Husbands and loss?

[neam2014]

Last night my husband and I had a long talk about my MC. He is, as we joke "blissfully unaware" normally in life (his friends at work made him a name tag that says this) and with TTC almost 2 years with him having the attitude of "when it happens it happens", this MC hit him like a ton of bricks.

How do/did your H deal/feel about it? How can I help my H? 

Last night he was crying (first time I've ever seen him so upset), he said he is scared/worried to get me pregnant again. He was crying that he doesn't want to put me thru that again. IDK what to do. I'm upset also (and really was the first few days) but it hasn't made me question trying again at all. 

Any advice? 

[lormor]

[siggie warning]
I am sorry for your loss.

**LC WARNING**

I had two miscarriages before my daughter was born, and they affected my husband and me very differently. My H was happy to keep trying, but he didn't get excited about the BFP the second time, and then wasn't surprised when that pregnancy ended. Then the third time he really wasn't excited, until we made it through the NT scan. And after that he was totally on board.

Now he barely even remembers them and certainly doesn't think about them, while I do.

I'd say let your husband grieve and give him time to process. He is in a sad place now, as are you, so it is hard to imagine putting yourself through this again. But I'm sure he will be ready to try again after a while. Be gentle with him and with yourself .

[aprilz81]

I'm very sorry for your loss.

For us it was two very different processes. We found out that I would miscarry two days after we got a positive test because my RE tested my betas and they were already dropping with a very low progesterone level.

I was home along when I got the news and spent the afternoon ugly crying and telling the people who had known I was pregnant. By the time DH got home I had gotten over the worst of my grieving and I turned my attention to making sure DH had a way to process what was happening and how he felt about it.

I never did get him to really open up (he's not a talker on the best of days) but he did surprise me with his questions about what would happen during the actual process. I encouraged him to talk to SOMEONE even if it wasn't me. I knew that my family would end up focusing on me and how I was feeling and I wanted to make sure that he had someone to talk things over with.

Time will help.

[alygohome]

My husband took my second way harder then I did, but like other posters have said he doesn't think about them at all now, but I still do.

[thepax89]

I've had two losses in 10 weeks. After the first, DH was my rock. He really pulled us through that hell. And now we are here again. He is angry, devastated, and anxious. Completely different experience. I need to be more sensitive about his loss because they were his babies too. Even though it was my physical trauma

[paulineshay]

Hello,

I don't even have any words to say. I can't imagine how you feel. But for sure you should not give up and stop trying to conceive a baby. And definitely when you are both ready. Maybe your husband is still getting over the loss and doesn't want you suffer. As an option you can visit the clinic and consult the doctor if you are ready to conceive again. Maybe it could help him to calm down and try again. Just give him real evidence of your well-being. He worries about you!

[nana123]

Hi, Neam. I'm so sorry for your loss. don't feel sad or grieve. Although you have an ordeal you also have a kind and gentle husband who feels you and loves you. your problem will be solved soon. Your story encouraged me to share you my experience. I’m a young wife and I had two miscarriages since last year, IDK why?. Most of my tests were fine. So, I decided to follow a healthy diet with lots of fruit and vegetables to increase my fertility. I avoided infections and I Took prenatal vitamins. Finally, I succeed to conceive and I got my baby safely. So, I recommend you to follow a healthy lifestyle and visit your doctor. Kind wishes

[katy33]

Hello, my dear. I really like your husband way when he tries to save you from another miscarriage. Don’t worry. There’s no danger in trying to get pregnant again once the miscarriage has fully completed. I know it’s so cruel to lose the baby, but you have to try. There’s nothing you can do to prevent a miscarriage. When I had a miscarriage, my husband and I was so upset and in bad mood for a long time. Then I wrote my problem in a forum like this and many people advised me with two important things. One of them was following healthy lifestyle choices before conception and during pregnancy is important for me and my baby. But the others talked about the treatment in Kiyv at Ukraine. We followed a healthy diet for 6 months and then we decided to travel abroad. I sent an email with the medical history and some examination results. After all procedures, I made a successful IVF treatment. I recommend you if you aren’t able to conceive without miscarriage, travel Kyiv at Ukraine. Where you will find the solution. Wishing you good luck.

[kelly99]

God, you made me so upset. I’m sorry you are going through such difficulties. You are very lucky to have such a great husband. He cares about you! He is trying to make you happy. I really want you to become parents as soon as possible.
First of all you have to support your husband. I see that he is very sensitive. So, he should know that you are supporting him. He should know that you still want to have kids with him. Show him that you aren’t going to give up. It should help. Don’t be so sad. Try to calm down. A lot of women go through miscarriages. It is very important to stay strong and keep trying.

[gerge12]

neam2014 it’s a hard time for you and especially for your husband. Although you have made great effort to give him pleasures but didn’t get success. Nature is playing with you. nature just want to test your stamina and caliber. You should say to your husband that doesn’t cry. It happens to every woman. I am among them. Nature has developed this system within woman body and give them the courage to bear. I know how much pain is severing. But you have to condole your husband. Otherwise, he will make his mind and never make a try. It’s not his fault. What he can do if you don’t alive anymore.? Try to understand him that we humans are helpless in front of nature decisions. It’s not our fault. And if you can ovulate then there is no problem for second-time pregnancy. Just you have to take extra care of yourself. Don’t be hopeless!!!

[jessicastarnes]

Dear, you are so lucky that you have such a loving and caring husband.I am sorry for your loss.It's too much heartbroken condition to lose your baby.I had also gone through.After a month, I will again try to conceive the baby.Now, this time things are quite better as compared the first time.I just pray and wish everything will be normal and much positive.I hope, I get success and have the healthy pregnancy.Keep your head up.

