TTCAL Check-In 12/15

[notagoddess]

The Trying to Conceive After a Loss thread is posted once a week (generally on Tuesday) for those of us who have unfortunately experienced a loss. No matter what type of loss you've experienced, from miscarriage to stillbirth to the loss of a child, it is heartbreaking. This thread is to help us commiserate, get support, and to try to navigate trying to conceive after a loss every week.

Out of respect to all the ladies here, please add a trigger warning if you decide to talk about any living children and please hide your signature if it contains pictures or tickers of babies or children. We also kindly ask for grads to refrain from commenting in this thread.

**If this is your first check-in, and you would like to provide a gtky loss history intro go for it. If not, no worries!**

How are you doing?

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched):

Diagnosis (if applicable):

Updates/questions:

Debbie downer (a place to vent):

GTKY: Are you excited for the holidays, or will you be relieved once they're over?

[notagoddess]

How are you doing? Mostly fine, but not as good as the last few weeks. I feel like I'm slowly giving up hope.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): Resected uterine septum

Updates/questions: My body is being confusing with multiple LH surges. I want to ovulate already and move on! This is my last full cycle before my "next steps" OB appointment in January. I'm not sure I'm completely ready for testing or interventions, but I want to hear what the doctor suggests at that point.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I saw a perfect newborn yesterday while running errands. My face crumpled and I cried for a few seconds, then I kept walking. That's the first time that's happened to me. 

GTKY: Are you excited for the holidays, or will you be relieved once they're over? A little bit of both!

[kayladawn91]

How are you doing? I've been keeping busy so I've mostly been okay.

Status: TTC - WTO in Cycle 7 AL

Diagnosis: N/A

Updates/questions: Nope. Just dealing with another long-ish cycle.

Debbie downer: I actually don't have one this week which is great in my opinion. Stay tuned though, because my emotions change from one day to the next.

GTKY: I don't really know. The holidays have been a lot easier than I anticipated thus far. But I know that seeing my nieces and nephews open gifts is going to be difficult. We're hosting Christmas with H's family this year too so I'm hoping I can stay okay through that.

[kayladawn91]

Hugs notagoddess. I hope you O soon!

[peaseblossom55]

How are you doing?

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): PCOS

Updates/questions: I was observed by my RE yesterday 3 big follicles but my lining is on the thinner side so I am taking estrogen. It's making me feel dizzy. I should O hopefully in the next few days.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I am trying to be positive for this cycle and really focusing on the hope that is bring. I'm still so much in my head and thinking of the alternate universe where I am 37 weeks pregnant and I should be due any day now.

GTKY: Are you excited for the holidays, or will you be relieved once they're over? I just want December to be done and over with so I can get past Xmas new years and Anneliese's EDD.

[hydrangea1019]

Morning!
notagoddess I know how you feel, but we gotta hold on to that tiny sliver of hope that remains. We can do this and we'll go to our OBs in Jan and see what they say.
kayladawn91 hosting Christmas sounds fun!!

How are you doing? Meh. Ok. Not great. Not bad.
Status: TTC
Dx: n/a
Updates: I ovulated early this cycle so our timing was crap: -3 and +1. My only saving grace in my mind was that +1 was in the morning so MAYBE there's a chance.
DH has boarded his own crazy train. Started googling bc I was hot, smelling random foods (corn casserole), and didn't feel well.
Debbie downer: just a bit annoyed that this is kind of our last cycle before seeking help in Jan. Although we will get 1 more shot since this one was so short.
GTKY: I'll be relieved once Christmas Day is over. We'll be with my new nephew and it's his first Christmas. So I may stay in my room and 'sleep in' on Christmas morning to allow them time to celebrate 'baby's first Christmas'. We originally planned on going up ON Christmas Day to avoid it. However my mom and my brother were bummed we wouldn't be there the majority of the day....

