TTCAL Check-In 11/24

[notagoddess]

The Trying to Conceive After a Loss thread is posted once a week (generally on Tuesday) for those of us who have unfortunately experienced a loss. No matter what type of loss you've experienced, from miscarriage to stillbirth to the loss of a child, it is heartbreaking. This thread is to help us commiserate, get support, and to try to navigate trying to conceive after a loss every week.

Out of respect to all the ladies here, please add a trigger warning if you decide to talk about any living children and please hide your signature if it contains pictures or tickers of babies or children. We also kindly ask for grads to refrain from commenting in this thread.

**If this is your first check-in, and you would like to provide a gtky loss history intro go for it. If not, no worries!**

How are you doing?

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched):

Diagnosis (if applicable):

Updates/questions:

Debbie downer (a place to vent):

GTKY: What is one thing you will be doing this week to take care of yourself?

[LadyNymeria]

How are you doing? I'm ok. I mentioned it last week that I do much better in the TWW than I do WTO so things are going pretty good right now.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC, Cycle 3 AL, 8 DPO

Diagnosis (if applicable): n/a

Updates/questions: I already ran this by the TWW thread yesterday but thought I'd run it by you ladies as well. Thanksgiving will be 10 DPO. I'm not a big drinker but plan to have a few glasses of wine and while a BFP is unlikely that early, it is technically possible. Would you not test and have the couple/few glasses of wine, not test and not drink, or test that morning before drinking just to be safe.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): Nothing today.

GTKY: What is one thing you will be doing this week to take care of yourself? Just taking it easy. Work gives us Friday as a holiday too so I plan to relax and do whatever I want during the long weekend.

[notagoddess]

How are you doing? Up and down. Anxious about not being able to get pregnant again.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): Resected uterine septum

Updates/questions: Cycle 8 TTC AL didn't work. I have an appointment with my OB in late January where I will ask about testing options. I'm not exactly sure if I'll want to do anything beyond blood tests at that point. It won't be a year until April, and at that point, I would probably see my RE. I just hate the idea of so much time passing without knowing if there's something wrong. Even though it's been only 7.5 months since April, I've been at this for 16 months now, and the whole thing is so emotionally draining.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): See above.

GTKY: What is one thing you will be doing this week to take care of yourself? I think I'm going to go offline for most of the week. I have a short break from school, and want to disconnect a bit.

[notagoddess]

LadyNymeria, I would test! It's unlikely you'll see anything that early, but then you won't second-guess yourself while enjoying your wine.

[LadyNymeria]

notagoddess - Hugs for you. Certainly can't hurt to start asking about next steps especially since you already have the appointment. Even if you don't act on anything yet, maybe it will make you feel a bit better to at least start some conversations. I'm sorry you even have to think about this.

[flojo973]

Hugs, notagoddess. It can be so frustrating.

How are you doing? I was okay until DH was a jerk last night.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC, Cycle 1 AL, 5 dpo

Diagnosis (if applicable): n/a

Updates/questions: I had my HCG tested last Tuesday and the doctor said its not at 0 (it was 15). So I have to get another blood test today or tomorrow. Thursday will be 4 weeks from when I started miscarrying.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I got upset last night because we were planning on telling our families that I was pregnant at Thanksgiving. I told DH that this made me said and his response was, "I know honey, but its in the past." Umm, it hasn't even been 4 weeks. I just felt like his response was so dismissive and insensitive. He gets upset because he thinks I should be focusing on the future and the positive, and while I agree, its not mutually exclusive.

GTKY: What is one thing you will be doing this week to take care of yourself? Hopefully just relaxing and enjoying the holiday. I might try to book a massage or facial.

[LadyNymeria]

flojo973 - I'm sorry YH was a jerk, so many hugs for you. There's no indication from MH that the loss is still affecting him, while it definitely still is affecting me. I hope he realizes comments like that are not helpful at all and hurt you and makes sure he doesn't say something like that again.

As for your hCG, it will be different for each woman but for me I passed tissue on 8/5. On 8/18 my hCG was 571 and it didn't hit "zero" until 9/21 (it was 11 on 9/10 but I was out of the country for a week and 9/21 was the earliest I could go back). I would think you'd be at "zero" or really close to it at your next draw.

[kayladawn91]

LadyNymeria I personally never test at 10DPO. But I also don't drink at all so I've never had to worry about it. Good luck if you decide to test though!

notagoddess huge hugs to you! I'm feeling the same way. We've only been trying again for 8 months, but it's been 16 months since we first began trying and we were NTNP for several months before that so it's hard to deal with the fact that I still don't have a baby.

flojo973 I'm sorry your husband was insensitive. I feel like sometimes they just don't get it.

