PTSD (or the like...) - who has it?

[manada]

This is my first post on this board since I defected from TB, though I lurk there sometimes...

Does anyone want to talk about/vent/rant about the trauma they're carrying around and how it impacts their lives?   I really liked the article from Still Standing about PTSD in the case of pregnancy loss, and while I am not personally rushing out for a diagnosis, I do spend a decent amount of time carrying around my trauma like a huge pink elephant on my back, and I get the sense from the loss moms that I've met locally, that I am certainly not the only one....

I have found that baby loss groups are good for talking about grief, loss, moving on to CAL, but I don't know if there's many places for people like us to discuss how trauma sits with us, and how we are dealing.   I think that could be a good conversation.....    Anyone else want to talk?  (Am happy to move to an offline thread for privacy too if preferred)


We are 7 months out from losing our twins at 21 weeks. We lost them to pprom, IC, and a collection of other unlucky factors but it happened very quickly (we went from everything was looking up to losing them within 24 hours), so I am carrying not just grief but alot of trauma.  I am back at work mostly full-time now, but my stress tolerance is way down, my anxiety is way up, and I have a hair trigger for physical stuff, anything that brings me back to a memory of pregnancy is a surefire breakdown for me.  It sucks.   I found a really great therapist who I see weekly, so I have some hope that things will get better slowly, but yeah -- it's alot to carry around in addition to being sad and missing our babies and dreams.     It's also hard to make people understand that it's a really normal reaction to a horrible experience....   but yeah, all around it just sucks.

[mommytoava]

I experience PTSD. My daughter was older when she passed at the end of August. We had a lot of emergency vechicles outside our house that morning trying to save her. Now everytime I hear a siren I freeze and just think back to that morning.

[shandorfml2]

Hi manda.

I think all of us experience some level of PTSD. I'd say the first 6 months I really struggled with flashbacks, racing thoughts, nightmares, anxiety and so on. It really took a full year before I was able to "function" normally without having sobbing outbursts. I think this is an important topic to discuss. I think there are also numerous triggers that can bring back up our trauma...certain smells (for me, baby shampoo, hospital smell, roses and tulips, spring smells). It can be very difficult!

[shandorfml2]

*edited..forgot to hide my sig, sorry about that!


and, I really like your last sentence that it is hard for people to understand why we are still so upset months out. OUR BABIES DIED. It is totally normal to still be struggling months later, and I don't like being labeled with mental illness or being offered medications for something that is natural, and will only get better with time. However, I do feel there are those mamas who have true PTSD that extends beyond a "typical" grieving period, where it is impacting their life great enough to consider a PTSD diagnosis and possible medication.

[mrswheelo]

I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds exactly like mine. We lost our twins at 21 weeks. We never got a definitive diagnosis for what sent us into pre term, but the doctor mentioned IC, placental abruption, pprom. We don't know which came first or why, bc everything was perfect until then I have so many triggers. I think PTSD is exactly what we experience. If I hear a baby cry, see a pregnant cashier @ the grocery store, or hear someone talk about their pregnancy, I can easily fall into a weeping mess. I have so many flashbacks to when we lost them and the day of their funeral. I still feel phantom kicks 3 months later and sometimes I wake up forgetting that I'm not pregnant anymore, only to be smacked with reality. I can come unglued at any point. Depression is a big part of what I cope with, so this group as well as seeing my doctor are really helpful to me.

[happyin14]

My triggers are better- I am a year and a half out. My son was 2.5 do I also had fire trucks and sirens. Watching the story about the mansion in MD has bee really hard. MS was also staying with his grandparents.

But I definitely still get so overwhelmed by what happened that I can't breathe. Less often though...

[penguininthecity]

Still having flashbacks when I'm in bed or otherwise left alone to my thoughts, but loss was fairly recent for me. Will see what happens as time marches on.

[jenn83]

For a long time, I could only remember his last 24 hours - from time of relapse to death. It would just replay in my mind over and over and I couldn't remember anything else, his personality, any of his quirks, etc. He was not responsive in any of that time. Those traits are slowly coming back to me which is reassuring. But since half of his life was spent fighting cancer it seems like it is hitting me twice as hard (I know other cancer moms with survivors that have PTSD as well).

As time has gone on it has gotten better. I still have the moments where I close my office door to have a moment or cry myself to sleep. But they are less frequent. All the memories are still there and I think of him daily but it is not as painful as it once was.

[abi]

Pick me!

...well, not really, but that's life these days...

I started having panic attacks while I was still pg and we knew that things weren't looking too hopeful. After a lovely period of protective denial (shock), I completely fell apart. For a while I lived with crippling anxiety, but I'm getting to know this new me.