[flojo973]

notagoddess, kayladawn91, hope you both O soon!
peaseblossom55, hope you're feeling less dizzy today. Do you have to take the estrogen after you O?
hydrangea1019, FX for you! I don't know why but you smelling corn casserole made me laugh!

How are you doing? Ok

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC - pretty sure today is O day

Diagnosis (if applicable): n/a

Updates/questions: None.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I'm focusing on being positive so no real complaints. I got a positive OPK yesterday but DH is out of town so I'm hoping today is O day (temps still low) and that we can hit O+1.

GTKY: Are you excited for the holidays, or will you be relieved once they're over? I'm excited but it doesn't feel like Christmas with this warm weather!

[peaseblossom55]

flojo973 I have to take the estrogen until Sunday, regardless of when I o.
notagoddess I hope O is soon
hydrangea1019 I'm sorry you will have to deal with baby's first Christmas this year. My sister is having my niece's first birthday party on Christmas day, so it's a double whammy. Luckily we aren't staying long.

[LadyNymeria]

How are you doing? I'm ok

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC, Cycle 4 AL, WTO

Diagnosis (if applicable): n/a

Updates/questions: I feel like having such good timing last month but not getting a BFP may have actually helped me. I was stressing so bad about perfect timing and last month we had great timing, but it didn't work. While I'm still worrying about making sure we hit my FW, I don't feel quite as stressed out about having "perfect" timing this month.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): Mentioned this in WTO, but I was hoping for sex last night and it didn't happen. Try again tonight since it's CD14 today and I usually O CD16-17. Thankfully I'm not freaking out like I would have last month (see Updates above).

GTKY: Are you excited for the holidays, or will you be relieved once they're over? I'm excited for them. It will be nice to have some extra days off work and just relax and hang out with family.

[LadyNymeria]

notagoddess - I hope you O soon. Hugs for yesterday. I thankfully haven't had that reaction to babies so far, but I did cry at the grocery store a month or 2 before when a pregnant lady walked by. It sucks having things trigger these feelings. You said it's the first time - hopefully it will go away again for you.

kayladawn91 - Sorry about the longer cycle. Hope you O soon. I'm glad the season has been going better than expected for you so far, but preemptive hugs for Christmas.

peaseblossom55 - Hope the estrogen helps your lining and you O soon. Many hugs to you for the upcoming weeks.

hydrangea1019 - Lol to YH being on the crazy train. -3 isn't a bad day to hit - that's what just got Fire KU. Advanced hugs for having to get through your nephew's first Christmas.

flojo973 - It would be nice for you if O could hold off another day so you can hit O instead of O+1. But at least it seems like you'll be able to hit O+1 at least since your temp was still down today.

[requiressnacks]

notagoddess, I've had multiple LH surges before and it is so annoying. Hopefully this one was the real deal

kayladawn91, I find that keeping busy helps too.

peaseblossom55, I hope that this month goes by quickly for you. I can't even imagine how difficult it must be. FX that this cycle brings you good news.

hydrangea1019, FX for you!

flojo973, I hear ya on the warm weather. It's 60 degrees in CT today.

LadyNymeria, glad you're feeling less stressed.

AFM....

How are you doing? Honestly, not great. I sort of waffle between deep depression and just going through the motions. I'm actually happy that I have a job because it gives me a reason to get up and put real clothes on.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTA until HCG is down to 0

Diagnosis (if applicable): Unexplained IF

Updates/questions: Only update from last week is that I passed all the tissue, which was confirmed by an US last Thursday. The RE said my lining was looking a little too thick (I don't even know what this means) so I'll probably go back once more just to make sure it's all good. My HCG was still over 1000, and because I like to torture myself, I took a HPT yesterday and it was still positive.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): See above?

GTKY: Are you excited for the holidays, or will you be relieved once they're over? I'm excited for them to be over. My 34th birthday is 12/22, followed up by three family Christmas celebrations. I host Christmas Day (with mom) and the day after Christmas Day (with dad). I feel like I overcommitted this year.