[kayladawn91]

How are you doing: I'm feeling really anxious about the holidays. I feel so sad all the time. Cycle 6 AL was a bust and it really stung when AF showed up after a 9 day LP.

Status: TTC (Cycle 7 AL, CD 4)

Diagnosis: N/A

Updates/questions: What is considered a "too short" LP? Mine has consistently been 11 days since my loss and before that it was usually 14. So should I be worried about a 9 day LP? Or should I not be worried unless it becomes a consistent thing?

Debbie downer: Oh the holidays. I told H the other day that Thanksgiving with his family was going to be hard for me *trigger warning*(due to babies and pregnant people there) *end trigger* and so I told him I might need to drive separate so I can escape if I feel too emotional and he was really upset that I would consider leaving during thanksgiving. He just doesn't get it. He thinks I should be "over it" or whatever already. It's just hurtful because I really want to feel better but the holidays are so emotional for me this year.

GTKY: I go back and forth between being excited to see family and eat good food and then feeling s anxious about fielding TTC questions and dealing with everything I'm feeling. We're planning in decorating the house which I hope makes me feel better, but might make everything worse. I like notagoddess 's idea of going offline.

[littlelion]

LadyNymeria , I think a couple of glasses of wine would be ok. The way I see it testing may not matter. It could be too early to get a BFP so you'd be drinking in that case too.

notagoddess , I think disconnecting once in awhile is a great idea. Also, perhaps your OB can run some blood work for you? My old OB did that and found the MTHFR. I'd just recommend asking them to check with your insurance to make sure it's covered. Or let you know the test #'s so you can run it by your insurance. I had to pay for 2 tests re:MTHFR since that was not covered and it was a hefty bill (about $1k).

flojo973 , hugs. I know the feeling. I had started planning a Christmas Eve announcement so I know that day is going to sting. And sorry your hcg hasn't gone down to 0, returning to test makes it harder to move on I think. 

ETA: kayladawn91 , I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time with the holidays and YH isn't as supportive as he should be. I totally understand just not wanting to be around people that trigger such sadness. 

[littlelion]

How are you doing?
Probably not as good as I thought. Unexpected crying here and there this past week. We were driving around on Sunday and talking about getting pregnant again and my DH said if it was too hard on me to try again, esp physically, that perhaps we should look into adoption. Cue the slow tears rolling down my cheeks. He's a great guy and so sweet to worry. But it hurts to know that I may not be able to have more children. And then this morning reading the Tues Grad Checkin. I saw a couple ladies from the 2 BMBs I'd belong to and seeing their progress and ultrasounds made me cry. And last week I was ok reading it, I like seeing how well everyone is doing. But today it hit a nerve. 

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTA, waiting for hcg to go <2. Charting one cycle and deciding if and when we try again.

Diagnosis (if applicable): AMA and MTHFR

Updates/questions: I had my appt this morning, ultrasound and blood work. And you guys answered my question before I even asked. I was told I had to continue monitoring until my hcg went to at least 2.  I wondered how long that would take. This is my first time being monitored after a miscarriage. I've had 4 previous ones and all I did was notify my OB and that's that.  I usually get my results by 2 pm. 

Debbie downer (a place to vent):
I don't want to continue going back to the RE for testing. It sucks. It's a reminder of what went wrong.  And since I don't want to tell my boss that I need to continue going, I'll need to make my appts for 6:15 am. And I go to a great hospital but it's a teaching hospital.  The OB resident doing my ultrasound this morning kept asking stupid questions. I had to stop her and say I was there for a miscarriage. God, read my chart. And why must I continue to get ultrasounds. There's nothing in there.

GTKY: What is one thing you will be doing this week to take care of yourself? Retail therapy? Drinking lots of champagne with my turkey?

[LadyNymeria]

kayladawn91 - Hugs. I'm sorry YH isn't getting it. I think separate cars would be a good idea if you think you'll want to be able to leave early. Even if YH isn't getting it, protecting yourself is still most important. He needs to realize that this is not something to just get over.

As for the LP, I think 3 months in a row of 9? days or less is when it's time to mention it to your dr. I would try not to worry about 1 9 day LP, but if it keeps up I would mention it.

[LadyNymeria]

Many hugs littlelion. It's rough thinking you're feeling better then having a day that feels like a big set back. And I'm SO sorry about the OB resident - I had a similar issue with a lab tech when I was tracking my hCG to zero. All they need to do is check your chart quick and it should prevent making a bad situation worse.

[flojo973]

Hugs kayladawn91. Maybe we should get our H's together and have a talk with them! But seriously, I would do whatever makes you most comfortable. You want to be able to enjoy T-day as much as you can and if you need to step away you should be able to do that. Holidays are rough.