[mishel65]

Well what can we say now. She is going to be upset of course. This is the bad thing that is happened to her. It's really bad. What can we say now. Just tell her to be calm. Everything is going to be fine for her. I can understand why she is so upset. This thing make people very much upset. What can we say. Just be strong. Everything is going to be fine.

[sarah321]

Hey. I empathize with you dear. Stay strong and positive. You have to have patience. Maybe this wasn't the right time for your baby to come. When the time will be right, it won't take long. Trust me. Show your husband that you're fine and have been normal in life. Maybe that would ease him. Good Luck!

[mishel65]

Hi neam, how are you. Well I am really sorry for you too. It's really a very difficult to bear. It has all the pain that no other thing has. Be calm neam. I know how could you keep calm. But that is the only option my friend.

[isabella]

Hey. I am so sorry for your loss. I was literally crying when I read your post. It really hurts. But I know your pain. A woman always wants a family. Sometimes it never happens exactly what we want. I suffered 3 miscarriages and then It left me infertile. I went for the treatments too but the same results I mean no luck. My husband wanted babies badly. He never said that but I Knew it. I decided to go for surrogacy because I wanted to see him happy. Today I am blessed with a baby boy. I am so happy because he is happy.

[emiliaaa]

I know your pain. I am so sorry. A woman always wants to be a mother. Sometimes it never happens exactly what we want.I tried to conceive for almost 10 years but failed. My husband wanted babies. I decided to go for surrogacy because I wanted to see him happy. Today I am blessed with a baby. Surrogacy is really a blessing.

[alicedy]

I know your pain. I am so sorry. A woman always wants to be a mother because being a mother is a blessing. Sometimes we never get what we want.I tried to conceive for almost 10 years but failed. My husband wanted babies too. I decided to go for surrogacy because I wanted to see him happy. Today I am blessed with a baby. Surrogacy is really a blessing.

[rihannadennis]

Dec 1, 2015 19:22:45 GMT -5 neam2014 said:

Last night my husband and I had a long talk about my MC. He is, as we joke "blissfully unaware" normally in life (his friends at work made him a name tag that says this) and with TTC almost 2 years with him having the attitude of "when it happens it happens", this MC hit him like a ton of bricks.

How do/did your H deal/feel about it? How can I help my H? 

Last night he was crying (first time I've ever seen him so upset), he said he is scared/worried to get me pregnant again. He was crying that he doesn't want to put me thru that again. IDK what to do. I'm upset also (and really was the first few days) but it hasn't made me question trying again at all. 

Any advice? 

Awwww, darling! I'm so sorry for both of you. It's just time for you both to remain strong and calm...I've had around 3 MCs. Every time, it drained me. My husband also got depressed and hopeful. But, listen dear! We both never gave the idea of not having a child. So, yeah! Last year, my cousin suggested me to try via IVF. So, yes! We discussed and we are going to a center in Ukraine for our first attempt. No matter what happens, we don't wanna give up the idea of having a child anytime. So, yes! Just stay strong dear! There are still other ways out there. You both can still become parents... xx

[rosiejames]

Hi, how are you doing? Well, I am really sorry for your loss. It's really very difficult to bear such pain. Having children is one of the biggest wishes of any couple. Keep calm and be optimistic. I know it's hard but you have to control yourself. This is the only option for you. Wishing you good luck!

[cerys]

Perhaps your better half is up 'til now getting over the incident and needn't bother with you persevere. As an elective, you can visit the middle and advice the authority if you are set up to think about yet again. Potentially it could help him with quieting down and endeavour yet again. Having children is one of the best wishes of any couple. Attempt to abstain from freezing and be hopeful. I know it's hard yet you have to control yourself. This is the principal elective for you.

[karla45]

Hey there, welcome to this forum.Hope you get a good piece of advice here. Really sorry to know about your loss. We all wished to have kids. Be positive and faithful. Its been hard for you but this option will work for you. My good wishes and prayers are with you.

[Eric Watson]

Hey Neam! I hope you will be fine. I just come to know about your miscarriage. It gives the worst feeling ever. But it is the part of life. I think you should go for diagnosis, it would help to get to know the cause of miscarriage. Instead of it, you can also go for surrogacy or IVF. Such methods have great contribution in fulfilling people wish. I think you should consult with your doctors about it. It may help you. My love and support.

[mari1214]

I hope everyone will be fine. I am gonna share my positive story with you. I was a victim of infertility. I never lose hope. I waited for the right time. I visited a clinic in Europe. They were very helping for me for opting IVF. IVF was successful. I have my biological son. I am very happy. Best of luck everyone.

[Eric Watson]

Hey Neam! I hope you will be fine. I felt very sorry o know about your loss. It's a very painful thing to have but maybe it is the part of life. Every 6th couple is dealing with such issues. You should diagnose the cause that is leading to the loss. MAybe there is a reason behind it that is avoiding you to retain the pregnancy. I hope it will be cured, but in case, if nothing happens then you should go for surrogacy. In this process, embryo formed outside the body by using your gametes. It is then injected into the uterus of the third mother (a surrogate). In this way, you would not need to be worried about this miscarriage. Everything will be handled by the clinic and surrogate. People are getting a lot of help from it. Keep it as an option

[Glenna Johnson]

Hey Neam. How are you doing? Well, this is so heart drowning. I am feeling so sorry for you. You are so lucky that you have so caring husband. Well persuade her that this is all unfortunate and mistiming. Maybe thing will work for you this time. I know its easy to say and difficult to do. But I think this is the only way to recover from your previous damage. Hope so you will consider my words. Best of luck.