[LadyNymeria]

Hugs requiressnacks. I felt just like you do after my loss first happened, but eventually it started getting better. I glad work is getting you up and going at least. Many many hugs to you.

It's good you've passed the tissue and I hope your hCG drops quickly. Hopefully the lining resolves itself through your first post-loss period.

[requiressnacks]

Dec 15, 2015 10:20:43 GMT -5 LadyNymeria said:

Hugs requiressnacks . I felt just like you do after my loss first happened, but eventually it started getting better. I glad work is getting you up and going at least. Many many hugs to you.

It's good you've passed the tissue and I hope your hCG drops quickly. Hopefully the lining resolves itself through your first post-loss period.

Thanks, I am glad I'm not the only one. This weekend the task of doing laundry and dishes felt nearly impossible. I just wanted to lay in bed like a vegetable.  I think it will get easier soon, especially once I'm not dealing with the loss so much and I can focus on getting back to TTC.

[LadyNymeria]

Dec 15, 2015 10:24:23 GMT -5 requiressnacks said:

Dec 15, 2015 10:20:43 GMT -5 LadyNymeria said:

Hugs requiressnacks . I felt just like you do after my loss first happened, but eventually it started getting better. I glad work is getting you up and going at least. Many many hugs to you.

It's good you've passed the tissue and I hope your hCG drops quickly. Hopefully the lining resolves itself through your first post-loss period.

Thanks, I am glad I'm not the only one. This weekend the task of doing laundry and dishes felt nearly impossible. I just wanted to lay in bed like a vegetable.  I think it will get easier soon, especially once I'm not dealing with the loss so much and I can focus on getting back to TTC.

Getting back to TTC helped me a lot. If gave me something to focus on other than just waiting for things to be done and for my cycle to return. It took away that helpless feeling and made me feel like I was at least doing something again.

It is completely normal to feel how you are feeling, and you are definitely not alone. I found when I had really bad days, just venting here to people that understood how those bad days really felt was very helpful for me. I hope your days begin to get better and hope we can help you through the ones that are not.

[peaseblossom55]

Hugs to you requiressnacks I hope the HCG goes back to zero very quickly.

[notagoddess]

kayladawn91, being busy is so helpful! I'm glad the holidays so far aren't as bad as you had been worried about. I hope that continues through the end of the season.

peaseblossom55, I hope so much this cycle works for you. It sounds like you're getting a lot of monitoring and you're in good hands medically. I wish for strength for you as you go through this time of year with your daughter's EDD.

hydrangea1019, wouldn't it be nice if this last cycle before seeking help works out? I hope your family is understanding about letting you "sleep in" on Christmas.

flojo973, I hope O holds off until later in the day or early tomorrow morning, so that you can have a shot this month. I think the warm weather is throwing a lot of people off this year!

LadyNymeria, good for you for coming to terms that perfect timing =/= pregnancy. This process has so little control, it can drive us planners nuts. I hope you have a great time with your family at Christmas!

requiressnacks, oof, that is a lot of celebrating in a short amount of time. It's not going to be easy. Keep pushing through. The depression WILL lift with time.

[hydrangea1019]

FX you can hit +1, or maybe O can hold off another 12-24 hours and you can hit O AND +1 flojo973
peaseblossom55 first birthday ON Christmas? Wow! That it a double whammy!
LadyNymeria, I've now come to the realization that perfect timing is only when we GKU. We hit the exact same says as when we got pregnant and it was a big ol bust last time. I'm just happy if I get something in FW now
Oh requiressnacks I'm so sorry you're having a rough time! No more hpts until blood confirms hcg is 0. I did the same thing watching the line fade and it's torture. Be kind to yourself ((hugs))

[lovetruly2015]

How are you doing?: Eh. As good as I can be I suppose. I got another postive this month before I started bleeding which make a total of three (first one was before conner) I'm starting to think maybe my hormones are way out of wack. But we're taking steps to get everything back in order. We reset up our insurance we let it laps after our loss since it was about $450 for the both of us. And we getting committed to make lifestyle changes for our overall health. Since losing Conner we've pretty much been eating fast food 3-4 times a week. Im sure thats not helping. Also one of teens I work with thinks she might be pregnant, so yeah, theres that. More about that below.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): NTNP for now I think. Mostly it will depend on howni feel once AF is gone and how soon I can get in to see the dr.