I'm sorry you're having a rough week littlelion. Lots of hugs to you. Hopefully the appointments will slow down soon.

Can we all leave work and meet at the bar??

[kayladawn91]

Nov 24, 2015 14:38:46 GMT -5 LadyNymeria said:

kayladawn91 - Hugs. I'm sorry YH isn't getting it. I think separate cars would be a good idea if you think you'll want to be able to leave early. Even if YH isn't getting it, protecting yourself is still most important. He needs to realize that this is not something to just get over.

As for the LP, I think 3 months in a row of 9? days or less is when it's time to mention it to your dr. I would try not to worry about 1 9 day LP, but if it keeps up I would mention it.

Okay thanks. I was thinking that one time probably wasn't a big deal but I wasn't sure if 9 is actually considered short anyway.

[peaseblossom55]

@notagodess hugs!
flojo973 sorry your husband was so insensitive.
LadyNymeria We are about the same DPO. FF says 9 I say 8 really.
kayladawn91 I feel you on the thanksgiving thing. I really want to look forward to it, but the same time I dread it as well.
How are you doing?

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): PCOS

Updates/questions: I'm about 9 or 8 DPO, FF seems to think 9 I think it's 8.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I feel so down about this cycle, not even sure why. I wish I knew why, perhaps gut instinct. I'm hoping I'm wrong though. I just want to be pregnant again so badly, it hurts. The waiting is the worst, and it makes me so upset.

GTKY: What is one thing you will be doing this week to take care of yourself? No idea really. I should do something.

[LadyNymeria]

Nov 24, 2015 22:40:49 GMT -5 peaseblossom55 said:

LadyNymeria We are about the same DPO. FF says 9 I say 8 really.

How are you doing?

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): PCOS

Updates/questions: I'm about 9 or 8 DPO, FF seems to think 9 I think it's 8.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I feel so down about this cycle, not even sure why. I wish I knew why, perhaps gut instinct. I'm hoping I'm wrong though. I just want to be pregnant again so badly, it hurts. The waiting is the worst, and it makes me so upset.

GTKY: What is one thing you will be doing this week to take care of yourself? No idea really. I should do something.

FX for both of us! Do you have a planned test date in mind? Or just waiting to see whether or not AF shows.

[peaseblossom55]

Nov 25, 2015 9:11:14 GMT -5 LadyNymeria said:

Nov 24, 2015 22:40:49 GMT -5 peaseblossom55 said:

LadyNymeria We are about the same DPO. FF says 9 I say 8 really.

How are you doing?

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): PCOS

Updates/questions: I'm about 9 or 8 DPO, FF seems to think 9 I think it's 8.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I feel so down about this cycle, not even sure why. I wish I knew why, perhaps gut instinct. I'm hoping I'm wrong though. I just want to be pregnant again so badly, it hurts. The waiting is the worst, and it makes me so upset.

GTKY: What is one thing you will be doing this week to take care of yourself? No idea really. I should do something.

FX for both of us! Do you have a planned test date in mind? Or just waiting to see whether or not AF shows.

Not sure I just feel out of it already, a gut feeling, perhaps closer to the weekend or Friday depending how my temps go.  I feel so many emotions I just want this cycle to work, but I don't think it will be that easy.

[LadyNymeria]

Nov 25, 2015 9:14:06 GMT -5 peaseblossom55 said:

Nov 25, 2015 9:11:14 GMT -5 LadyNymeria said:

FX for both of us! Do you have a planned test date in mind? Or just waiting to see whether or not AF shows.

Not sure I just feel out of it already, a gut feeling, perhaps closer to the weekend or Friday depending how my temps go.  I feel so many emotions I just want this cycle to work, but I don't think it will be that easy.

So many hugs to you. I'm sorry you're not feeling great about this cycle - I really hope you're gut is wrong and you get a nice happy surprise.

[peaseblossom55]

Nov 25, 2015 9:16:57 GMT -5 LadyNymeria said:

Nov 25, 2015 9:14:06 GMT -5 peaseblossom55 said:

Not sure I just feel out of it already, a gut feeling, perhaps closer to the weekend or Friday depending how my temps go.  I feel so many emotions I just want this cycle to work, but I don't think it will be that easy.

So many hugs to you. I'm sorry you're not feeling great about this cycle - I really hope you're gut is wrong and you get a nice happy surprise.

Me too. I hope that for us both!

