I getting up MOTN with a baby and a puppy. But DH is great with animals, so I'm sure it'll be no time at all an it will be trained.

And DD loves DHs dog that I made him give to his parents. She laughs when he touches her hand with his nose or licks her. So I am excited to see how she likes having a puppy of her own.

[3magicbeans]

I loved my dog (as s dog - I was never the "my dog is my baby"), he was with us for 4 years before my DS (LO1) was born, I had all these elaborate plans about providing an easy transition for our dog, did the thing with the hat, I was sure - and I told MH stubbornly, that I wasn't leaving our home to go to the hospital *until* we were certain that the dog would be taken care of, the reality of it - when $hit got real, I got the hell out of dodge, screw the dog, I wanted an effing epidural.

We ended up paying less and less attention to the dog, but we did our due diligence and toke him for walks (shorter and shorter over the years) to the vet, etc. It got to the point I resented the dog (we were 2u2 at this point), and I found myself secretly wishing he'd just run away, I never thought about re-homing him because I didn't want to seem like a quiter.

our tipping point was when we were expecting our LO3, we had to find him a new home. I always judged people who re-homed pets after having kids, but karma is a bitch.

#flameaway #fffc 

[outdoorgirl10]

3magicbeans, I'm sure it was a difficult decision but you were smart enough to realize the dog might be better off in a new home. That's doing what's best for the dog and for your family.

[gingy]

I was this lady pre baby. Not the sitting in the front seat thing, but pretty close. Now I feel like her a lot of the time. We can't open the blinds in the front because he barks every time the wind blows. He's constantly under foot and follows me every where. He sits on LOs blanket while we're on the floor within inches of her head and proceeds to lick his butt hole. I let him in and out all day and if I'm delayed because I'm feeding LO he will stand at the door and bark. If I have to run like that lady I have an 80 pound dog bounding after me. If I put my shoes on or walk by the leash he thinks were going on a walk. And if it's within a half hour of feeding time he's even more up my butt.

All of that said he's still a member of our family and we love him. I think it's harder because he's a bigger dog. We got him because his breeds (golden retriever and lab) are good family dogs, but he could care less about LO. I had these images in my head of the two of them being the best of friends. That hasn't happened yet and if I'm being honest, that has changed my attitude towards my dog a little. I think it will change once LO is bigger, but I'm annoyed he doesn't show more interest in her.

[Deleted]

I remember this article when it came out. This woman clearly can't manage her life. Some people are good at multi-tasking and juggling a lot of competing needs/wants and some people aren't. If this bitch didn't have a dog, I'm sure she'd still be complaining about how hectic life with three kids is. Does my dog get a little less attention than she used to? Sure. Does she annoy me sometimes? Yes. But none of that is her fault, and I never regret adopting her ever.

Also vk, our dog seemed to insist on jingling her tags as soon as LO was falling asleep - this thing is amazing. www.amazon.com/Quiet-Spot-Original-Pet-Silencer/dp/B0006N9LKG/ref=sr_1_9?ie=UTF8&qid=1422636745&sr=8-9&keywords=dog+tag+silencer

[minervamae]

Every situation is different. So her sanctimonious it's always like this (and therefore not my fault) bs is ridiculous.

We had a rescued dog for a couple of years before we had kids. He was a DOG...not a baby. He was great with DD1 until she started crawling...then he got territorial about her being on the floor. He found a new home. Fast forward 3 years. DD1 is 3 and DD2 is 9 months...I start wanting a dog...odd since I'm not a dog person in general. So I did a bunch of research and we got a puppy. DD2 was her best friend for a year...now DD1 has warmed up to her and plays with her and DD2 is over her. She's been great with DD3 so far. I questioned my sanity at times and it makes it hard to travel, but it's what's right for us.

[vk]

Jan 30, 2015 12:05:53 GMT -5 @bazi45 said:

I remember this article when it came out. This woman clearly can't manage her life. Some people are good at multi-tasking and juggling a lot of competing needs/wants and some people aren't. If this bitch didn't have a dog, I'm sure she'd still be complaining about how hectic life with three kids is. Does my dog get a little less attention than she used to? Sure. Does she annoy me sometimes? Yes. But none of that is her fault, and I never regret adopting her ever.

Also vk, our dog seemed to insist on jingling her tags as soon as LO was falling asleep - this thing is amazing. www.amazon.com/Quiet-Spot-Original-Pet-Silencer/dp/B0006N9LKG/ref=sr_1_9?ie=UTF8&qid=1422636745&sr=8-9&keywords=dog+tag+silencer

This is awesome! But it's not a tag that jingles (his info is printed directly on the collar) it is the metal loop thing that clinks on the other metal part.

[redhorizon343]

Jan 30, 2015 9:36:46 GMT -5 peanuts said:

Dh and I are getting a puppy on the 26th of February. DH has wanted a dog since day 1 of our marriage, but I'm allergic to most dogs, plus I'm not a huge animal lover anyway. But he bugs me so much that I finally gave in. I've told him countless times that housetraining the dog will be HIS duty. No way in hell am I getting up MOTN with a baby and a puppy. But DH is great with animals, so I'm sure it'll be no time at all an it will be trained.

And DD loves DHs dog that I made him give to his parents. She laughs when he touches her hand with his nose or licks her. So I am excited to see how she likes having a puppy of her own.

Have you thought about adopting an adult dog instead of a puppy? When we got ours she was already house broken and crate trained. 