Diagnosis (if applicable):nope

Updates/questions:nope

Debbie downer (a place to vent): My coworker. She's 17 and on BC well now shes having all these symptoms and freeking out. So I talked to her about it. Found out how little she actually knew about her body. Seriously schools need better sex ED classes. Now I know pregnancy with BC is rare but it does happen so for her sake I hope shes not thats a lot to handle as a kid. Not to mention she doesn't even want kids. I am both pleased that I could offer valuable information for her and annoyed at the whole situation.

GTKY: Are you excited for the holidays, or will you be relieved once they're over? I was looking forward to them now that Christmas is right around the corner all I want to do is hide.

[flojo973]

DH just called and he's going to come home tonight!! He won't get in until really late but I'm still going to try to jump on him when he gets home. Wish me luck since I usually go to bed around 9, ha. Hopefully we can get O day in!

[flojo973]

Big hugs requiressnacks. Its so so difficult. Take all the time you need to process and grieve. And if that means that the dishes and laundry don't get done, so be it. My loss was in October and it has started to get better but it does take time. We are always here for you! I think you should treat yourself to something extra special for your birthday this year

I don't know much about the lining issue but my first period after the loss was heavier than usual and there were small clots, just fyi. FX that your HCG gets down to 0 quickly.

[lovetruly2015]

hydrangea1019 I hope you have a good Christmas day. I understand my cousin had a baby boy just a few weeks after my boy was due I'm hoping they don't show up my moms on Christmas for that same reason. They don't normally since they live a few states over, but I dont trust luck at this point.

[LadyNymeria]

I'm so sorry lovetruly2015. Big hugs to you. I hope you can get into a dr and figure out what's going on.

As for your CW - a friend of mine has 2 brothers. All 3 of them were conceived while her mom was on BC. And this is something her mom told me directly (the first time I met her mom no less!) so it wasn't just a story. So it definitely does happen. Considering she was really trying to avoid a pregnancy, I hope she's not. Did she take a test? If what she's feeling is pregnancy related she would be able to know on a test by now. That was nice of you to "set her straight" on what actually happens each month.

[hydrangea1019]

@lovetruly one of my friends from hs conceived while on BC and my best friend missed a day of her pills and conceived. It's a good thing your CW has you so you can provide her advice and guidance. Sending you love as you deal with this and figuring out what's going on with your own body with a doc.

[lovetruly2015]

Dec 15, 2015 11:04:23 GMT -5 LadyNymeria said:

I'm so sorry lovetruly2015. Big hugs to you. I hope you can get into a dr and figure out what's going on.

As for your CW - a friend of mine has 2 brothers. All 3 of them were conceived while her mom was on BC. And this is something her mom told me directly (the first time I met her mom no less!) so it wasn't just a story. So it definitely does happen. Considering she was really trying to avoid a pregnancy, I hope she's not. Did she take a test? If what she's feeling is pregnancy related she would be able to know on a test by now. That was nice of you to "set her straight" on what actually happens each month.

Yeah, I told her that same thing. My old choir teacher has 5 kids I think and if I remember right only one was planned the rest she was on BC and I told her that. When she mentioned they never use condoms I wanted to hit her upside the head, instead I gave advice on tracking cycles and that. If you gonna skip condoms then you need all the facts on how you body is actually working and how to figure that out. She said she did and it was negative so I told her wait and do it again in a couple days.

