S/O Baby Names - Advice Please? (Loss mentioned - not mine)

[chicagomomab]

I decided to start a new thread since I hope you'll all chime in with thoughts and I didn't want to blow up the other thread about baby names.

I have a very close friend who recently (last week) had her baby very prematurely and he passed away.  We were all crushed (and still are).  I can't even imagine the pain she is going through.  I know she and her husband are still really grieving.  She was due about 2.5 weeks before me (so a May baby).

So the name dilemma.  DH and I had basically settled on the name Viviana Inez or Viviana Noemi.  (Viviana was actually the runner up for our DD1).  We hadn't told anyone that we were considering (or settling on) this name.  Is it bad form to name our daughter Viviana which means "lively" or "full of life" given the circumstances?  Am I overthinking it?

[t1green]

I think you might be overthinking it. Viviana is a beautiful name and it has a very beautiful meaning. You should stick with it since you love it so much.

[rocksforludo]

Jan 30, 2015 13:58:40 GMT -5 chicagomomab said:

I decided to start a new thread since I hope you'll all chime in with thoughts and I didn't want to blow up the other thread about baby names.

I have a very close friend who recently (last week) had her baby very prematurely and he passed away.  We were all crushed (and still are).  I can't even imagine the pain she is going through.  I know she and her husband are still really grieving.  She was due about 2.5 weeks before me (so a May baby).

So the name dilemma.  DH and I had basically settled on the name Viviana Inez or Viviana Noemi.  (Viviana was actually the runner up for our DD1).  We hadn't told anyone that we were considering (or settling on) this name.  Is it bad form to name our daughter Viviana which means "lively" or "full of life" given the circumstances?  Am I overthinking it?

I'm so sorry to hear this.  I think you are overthinking it, which is easy to do when someone you love is hurting so badly. 

[shmee]

I'm so sorry for your friend, that's heartbreaking.

I definitely think you're overthinking it, though. It's not like it's common knowledge that Viviana means full of life. It's sweet of you to consider her, but I don't think you need to be concerned about that aspect.

[sunshyneshay]

It is a beautiful name and I agree with PPs that you are overthinking it. I'm very sorry to hear of your friend's loss

[chicagomomab]

Thanks ladies! I'm sure you're right. I guess I was thinking more because we're Spanish speakers and Viviana clearly comes from "vivir" which means to live. But it is a name we really like, I just don't want to seem insensitive. Thanks for all the input. I think we'll likely stick with it but still undecided on middle name.

[honeylemon]

I'm so sorry for your friend's loss but you're way overthinking this.

[robotpcr]

So sorry for their loss. I wouldn't worry about it at all though. I doubt the thought would occur to them.

[Deleted]

Jan 30, 2015 14:22:11 GMT -5 robotpcr said:

So sorry for their loss. I wouldn't worry about it at all though. I doubt the thought would occur to them.

This

[CTri17]

unless she had named that baby that, I wouldn't over think it and use that name.

[scattered]

Jan 30, 2015 14:31:14 GMT -5 CTri17 said:

unless she had named that baby that, I wouldn't over think it and use that name.

This is what I was going to say. Beautiful name. 

[obi]

I am so sorry for your friend's loss. I'd agree with PPs. You are really over thinking it.

[Poppy]

I don't think she would ever no what the name means. I don't generally ask what a name means I just know if I like it or not.

I do think you are over thinking it but I want to say how much I appreciate you trying to be considerate of your friend and her grief. It's very special and will mean a lot to her. Do you know what they named their baby? I'd suggest using it's name whenever you refer to it. Loss mama's don't get to hear their babies names very often and I always appreciate when I hear Addie's.

[lgsdesigner]

Honestly-- no one really thinks about/cares about meanings much. Especially if they are not the parents of the child. Go with it.
And sorry about your friend's loss. How very tragic.

[Poppy]

@blackpearl08. I get a better sense of OP's concern now. Thanks for the examples. It's sweet to be concerned but I don't think the name will be a glaring point to her. Generally speaking the baby will no doubt be a difficult reminder of her loss. It's going to be a tough road ahead for her. It makes my heart hurt, the poor thing.

[chicagomomab]

Jan 30, 2015 16:22:48 GMT -5 Poppy said:

I don't think she would ever no what the name means. I don't generally ask what a name means I just know if I like it or not.

I do think you are over thinking it but I want to say how much I appreciate you trying to be considerate of your friend and her grief. It's very special and will mean a lot to her. Do you know what they named their baby? I'd suggest using it's name whenever you refer to it. Loss mama's don't get to hear their babies names very often and I always appreciate when I hear Addie's.

Thank you for this response Poppy.  I struggle with how to refer to the baby so I'm so glad that you said that it's okay, and encouraged to use his name.  This is so helpful!

[kate6214]

While u understand your concern, I agree with Poppy it's going to be a struggle for the parents no matter what you name your child.

I would absolutely use the name they picked when talking about their baby.

[jerseyakl]

Definitely overthinking it. I don't recommend putting the meaning of the name on a birth announcement if it goes to her, but I cannot imagine it being inappropriate. It will be tough for her no matter what so it is nice of you to think of how it might impact her, but I think you should go ahead and name the baby what you had in mind.

I am really sorry to hear about your friend, by the way. Heartbreaking.

[Poppy]

chicagomomab people are usually afraid to mention a baby who has passed. They are afraid if bringing it up in front of the parents and somehow reminding them of their loss. They won't ever forget. It's always on your mind and something you just come back to. As painful as it is mentioning the babies name makes them special and a part of their family. It's not "something that happened" but their baby. I'd also write the babies birthday down and send a card/flowers or something to them next year. Their due date will also be a rough one.

I obviously don't know your friend but I know what she's going through. I also am speaking in what I've noticed in my own experiences and through talking with the other moms on TTCAL. Mostly just ask her how she is doing. Take her lead and listen whenever she needs you to. Sometimes I just needed to talk and talk and having someone listen without offering advice or input was so helpful.