[redhorizon343]

Jan 30, 2015 9:49:58 GMT -5 3magicbeans said:

I loved my dog (as s dog - I was never the "my dog is my baby"), he was with us for 4 years before my DS (LO1) was born, I had all these elaborate plans about providing an easy transition for our dog, did the thing with the hat, I was sure - and I told MH stubbornly, that I wasn't leaving our home to go to the hospital *until* we were certain that the dog would be taken care of, the reality of it - when $hit got real, I got the hell out of dodge, screw the dog, I wanted an effing epidural.

We ended up paying less and less attention to the dog, but we did our due diligence and toke him for walks (shorter and shorter over the years) to the vet, etc. It got to the point I resented the dog (we were 2u2 at this point), and I found myself secretly wishing he'd just run away, I never thought about re-homing him because I didn't want to seem like a quiter.

our tipping point was when we were expecting our LO3, we had to find him a new home. I always judged people who re-homed pets after having kids, but karma is a bitch.

#flameaway #fffc 

Yes, but the difference between you and this lady, is that you owned up and found the dog a home where he could get the attention he needed....instead of writing an op ed about how much you regret ever having him.

[peanuts]

Jan 30, 2015 12:53:02 GMT -5 redhorizon343 said:

Jan 30, 2015 9:36:46 GMT -5 peanuts said:

Dh and I are getting a puppy on the 26th of February. DH has wanted a dog since day 1 of our marriage, but I'm allergic to most dogs, plus I'm not a huge animal lover anyway. But he bugs me so much that I finally gave in. I've told him countless times that housetraining the dog will be HIS duty. No way in hell am I getting up MOTN with a baby and a puppy. But DH is great with animals, so I'm sure it'll be no time at all an it will be trained.

And DD loves DHs dog that I made him give to his parents. She laughs when he touches her hand with his nose or licks her. So I am excited to see how she likes having a puppy of her own.

Have you thought about adopting an adult dog instead of a puppy? When we got ours she was already house broken and crate trained. 

Already put a deposit down on the puppy. But yes that probably would have been the better solution. DH wanted another dog that was older, but it was $600 whereas our puppy was $250. Cost did play a factor in the decision.

[shevacc]

I was just thinking you could fairly accurately replace DOG in much of the article with KIDDO 1, and most people consider siblings a desirable scenario. Just to clarify, I absolutely love both my kids, shower them both with love and attention, and have no plans to rehome my toddler. But honestly DD gets on my nerves more than before DS was born. And she gets overall way less attention than before. I mean she's loud when he's napping and is constantly underfoot. Before life revolved around her and now we have to balance the needs of both kids. To me it seems fairly obvious that attention would be divided and that behaviors might conflict? On the other hand, watching them play together warms my heart. And hopefully they each learn a bit of patience from having to wait when the other's needs are more pressing. FWIW, DD always has to potty right away the second I start nursing, or worse, midway through a poopy diaper change.

[toratoratori]

I love Allison Benedikt forever and ever.

[theteno]

Jan 30, 2015 9:36:46 GMT -5 peanuts said:

Dh and I are getting a puppy on the 26th of February. DH has wanted a dog since day 1 of our marriage, but I'm allergic to most dogs, plus I'm not a huge animal lover anyway. But he bugs me so much that I finally gave in. I've told him countless times that housetraining the dog will be HIS duty. No way in hell am I getting up MOTN with a baby and a puppy. But DH is great with animals, so I'm sure it'll be no time at all an it will be trained.

And DD loves DHs dog that I made him give to his parents. She laughs when he touches her hand with his nose or licks her. So I am excited to see how she likes having a puppy of her own.

I hope you're right that the training will go quickly, but I was an animal science major with a concentration in animal training. I am proud of breaking 2 horses to ride. And my dog took 6 months to potty train. He knew he needed me in order to pee, but kept missing the OUTSIDE cue. He came over and peed on me multiple times.

[gahorseygal]

This article is stupid. My dogs may get less attention but just barely. LO loves watching me play with the dogs (it's the best way to keep her entertained during tummy time). We all go on walks together and I wear LO when I take our pittie out to play fetch. They still get to snuggle on the couch, they just might end up with a little baby foot kicking them in the head. Sure I tell them off more often for getting in the way but like a PP said you could replace dog with DD/DS1.

[gingy]

This relates. Hear me out. I was sorting through all of our pictures on the computer from the last 5+ years. The progression started with a thousand cat pictures. Then there were a thousand dog pictures once we got the dog. Then you could tell LO came and it's all pictures of her. Long story short, it made me realize, in conjunction with this thread, what a dick I've been to our pets the last few months. I'm going to make a conscious effort to cut him more slack, but I draw the line at licking his butthole on LOs blanket.

[Deleted]

This woman does not need to be giving advice to anyone.

[bobloblaw]

gingy I think there is s big difference between ignoring your animal and no longer taking photos of them. You aren't being as big of a dick as you think. Or Im a big dick too.

My cat is Just as spoiled as before but he thinks he has it bad. He wasn't even kicked off the bed. He sleeps with us (the kid never does) and he is loved on and treated more than before. It upsets me that he seems stressed out about the baby but I'm not sure we could do anything more to make him feel better.

[gingy]

Thanks bobloblaw! Every picture was of him swaddled on the couch. We got a new couch about 2 weeks before LO came and we decided he wouldn't come on the new one since he sheds like crazy. Then LO came. It was just a lot if change for him at once. He's also one of those dogs who thinks he's a human, so we were probably screwed no matter what.