Since it's Monday and unlikely to get much happier, I have a morbid question for everyone. If both you and your partner die at the same time, who will get custody of your LO(s)? Also, do you have a will set up?
Well, it's either going to be my the older of my 2 BIL or the oldest of my sisters. My brother has his 2 (well 3 if you count the little girl who isn't biologically his) kids. The rest of our siblings are far too young.
Edit : My mom is a bit of a hoarder as well. The house is always messy, my sister has some mental health troubles (anxiety, depression, and has attempted to hurt herself) and is 13. They need to focus on helping her, not full time care of 3 small kids. My dad wouldn't be a bad choice but he was recently laid off and having trouble finding a job in his field. He is going back to school for a business degree. My brother also tends to be a bit of an alcoholic, he is working on it and has been going to AA and things. I think it's mostly related to PTSD from war. My husband's oldest brother is 25 and single, so it would be a massive life change. Although, he would do it in a heartbeat.
I feel like my sister is the best choice. She is in a stable relationship (5 years together and getting married soon). She is still going to school (med school) and that's the only downside. So as long as nothing happens to us in the next few years, she'd be the one I'd want to take my kids.
We set up a will when we had DD with a line that includes all our children. We don't want the kids split up so we did some planning. My sister will get the kids and our insurance is set up to go to her as well as all of our possessions/finances. If we both die she will have the financial means to give the kids a great life and I completely trust her to do that. She is the clear choice to keep both families involved in the kids lives.
We also have a back up for our back up in our will. Can't be too prepared for the worst case scenario.
Why does everyone automatically rule out single people....I would gladly hand my kid to my single cousin in a heartbeat...certainly before many married couples I know.
I have a single friend I would totally give my kiddos to. She is late 30s and may never have kids of her own. Right now she is in nursing school though and I feel like it would be too much on her plate
Post by motownthrowdown on Dec 1, 2015 8:29:48 GMT -5
My best friend said yes!
She was my first and only choice, and I would have asked her whether she was married or not. It so happens that she is married, but that wasn't a deciding factor. Now hopefully we won't both die, otherwise both sets of our parents are going to flip the eff out when they find out A goes to my friend. I'd say they'd kill us, but we'll be dead already lol.
Our first choice is BIL and his wife. They have 2 (soon to be 3) kids, live in a great house in a great neighborhood, and she is a pediatrician. My only fear is that T might not see my family very often. They live several hours from my family, so it would be hard. Just keeping fingers crossed we don't die
My oldest sister would take the kids. We've discussed it in detail, written things down, just haven't gone to a lawyer to draw up an actual will. My dad isn't financially stable enough to raise three kids, my in laws are nuts, so no, and my grandparents already raised my mother and I. My sister already agreed, as well as her fiance. They're stable, just bought a house, and aren't crazy. Crazy was our biggest obstacle, really.
DD1 will take Allison. She'll be the recipient of all the life insurance too so she will be set financially. She'll be able I buy a nice house where ever she chooses to live and she'll have plenty left for college and to help with their day to day expenses.
Why does everyone automatically rule out single people....I would gladly hand my kid to my single cousin in a heartbeat...certainly before many married couples I know.
I think most people think if a single person is suddenly responsible for kids, it might make it harder for them to date, etc. My BIL is single and we are talking about making him and my sister in charge. Thst way the 2 of them can coordinate family events on each side of family and make sure both sides csn see them still.
Post by oopsiedaisies on Dec 3, 2015 10:26:33 GMT -5
H and I have gone back and forth about this for the past 2.5 years, and have never done anything official because we couldn't agree. Our unofficial was split custody between our parents. My brother is a no go due to immaturity and inability to hold a job. My BIL and his wife are a no go for me, due to the marriage is in question. Plus, IMO they'd snuff the life out of my spirited child. No effing way. So, we'd talked about some friends, but never have asked any of them. Somebody above mentioned a cousin...this is genius! I'm going to talk to H about one of his cousins. We are the closest with them of the cousins, and they have very similar parenting styles to ours...plus they get spirited children. I honestly feel very good about this now.
Why does everyone automatically rule out single people....I would gladly hand my kid to my single cousin in a heartbeat...certainly before many married couples I know.
Not automatically. I know my single sister would do great but being a single parent is hard and we do have other reasonable options.
I actually created a will for my H and I right before I had this baby. I bought Willmaker 2015 for about $40. It was easy and took about an hour. It kind of reminded me of a Turbo tax. While it's not airtight at least it will serve to express my wishes if I can't. I chose my Mil as my executor of estate and the kids go to my brother (and his long time gf) but legally just named my brother. He works in law and agreed that it's not a great solution for long term but since it's not likely to be used it's fine for now as something quick and dirty. Check it out Amazon, the software got good reviews.
I think we briefly talked about this a few months ago and decided on my oldest BIL and SIL. Makes sense since we are already the godparents to 4 of their 7 children (the other three were adopted more recently).
After having gone through what I have with my parents, we will definitely be making a will, ASAP. My brother has been so amazing in tying up all the loose ends with my dad's estate, but I know its been hard. So many bank accounts, pension, funeral costs, assets, etc. My father had a very basic will, and it was not enough. Trying to figure out everything has been hard. For instance, he didn't specify what he wanted for funeral arrangements. Or what to do with his stuff. Or making medical decisions. Luckily, my brother and I get along very well, so there haven't been any disputes, but I could see how it could have gotten very contentious if we weren't.
Liam will probably go to my brother & his wife, although I'll need to double check with the husband (his siblings either already have children or aren't interested in them). But I trust any of them explicitly. I just want to make sure that Liam won't have to worry if we're gone.
Make a will. Make it clear. Update it every 5 years.
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