[lovetruly2015]

Nov 24, 2015 11:13:20 GMT -5 LadyNymeria said:

How are you doing? I'm ok. I mentioned it last week that I do much better in the TWW than I do WTO so things are going pretty good right now.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC, Cycle 3 AL, 8 DPO

Diagnosis (if applicable): n/a

Updates/questions: I already ran this by the TWW thread yesterday but thought I'd run it by you ladies as well. Thanksgiving will be 10 DPO. I'm not a big drinker but plan to have a few glasses of wine and while a BFP is unlikely that early, it is technically possible. Would you not test and have the couple/few glasses of wine, not test and not drink, or test that morning before drinking just to be safe.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): Nothing today.

GTKY: What is one thing you will be doing this week to take care of yourself? Just taking it easy. Work gives us Friday as a holiday too so I plan to relax and do whatever I want during the long weekend.

I guess it just depends, if it where me I probably test or just not drink depending on my mood that morning. All my BFP's came at 10DPO (I think, the very first one I wasnt tracking cycles) so I wouldn't risk it but I also understand not wanting to have a BFN bringing the day down.

[lovetruly2015]

How are you doing? At the moment fine, but this wrek was sucky. I realized I fucked up selling Conners name (read bellow) and I went out in the snow storm the other day for some reason I can't remember and I my way home I just lost it. I sat in my car in my driveway and cried for almost an hour. I just realized that it would have been babys fist snowfall and lost my shit over it. Its strange the things that can mess you upn

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): N/A

Updates/questions: nothing

Debbie downer (a place to vent):
I feel like a terrible mother and am questioning if I should be having kids since I found out I started spelling Conner's name wrong somewhere in the last few months and I can't ever guess as to why. When we where in the hospital I could have sowrn on my life the DH spelled it with an "or" on the birth certificate. In my incredibly drugged out state I wasn't equipped to fill out any paperwork. But after seeing the way my necklace is spelt and DHs tatoo I weng back an looked and I was wrong. The real kicker is at first I was spelling it right when for some bizzar reason that I can't think of I swicthed it in my head and didnt fucking notice. HOW THE HELL DOES THAT HAPPEN? I feel like a shit mother.

GTKY: What is one thing you will be doing this week to take care of yourself? I will be leaving all family activities if it gets to be to much. No apologies givenm my feeling are my feelings and I refuse to apologize for them. Also I'm drink all the wine this year...maybe, my grandfather used to be an alcoholic so maybe only a glass or two. The last thing I need is my family wondering if I'm going down that road. I love my family but they are loud and large I'd never get them off my back if that happens.

[LadyNymeria]

Oh lovetruly2015 so many hugs. You are not a bad mother, please don't feel like that. You yourself said you were drugged up - that can easily cause confusion, and I know once I have something in my head it tends to stick there. Please try not to let this make you feel like a bad mother. You're not at all! I wish there was something I could say to really make you feel better, but just know I'm sending you so many hugs.

[lovetruly2015]

flojo973, I'm sorry your husband was said something so jerky. We told our family on thanksgiving last year and it bringing up all kinds of feels so I get it. Just remember that your entitled to your feelings don't feel like you have to hide them for anyone.

LadyNymeria, thanks it's just hard I really don't understand how I screwed that up, maybe later in life I can find it funny but right now it just makes make me feel crappy. Also I have my fingers crossed for you.

[hydrangea1019]

Hey guys. Sorry I'm a bit late.
Thanks for starting notagoddess. I think planning and thinking about possible next steps will be helpful.
flojo973 I'm so sorry about your Hs words last night. Sending you lots of hugs. You take as much time as you need to heal emotionally. It takes time.
@kayladawn I think 1 random 9 day LP is ok. You don't want multiples. After our loss I had 2-3 cycles in a row that were 9s. I told myself if the next one was short again I'd go to the doc they've all been 11ish since.
littlelion I'm really sorry about this past tough week. That OB resident sounds awful.

How are you? I'd like to think I'm ok, but I can feel the anxiety on the edge trying to sneak in.
Status: TTC
Diagnosis? N/A
Updates/Questions: why is it so hard to get pregnant?!
Debbie Downer: today is the day my SIL is announcing her pregnancy to her family. She had planned on telling them separately so we wouldn't have to be there, but I feel like we are taking her moment from her. I text her and told her I'd like to be there for it. She's very sweet and considerate of us. Any thoughts and prayers for strength tonight would be appreciated

And it doesn't help that AF is scheduled to show up anytime from Thursday-Saturday. I've been praying it holds off

GTKY: wine. Wine. Oh, and wine

[LadyNymeria]

hydrangea1019 - That was nice of you to tell your SIL to go ahead with a whole family announcement. I will be thinking of you, wishing you strength tonight, and sending hugs your way.

Thank you lovetruly2015!