[lovetruly2015]

Dec 15, 2015 10:24:23 GMT -5 requiressnacks said:

Dec 15, 2015 10:20:43 GMT -5 LadyNymeria said:

Hugs requiressnacks . I felt just like you do after my loss first happened, but eventually it started getting better. I glad work is getting you up and going at least. Many many hugs to you.

It's good you've passed the tissue and I hope your hCG drops quickly. Hopefully the lining resolves itself through your first post-loss period.

Thanks, I am glad I'm not the only one. This weekend the task of doing laundry and dishes felt nearly impossible. I just wanted to lay in bed like a vegetable.  I think it will get easier soon, especially once I'm not dealing with the loss so much and I can focus on getting back to TTC.

I'm sorry you having such a hard time right now. Just remember your not alone we're here to talk to. I promise functioning on a daily basis does get easier. The only thing that kept me getting out of bed was work also, getting back in to a routine. Hanging out here helped me so so so much. Seriously best thing ever. Also music helps I think. One of the first things I did after I got out of the hospital was buy three Backstreet Boys CDs and play them on repeat for months. For me the when it was quiet was the worst so I had the music and tv going all the time.

[requiressnacks]

Dec 15, 2015 12:15:22 GMT -5 lovetruly2015 said:

Dec 15, 2015 10:24:23 GMT -5 requiressnacks said:

Thanks, I am glad I'm not the only one. This weekend the task of doing laundry and dishes felt nearly impossible. I just wanted to lay in bed like a vegetable.  I think it will get easier soon, especially once I'm not dealing with the loss so much and I can focus on getting back to TTC.

I'm sorry you having such a hard time right now. Just remember your not alone we're here to talk to. I promise functioning on a daily basis does get easier. The only thing that kept me getting out of bed was work also, getting back in to a routine. Hanging out here helped me so so so much. Seriously best thing ever. Also music helps I think. One of the first things I did after I got out of the hospital was buy three Backstreet Boys CDs and play them on repeat for months. For me the when it was quiet was the worst so I had the music and tv going all the time.

You are right! This place helps so much.

And legit LOL at you buying Backstreet Boys CDs.

[lovetruly2015]

I looked for original CDs but could find them also anyone remember the enhanced cds from back then that you put into your computer and they had a whole bunch of extras on them?

[littlelion]

How are you doing? Pretty good. 

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched):TTC! 1 AL/CD5

Diagnosis (if applicable): MTHFR and AMA

Updates/questions:
This first period was rough. Glad it's almost over. Last night I asked DH if he was ready to start TTC and he enthusiastically said yes. I'm feeling better about trying now that he seems more positive about it too. Other family members (such as my dad) have said that I should wait. I know it's coming from a good place but between the issues I have and my age, I do feel pressure to keep going. 

Debbie downer (a place to vent):
Here is where my optimism fades. I want to get pregnant and get excited and share that with the world. But when I see a BFP all I do is worry that it just means another loss, another letdown to DH, more sad news to share with my family.  Honestly, even sharing it on here (TCF) seems pointless.    

GTKY: Are you excited for the holidays, or will you be relieved once they're over? I'm excited. 

[peaseblossom55]

Dec 15, 2015 10:38:37 GMT -5 hydrangea1019 said:

FX you can hit +1, or maybe O can hold off another 12-24 hours and you can hit O AND +1 flojo973
peaseblossom55 first birthday ON Christmas? Wow! That it a double whammy!
LadyNymeria , I've now come to the realization that perfect timing is only when we GKU. We hit the exact same says as when we got pregnant and it was a big ol bust last time. I'm just happy if I get something in FW now
Oh requiressnacks I'm so sorry you're having a rough time! No more hpts until blood confirms hcg is 0. I did the same thing watching the line fade and it's torture. Be kind to yourself ((hugs))

She was born Christmas Eve.

[peaseblossom55]

notagoddess thank you so much.